Here is the cast of the Long Patrol.
****************
It was just another patrol. With Perigord, it was always easy and enjoyable. He and his patrol were in Redwall Abbey, for a feast, with Russano the Wise. One moment, they were at the table, the next, they were in a white room.
Occupants: Perigord, Twayblade, Tare, Turry, Torgorch, Tammo, Pasque, Russano, Abbess Tansy, Cregga.
Perigord: What on Mossflower?
Abbess Tansy: Where are we?
Russano: How did we get here?
Tammo: Where's the food?
All: TAMMO!
Voice: Welcome to Redwall T&T!
All: (Spin around) What?
Voice: I am. The voice. I give you bad fan fiction to beta read for me. and torture you. You can't go anywhere unless I let you. Simple?
All: ...
Voice: I take that as a yes. Now read your first fic. It is a completely original composition by me, and you will read it and give me feedback! *Pride can be felt in the room*
A pile of paper appears on Perigord's lap.
Perigord: Me?
Voice: Yes you! Why would paper appear on your lap? For paper eating slugs?
All: Paper eating slugs?
Voice: Sigh. JUST READ IT!
Perigord: (Hastily picking up the paper) All right marm! Don't bite off our heads, wot!
Voice: Hmm. Good idea!
All besides Perigord: (Glare at Perigord) What did you say that for?
Perigord: (Turns to the story) Here it goes, chaps!
A Day In Redwall>>
All: ...
Twayblade had a blade.>>
Russano: We know. Very well. Why do you think her name is TwayBLADE? And WHAT does this have ANYTHING to do with A DAY IN REDWALL???
She had a blade. It was a rapier.>>
Perigord: (Sarcastically) How informative. I bet she had a bally head, ears, eyes and a nose as well?
She also had a head, ears, eyes and a nose.>>
Perigord: !!!
Twayblade: Sah, did you write this?
Perigord: Yes, I suppose I had enough time to find paper, quill and ink while being stuck in a room without anything but four walls? And I bet I could just make us all appear in here, without a blinkin bite of food?'
Tare: You do?
Perigord: (Starts banging paws against the left wall) LET ME OUT OF HERE!!!
Voice: JUST READ THE STORY!
One day, she was walking on her mouth, and she falled down on her feet.>>
Russano: Anybeast here who understood that sentence, raise your paw.
Tare: (Raises paw)
Russano: And what did it mean?
Tare: It means that the author is insane, sah.
Russano: We knew that already.
Tare: We did?
Twayblade: (Starts banging head against the wall)
and she broked her stomach>>
All: HOW ON EARTH DO YOU BREAK A STOMACH?
Tare: By breaking it?
Russano: Where you in the line when life was giving out brains?
And Twayblade had a blade.>>
Abbess Tansy: What does that have to do with Twayblade breaking her stomach?
Rest of the occupants: As much as it has to do with a day in Redwall
And that is what happens in a day in Redwall.>>
The End>>
Twayblade: One, I don't flippin live in Redwall, I barely even VISIT the bally place, and two WHY ME???
Turry: I'm a chicken.
All: WHAT?
Turry: And Cregga is a bat, well, at least as blind as one!
Cregga: WHY YOU LITTLE! (Starts to lunge at Turry)
All but Cregga and Turry: (Sit down) This could be interesting.
Turry: Some GASP beast GASP save GASP me!
All: Why should we?
Turry: (Stops struggling all of a sudden.) Good point. I don't know. JUST SAVE ME!
Perigord: (Turns away from Cregga and Turry) Y'know Twayblade, I rather like the colour of the walls.
MV: (silently muttering) You ask for feedback and this is what you get...