A/N: No, I do not own any of the characters except my voice. Bwahaha!
*
Voice: Hello!
All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Voice: You all really anger me...
All: GLUP
Voice: SO, instead of torturing a further few characters, you will all get a DOUBLE dose of fiction...
Durry: We be doomed! Me nuncle Gabe will be so sad! I'm thinking of ye, nuncle, even in my dying hour!
Mordalfus: What is this thing with his uncle Gabe?
Mariel: You don't want to know.
Voice: AHEM!
All: *Freeze*
Voice: There is MORE!
All: *Drop dead*
Voice: TODAY, these are not REALLY fan fiction, BUT edited extracts from chats with my friends!* (A/N The fic below was merely an inside joke, we would never do that. My friends and I were talking like that because we had pet names for two other friends that were those of badgers, and those two happened to be VERY late for a certain something, so we were joking of what we would do to them in school the next day. No harm to animals, bless them, merely an inside joke, no offence to anyone or anything out there! Don't try those at home! Peace! ^_^) BWAHAHAHA! AND they are beyond mad!
Cregga: Kill me now.
Suddenly, sheaves of paper start pouring out of the ceiling, all about thirty pages long, stapled together with a large red chop on the front page saying "HIGHLY DANGEROUS MATERIEL, IF FOUND, TOUCHED, SEEN, SPOTTED, DETECTED, OR FELT, IMMEDIATELY THROW, DISCARD, DESTROY, DESTRUCT, DEMOLISH, BURN, FRY, BROIL, STEAM, SCORCH, BURY, DROP, BEAT, TEAR OR ANY THING IN THAT MATTER THAT WILL SAVE THE REST OF THE WORLD FROM THIS MADNESS"
All: *whimper*
Nervously, Rawnblade picks up one of the uncountable sheaves of paper off his head, rips off the cover page with the chop and starts to read.
The All Round Badger Cookbook, Extract from #TRCCR/N/2001>>
All the badgers: Why us?
WE TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR THOSE ARRESTED BY THE S.P.C.A, FOOD POISONING, CHOKING, GAGGING OR ANY OTHER AILMENT OF THAT SORT>>
pART oNE: ThOSE TwO BADGERS IS DEAD>>
Cregga: *whispers* Which two?
Option 1: BBQED, with topping of celery>>
Option 2: Fried, use healthy sunflower oil for best effect>>
Option 3: Burnt, dash on a few bottles of BBQ sauce, tip the blackberry wine and nobeast'll notice>>
Badgers: WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW!
Option 4: Steamed, chopped chinese chives do well, oh, and throw in a few portions of chinese sun hock* (fish) in for flavour>>
Option 5: Deep fried, add rosemary, thyme and oregano for the herbal effect, don't forget to wash off excess oil first in order to avoid food poisoning
Option 6: Boil, healthy, though rather tasteless, best add in as many sauces as one can find, e.g BBQ, Fish sauce, Soya sauce, Gravy e.t.c, or, if those are unavailable, shoe polish, car polish, bleach, washing detergent or hand soap also work well.>>
All: Car? Polish? Shoe? Detergent? Huh?
Voice: If you knew, you'd have long fainted, so don't ask.
Option 7: Broil, for the healthier, yet tastier version of boiled, add mashed potatoes, garlic and tomatoes. Oh, don't forget the parsley and the pepper, and the salt, and the radish and the carrots and the nails. NAIL SOUP!>>
All: Nail soup?
Turry: Of I recall, it was a folk tale, a fable.
All: It was?
Option 8: Bake, no baking soda, bicarbonate, flour, sugar, water, milk, eggs, or any other conventional cake baking item allowed AT ALL, so STAY AWAY if you can't resist.>>
END pARt OnE>>
All: SIGH OF RELIEF
Begin PaRt TwO: GeTtiNg At THe badgers>>
All: NOOOOOOOOO!
Option 1: Weapons: Slings, sabres, rapiers, daggers, bows, arrows, oil and torches, a pot, oh, an entire long patrol is optional>>
All: WHAT?
SerVing SuggeStions: Hot(stripe)dog, stew, Stripedog hotpot, dumplings, soup, badger leg, fries included.>>
Badgers: I think I'm going to be sick.
And to all you badgers out there, this part is for you. [INSERT STEADY STREAM OF CURSES HERE. SUCH AS THOSE BELOW &#%$^*%I*^*#$*#!%*)%^@%&#**(*%$**)$&$^##&)*$@#&($#&(%^#%^#^@!&%@^(&()&(%^&$^. MUCH BE RATED G, SO TOO BAD>>
Badgers: %^#*(%^(@*)Q&%*(Q@%^)!@(&%()!@^%#&%*()^#Q*(%^@#()Q%&)#(&%U(#()%&()#*^%*(@
^(%@#&*(^%*(#^%*(#^%*(#^*(%^#*(%^#*(%^*(#^
ZE END (FOR NOW>>
All: SAVEEEEEEEE USSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!
********
A/N: The fic above is totally mad, and we(My friends and I) were talking like that because we had pet names for two other friends that were those of badgers, and those two happened to be VERY late for a certain something, so we were joking of what we would do to them in school the next day. No harm to animals, bless them, merely an inside joke, no offence to anyone or anything out there!