Disclaimer: You know it, don't ask it.
A/N: NOT FOR THE SANE.
***
Redwallers: [Stare at the humans/elves/hobbits/gollum thingys/whoevers]
Redwallers: HOW COME THEY HAVE WEAPONS?!
Voice: [Hesitant] Eh heh he he heh heh... Errr... Emm...
Redwallers: [Demanding] WHAT ARE THEY?! OTTERS? SQUIRRELS? BEAVERS?! OVERGROWN BADGERS WITH A BIG HAIR PROBLEM?!?!?!?!?
Voice: Eh heheheheh....
LotR: WHAT ARE THEY?! [Glare at Redwallers, who have positioned themselves directly opposite the room, both sides with weapons drawn and a white couch that just happened to appear in the middle.]
LotR: WHERE ARE WE? Are they even friendly?
Voice: Eh hehehehehe.... Hey guys, I think I put the kettle on, gimme a second will ya? Good luck in finding friends!
Voice disappears.
Cricket: Chrrp! Chrrrrp!
Water: Drop! Drip! Drop!
Thranduil: [Bow drawn] Who, or should I say, WHAT are they vile, overgrown forest critters?
Skipper: [Bow drawn] What are these strange animals with no fur?
Aragorn: [Anduril drawn] Why are they carrying weapons? And SALAD FORKS?
Abbot Mordalfus: [Neutral, but salad fork out all the same. Cautious] Are they from Mossflower or beyond?
Legolas: [Bow strung taunt. Tilts his head to Elrond, though not taking his aim off anybeast, or specifically Arven (Dibbun), who seemed to have appeared with the couch and was prancing around with a cooking pot on his head and wielding a bent spoon screaming out some Dibbunish words that no one, or nobeast, could understand.] You are here too, Lord? I suppose this is some mad joke the hobbits pulled on us. [Here he receives many death glares from the hobbits, whom he did not realize were in the same room as himself. Elbereth save his soul later...] Maybe they are from beyond Fangorn, Lord Elrond? Or perhaps the Rhun Hills?
Elrond: [Holding a Elven blade] I know not, prince of Mirkwood... Mayhap a mutated magic experiment by the late Dark Lord?
Eowyn: Then it is dark indeed, Lord...
Mellus: THATS IT! STOP IT, RIGHT NOW, BOTH OF US!
Cricket: Chrrp! Chrrp!
Mellus: THANK YOU! NOW! We explain, RATIONALLY, with NO, and I mean NO weapons, WHO the OTHER is, while trying NOT to behead or kill anyone in the room. I want all of us to... EPK!
All the elves carrying bows: *Smirk*
Mellus, along with her tunic, is stuck to the wall, a green flighted arrow in the upper right shoulder area, barely missing the flesh. A golden flighted arrow penetrated her left, sticking that to the wall as well. A White flighted one is embedded in the lower left, and another white one in the lower right. Another green arrow, this one tipped with gold, landed neatly above her forehead, shaving off the fur and cutting a path through her headfur.
...
...
...
Culprits:
White & White: Elladan and
Elrohir of Imladris (Rivendell)
Golden: Celeborn, formerly of
Doraith, (ex)Lord of the Golden Wood.
Green: Legolas of Mirkwood, son
to Thranduil.
Green & Gold: Thranduil,
Legolas' father.
Cregga: THATS IT! THIS IS WAR!!!!
Russano: CHAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGEEEEEE!!!!
Aragorn: [Wearing the same grin as that of the time in the Movie while fighting the Ringwraiths on Weathertrop] THIS, is going to be a change... Funfunfun!
Eowyn: Anyone happen to have a spare sword?
On cue, two swords fall from ceiling, nearly landing on her head, had not Galadriel, also empty handed, rescued her, took one for herself and passed the remaining one on to Eowyn.
Eowyn: Thanks!
Arwen: [Takes out well hidden dagger]
Elrond: Since WHEN, young lady, did you have that?
Arwen: Eh hehehehhehehe... [Hides behind Elladan and Elrohir, who are both wearing equal "innocent" expressions, fooling no one, I might add.]
Elrond: Amin autien ndengina lle er re!*1
Arwen: Eep!
Elrond: When we get back...
Switch to Redwall Side
Hares are arming up to the teeth, and badgers are wielding crazily oversized battle spears. Friar Hugo pops up with 3 cooking knives, All the Abbots and Abbesses abandon peacefulness, Dibbuns are prancing around with clay plates over their heads and everything is in chaos.
Tare & Turry: This now, is how to get rid of disturbers of the peace...
Torgorch: [Snickering to Perigord] Yeah, throw those two in, and yore vermin'll be fleeing from fear of insanity faster than you can say "flan" wot!
Perigord: [Snigger]
Rawnblade: This is a change from the daily vermin raids...
Cregga: Talk about different... Never seen anything like this since the Exploding Tarquin trick that that babe tried to pull off...
Mellus: Help? Somebeast?
[Everybeast is ignoring her, and her tunic is practically in shreds...]
Matthias: Never seen so many Martin Swords in me life!
Abbot Mordalfus: Thats because you've only seen one.
Matthias: [Scratches head] Good point, father abbot!
Russano: Thats it, we've been delaying! HARES! Fall in ranks! First rank...!
Back at the Lord of the Rings side of the couch...
Elrond: First rank archers! Load!
[Sound of strings being pulled taunt, from both sides]
Elrond and Russano: Stay!
Archers take aim. The Elves are looking as composed as they always are, but Eowyn is practically jumping up and down.
Eowyn: At LAST! Sheesh! Gondor was getting all boring and such, and Faramir won't let me walk more than a mile out of the range of the Realm! THIS is going to be funnnnnnnnnnn!
***
A/N: GO ME! MASTER OF EVIL CLIFFHANGERS! BWHAHAHAHAHAH! *Yes, I still am on high* What happens next? Stay tuned!
1* I am going to kill you one day...