Chapter Seven
(A/N: I'm sick of writing this story, so I'm wrapping it up. Only a couple chapters left. Enjoy!)
Natalie sat at her desk, tap tap tapping her pencil on the folder before her. Her mind was not on her work, but a million miles away. Nick had been back in her life for almost two months. And in those two months, she had been invited to five or six weddings. Everybody was getting married, and here she was, sitting alone on a Saturday night doing paperwork. She couldn't remember the last time she had had an actual date. And time was running out for her. She had put her work first for too long.
And, yet, where was the hope for her? What else could she do now? She was no longer young, and she never went to a place where she could pick up a guy her age. That didn't matter, either, because she had no interest in picking up anyone but one particular blonde vampire cop. And the chances of that…
Nick watch from the doorway as Natalie mused over all of this. He had come down to pick up the report that was in front of her, but she was obviously nowhere near done. She was also obviously not anywhere on Planet Earth right now. He wondered if that was what he looked like when he traveled to Planet Nick - eyes glazed over and blank stare fixed on nothing. Truth be told, if freaked him out a little, it was like no one was home. He crept up behind her (even though it wasn't needed - a bomb could have gone off and she wouldn't have notice) and dropped her hands on her shoulders. Natalie shrieked a little and whirled around in her chair.
"Don't do that, Nick!" she exclaimed as she glared at his laughing face. "That's not funny!"
"What were you thinking about?" He took in how tired and stressed out she looked, and how upset she was, not necessarily over his practical joke.
"Nothing." Natalie sighed and ran a hand through her curly hair. "If you came down for this, you have a while to wait."
Nick snagged the other chair and sat down. "That's fine with me. You coming over for a movie when you get off?"
Natalie began to fill out the report. "Yeah, I guess I am." A period of silence ensued. "Are you just going to sit there and watch me work?"
"If it doesn't bother you."
Natalie smiled at him briefly and bent her head back down to concentrate on what she was writing. As her hair fell over her face, she absently tucked it back behind one ear. Nick loved watching her, even in the glaring fluorescent lighting of her office. His fingers itched to reach out and brush away the hair on her face, to caress her smooth skin and run his hands down her body. Nick quickly banished those thoughts from his mind. Impossible. He had to keep telling himself that. That was impossible.
~~~~@
Natalie popped the popcorn into Nick's microwave. "What movie are we watching?" she called to him.
"It's your turn to choose," he told her as he hit the remote for the shades. They had both gotten off at the same time that night, a rarity.
" 'Dracula'," she immediately said. "The one with…crud, I can't remember his name. The romantic one."
Nick smiled as he pulled out the movie. At least half of the ones he had that were Natalie's favorites were vampire movies. He popped it in and waited until she was sitting on the couch with her bowl of popcorn to start it. He knew something was still wrong - she had this aura of sadness around her, the way she had for weeks. But she would never tell him what was the matter - what right had he to ask, anyway? He had left without a word, not planning to come back. He didn't have the right to do anything where she was concerned. He had never had the right.
Natalie sat next to Nick on the couch, watching the movie but not seeing it. This couldn't go on. She couldn't go on like this. Could she? If she had to, could she continue on with this life, living forever alone, crying over the love she could never have? Nick had told her time and time again that vampires could not love, but could they? Everything and anything could love, and hadn't he shown that to her? Hadn't he shown her in a million little ways that he cared for her? And that was just it. She didn't know how he cared for her, whether it was as a friend, a sister, or more. She could confront him, but…that might be the end of their friendship. She would never be comfortable around him again unless she heard the answers she wanted to hear, she needed to hear. Could she give up the friendship? Could she continue on with it as it was now?
Nick discreetly watched Natalie. He knew she wasn't paying attention to the movie. He knew she was thinking about something, and thinking hard. But what was it? Was it what had been bothering her for all this time? Would she ever tell him? Did she not trust him enough anymore to confide her secrets in him, as she once did? So many questions, and not enough answers.
Natalie watched the entire movie in silence, not really eating her popcorn or responding to Nick. She was a million miles away again. Nick knew it was something serious when the movie ended and she didn't react in the slightest. Oh, she was leaning into his side fine enough, one of his arms around her, but it was like only her body was there. Nick reached for his VCR remote with his free arm and began to rewind the movie. He was about to question her on what was wrong, when she turned to him.
"Nick-" She stopped abruptly and moved away from him, to sit on the far end of the couch. He started to reach out to her, confused, but she put up a warning hand. "Don't. I have to say this, and I can't if you're touching me." Seriously concerned now, and fearing that she was going to tell him that it was time for her to move on, Nick let his hand fall and let her talk. "I can't go on like this anymore. I just can't, Nick. I can't spend the rest of my life caught in limbo between being 'just friends' and being a couple. I can't…" Natalie briefly closed her eyes, holding back tears. This could be the beginning of the end for them.
Nick had hoped this day would never come. He knew that, right now, the correct response was friends. That was all they could be - too many factors were against them. He loved her too much to risk her life, but did he love her enough to leave again? Could he leave again? If he was honest with himself, that year had been complete and utter hell. He had missed Natalie so much, that it had hurt. Every night was a battle, and the sleep of daytime an addicting narcotic where he could dream…
Now she sat there, huddled on the couch, awaiting his answer and fearing his answer. Looking t her, Nick knew he couldn't say friends. That would be the end. And he couldn't leave. Natalie had laid her cards out on the table, and he had but to answer, then the game would be over. The question was, crush her heart or condemn her? Which was the lesser of the two evils? Which could he live with?
AS the silence drew on, Natalie began to regret her decision. She should have kept her mouth shut! What was she thinking? Limbo was better than nothing, which was what she would now have. She was such a fool, such a stupid fool. Natalie could feel the tears pricking behind her eyes. Why? Why had she opened her big mouth? If only she could take it all back.
"I'm sorry, Nat," Nick said quietly. "I'm sorry. This has been so unfair to you. Our entire relationship has been unfair to you." Nick watched as tears trickled down her face. He rushed to finish what he was saying. "I always just assumed you would be around until I became mortal again. I never considered…" Ouch, this was going badly. Nick reached out a hand to Natalie. He had to say it. "I love you, Natalie. Let's try to be more than 'just friends'. I can't promise anything, but…"
Natalie disbelievingly put her hand in his and he pulled her closer, gently brushing the tears off her face. She tilted her chin slightly up, in anticipation of a kiss, prepared to feel foolish and rejected when he dropped one on her forehead, as usual. She was pleasantly surprised as his lips found hers, and responded eagerly to their gentle touch.
Nick broke away suddenly, turning away in shame as his eyes turned golden. He was ashamed by his inability to control himself around Natalie. And the appearance of the vampire brought back reality, and all the dangers Natalie would have to know if they were to do this. Truths that would most likely end everything.
Natalie silently cursed the ruinment of such a perfect moment as she gently grasped Nick's shoulder to turn him back to face her. His body turned, but he kept his head faced away, fighting for control.
"Nick," she said quietly, "I love all of you, not just the human part. Don't turn away…"
He turned his head to her, his irises fading back to their regular blue as Natalie caressed the side of his face. Blood tears were in his eyes as he said, "Nat, there's so much you have to know before you get involved with me."
Natalie could see that he needed to say whatever it was, regardless of the fact that she didn't care about any of it. She only cared about him, and that he had finally said those three simple words. "Then tell me," she responded letting her hand drop.
So Nick talked, well into the morning. He talked of Fleur and his debt to Lacroix, of the added danger she would be in from the Enforcers, of a vampire's need to bite, of his fear of killing her, and of more. His eyes would slide away from her at points, ands he would hold his hand until he could look at her again. He willed himself to be strong, to hold back the tears that threatened to overwhelm him until he saw her reaction. He told her all the different ways she would be in danger by making a go of it. He condemned himself with his own words, out of love for her.
Natalie sat silently when Nick was done. He had been keeping a lot from her, a lot that would put her in danger. Now, she mulled over these things. But one look at Nick's completely miserable face, of seeing the certainty on it that she would reject him, decided things for her.
"Nick…" He flinched, looking away, so she took both of his hands. "Look at me, Nick." He reluctantly dragged his eyes up from the floor to meet her caring blue orbs. "Nick, that one year you were gone was the longest of my life. I never thought I could miss someone that much. Technically, I've been in danger from Lacroix and the Enforcers since the day I met you. Especially from Lacroix, since you are really bad at hiding things from him. Nothing else really matters to me. We can get work our way through or around everything, including Lacroix and the Enforcers." Nick's beaten puppy eyes turned to those of hope. "On condition, though. No more secrets. Okay?"
A look of relief suffused Nick's face. What had he ever done to deserve someone like Natalie? "No more secrets," he quickly agreed, a single tear spilling over and down his cheek. "Ever again."