Author's Note: It's 9:30 in the morning now and I've just been awoken to do some B.S. errand which my older brother could have done ANYWAY. So that means no sleep for the weary... Or whatever. So what's left to do? That's right! Write another chapter! The weirdness only seems to come when I'm sleep deprived.

...

Wait a second, who am I kidding? I'm ALWAYS sleep deprived and ALWAYS weird. ::sigh:: Oh well.

P.S.: I gotta admit something now. I had forgotten who I was ripping off with the "reviews" of mine, but after I got a real review from them, my memory has been jogged... If you're even halfway enjoying this fic (of course you'd be crazy to), you would absolutely wet your pants if you read anything by Angelus, who is (IMHO) the absolute *God* of spoofs. No joshin', folks.

Part V: We Have *Friends*?!

The next morning, Buffy and Spike walked up hand in hand to Xander's apartment. Sure, it was a Monday and the construction worker should actually be out -constructing- something... But that's not the point, here! They pounded on the door si-mul-tan-e-ous-ly (I thought y'all might wanna sound that one out... I know I do!!) until it broke down and they just walked it. Sure, Spike had never been invited in, but again... That's not the point, here!

Xander looked up from his passed out position on the couch.

"Mmmmglengsnuf," he mumbled drunkenly. Season Seven Xander's always supposed to be drunk.

Suddenly, in a moment of unique sobriety, Xander screamed,

"What's that white-EXPLICATIVE DELETE sonofaEXPLICATIVE DELETE doing in my EXPLICATIVE DELETE apartment?! Are you all a bunch of EXPLICATIVE DELETES?!"

Ok, so maybe it wasn't -absolute- sobriety, but... Buffy and Spike exchanged glances, both their lips starting to tremble.

"Xander," she admonished, "Please be careful. Now that Spike has a new shoe... I mean a penny... I mean... What the EXPLICATIVE DELETE do you have anyway, whitey?!"

"A soul."

"Ah, yes. Ok. Now that Spike has a soul, he's very, very sensitive. Sure, the old bad-EXPLICATIVE DELETE vampire we all knew and .... well, hated... didn't care what anyone thought about him, but now that he has one of those... things... uh, you know... A..."

"A soul?"

"Ah, yes. Ok. Now that Spike has a soul, he's very, very sensitive. Sure, the old-- Hang on a tick, I've already done that bit, haven't I?"

Xander and Spike both chimed in si-mul-tan-e-ous-ly, "YES!"

Spike gulped. "`Sides, love, I don't go by Spike anymore... It reminds me too much of the old days."

"So it's William?" Buffy prodded.

"No, not William either... That reminds me too much of the OLD old days. Now, I'm going to go by..."

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A/N: What's Spike's new name?! Why is Xander drunk!? Why all the sudden EXPLICATIVE DELETES?! Tune in next time!!!

Part VI: Insane Answers to Crazy Questions

"Now I go by..."

The tension could be cut by a knife... And it was. A large, black Cutco knife swooped down between the three, cutting the tension considerably.

"..."

"Rolando!" Buffy and Xander blinked. They tend to do that sometimes, but mostly when their eyeballs start drying up and getting crusty.

"Ooookk.... Rolando it is!" Xander looked back and forth from Buffy to Sp---Rolando and finally noticed that they were holding hands.

"Wait a minute... What's going on here, Buffy? Don't you remember what he tried to DO to you in that bathroom scene from 'Seeing Red'?!" Buffy tried to warn Xander before he said it, but it was too late. An employee of BtVS, the show, ran in and smacked Xander on the head with a copyright infringement lawsuit. He pointed to the stack of the rest of them on the coffee table.

"He's not evil and soulless anymore, Xander. He's good... And soulful! Plus, I'm carrying his baby."

TBC!! Teehee!!

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A/N: OMG!!! Isn't this totally amazing?! I can't believe how quickly the plot's going by!! There are so many twists, I bet you didn't see HALF of them coming!!

Author's Note: Sorry, I know I said I'd talk about the rest of the Scoobs, but I'm still kinda stuck on Buffy and Sp--Rolando. I'll get there soon enough.

...

I'm not even gonna ask if you *want* me to, because I'm sure you do!

P.S.: Why is it that people are attracted to this filth that I'm writing and then when I actually try to write something decent, say... "Vengeance Is Thy Name" (self promotion... SELF PROMOTION!!)... No one really reads it?

I guess it's cuz y'all prefer mindless things for your mindless little lives. Yes, yes that MUST be it.