Chapter 5 -- One Day At a Time
Cole's glow faded abruptly, leaving only Mel's. It faded as well, more gradually, and when it was gone, he gently released her hand and rose, turning on the overhead light.
"Why did you stop?" she demanded, feeling frustrated and disappointed and strangely hollow, like a piece of herself had been torn out.
She had felt her life-force calling to his, and had felt his respond. She was not sure, but she thought that they could, in that moment, have joined in a Cirronian mating. Then she had felt Cole's fear and his life-force had withdrawn. She was about to question him further, demand an explanation, but she was stunned to silence by the look on his face. Stark disappointment and desperate loneliness. He had wanted it as badly as she had.
"I don't understand," she told him gently.
"Too soon," he told her simply.
"Because of Zin," she sighed, shaking her head.
"No, Mel. For once, not because of Zin."
She shook her head and rose, moving to stand before him. "I really don't understand, then."
Cole sighed and touched her throat. "Mel, you are still more human than Cirronian in many ways. As strong as you felt, your life-force… it wasn't any stronger than a child's."
"But I'm not a child. I'm an adult, and I can handle intimacy."
Cole shook his head. "It's not about age, Mel," he sighed. "A weak life-force… Cirronians have died from mating when their life-force was unprepared, Mel. A strong life-force can overwhelm a weaker one in a joining of that magnitude. Illness or age or lack of training…" He turned his back on her, shaking his head. "If I had… I wanted to, so badly. But if I had… It would have been glorious, Mel, for both of us, but you probably would not have survived."
Mel rested her hands on his shoulders. "Then we wait," she said softly. "We already kind of agreed to do that anyway."
Cole turned to face her, startled by her quiet acceptance. It was so… Cirronian. "You are… radiant," he whispered, his expression adoring.
"I'm still glowing?" she asked, looking down at her hands.
Cole laughed and shook his head. "Not glowing, just radiant. Beautiful, Mel. Beyond words." Smiling, he gathered her into his arms.
Mel smiled and returned the hug with one arm, absently caressing his chest with her free hand. "I feel… I don't know. Different, I guess."
"You are different, Mel," Cole told her gently, freeing one hand to caress her throat. "You spent your life in darkness. Now, you are in the light. Your path will be easier to see now."
Mel nodded. "I… kind of felt that."
He smiled and nodded, resting his hand over her heart, sensing the enormous increase in the strength and steadiness of her life-force. "You have accepted that which is, Mel. Before, you were a human who happened to have some Cirronian DNA. Now, you are as Cirronian as I am."
Mel closed her eyes, just feeling for a moment. He was right. She truly was a Cirronian now, not 'part Cirronian' or 'one-quarter Cirronian', simply… Cirronian. But that was not the end of the story, either, she knew. Because she was still a human. Not 'mostly human' or three-quarters human', just human. A realization that should have been confusing was perfectly clear, and incredibly comforting. She realized for the first time on a conscious level that she had been afraid that embracing her Cirronian heritage would somehow diminish her human heritage. It had not, though, not in the least. She smiled up at Cole, understanding clearly written in eyes that were even more beautiful to him now than they had been in the past.
"I'm both," she told him quietly. "Both and… neither." She let out a short laugh, amused. Her mind should have been reeling. Instead, it was as calm as a mountain lake. Still waters… She smiled up at him. "I feel… Serene."
"Balanced, Mel," Cole corrected gently. "For the first time in your life, you have found balance."
She shook her head. "I've felt this once or twice before. Every time I felt that way, you were there with me, touching me," she admitted.
Cole nodded. "I gave what I could, when I could. When you seemed to need it badly. This time, though, I gave you nothing but advice. You achieved this on your own, Mel."
"I had help," she told him with a smile. "I couldn't have done it without you."
"But you found it on your own. This time, it was not given to you. You created it for yourself. This is a great accomplishment, Mel." He smiled widely. "A better start than I had dared to hope for. You… surprised me."
"Was that… voluntary?" Mel asked softly. "When you… glowed like that?"
Cole nodded. Damn he needed a drink. "Yes, Mel. I'm sorry. It was not something I should have done."
She shook her head. "Don't be. I think you're beautiful that way."
"As are you, Mel." He nodded, sighing.
"It's going to be okay, Cole," she assured him. "We are going to be okay. We're just… going to have to learn to take things one day at a time. Us, Zin, the fugitives…"
Cole nodded. She was right. He gently caressed her throat. "I was so angry earlier," he began.
"I know." Mel nodded. "I… that's not a side of you I've ever seen before."
He sighed. "But it is a part of who I am. Do you love me less?"
Mel stared, startled. "What kind of question is that?" She looked into his eyes, searching. He was actually ashamed that he had been angry earlier, she realized. Sighing, she drew him to the bed and made him sit, crouching in front of him. "Cole, you are… you're allowed to be angry, Cole. Zin and the others have taken so much from you. I think that a little anger over that is perfectly natural." She smiled and shook her head. "Look at me, Cole. How many times have you seen me get angry over little things? Cole, everyone feels anger sometimes." She smiled up at him, and gently patted his knee. "The important thing is what you do with it."
"What you… do with it?" he asked, frowning uncertainly, not entirely understanding.
Mel nodded. "Yeah. Do you spend a few minutes ranting and taking it out on perfectly innocent blenders or do you… organize a huge prison-break, twice, and decide that it'll be fun to hold the people you're mad at hostage with this big old weapon of mass-destruction thingy."
Cole chuckled faintly at her phrasing. "I guess when you put it like that, Mel…"
"Yeah, okay, so it's not a thingy…" Mel shrugged, grinning. "Well, I'm sorry, Cole. I've always had trouble with pronouncing words in foreign languages…"
"That's okay, Mel." Cole smiled, but his smile quickly faded as reality once again intruded. "We should… discuss how to… deal with this."
"Yeah." Mel sighed and nodded, climbing to her feet. "In the living room, over a pint of cookies and cream."
Cole smiled and nodded. "I like cookies and cream, Mel," he told her, rising.
"I know you do." She grinned. "You think I'd put up with you if you were a mint chocolate-chip person?" Laughing and shaking her head, she took his hand and led him into the living room.
Cole followed, bemused. He had always known that Mel had very strong feelings about the particular flavor of ice-cream, but he had not thought that they were that strong. When he realized that she was teasing, he grinned and shook his head. Now that he was actually going to be staying for awhile, he was just going to have to apply himself harder to understanding these humans. Especially Mel. That effort, at least, would be worthwhile.
They sat in the living room together in silence for some time, just eating their ice-cream and brooding. Cole poured himself a small glass of scotch to go with his ice-cream, then another when that one was gone. Mel observed but did not comment, not really sure how to broach the subject or even if she should. It bothered her, though. First he said he had trouble moderating himself, then he started drinking. She resolved to keep a very close eye on him. To her relief, he stopped after two and turned his full attention to the ice-cream, or perhaps to his own reflections. The way Cole ate, seeming to be almost in a trance at times, it was sometimes hard to tell.
Mel broke the silence. "How long will it take me to learn?" she asked quietly, eagerly.
It was not just the desire to learn how to use her Cirronian powers, although that was strong. Mostly, it was her desire to help Cole face this new threat to them. This was bigger, the stakes higher, than anything he had ever been up against, and he would need all the help he could get from either end of the galaxy. She was going to be there for him, that was all there was to it. And the faster she could learn, the more she could do, the sooner Zin could be taken and peace and balance restored.
Cole considered, setting aside his ice-cream. "Different people learn at different speeds, Mel." He shrugged. "You may learn quickly or… it may take time. I don't know yet. It's too soon."
She nodded. "Where do we start?"
"You must learn to sense the energy-fields all around you, Mel," he told her quietly. "This is first, most important. The other abilities… build on this."
She nodded. "Okay. How's it work?"
"It takes practice, Mel. Patience." He paused. "There are things I must do before I can begin teaching you."
"What things?" she asked, curious.
"I must put new locks on all the doors and windows." Keeping Mel safe, especially while he was away, had to be his top priority right now.
Mel chuckled. "Right. Because with Zin's people knowing who we are and where we live we're basically sitting ducks here." At his blank expression, she smiled and explained, "It means… that we're right out in the open and pretty much defenseless."
Cole nodded his understanding. "'Sitting ducks' is exactly what we are, then, Mel."
"Can I help with the locks?" she offered.
Cole nodded. "Maybe, Mel. I'd like that. We can start after the bar closes for the night."
She nodded. "I'd better go see how Bridgett and Isabel are holding up," she said, realizing that they had been up here for several hours since she had last checked on them.
Cole nodded. "Yes, Mel. Take this." He handed her his Collector. "Just in case. I'll start getting the locks ready."
Mel hesitantly accepted the Collector, nodding. The precaution made sense. "Will you be down later?" she asked.
Cole smiled and nodded. "Yes, Mel. I will need some things for the locks," he added.
She nodded. "Make a list. We'll run to the hardware store."
"Not all of it will be easy to find, Mel."
She nodded. "Well, we'll get it somehow, Cole. Promise."
Cole smiled and nodded. "Thank you, Mel. I would feel better knowing that, when you are here alone, there are secure locks on the doors."
She smiled and touched his throat lightly. "I should get downstairs," she said softly. "Come let me know when you have the list. We'll go from there."
"We've been saying that a lot today," Cole sighed.
"I know, Cole." Mel smiled sadly at him. "But… it's true, you know? This is just going to have to be how our lives are from now on. A lot of uncertainty, a little fear, and one day at a time. But we'll get through it."
He nodded, his expression sad. "I know, Mel."
"Hey…" she breathed, sitting on the coffee-table in front of him. "None of that," she whispered, caressing his cheek. "Together, there is nothing that we can not overcome."
Cole smiled at her, gently kissing her forehead. He would rather have kissed her mouth, but since they could not have a physical relationship it would have been unfair to both of them. "Yes, Mel."
She smiled and returned the gesture. "Okay, I'll be downstairs if you need anything."
He nodded and smiled, watching her go. Shaking his head, pleased with her bravery and determination, he rose and walked into the war-room to begin taking inventory. He brought the bottle. His attention was quickly drawn to the screen with the satellite images. More than the original 218. So many more… A few keystrokes later, he knew exactly how many more.
"Five hundred and thirty one," he whispered, shaking his head and staring at the screen. He poured himself another drink, considering.
One of those dots was Zin, one his wife Etala, one his protégé Lana. One each for Rhee and his brother Remmel. Cedra and Vedra. Sudor. Tev… Tev would have to be his first priority, he decided. As badly as he would have liked to hunt Rhee down, as much as he wanted to do the same to Zin and Lana, Tev should be first. Tev was contagious, and for every day he was not caught, one more woman would die. Rhee, Sudor, the others… they might go weeks or months without killing. Tev, though… he had probably already claimed his first victim.
Cole closed his eyes against the thought, against the memories it triggered, and tapped a series of commands on the keyboard, hacking into one local hospital after another. As he had suspected, a woman had been admitted to an area hospital with the symptoms of Tev's illness. He had to talk to her, tonight, before she got any worse and could no longer tell him what Tev looked like this time. He rose, picked up his list, and walked down the stairs into the bustling bar, looking around for Mel.
"Hey, what's up?" she asked him on her way back from carrying a tray of beers to a corner table.
"There is a woman in the hospital. She has the same disease as Tev."
Mel closed her eyes and nodded. She had not expected him to get back to Tracking so quickly but, in Tev's case, it made sense. "Guess you'll be needing this," she said, handing him the Collector.
"Will you be safe here alone?" he asked gently.
She nodded. "Yeah, it's pretty crowded. No one's going to try anything."
Cole touched her throat. "Stay safe. I have my cell-phone if you need me."
She nodded. "List?"
Cole nodded and handed it to her.
"Key-cards?" she read, staring.
Cole nodded. "Yes, Mel."
Mel shook her head. "Right." She smiled at him. "Stay safe. Be careful."
He smiled and nodded, hugging her quickly before turning and weaving his way through the crowd. Mel stared after him with a sigh, tucking the list into her front pocket and shaking her head. Things were getting back to normal, all right. Smiling to herself, she returned to her post behind the bar.