Chapter Four: Bob had it coming
Disclaimer: I don't own the freakin' book, OKAY!? But I can torture the characters! Mwahahaha Daniel!
**=Author's interruption
~*~*~*~
Neville was sad...his baby daddy killed all of his friends at Hogwarts. Voldemort stood in the hall by the Ghettoness Hole laughing maniacally, while the magical chicken in his hands spontaneously combusted twice before turning into a rabid devil penguin and back again.
"Why, Voldie, why did you kill all of my friends?" Neville asked, starting to cry, while a red mongoose in purple llama pants sang the Barney Song.
Voldemort turned to face him, "You don't need them anymore! You have me! We can rule over the people, llamas, puffins, penguins, mongooses, and chinchillas of this world together!"
"You fool!" Neville said unNeville-like, "There's nothing left to rule over! You killed everyone, remember?"
"...Oh...yeah...danmit! You win," Voldemort pouted in defeat. He bit his lip and reluctantly handed over the magical chicken, which was still spontaneously combusting, over to Neville.
With a wave of the chicken everyone came back to life.
~*~*~*~
Harry awoke in a hallway filled with ghetto people and realized where he was. Hermione and Dobby were sitting next to him, looking dazed, until realization hit them too.
"We have to find the Ghettoness Hole!" Harry said as Neville came frolicking down the hall wearing lime green, spontaneously combusting llama pants, and singing random Disney songs.
"G'day mate!" He said in an Australian hillbilly accent with a touch of Jamaican.
"You traitor!" Hermione screeched, pointing a finger, which had flowers blossoming out of it, at Neville.
"Me? What did I do?" Neville asked innocently, while a puffin with pink and purple slippers attacked his shoe.
"You sided with Voldemort and...did other things with him!"
"I didn't side with him, I only became his baby daddy so that I could get the magical chicken," Neville said holding the spontaneously combusting chicken in the air.
"You used him?" Hermione thought for .67457 seconds then hugged Neville, "Neville! I love you!" She exclaimed, as three mongooses tap danced together on the ceiling.
Neville gave the chicken to Harry and flew away on his magical, fluffy komodo dragon.
Harry, Hermione, and Dobby continued their search for the Ghettoness Hole when they ran into Ron, who looked pleased with himself.
"Hullo!" Ron said cheerfully in a ghetto Norwegian accent, "Guess what I did?"
"I don't (Dobby doesn't) want to know," They said in unison as Ron turned into a schizophrenic Bob llama with a pink wig, mumbling in a Russian accent.
"Tch! Fine!" Ron said like an angry, spork-flinging, plaid wildebeest. He skipped away doing the llama dance to random Madonna songs.
They continued their search for the Ghettoness Hole and walked down the same hallway for the third time in a row.
"Sir, are we there yet?" Dobby whined, while Hermione counted her baby daddies for the tenth time.
Harry ignored him and they kept walking. He saw a classroom and, for some odd reason, he thought of asking a teacher. "Hello, do you..." He walked into the class, but was scared as soon as he did.
"Welcome to Sex Ed class!" The teacher said. They saw some odd pictures on the wall that Ron, who was magically there again, was rather fond of. Then they ran out.
They ran down the hall and turned a corner and went into the second classroom on the left. "Howdy ya'lls! Como esta ustedes?" *sorry for lack of accent marks and upside down question marks* The door magically closed behind them. They were stuck in a class with a homosexual, sombrero- wearing, Spanish teacher, Mr. Burtle *our Spanish teacher's twin with the same personality*.
"I'M GAY!!!" Mr. Burtle screamed and shot Hermione up the Ghettoness Hole on the ceiling. Harry was scared stiff, but Ron looked as if he just won free tickets to Disney World. "Oh boy!" He smiled as he was chased by a 4000-year-old pink bunny, "This is going to be fun!"
Harry stared at Ron in disbelief.
"What?" Ron asked innocently, while the 4000-year-old pink bunny spontaneously combusted and disappeared.
Harry shook his head and started backing away, eyeing the Ghettoness Hole on the ceiling, which a rabid goldfish was now doing the llama dance by.
Mr. Burtle saw where Harry was looking and said, "Yer not gettin' up there sonny!" before turning into a blue, giant chinchilla, wearing a sombrero and back into his gay self.
Harry ran for all he was worth, dragging a drooling Ron with him, to a desk right below the Ghettoness Hole. He jumped onto the desk, as a mob of ghetto people from out of nowhere stampeded them with lethal combs, and up into the hole.
They could hear Mr. Burtle saying something about fried chicken and swearing as they traveled back to Hogwarts.
The Ghettoness Hole that they fell from was on the ceiling on the Potions Dungeon. They fell on top of Snape and Dumbledore who were teaching the class the wonders of llamas, while wearing purple and pink top hats and singing "I Wish You a Merry Christmas".
Harry, Ron, Snape, and Dumbledore got up and started doing the llama dance together, when Prof. McGonagall walked in wearing an afro wig.
"Mr. Potter! Mr. Weasley!" She said seriously, "Fuck a llama!" She started doing the llama dance with them.
Harry and Ron ran out, down the hall, and up the stairs. They ran into Hermione. "You guys make it out okay?" She said in a part Australian, part Jamaican accent. Harry and Ron both nodded.
"Wait...where's Dobby?! He was with up before!" Hermione said as Bob the Builder flew past them on a broomstick.
"Er...I dunno...he didn't come up the Ghettoness Hole with us," Harry said tensely, knowing Hermione was about to scream at them.
"Oh...okay!" Hermione said cheerfully as she started to skip away.
"Well...that was unexpected," Ron said as they followed her, while at the same time Peeves popped up, tap danced in the air, and spontaneously combusted, turning into a rabid mongoose with a purple wig.
"Harry, you still have the magic chicken?" Hermione asked once they caught up to her.
"OH SHIT!!" Harry yelled, while turning into a green devil penguin, "I must have dropped it in Mr. Burtle's classroom!"
Ron and Hermione looked at him in disbelief. "You didn't!" Ron said.
"I did," Harry gulped looking guilty. Harry didn't want to imagine the horrors that would result with the mistake he made. The most powerful, magical force in the universe lied in the hands of the dreaded Mr. Burtle. He might turn the world into a dictatorship, he might go and destroy Earth, he might get rid of all the girls and make all the guys dress like a constipated Brittney Spears and polka dance with Barney, while singing the Brady Bunch Theme Song!!!
With this thought Harry fainted, while Ron put a quarter into the mechanical pony ride and began to squeal with joy. "Ron, get a hold of yourself man!" Hermione screamed. Snape suddenly picked her up and they did the Macarena. Prof. McGonagall was disco dancing under a disco ball that suddenly appeared. Dumbledore was eating a pineapple, while dressed as a yellow telletubby, and Ron was acting like the pony was a bucking bronco.
Harry woke back up. "Don't any of you realize the unholy terror that has just been unleashed? I mean, with the magic chicken in Mr. Burtle's hands, who knows what monstrosities could occur? He could be worse than Voldemort."
Suddenly everyone was quite and all you could hear was crickets chirping. Then suddenly Dobby popped up and said, "So?" and they went back to whatever they were previously doing.
Harry cried. He was the only one who could save the world. Then he had an idea. "The girls in llama masks!" He shouted, "They shall help me!"
He went to find the Ghettoness Hole so he could get his accomplices in saving the world.
And then...NO ONE DIED!!! And the story now has a plot!!!
~*~*~*~
Theunrightharrypottertim: Gigi ga pipi! Translation: The llamas have wedgies.
Disclaimer: I don't own the freakin' book, OKAY!? But I can torture the characters! Mwahahaha Daniel!
**=Author's interruption
~*~*~*~
Neville was sad...his baby daddy killed all of his friends at Hogwarts. Voldemort stood in the hall by the Ghettoness Hole laughing maniacally, while the magical chicken in his hands spontaneously combusted twice before turning into a rabid devil penguin and back again.
"Why, Voldie, why did you kill all of my friends?" Neville asked, starting to cry, while a red mongoose in purple llama pants sang the Barney Song.
Voldemort turned to face him, "You don't need them anymore! You have me! We can rule over the people, llamas, puffins, penguins, mongooses, and chinchillas of this world together!"
"You fool!" Neville said unNeville-like, "There's nothing left to rule over! You killed everyone, remember?"
"...Oh...yeah...danmit! You win," Voldemort pouted in defeat. He bit his lip and reluctantly handed over the magical chicken, which was still spontaneously combusting, over to Neville.
With a wave of the chicken everyone came back to life.
~*~*~*~
Harry awoke in a hallway filled with ghetto people and realized where he was. Hermione and Dobby were sitting next to him, looking dazed, until realization hit them too.
"We have to find the Ghettoness Hole!" Harry said as Neville came frolicking down the hall wearing lime green, spontaneously combusting llama pants, and singing random Disney songs.
"G'day mate!" He said in an Australian hillbilly accent with a touch of Jamaican.
"You traitor!" Hermione screeched, pointing a finger, which had flowers blossoming out of it, at Neville.
"Me? What did I do?" Neville asked innocently, while a puffin with pink and purple slippers attacked his shoe.
"You sided with Voldemort and...did other things with him!"
"I didn't side with him, I only became his baby daddy so that I could get the magical chicken," Neville said holding the spontaneously combusting chicken in the air.
"You used him?" Hermione thought for .67457 seconds then hugged Neville, "Neville! I love you!" She exclaimed, as three mongooses tap danced together on the ceiling.
Neville gave the chicken to Harry and flew away on his magical, fluffy komodo dragon.
Harry, Hermione, and Dobby continued their search for the Ghettoness Hole when they ran into Ron, who looked pleased with himself.
"Hullo!" Ron said cheerfully in a ghetto Norwegian accent, "Guess what I did?"
"I don't (Dobby doesn't) want to know," They said in unison as Ron turned into a schizophrenic Bob llama with a pink wig, mumbling in a Russian accent.
"Tch! Fine!" Ron said like an angry, spork-flinging, plaid wildebeest. He skipped away doing the llama dance to random Madonna songs.
They continued their search for the Ghettoness Hole and walked down the same hallway for the third time in a row.
"Sir, are we there yet?" Dobby whined, while Hermione counted her baby daddies for the tenth time.
Harry ignored him and they kept walking. He saw a classroom and, for some odd reason, he thought of asking a teacher. "Hello, do you..." He walked into the class, but was scared as soon as he did.
"Welcome to Sex Ed class!" The teacher said. They saw some odd pictures on the wall that Ron, who was magically there again, was rather fond of. Then they ran out.
They ran down the hall and turned a corner and went into the second classroom on the left. "Howdy ya'lls! Como esta ustedes?" *sorry for lack of accent marks and upside down question marks* The door magically closed behind them. They were stuck in a class with a homosexual, sombrero- wearing, Spanish teacher, Mr. Burtle *our Spanish teacher's twin with the same personality*.
"I'M GAY!!!" Mr. Burtle screamed and shot Hermione up the Ghettoness Hole on the ceiling. Harry was scared stiff, but Ron looked as if he just won free tickets to Disney World. "Oh boy!" He smiled as he was chased by a 4000-year-old pink bunny, "This is going to be fun!"
Harry stared at Ron in disbelief.
"What?" Ron asked innocently, while the 4000-year-old pink bunny spontaneously combusted and disappeared.
Harry shook his head and started backing away, eyeing the Ghettoness Hole on the ceiling, which a rabid goldfish was now doing the llama dance by.
Mr. Burtle saw where Harry was looking and said, "Yer not gettin' up there sonny!" before turning into a blue, giant chinchilla, wearing a sombrero and back into his gay self.
Harry ran for all he was worth, dragging a drooling Ron with him, to a desk right below the Ghettoness Hole. He jumped onto the desk, as a mob of ghetto people from out of nowhere stampeded them with lethal combs, and up into the hole.
They could hear Mr. Burtle saying something about fried chicken and swearing as they traveled back to Hogwarts.
The Ghettoness Hole that they fell from was on the ceiling on the Potions Dungeon. They fell on top of Snape and Dumbledore who were teaching the class the wonders of llamas, while wearing purple and pink top hats and singing "I Wish You a Merry Christmas".
Harry, Ron, Snape, and Dumbledore got up and started doing the llama dance together, when Prof. McGonagall walked in wearing an afro wig.
"Mr. Potter! Mr. Weasley!" She said seriously, "Fuck a llama!" She started doing the llama dance with them.
Harry and Ron ran out, down the hall, and up the stairs. They ran into Hermione. "You guys make it out okay?" She said in a part Australian, part Jamaican accent. Harry and Ron both nodded.
"Wait...where's Dobby?! He was with up before!" Hermione said as Bob the Builder flew past them on a broomstick.
"Er...I dunno...he didn't come up the Ghettoness Hole with us," Harry said tensely, knowing Hermione was about to scream at them.
"Oh...okay!" Hermione said cheerfully as she started to skip away.
"Well...that was unexpected," Ron said as they followed her, while at the same time Peeves popped up, tap danced in the air, and spontaneously combusted, turning into a rabid mongoose with a purple wig.
"Harry, you still have the magic chicken?" Hermione asked once they caught up to her.
"OH SHIT!!" Harry yelled, while turning into a green devil penguin, "I must have dropped it in Mr. Burtle's classroom!"
Ron and Hermione looked at him in disbelief. "You didn't!" Ron said.
"I did," Harry gulped looking guilty. Harry didn't want to imagine the horrors that would result with the mistake he made. The most powerful, magical force in the universe lied in the hands of the dreaded Mr. Burtle. He might turn the world into a dictatorship, he might go and destroy Earth, he might get rid of all the girls and make all the guys dress like a constipated Brittney Spears and polka dance with Barney, while singing the Brady Bunch Theme Song!!!
With this thought Harry fainted, while Ron put a quarter into the mechanical pony ride and began to squeal with joy. "Ron, get a hold of yourself man!" Hermione screamed. Snape suddenly picked her up and they did the Macarena. Prof. McGonagall was disco dancing under a disco ball that suddenly appeared. Dumbledore was eating a pineapple, while dressed as a yellow telletubby, and Ron was acting like the pony was a bucking bronco.
Harry woke back up. "Don't any of you realize the unholy terror that has just been unleashed? I mean, with the magic chicken in Mr. Burtle's hands, who knows what monstrosities could occur? He could be worse than Voldemort."
Suddenly everyone was quite and all you could hear was crickets chirping. Then suddenly Dobby popped up and said, "So?" and they went back to whatever they were previously doing.
Harry cried. He was the only one who could save the world. Then he had an idea. "The girls in llama masks!" He shouted, "They shall help me!"
He went to find the Ghettoness Hole so he could get his accomplices in saving the world.
And then...NO ONE DIED!!! And the story now has a plot!!!
~*~*~*~
Theunrightharrypottertim: Gigi ga pipi! Translation: The llamas have wedgies.