Chapter 7
Clark sat alone in his Fortress of Solitude staring at nothing, his thoughts lost in the burgeoning sunset. It had been a regular weekend spent working on the farm, helping his dad and doing homework. Every minute of it had felt unreal. Today back at school, he'd been unable to pay attention or talk to his friends, brushing aside questions with lying reassurances of his own well being. He just did not know what to tell them.
He hadn't been able to see Lex and couldn't stop thinking of him. Clark was re-evaluating what he knew of Lex Luthor and was not particularly happy with the new picture or for that matter, with his conflicting feelings. The problem was that he could understand Lex's reasons for cutting him out but not how easily he seemed to do it.
It did not help that Lex would not see him. He had gone to the mansion and found that security would not let him in. The man at the door was also new, as he discovered when he bypassed security to get on the grounds. Security was increased to the point that he could not break in without revealing his powers. Lex, it seems had kept his promise to rid himself of staff that might have allegiance to his father. His calls were met with voicemail. He had seen Lex only once from a distance. Lex had walked stiffly, not looking up from the sidewalk and gotten into his car before Clark could get his attention. Clark wanted to talk to him and explain that he could help. Lex didn't know the whole story. Lex couldn't understand how much help Clark could be, how much help he wanted to be. If Lex knew his secrets...Clark could not believe he was thinking of telling Lex everything. Lex had just told him to go away and Clark was still reeling with the pain and burst of emotions that had caused.
Clark turned away from the loft doors and back towards his couch, sitting with an audible groan of stress from that hapless piece of furniture. Lex didn't want to see him any more. Lex didn't want...him! Clark punched the arm of the couch and it broke away without a sound. Clark caught it before it crashed to the floor and was immediately contrite. He was always caught a little off guard by his own strength when out of control.
"Clark, are you up there?" Chloe's voice interrupted his thoughts and Clark scrambled to hide the broken arm under the couch. "Just came by to see how you were. You didn't look good today at school and I know better than to believe that all's well. You never called and then at school you were definitely somewhere else. You even ignored Lana." Chloe came up the stairs with a determined look giving Clark a reason to feel mildly apprehensive. Take no prisoners mode could be scary. "I must admit though, you're improving as a liar, dubious a compliment as that may be." Clark chuckled internally at the thought that if she only knew...
"Looking for the inside scoop?" Clark smiled at Chloe, offense being the best form of defense against an intrepid reporter. He knew she only wished him well. He just wasn't sure what he wanted to tell her.
"You don't have to fill me in but after what happened Thursday night, I just wanted to offer my support." Chloe looked at him with sincerity, putting a sizable crack in his defensiveness.
"Thanks, Chloe, a lot of things happened and it's really freaked me out. I'm just trying to make sense of it all."
"Is it true that Lex likes you?"
"I don't know. If he did he doesn't any more. He sent me away and told me not to come back."
"Whoa, that's kind of drastic. What happened?"
Clark looked off above the trees, not seeing anything but the events of the week before. He told Chloe of the tape, what Lionel Luthor had said and the seeming impasse they had reached. He couldn't understand how Lex could send him away. Had he misunderstood all the caring he thought he saw in Lex's eyes?
"Well, Lex Luthor either has a noble heart or a strong streak of self preservation. Whatever his motivation, it may be the right thing for you." Chloe looked at the dark headed boy beside her and tried to will him to see the truth of this.
"I don't want to leave Lex alone." Clark's expression was forlorn and his voice a whisper as if the realisation was new. Chloe closed her eyes briefly as her niggling fears were confirmed.
"Are you saying what I think you are?"
"If I think I like Lex, would you be OK with that?" The big eyes looking down at her were vulnerable.
"Clark, I'm a Metropolis girl. I'm not naive." Chloe forced her selfish streak down past the sinking feeling in her stomach. "I will however, be disappointed for the female population of Smallville as the most gorgeous farmboy I know leaps off the market."
She smiled a big toothy grin and put her arm around his shoulder, gratified to see a burning blush on his handsome features. Trying to focus her thoughts away from how beautiful she really thought him to be, she made herself speak with a bit of a rush. "I'm just a little surprised about the sudden loss of a certain ex-cheerleader fixation."
Clark squinted his eyes in contemplation of his workboots. "I think that may have had more to do with who I wanted to be."
Chloe was incredulous. "Are you saying you wanted to be Whitney?" She was proud of her ability to stifle the derisive snort that almost escaped.
"Who wouldn't want to be popular, athletic...normal...you know I haven't been able to join sports at school." Clark was still looking internally, not seeing her surprise. "I've learned that Whitney needs Lana and Lana wants to be needed. I feel sort of the same with Lex. Lex makes my stomach hurt with need now that I can't be near him. I guess I'll have to accept that normal is not going to be part of my life."
"Well, I'd say you've got it bad."
"Yeah." His look should not have been so sad. "Just in time for total rejection. It'll take a bit but I'll get over it."
"Look, Clark out of my vast romantic experience, I can't tell you much, other than you have to go with how you feel." Chloe reached up and pushed his hair off his forehead in an almost motherly gesture. Who'd have guessed that love would make her altruistic.
"I know, Chloe, and thanks." Clark smiled and Chloe felt warm inside even though the last piece of hope for anything more than friendship with Clark had died.
"Glad to help." This time her grin became mischievous. "Just give it time before you break it to Pete."
Author's Note: OK sorry about all the soul searching, I promise more action in the next chapter.
Clark sat alone in his Fortress of Solitude staring at nothing, his thoughts lost in the burgeoning sunset. It had been a regular weekend spent working on the farm, helping his dad and doing homework. Every minute of it had felt unreal. Today back at school, he'd been unable to pay attention or talk to his friends, brushing aside questions with lying reassurances of his own well being. He just did not know what to tell them.
He hadn't been able to see Lex and couldn't stop thinking of him. Clark was re-evaluating what he knew of Lex Luthor and was not particularly happy with the new picture or for that matter, with his conflicting feelings. The problem was that he could understand Lex's reasons for cutting him out but not how easily he seemed to do it.
It did not help that Lex would not see him. He had gone to the mansion and found that security would not let him in. The man at the door was also new, as he discovered when he bypassed security to get on the grounds. Security was increased to the point that he could not break in without revealing his powers. Lex, it seems had kept his promise to rid himself of staff that might have allegiance to his father. His calls were met with voicemail. He had seen Lex only once from a distance. Lex had walked stiffly, not looking up from the sidewalk and gotten into his car before Clark could get his attention. Clark wanted to talk to him and explain that he could help. Lex didn't know the whole story. Lex couldn't understand how much help Clark could be, how much help he wanted to be. If Lex knew his secrets...Clark could not believe he was thinking of telling Lex everything. Lex had just told him to go away and Clark was still reeling with the pain and burst of emotions that had caused.
Clark turned away from the loft doors and back towards his couch, sitting with an audible groan of stress from that hapless piece of furniture. Lex didn't want to see him any more. Lex didn't want...him! Clark punched the arm of the couch and it broke away without a sound. Clark caught it before it crashed to the floor and was immediately contrite. He was always caught a little off guard by his own strength when out of control.
"Clark, are you up there?" Chloe's voice interrupted his thoughts and Clark scrambled to hide the broken arm under the couch. "Just came by to see how you were. You didn't look good today at school and I know better than to believe that all's well. You never called and then at school you were definitely somewhere else. You even ignored Lana." Chloe came up the stairs with a determined look giving Clark a reason to feel mildly apprehensive. Take no prisoners mode could be scary. "I must admit though, you're improving as a liar, dubious a compliment as that may be." Clark chuckled internally at the thought that if she only knew...
"Looking for the inside scoop?" Clark smiled at Chloe, offense being the best form of defense against an intrepid reporter. He knew she only wished him well. He just wasn't sure what he wanted to tell her.
"You don't have to fill me in but after what happened Thursday night, I just wanted to offer my support." Chloe looked at him with sincerity, putting a sizable crack in his defensiveness.
"Thanks, Chloe, a lot of things happened and it's really freaked me out. I'm just trying to make sense of it all."
"Is it true that Lex likes you?"
"I don't know. If he did he doesn't any more. He sent me away and told me not to come back."
"Whoa, that's kind of drastic. What happened?"
Clark looked off above the trees, not seeing anything but the events of the week before. He told Chloe of the tape, what Lionel Luthor had said and the seeming impasse they had reached. He couldn't understand how Lex could send him away. Had he misunderstood all the caring he thought he saw in Lex's eyes?
"Well, Lex Luthor either has a noble heart or a strong streak of self preservation. Whatever his motivation, it may be the right thing for you." Chloe looked at the dark headed boy beside her and tried to will him to see the truth of this.
"I don't want to leave Lex alone." Clark's expression was forlorn and his voice a whisper as if the realisation was new. Chloe closed her eyes briefly as her niggling fears were confirmed.
"Are you saying what I think you are?"
"If I think I like Lex, would you be OK with that?" The big eyes looking down at her were vulnerable.
"Clark, I'm a Metropolis girl. I'm not naive." Chloe forced her selfish streak down past the sinking feeling in her stomach. "I will however, be disappointed for the female population of Smallville as the most gorgeous farmboy I know leaps off the market."
She smiled a big toothy grin and put her arm around his shoulder, gratified to see a burning blush on his handsome features. Trying to focus her thoughts away from how beautiful she really thought him to be, she made herself speak with a bit of a rush. "I'm just a little surprised about the sudden loss of a certain ex-cheerleader fixation."
Clark squinted his eyes in contemplation of his workboots. "I think that may have had more to do with who I wanted to be."
Chloe was incredulous. "Are you saying you wanted to be Whitney?" She was proud of her ability to stifle the derisive snort that almost escaped.
"Who wouldn't want to be popular, athletic...normal...you know I haven't been able to join sports at school." Clark was still looking internally, not seeing her surprise. "I've learned that Whitney needs Lana and Lana wants to be needed. I feel sort of the same with Lex. Lex makes my stomach hurt with need now that I can't be near him. I guess I'll have to accept that normal is not going to be part of my life."
"Well, I'd say you've got it bad."
"Yeah." His look should not have been so sad. "Just in time for total rejection. It'll take a bit but I'll get over it."
"Look, Clark out of my vast romantic experience, I can't tell you much, other than you have to go with how you feel." Chloe reached up and pushed his hair off his forehead in an almost motherly gesture. Who'd have guessed that love would make her altruistic.
"I know, Chloe, and thanks." Clark smiled and Chloe felt warm inside even though the last piece of hope for anything more than friendship with Clark had died.
"Glad to help." This time her grin became mischievous. "Just give it time before you break it to Pete."
Author's Note: OK sorry about all the soul searching, I promise more action in the next chapter.