Trust

Yamato ran and ran until he could run no more. He sank down to his knees in the soft grass, gasping for breath. /I am such an idiot. How could I have let them get so close to my secret?/
He heard voices coming closer, calling his name. He painfully pulled himself to his feet, and started running again, unwilling to let them catch him. /Why now? Why now?/ he asked himself. /God, why the hell now?/ He had been so close to feeling secure, and then they had dropped the bomb on him. They wanted to know about his parents.
Out of nowhere, Yamato was suddenly tackled by a figure with wild brown hair and goggles. "Yamato, what's up? Why're you running away from us?" Taichi had obviously planned this, and when everyone else caught up, out of breath, he told them to wait for them at camp. Everyone, too tired to question, stumbled back, as Taichi turned to face Yamato, who was still lying on the ground, underneath Taichi.
"Leave me alone, Taichi," Yamato managed to say as he fought for breath. He cursed himself for being such an idiot to not see that trap.
"Not until you tell me what's wrong!! All we said was, 'So, what's your parents like? Do you miss them?' trying to include you in the conversation, and you went ballistic on us! You must have run for what, five miles or something?"
"Why won't you leave me alone, Taichi?" Yamato swore at the younger boy who pinned him down. /If only I wasn't so damn tired, I could push him off./
"What's so bad about your parents? Even Takeru didn't seem to know what made you so riled up! What's this dark secret you have?" Taichi seemed genuinely concerned, but Yamato knew better than to trust anyone. How could he, when he had never learned how to?
"Nothing. Ok? Nothing. Now will you get the hell offa me?" Yamato asked, annoyance flashing in his passionate blue eyes that held so many secrets captive.
/Why won't you tell me, Yamato?/ Taichi inwardly asked himself. He was hurt by this open rejection of the friendship that he had tried to give to the difficult boy this entire trip. /Friendship, yeah, that's Yamato all right. All cuddles./
"Yamato...what are you so afraid of?" Taichi asked.
Yamato started. He wasn't afraid of anything! "I'm not afraid of anything, Taichi, least of all you!"
"That's not what I meant, Yamato," Taichi gently explained. "Why are you so afraid to tell me?"
"Like you would understand," Yamato said under his breath. Taichi looked as though he had been slapped.
/Why can't you trust me, Yama? What have I done?/ Taichi looked sorrowfully down at the blonde boy who seemed so frozen inside.
As Taichi stood up, he told Yamato, "Just remember, I'm always here for you, tomodachi."
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That was three years ago. None of them had pushed Yamato for information after that, not even Takeru. Yamato knew that, and remembered Taichi's promise.
Yamato turned towards the picture on his bedstand. It was of the entire group, right when they had returned from the Digiworld. The Digimon weren't in the picture, but Yamato could picture them. There was Patamon, the silly little monster who digivolved into such a powerful one. There was Gatomon, the cat with an attitude problem. There was Gomamon, who was too happy for Yamato's liking. There was Palmon, the flower who got on Yamato's nerves a little too much. There was Tentomon, the smartest of them all. There was Biyomon, the little pink bird who always had a kind word for everyone. There was Agumon, the orange dinosaur who encouraged everyone.
Then there was Gabumon. /God...I miss him so much.../ Yamato remembered Gabumon with a pang in his heart. He had meant so much to him. He needed that guidance now. Now of all times, he wished he hadn't pushed the others away.
Yamato sighed as he reminded himself that it was his fault that he was alone now. He had pushed the others out of his life, including Takeru. Now it was summer again, the summer before eighth grade. Three whole years had passed.
The phone rang in the next room. /Dad's out. I should get it. Naw, I'll let the answering machine get it. That's what it's for, damn it./ Yamato heard the message machine come on, and heard an unexpected voice. "Hi, Yamato? This is Taichi Kamiya. I don't know if you still remember me, but I wanted to talk to you. If you get a chance, gimme a call, ok? My number's 555-8245. Talk to you soon, hopefully."
Yamato wanted to pick up the phone the moment he heard Taichi come on, but he let the message machine take it. He waited a minute, then walked to the machine, and pressed ERASE.
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Taichi sighed as he went and sat down on the couch next to his sister after hanging up the phone. He was thoroughly discouraged. "No luck, Taichi?" Hikari asked with a sympathetic look. She knew it wasn't easy on her big brother being the only pillar of support she had. They depended on each other, but it was harder for him, being older.
"Nope. Why don't you call Takeru and invite him over? Just don't say anything about his brother, ok? You know he still can't get over the fact that Yamato thought that he said that he hated him. God, I hate rumors," Taichi groaned as he tried to sink down into the couch, into oblivion.
"I know, Taichi, I do too. It destroys so many lives and friendships that could be so great." With that, Hikari stood up and bounced over to the phone. /She's grown up so pretty. I wish that Mom and Dad were here. I wonder where they went to two months ago. Why didn't they come back? Why didn't they tell me? What the hell were they thinking, leaving me and Hikari by ourselves? I need help now, and Yamato's the only guy I can think of who could help./
/Takeru's coming over...I wish his brother would do the same. It's so hard to try to talk to that guy! I was in his class last year, and I didn't even notice it! I am such an idiot. Sora's right. I deserve whatever lame girl gets thrown my way./
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Yamato paced around his room. That was the third time in a week that Taichi had tried to call him. /What was going on with that boy? He sounds more desperate every time he calls. Maybe I should call him back. Maybe I shouldn't. Why the hell should I care about his problems? I have enough of my own! God, why am I even thinking about this? I don't have any reason for anything!/
Yamato stopped, and slammed his fist into a pillow on his bed. He couldn't go out. He didn't want to stay inside though. He was like a caged animal, chained to the world he knew, yet yearning for the outside world. He faced the blinds on his windows that had remained closed for eight years, ever since his parents had gotten divorced. He would never open them again.
The phone rang again. Yamato glared at it. He hadn't answered the phone in two weeks. Come to think of it, he hadn't TALKED in two weeks. He sighed, as he picked up the phone after clearing his throat. "Hello. This is the Ishida residence," he droned, surprised that he was able to even say that.
"Hi, is Yamato there? This is Takeru."
Yamato almost dropped the phone. How dare that bastard call? "Hello?" Takeru asked again.
"Hi. This is Yamato." Yamato marveled that he could sound so calm, and yet be so angry, so angry that it was deadly.
"Yamato, we need to get a few things straightened out..." Takeru began hesitatingly.
Yamato reined in his temper before it got out of hand. /A few things straightened out? Right. Like how much you hate me? On what level do you hate me? What's left to talk about?/
"Yamato, are you still there?"
"Yes."
"Um...about what you thought I said last year..."
"What about it, Takeru?" Yamato asked in his best standoffish voice. He sounded cold and cruel, just as he felt. He could almost feel the frost coming from his voice.
Takeru was close to tears by this time. He had promised Hikari that he'd try to smooth matters with his brother, but he hadn't expected Yamato to be this mean!
"Yamato, please..." he begged, the sound of a child crying for help.
"Please what, Takeru? I don't even see why you're calling. We have nothing left to talk about." Yamato slammed the phone down, and went to his room. The phone rang again, a few seconds later, but he let the machine take it. The person left no message.
**********************************************************
/Why does he have to be so mean? I never said that! Why can't he believe me?/ Takeru asked himself, but he already knew the answer. He had been Yamato's pride and joy, and hearing that must have torn him apart. He had been Yamato's last tie to the Digidestined, and rumors had broken it. /Yamato...I'm sorry! I didn't say that! I never thought that! Not even when you fought Taichi! I'm your little brother, Takeru! Can't you try to forgive me?/
He straightened himself up as he got ready to go to Hikari's house. He had tried to talk to his older brother. He had failed to even engage him in a real conversation. He wouldn't try again. Not even Hikari could make him. It was too painful to relive those memories.
**********************************************************
Taichi was annoyed. No, he was more than annoyed, he was very, very, VERY upset. Takeru had come to their house, as promised, but he had been almost in tears when he had gotten here. He and Hikari had tried to comfort the poor boy, but it had been to no avail. Hikari had just taken him to her room to try to let him calm down. Hopefully she would succeed where he had failed. Now if only Taichi could get his older brother to dive off a cliff or something, Takeru might feel a little better.
Taichi slammed his fist down on the desk next to the phone. /Why the hell is Yamato so difficult? All he has to do is TALK to the poor guy. No, that's too much to ask from Mr. High and Mighty. Maybe someone should talk to him, let him know how we all feel. Yeah, like that would help. I doubt he even remembers us. That's it, I'm sick and tired of playing games with a bastard who doesn't even acknowledge me. I'm going to MAKE him notice me! Even if it takes me 'til the end of the summer, I'll get him to tell me his secret. I'll start today./
Taichi stood up. "Hikari? I'm going out!" he called over his shoulder, grabbing a jacket and walking out the door, without waiting for his sister's response.
**********************************************************
Yamato, though fully dressed, as though he was going someplace, was sitting on his bed, having no intention of going anywhere. Instead, he began asking himself questions. /Why the hell am I always pushing people away? I'm such a bastard. I should have at least listened to whatever Takeru had to say. He is...WAS my little brother./
He lay on the bed, trying to block out the world. Why couldn't things ever be simple? He was always stuck in a deep pile of shit. KNOCK KNOCK. Someone was at the door.
Yamato groggily stood up, and went to see who was there. He looked through the peephole, then looked away angrily. There stood Taichi, trying to act like he wasn't angry as hell.
"What do you want, Taichi?" Yamato asked through the door.
"Oh, so you do remember me. I was wondering since you haven't returned my calls," Taichi answered sarcastically.
"I'm not in the mood for this, Taichi, so leave me alone."
"I need to talk to you, Yamato Ishida, and it's important. You can keep me out for as long as you like, but I'm not leaving until you let me in and let me talk to you."
Yamato sighed as he opened the door. He wasn't in the mood for a fight. The phone call with Takeru had been enough to get him tired, too tired to fight Taichi, who was as strong or stronger than he was. Not that he'd ever admit that.
As Taichi slid in, acting as though he thought the door would close on him at any second, Yamato studied him.
He hadn't changed much in three years. He had the same wild hair, the same deep brown eyes. Now though, those eyes seemed to be filled with worry, not the carefree ones that had graced the boy whom Yamato had met in the Digiworld. This was the man Taichi had grown into.
"What do you want, Taichi?" Yamato asked as he turned and walked towards his room.
"Well, that's a nice greeting for someone you haven't seen in three years," Taichi wryly commented.
"What do you want?" Yamato repeated, not in the mood for games either.
"I need your help."
Those words were so unexpected that Yamato actually turned around. "You what?" he asked, disbelievingly.
"I need to know how to survive without anyone else taking care of you. My parents went on vacation two months ago, and they haven't come back. They were supposed to come back two days after they left. Now it's just Hikari and me and whoever else we invite over."
"Why would I help you?"
"I don't know. I just know that I promised you that I'd be there for you if you needed it. You seemed to disregard that as just another foolish promise that would be forgotten. Well, it wasn't. I remember, and I WILL honor that promise."
/God, is this guy stupid or something? I don't want his damn promises! I just want to be left alone!/
/Come on, Yamato. You can't be alone forever! Let me in. Let me help you!/
"I can't help you, Taichi." /How can I help him when I can't help myself?
"That's ok."
"Bye."
"Yamato--" Taichi began as Yamato began turning away again. "Yamato, if you ever need anything, a friend, or whatever, just call me."
"Yeah, sure."
"I mean it."
"Whatever."
**********************************************************
Taichi walked home slowly. He had nowhere else to turn to. The only ones who knew about his and Hikari's present situation were Takeru, and now Yamato. He reached home just as the phone rang.
"Hello, Kamiya residence," Taichi said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.
"Taichi"
"Yamato?"
"I was thinking...can you keep a secret?"
"Yeah, I can."
"Oh. Ok."
"Why?"
"No reason. Could you come back over here?"
"Sure, Yamato."
The phone went dead, as Taichi turned around and walked back to the lion's den.
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/Why the hell'd I do that? Now he's gonna come over here...It's ok. I don't have to tell him anything. It's just...keeping this secret hurts so much sometimes.../
KNOCK KNOCK. Yamato got up to answer the door. "Taichi...it's good to see you."
"Same to you, Yamato."
"I...I have to tell you something."
"What is it?"
"Remember in the Digiworld, you guys asked about my parents?"
"How could I forget? You ran about five miles before we finally caught up to you!"
"Yeah well, this is why I wouldn't answer you." Yamato rolled up his shirt a little on the right side, and Taichi caught his breath in his throat. He felt for a moment as though there was no air in the room, like he someone was strangling him, but he was strangling himself. He saw the bottom of a scar. Yamato looked at Taichi's face, and pulled the shirt up more. The scar ran from about an inch above his pants about six inches upward.
"Yamato...what happened?"
"You really want to know?"
"Yeah."
"Ok then...but it's a secret. You can't tell anyone. Especially not Takeru. Do you understand?"
"Sure, Yamato."
FLASHBACK
A young boy sits on his bed, crying, not able to understand why he will never see his mother or his little brother again. His father stands in the next room, clearing away all of his mother's possessions that she left behind when she left.
The man hurts inside as he remembers his ex-wife's beautiful face. He remembers how good it had felt to hold her close. He sees his wife's oldest child sitting on his bed, crying, and feels nothing but pain.
He doesn't see the child, he sees one of the two factors that had forced him and his wife to split apart. He sees the reason he is denied her presence.
He raises his hand to strike the boy, and a look of pure terror passes through the boy's eyes as he is hit to the ground. His father laughs as he throws the boy into the bedpost. Blood trickles from the boy's cheek, mingling with the tears falling.
"Why, Daddy?" is the only question the boy can think of to ask.
There is no response, only another punch to the stomach. The boy curls up into a little ball, trying to get away from the pain. This only enrages his father more.
His father starts throwing things at the boy, kicking him, telling him how worthless he is. The boy cries out in pain as a sharp edge pierces the soft skin on his side.
END FLASHBACK
Taichi gently touched Yamato who shrunk from his touch. "Yama...I'm sorry. I didn't know..."
"I've never told anyone about that."
"Does he still do that to you?"
"Not in that way."
"What do you mean, Yama?"
"He just says things...he doesn't use physical force."
"Is there anything I can do to help you, Yama? Anything?"
"Nothing...there's nothing you can do."
Taichi just sat next to Yamato, wishing he could do more, both of them lamenting for past mistakes, and for what had become of their families.