Sorry, minna, but this is the same as the last chapter, but with some citrusy content. I'm really sorry, I couldn't really think of anything to do, so this is me screwing around. Um... please, ignore this if you don't like citrus parts, or don't know what that means... High R to NC-17 content... yes... feel free to flame if you think I'm screwing this up...
Silent for a moment following Jyou's statement, Koushirou cast his eyes downwards to the ground wondering what to say next, wondering how to ask Jyou what the hell had happened to him to change him into this bitter cold person before him. There wasn't really a way, he decided, and chose the easiest path he could see in that moment. "Jyou? Why did you stay away for so long?" he asked, eyes still trained on the floor, finding it preferable than staring into those consuming eyes Jyou held.
A long silence met his ever so important question, and Koushirou inwardly sighed in frustration and a tinge of annoyance. So, they were back to this? There had to be some way to cut through the shell Jyou had built around him...
"It wasn't as if anyone cared," Jyou's voice cut through Koushirou, a knife in his soul, shredding his hope. Glancing up he saw Jyou shrug, his eyes hidden behind his bangs that had been grown out almost specifically for that purpose.
"I cared," Koushirou heard himself whisper before he could help himself. Hearing only silence, he prayed Jyou hadn't heard him, hadn't understood the words murmured in a moment of lost control. Idiot, idiot, IDIOT! You're friends, Koushirou reminded himself sternly, FRIENDS...and friends don't fall in love with each other. Not like that. They can love each other for being FRIENDS, but not for anything else! That ruins the purpose of friendship!
"Did you really care?" Jyou suddenly asked, all the bitterness quite evident in his voice. "You can't mean what you're saying. After all, you never bothered to find out why I left, although you had ways you could've, if you'd bothered to care enough to go and check any of it out. And what about your boyfriend? What about Hiroshi? I think you must've cared more about him, didn't you?" Jyou flung the verbal barbs at Koushirou, almost daring him to speak, daring him to deny it.
Koushirou winced. So...was that part of it, of why he'd grown so far apart from the rest of them? Jyou was angry because Koushirou had had a boyfriend, and hadn't told him? But...it hadn't been like that. He hadn't been trying to hurt Jyou. He would NEVER have done that!
It wasn't as if anyone else had known! So, how had Jyou found out about Hiroshi? It hadn't been anything serious either, just the movies and a few kisses exchanged between them, but nothing else except for that one time... Why was Jyou so upset? Wasn't Koushirou free to do what he liked with his life? And it wasn't as if Koushirou was with Hiroshi anymore. They remained friends, but as far as dating went, they'd never trod on that area again once Koushirou had broken it off.
After all, Koushirou remembered, it hadn't been fair to Hiroshi. Not when he was still thinking about what could've been with Jyou...
Shocked at his own thought, he didn't dare look at Jyou now, feeling the blush coating his cheeks. God, he was such an IDIOT! He wasn't in love with Jyou! Had he just thought that? Oh God, oh God, no, he didn't care for Jyou like that. They were friends. Just good friends! But...hadn't he loved Hiroshi so much because of his startling resemblance to the boy--no, the young man before him?
"So. It's true," Jyou's voice drifted over softly, sadly ringing through the air on wings of molten silver. He sighed, then laughed a little bitterly, the tone of his voice so unlike him it seemed to cut Koushirou's world, leaving him alone and bleeding, unable to ask for help from the only person he wanted it from. "Well, I guess he was telling the truth then, wasn't he." It wasn't a question. Another bitter laugh, and Koushirou felt Jyou getting up to leave. "I'll see you around, Koushirou."
"Jyou..."
"Yes?"
"Why are you so mad at me?!" Koushirou burst out angrily. What right did Jyou have to get mad about that? It had been a little fling, nothing big, and besides, since when did Jyou care about that?! "All right, so Hiroshi and I went out a couple times--"
"Two years."
"What?" What was Jyou saying? What was he talking about? Did Koushirou really want to find out, or was he just stalling?
"Two years, wasn't it?" Jyou was the one to look away this time. "That's what he told me, at least."
"Where'd you see him?!" Koushirou shot out, desperate to prove Jyou wrong, even if with every word his heart choked and strangled on the web of lies and half-truths he'd spun. If only there was something he could say, something he could do to stop Jyou's voice, stop the pain raging through his slender frame. "How do you know about Hiroshi?!"
A virulent smile touched Jyou then, and he glanced into Koushirou's startlingly tear filled eyes. "He's my cousin, Koushirou. My cousin, Kido Hiroshi."
He hated saying those words, hated himself, and hated Koushirou...but mostly he hated Hiroshi. Every time Jyou had found some happiness, Hiroshi had managed to steal it. The same age, the same coloring, but Hiroshi's obvious confidence, the two cousins appeared to get along better than brothers. Ha, Jyou scoffed, as if. Jyou'd hidden the Digidestined from Hiroshi for that purpose, of being able to have something Hiroshi wouldn't steal from him...but then the day came.
"Jyou, you won't guess who I was just at the movies with, who I had begging me to fuck him," Hiroshi had pranced into the room, eyes dancing with the probability of killing Jyou's happiness again and again. Jyou hated that look in his eyes.
"What do you want, Hiroshi?" Jyou sighed, knowing it was faster to just play along with Hiroshi's little games.
"Your little friend, Izumi."
"Liar," Jyou snarled, rising from his seat in anger. "Koushirou would never go anywhere with a bastard like you."
"Oh really, Jyou? He's been with me for the past two months, Jyou-kun, and today was our two month anniversary. Didn't you know that? Oh, you didn't? I thought you were the best of friends! You want to see proof?"
Jyou hadn't wanted anything but to sink into the ground and die in a miserable ball.
"Here!" Hiroshi
lay out a card in front of Jyou, picking it up when the Digidestined hadn't
touched it. "'My Hiroshi,
'I love you with all
my heart, and I pray that you feel the same way. Thank you for making
these past two months magical for me. Zutto aishiteru.
'Izumi Koushirou.' Isn't that so sweet?"
"He never told you, Koushirou? That's just like him." Jyou turned away from Koushirou. "He spends his time making my life worse than hell." But at the same time, Jyou thought to himself, he makes me enjoy the rest of life more... "He told me once that he wanted to just f*ck you and leave you, but then he thought it would be more fun if he played games with you.
"I left town because I couldn't stand to listen to Hiroshi anymore, gloating over all those times you spent with him, and telling me every detail of what the two of you did."
"Every detail?" Koushirou asked, his voice quivering.
"Down to how you sounded screaming his name when he took you that one time," Jyou shot out, emotionless. What did it matter what he said anymore? Koushirou wouldn't care in the end, he'd find someone to talk to. "He said you begged him to fuck you all the time, and when he finally did, you acted like a little whore, moaning and--"
"He's mine, Jyou. And he gave himself to me like the little whore he is. All it took was one kiss, and he was begging me for more. He begged me, gripped onto me when I tried to leave," Hiroshi whispered to Jyou, pulling Jyou's face so they looked into each other's eyes. "He stripped for me, and it only took a few touches before he was hard, Jyou. So sweet, begging for more, thrusting into my hands crying when I wouldn't let him come. He asked me why, Jyou, and I laughed. I laughed and kissed him, not caring he would bruise from it. And I took him, as he screamed like a little whore off the streets. He moaned and screamed, coming all over himself like some slut. And when I left him, he begged for more."
"Stop!" Koushirou shouted, and Jyou felt mild surprise at the tears falling from Koushirou's eyes. He fell silent, keeping his eyes trained on Koushirou, wondering why he'd ever thought he could see Koushirou again after hearing Hiroshi's tales.
Silence reigned, and Jyou found himself remembering Hiroshi's laughter when he'd found out Jyou was leaving. "Good riddence, and I'll make sure to take care of Koushirou for you... Just like that time before... Remember Jyou?"
"I didn't think you were so cruel, Jyou..."
"Cruel?" Jyou asked. "Me? Trust me, Koushirou, I'm just returning the favor. How do you think I felt, knowing you were with my cousin, his little screw-toy? And I couldn't say anything because you'd never told me. You didn't trust me enough to tell me anything. So I kept your little secret, and Hiroshi told me everything." Were there tears slipping down his cheeks too? He thought he'd cried all he could over Koushirou...but apparently not.
"You can't deny any of it, can you, Koushirou?" Jyou asked slowly, giving the other boy time to interrupt if he wanted to. Another bitter laugh. "If there's one thing that can be said for Hiroshi, it's that he tells the truth. Especially if he knows it'll kill someone else." Turning to Koushirou, forcing their eyes to meet, Jyou continued. "Did you know that I almost did kill myself, Koushirou?" he asked, staring deep. "I tried. I cut my wrists, watching the blood fall onto that nice little picture we all took in the DigiWorld. But Hiroshi found me. He wouldn't let me die. He said he wasn't done with me yet."
"Jyou..." Koushirou seemed to search for words, and Jyou laughed again.
"And I came back to Odaiba after all this time, wanting to see everyone else one more time, wanting to see YOU one more time before I killed myself. And this time I was going to succeed. I had a gun," Jyou pulled it out of his pocket, taking in Koushirou's shock with a measured gaze. "And I was going to kill myself. But then you wanted to talk to me."
"Jyou..."
"So here I am. And we've talked. And now you know. Good-bye, Koushirou." Jyou lept out the window and ran, not daring to look back at the boy who'd given him life and destroyed it.
Oh boy... I'm gonna go back to Yamato and Taichi now.... Read and Flame or Review!!! Please?