I was dreaming, I had to be. There was Donna laying in my bed, beside me, and she was…well, she was naked. That wasn't the weirdest part though, because Josh was there too, laying on the other side of her snoring loudly. He was also naked. This couldn't be good. Can you spell 'scandal'? Oh well. It was a dream anyways. I wonder what we did. I hope Josh and I were never…close. But even so, Josh is my best friend, and HE'S in love with Donna. Still, it's just a dream. Oops, dream phone's ringing. Wait a minute. That's the real phone. Josh and Donna were gone. I was alone. The phone wasn't ringing though. Strange.
"Weird dream. I don't even remember the part where we did stuff, if we even did anything at all." Mental pictures were swimming threw my head. I shook them out; they would be lonely in there anyways. I sat up, and rubbed my eyes, about to start my daily routine. I set my foot on the floor, and it kind of bounced. It didn't hit the floor.
"What the hell?" I moved my foot around and looked. What I saw was insane. Blow-up dolls, and they were everywhere. I looked more closely at the one my foot was resting on. Toby?! It was a blow-up doll, of Toby. I looked around again, and saw that the dolls were an assortment of Toby and Josh, with different facial expressions. This one of Toby looked like he was enjoying an everyday activity too much…my foot was on his crotch. I moved it quickly, embarrassed. Why I was embarrassed, I do not know.
Picking up the doll, I set it on the bed, which looked bad. Then I set my feet on the actual floor, and stood up. Kicking dolls out of my way, I managed to make it to the bathroom. There was a thoughtful looking Josh sitting on the toilet, and a Toby floating in a bathtub full of water. I stared at them, and then brushed my teeth. My feet found my slippers, and then I swam my way to the door that lead to the hall. I wonder what would be out here.
"Good gods. This is nuts." What I saw beyond the oddities in my bedroom was completely the opposite of what was in it. Only, opposite in a bad way. My bedroom opened up into a square shaped hall, with another bathroom and a separate bedroom door. I didn't even look in these two rooms, because what I saw in the hall was enough. There was a blow-up Josh sporting a Speedo looking type thing, and swinging from my ceiling, on a vine. There was a Toby hanging by his feet too. They weren't moving, just hanging there. Also, at my feet was an array of dolls, like in my room. I pushed my way through them, laughing at the facial expressions. A sleepy Josh here, a stoned Toby there.
"I could make hundreds on E-Bay. Too bad I'd get fired." Kicking at a Josh, I noticed the armchair in my living room. It was sitting on top of my coffee table, and in it was a doll slightly bigger then the rest. Only, it wasn't Josh or Toby. It was the First Lady. Abbey Bartlet was sitting in my living room, on the newly elevated chair, and was full of hot air, only literally. I blinked at her a few times, giggled, and swam to the kitchen.
"Well, at least I don't have to feed them all." I stared, amused, into my empty fridge. Well, almost empty. It held, a pitcher of juice that was ages old, a meat drawer with a block of blue cheese in it … Wait, it's not supposed to be blue, it's cheddar, ew. There were jars of random pickled substances, and a freezer full of cold air and a half empty box of waffles. Oh yea, I eat like a king. King Sam. "I'm going crazy."
"Hhmmphhummph." Noises, from the living room, weird ones. I rushed into the doll filled room. The Abbey doll was moving, and attempting speech. Her mouth was painted on, limiting her vocalizing options. She fixed that problem when she saw me, by grabbing a letter opener off of the roll-top in the corner and slicing the material she was composed of across the lips. What surprised me the most was, no air seemed to escape. She didn't deflate.
"Hello there, my pretty." She cackled. It was odd sounding, Mrs.B's cackle. "How dare you stare open-mouthed at Ezra, Queen of the blow-up dolls? I deserve more respect then that. Bow."
I raised an eyebrow. She pointed at me with her arm outstretched as she made the command. I looked at her for a moment longer and gave in. I did as she ordered, then laughed at myself. Bad move, Sam. 'Ezra' looked mortified.
"You will pay for laughing at me as you are!" She lunged at me, and took me down. She was heavier then I would expect. I thought she would just bounce off of me. We began rolling around, screaming at each other in rage. She grabbed my hair and pulled with all her might.
"Ow!" I stopped tugging at her ear, and grabbed my hear where she had pulled. There was a small bald spot. "Why you!"
We continued rolling around, and she had just gotten me in a headlock while laying on top of me with me on my stomach when I noticed something. The Josh and Toby dolls were moving. Not all of them, but most. They started walking in from the kitchen and I heard doors opening down the hall. They formed a ring around Ezra and me, and appeared to be drooling. Ezra stood up and stomped her foot down on my back, I was speechless.
"Pile up!" She yelled, and I attempted to roll over and see what was going on. The Josh and Toby dolls were closing in on me while Ezra backed away, laughing evilly. One doll jumped and landed on me. The rest of them followed suit. They were covering me, and were heavy.
"Get off!" I tried to yell, "I … can't breathe!"
I don't think I was heard. I started flailing my arms about madly. I was being suffocated by a bunch of air-filled Josh and Toby's. What a way to go. My arms were too busy moving wildly in the air to notice that they weren't coming into contact with any dolls.
I grabbed the substance covering my face and threw it. It was a pillow. It flew through the air and landed at my feet, on the bed. My alarm was beeping beside me, and my sheet was laying on the floor. I switched off my alarm and sat up. My floor was clear, not a doll in sight.
"I can never look at Toby or Josh again." I rubbed my eyes and got up to get ready for work. "I need a therapist."
The End