Jake turned the corner in the stairs and froze as she looked up and saw
Hamilton standing in exactly the same position as when she'd left him to
put Emily to bed. She sighed, and continued walking until she stood
directly in front of him. She touched his arms gently.
"Ham?" she said, questioningly. His eyes drifted over her. She looked intently at him. "We have to talk." He nodded weakly. She guided him toward the living room, and sat him on the sofa. She sat next to him, although not too close. She didn't want to crowd him.
"Hamilton, I need to explain this". Jake looked at him, waiting for his reaction. After what seemed like forever, he appeared to snap out of his distant state, and looked at her intently.
"Go ahead", he said calmly, and leaned back against the arm of the sofa, looking at her.
"Okay, here goes". Now that she had his attention, she didn't know where to begin. She had run through telling him this in her mind: millions of times. But now, when it came to it, she was lost. She started with the simple stuff.
"That little girl, is Emily. She's my daughter. She's nearly two. Her father told me he loved me, and I thought I was in love with him. But it turned out he was only so sweet and charming to get me into bed." Jake looked down as she told her story. She couldn't face the disapproval she knew would be in his eyes. She'd lied to him.again. She knew this was a bad situation. She wasn't trying to make him feel sorry for her, just see if she could get him to understand what she was going through.
"As soon as he heard I was pregnant, he ran. It finally dawned on me that all the people I'd called my friends for the past 3 years were just the same as what I had become; spoilt little brats, who needed someone to love them. I didn't like them any more than I liked myself. I came home, and Consuela looked after me. Mum didn't come home in all the time I was pregnant, and I didn't want to tell her over the phone. I had Emily by myself, and I loved her as soon as I saw her. I'd quit school by then, and was just concentrating on looking after Emily as best I could, and trying to become more of who I wanted to be. That was the time I really got into hacking. Then.mom came home."
Hamilton looked up at these words. He knew things between Jake and her mom were bad, but he hadn't realised they had been so bad she hadn't known she had a granddaughter.
"She was mad. Really mad. Instead of looking after me, and telling me she loved me, like I hoped she would, she distanced herself even more. She didn't realise she didn't know me then, I don't know if she ever will. I was just a kid. I still am really. Any adult wouldn't have reacted the way I did. After being tutored for a while, and having someone love me for a change, mom said I had to go back to school, and that Consuela would look after Emily. She said I could 'see her in the holidays'. I didn't want to see my child every four months and have her end up like me. But, of course, mom didn't understand that. That's why I went to Rawley Boys, with the whole charade. I was SO mad at her for taking me away from my baby. Consuela knew about the whole thing."
"And then, I met you."
Hamilton looked up, and for the first time since she'd begun, their eyes met. Hamilton watched a single tear fall down Jake's cheek. Jake looked down and continued, tears beginning to fall more freely. She wiped her eyes roughly.
"I found it difficult to trust you at first. I don't think I've ever completely trusted anybody before. But you were so wonderful, and understanding. I love you, Hamilton. I never lied about that. You're the only person that makes my life make sense. I grew up a lot after I had Emily, but I'm still a little kid that needs loving. This summer at Rawley was the best time in my life. I've missed you so much while I've been at home. I put on a brave face for Emily, but I need you, to stay alive. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you."
Jake looked up at Hamilton, to find him looking into his lap. He looked crushed. Like a broken shell. She wanted so much to pull him into her arms and have him comfort her as she comforted him. To kiss him, and for everything to be the way it was. But she knew it never would. Things were different now.
"Ham?" she said, questioningly. His eyes drifted over her. She looked intently at him. "We have to talk." He nodded weakly. She guided him toward the living room, and sat him on the sofa. She sat next to him, although not too close. She didn't want to crowd him.
"Hamilton, I need to explain this". Jake looked at him, waiting for his reaction. After what seemed like forever, he appeared to snap out of his distant state, and looked at her intently.
"Go ahead", he said calmly, and leaned back against the arm of the sofa, looking at her.
"Okay, here goes". Now that she had his attention, she didn't know where to begin. She had run through telling him this in her mind: millions of times. But now, when it came to it, she was lost. She started with the simple stuff.
"That little girl, is Emily. She's my daughter. She's nearly two. Her father told me he loved me, and I thought I was in love with him. But it turned out he was only so sweet and charming to get me into bed." Jake looked down as she told her story. She couldn't face the disapproval she knew would be in his eyes. She'd lied to him.again. She knew this was a bad situation. She wasn't trying to make him feel sorry for her, just see if she could get him to understand what she was going through.
"As soon as he heard I was pregnant, he ran. It finally dawned on me that all the people I'd called my friends for the past 3 years were just the same as what I had become; spoilt little brats, who needed someone to love them. I didn't like them any more than I liked myself. I came home, and Consuela looked after me. Mum didn't come home in all the time I was pregnant, and I didn't want to tell her over the phone. I had Emily by myself, and I loved her as soon as I saw her. I'd quit school by then, and was just concentrating on looking after Emily as best I could, and trying to become more of who I wanted to be. That was the time I really got into hacking. Then.mom came home."
Hamilton looked up at these words. He knew things between Jake and her mom were bad, but he hadn't realised they had been so bad she hadn't known she had a granddaughter.
"She was mad. Really mad. Instead of looking after me, and telling me she loved me, like I hoped she would, she distanced herself even more. She didn't realise she didn't know me then, I don't know if she ever will. I was just a kid. I still am really. Any adult wouldn't have reacted the way I did. After being tutored for a while, and having someone love me for a change, mom said I had to go back to school, and that Consuela would look after Emily. She said I could 'see her in the holidays'. I didn't want to see my child every four months and have her end up like me. But, of course, mom didn't understand that. That's why I went to Rawley Boys, with the whole charade. I was SO mad at her for taking me away from my baby. Consuela knew about the whole thing."
"And then, I met you."
Hamilton looked up, and for the first time since she'd begun, their eyes met. Hamilton watched a single tear fall down Jake's cheek. Jake looked down and continued, tears beginning to fall more freely. She wiped her eyes roughly.
"I found it difficult to trust you at first. I don't think I've ever completely trusted anybody before. But you were so wonderful, and understanding. I love you, Hamilton. I never lied about that. You're the only person that makes my life make sense. I grew up a lot after I had Emily, but I'm still a little kid that needs loving. This summer at Rawley was the best time in my life. I've missed you so much while I've been at home. I put on a brave face for Emily, but I need you, to stay alive. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you."
Jake looked up at Hamilton, to find him looking into his lap. He looked crushed. Like a broken shell. She wanted so much to pull him into her arms and have him comfort her as she comforted him. To kiss him, and for everything to be the way it was. But she knew it never would. Things were different now.