Disclaimer: Afraid I don't own any of them. Talk to Cameron etc.
Authors Note: Thank you everyone for your reviews! Please continue to let me know what you think of each chapter cause it gives me encouragement to continue! : )
DARK TERROR
Chapter 7 - Living Again
The loft conversion apartment was cramped. Three small rooms. The bedroom was tiny, the large double bed leaving little space for anything else. The cosy living room consisted of an old, well loved sofa and a chipped wooden coffee table. A small kitchenette was just off the living room and too small to be considered a separate room and the old bathroom leaked water from every faucet. Max loved this place. They had been at this farm for several weeks now, the longest they had stayed at a place since this whole mess had begun. Avoiding the larger cities seemed the best idea for a while since White had been tracking them so easily. They had arrived here and Alec had got work on the farm. It was heavy manual labour but the pay was good and they got free housing in the apartment which was above the old barn.
Alec had been reluctant to stay at first but when he saw Max's eyes light up when she had seen the apartment he hadn't had the heart to say no. Despite its flaws it was homey and warm. The exact opposite of the depressing dark inner city dumps they had been staying in before. Here in the fresh country air and bright sunlight, Max was slowly regaining something of the sparkle of life that Alec had feared was lost forever. That wasn't to say she was back to normal. Far from it. There were still the night terrors which made Alec's heart bleed in empathy of her fear and pain, and although Max's appetite had increased here, she was still too thin and pale. There were still days when Max would sink back into the silence and mental blindness which she had protected herself with for so long.
But there were better days too. Days when Alec would come in from his day at work and find Max curled up on the sofa reading a book and she would turn and smile at him, her coal eyes glowing and Alec would feel his well regulated heart leap in his chest.
Alec smiled to himself at the memory. The day was nearly over and he could go to her as soon as he had finished with this lot of wood that needed to be chopped for tomorrow. Maybe he would see Max smile at him like that again when he walked in today. The smiles didn't come everyday so when they did, Alec had learned to treasure them in his mind.
Alec pulled off his tight white t shirt, leaving himself clad only in his dark jeans. It was hot here in the south west, despite the winter months. He couldn't regret leaving behind the east and the coldness that had taken grip there. This place was good for Max. She was healing, learning how to live again.
As quickly as the thought came so did the darkness which never left the edge of his mind. This couldn't last. They would have to leave sooner or later. Alec's promise to Max to kill her should White ever get near to taking her, weighed heavily on his mind. It darkened every happy moment and cast a shadow over ever good emotion. Could I do it? Could I actually kill Max? Alec asked himself this question for the hundredth time as he mechanically lifted the heavy axe of his head and brought it down to shatter the log of wood, his muscles moving fluidly as he worked.
He had tried to imagine it. Tried to imagine how he would do it. Take Max in his arms and snap her neck? Press the barrel of his gun against her head and watch as her brain was destroyed by a single piece of burning lead? Maybe stab her with a knife, push the blade into the soft flesh of her body to tear her heart. Sickness rose in Alec's stomach and the arms holding the axe faltered. He closed his eyes and tried to will down the nausea that the images in his mind had caused. Cold sweat broke out down his naked chest and goosebumps chilled his arms. Its not going to happen Max. Alec swore to himself. I'm not going to let him get that close.
Shaking off the dark dread that had seized him, Alec threw down the axe and picked up his t shirt, deciding he had done enough for today. His need to see Max greater now with the horrible thoughts running through his head.
The large wooden beams of their apartment were hanging low, so Alec, who was tall had to stoop, to enter their new home. Bright cushions and rugs decorated the living room in hazes of warm reds, gold's and browns. Surprised at the absence of Max in her usual seat, Alec felt familiar concern. "Max?" He called.
It was ridiculous sometimes how much he worried about her and Alec mentally chastised himself even as he couldn't stop himself from walking into the bedroom to see if she was in there. The room was conspicuously empty and Alec tried to fight against the fear that tried to take a hold of him. He would have noticed if there was any military activity around the farm, he purposely stayed close to the main buildings and roads for that reason.
"Max?!" Alec called again, his voice rising as his pace quickened. There was only one other room in the place. Alec pushed open the bathroom door and stopped dead for a split second, frozen in horror. Max was lying completely submerged in water in the large old fashioned bath tub. Her pale eyelids were closed, framed with wet black lashes and her dark hair clouded out around her like a halo. Shock filled Alec and stilled time as he watched the slight movement of the water ripple Max's hair. No…
Reality snapped back and Alec leapt forward, his hands instantly plunging into the water to pull Max up to the air. "Max! No! Oh God…" Alec lifted Max out of the bath tub, oblivious to Max's sudden struggling.
"Alec! What the hell are you doing?!" Max cried out as she tried to pull away from the panicking man who was holding her against him so tightly. Max squirmed in his arms, looking up to see the hazel eyes of Alec dilated in fear.
"Max?" Confusion didn't remove the desperate look on Alec's face as he kept his hold on her. He was now kneeling on the bath mat, Max dripping wet in his arms, her long hair soaking them both. "Are you okay!?" On some level Alec was aware that he was acting irrationally but Max's words didn't penetrate the haze of panic that surrounded him.
"Of course I am! What is your problem?" Alec was too relieved to hear the sound of Max's voice to take much note of the anger that coloured her tone in reaction to the shock of being yanked roughly from the pleasant peace and warmth of being submerged in water.
Alec ran a hand rapidly over her face before dropping his fingers to press against the side of her delicate throat. Feeling the steady beat against the callused pad of his fingers seemed to return sanity to him. "Oh God Max, I thought…I thought you…" Unable to speak in his relief Alec pulled Max closer and buried his face in the vulnerable curve between her neck and shoulder. Deep breaths shuddered through his body.
Realising Alec's fright Max relaxed and let him hold her, forgetting her own panic at his sudden actions. "I'm okay. Its alright. I just like to hold my breath under the water sometimes. I'm fine." Max whispered against his damp skin.
Skin.
Oh God.
Alec came to awareness with a start. The sensations overwhelmed him, destroying the remnants of fear and panic. He had never been so aware of every nerve ending in his body before. Max was completely naked in his arms. His face was buried against her neck, his nose inches away from the intoxicating scent of her freshly washed hair. Oh Max… Her soft breath brushed fire across his skin as she spoke reassurances and her breasts were pressed against his naked chest as she sought to comfort him, seemingly unaware of her state of undress.
All of Alec's blood seemed to rush south at once and Alec nearly groaned aloud. His first instinct was to simply push Max off him and try to put as much distance between them as possible before he did something he knew would drive Max away. Fortunately his higher brain functions decided to rejoin him and he realised if he did this then Max would clearly know why. Shit, what is wrong with me! Max is only just getting better, she doesn't need to deal with a hormone driven maniac right now!
Alec gritted his teeth and shifted Max in his arms so she wouldn't notice his uncontrollable arousal. "Alec?" Hearing Max speak his name so innocently caused guilt to wash over him instantly. Jesus, what am I doing?
"Yeah." Alec's voice was harsher than normal as he tried to control his reaction to Max's proximity.
"You okay?" Max asked in a small voice, clearly uncertain as to his mood. Alec closed his eyes at the reminder that Max still wasn't fully recovered. For an instant before, when she yelled at him, he had heard something of the fire and spit that used to define her. Now though she had lapsed back into her normal quiet subdued state. This made Alec feel even more guilty, like he was taking advantage of her simply be holding her like this.
"Fine." He made an attempt to soften his voice for her sake. Max relaxed more at his words and then started wriggling in his hold to try and stand.
"Fuck!" Alec groaned, unable to take it as Max inadvently squirmed against his arousal. He shoved Max to her feet and jumped up even as her eyes widened as she realised her nudity and Alec's reaction.
"Oh!" Max blushed and grabbed a towel, quickly covering herself, unable to believe that she hadn't twigged earlier. What is wrong with me? She cursed to herself, securing the towel.
Alec looked away from Max and ran a hand through his fine brown hair, shame making him hide his eyes from her. "I'll just…" Alec gestured to the door and took a few steps to it. "Sorry about the…um, bath thing…" Again he trailed off and quickly beat an exit out of the bathroom.
Alone Max sank down to sit on the edge of the bath. Her heart was fluttering in her chest and she didn't know if it was fear or…or something else. Max shut down that train of thought quickly as the memory of Logan involuntarily flooded her mind. Tears sprang but didn't fall. Max had cried oceans for Logan. She still cried yet, in the night, when terror took her and made her its own.
Max bit her full lip and tried to focus her mind. She had been weak now for too long. I have to keep it together. Max told herself firmly. Logan would want me to be strong. He would- As hard as Max tried, she could no longer think of Logan without seeing his face. Not his face as it had been in life, but his face as she had last seen it. Max choked on the grief that tried to overwhelm her. Not now!
Standing Max pulled the towel from her body and went to dress in the clothes she had brought into the bathroom with her. The image in the mirror distracted her. Max froze for a moment thinking there was another person in the room with her. Oh God… Max looked at herself. Her body… Max traced the thin scars that decorated her body. Along her torso. Her legs. Her back. They were fading and the worst were nearly gone, only a few remained and even those were pale and faint. Max stared at them. All of her life she had been perfect. Not anymore. Rationally Max knew that even the scars that were still there now would eventually fade. Fade from my body. Max thought, her lips trembling with emotion. But not from me. Never from me. It wasn't the marks themselves that bothered Max but what it represented. The days of physical torture, the suffering, the pain…
Trying to hide the reminders of all that had passed from her eyes, Max pulled on her clothes quickly before turning back to the mirror. Dressed, she almost looked like herself again. A little thinner and paler, and there were shadows in her dark eyes that hadn't been there before. A haunted beauty.
If she tried hard enough Max could almost imagine she was standing in the bathroom of a hotel, babysitting another witness for Eyes Only and waiting to spend the next evening playing chess with Logan. Max closed her eyes tightly, trying to push away the pain that threatened to overwhelm her. No. No, no, no, no… The words repeated in her mind and she tried to protect herself and Max slowly sank to the floor, her eyes unfocusing as she retreated back into herself.
Alec couldn't stop pacing back and forward in the small living room. Shit. Of all the stupid, idiotic… There weren't enough insults to direct at himself and Alec growled to himself in frustration. Max hadn't emerged from the bathroom, although he had heard the sounds of her moving around through the paper thin walls. Why is she still in there? Alec was suddenly gripped with worry. What if she's afraid of me? Oh God, what have I done? Alec was well aware that when it came to Max, he had very little idea about her psychological state after everything she'd been through.
Standing, Alec went over to the bathroom door and knocked tentivly on the thin wood. "Max? Are you okay?" He asked hesitatingly. There was no response and Alec could no longer hear any sounds. "Max?" Alec wanted to just burst in there and see for himself that Max was alright but after before he was afraid of doing more harm than good if Max was indeed afraid of him. There was still no reply to Alec's query and despite himself he knocked again, harder this time. "Max! If you don't answer me I'm coming in!" He warned. Nothing.
Fine. Alec set his jaw and opened the door, thankful at least that there were no locks in any of the rooms in the apartment. Alec saw Max instantly. She was dressed now in jeans and a soft maroon sweater. Max was sitting on the floor of the bathroom, leaning against the wall like she had sunk down with out the strength to remain upright. There was a glazed look of grief on her face.
"Max?" Alec spoke softly, not wanting to startle the fragile looking woman. There was no reaction in Max so Alec walked over to Max and knelt down, gently taking hold of her face in his hands. There was no arousal now as he was overwhelmed with concern and care instead of lust and desire.
"Hey Maxie. You okay?" The clouded glaze that had frosted Max's brown eyes began to fade and she focused on the hazel orbs staring at her.
"Alec?" Her voice was slightly surprised as she saw him standing there. Alec smiled in relief at her response.
"Yeah. Its just me. You kinda zoned out for a bit." Max nodded accepting his explanation. This wasn't the first time it had happened. "What were you doing?" Alec asked cautiously. Max shrugged and pulled away from his hands, standing and walking out of the bathroom as Alec followed her.
"Nothing. Just thinking." Max tried to down play her fugue as she quickly changed the subject. "Why did you come in anyway?" In the warm living room Max curled up in the worn armchair. Alec followed and sat on the sofa opposite.
Alec couldn't help wincing as he tried to think how to address his fears to her. Well now was as good a time as any to see if I permanently damaged our relationship. "I wanted to…that is I just…" Alec trailed off and Max turned to look at him, one expressive eyebrow raised in questioning at his hesitance. Alec sighed and looked at the floor as he spoke. "I wanted to apologise for before. You know the um, stuff before. I didn't mean to frighten you or anything and I just wanted to know that you were okay." Alec got the words out in a rush as he waited for Max's response.
Her response was nothing he expected. A brief echo of laughter filled the small room and Alec looked up in shock to see amusement hovering in Max's dark eyes. She smiled at him sweetly. "You thought you'd frightened me?" Seeing Max's obvious entertainment at the thought, Alec couldn't help but feel slightly ridiculous not to mention indignant that the concept was so far fetched she had actually laughed.
Max laughed. Scratch those other thoughts - who gives a shit! Max laughed! The realisation processed and a wide smile split Alec's face in two. Max's brow furrowed slightly in confusion at the range of emotions passing over Alec's face but the amusement still lingered in her eyes.
"What are you smiling about?" Max asked. Alec shook his head.
"Nothing. I just missed hearing that." Alec couldn't help telling her how good it felt to hear her laugh again. At his words Max's face blushed lightly and she turned her face away from his, pulling her slender legs up, to lock her arms around her knees in a protective position.
Alec bit his lip, realising he had let more emotion slip with his words than he had meant. As if Max couldn't already guess how he felt about her. She wasn't ready, Logan had only been dead for around 4 months. Alec knew this but it must be obvious from the way he acted, she may as well know the truth. "Max." Alec felt hopeless right then. What did he know about talking about love? Logan could write poetry and spend hours telling her sweet nothings but Alec was a solider who had never known love of any kind until he had met Max. "Max-" He was cut off by Max holding up one small hand.
"Don't Alec. Please." The pain on her face was heartbreaking. Alec knew there had always been a physical attraction between them that even Max was aware of. Hell that was why they used to spend so much time fighting. Without Logan they would have probably ended up in bed within the first month of meeting.
"Max-" Alec tried again only to be stopped by Max vigorously shaking her head.
There was a moments silence before Max spoke. "I cant do this now Alec. I'm sorry but I cant-" Max tried to speak but it was so hard to explain how she felt after everything that had happened to her.
Alec lowered his head slightly before answering. "I know Maxie." He looked up at her then. "But your all I have. All I've ever had that's meant anything. I know everything's changed, we've changed. But I'm not going anywhere, just remember that." Alec got up and knelt down in front of Max, gently tracing her face with a light reverent touch.
Max smiled sadly at Alec. She remembered a time when Alec had never treated her like he was afraid that the wrong word or movement could hurt her. A time when they had been equals, partners in protecting other transgenics. She missed that.
"I'm not made of glass Alec, I wont break you know." Max whispered. Alec's face grew serious as she spoke, all his concern and fear showing. Max had broken once already. White had shattered her into so many pieces that Alec had feared she could never be mended.
"I just-" Alec tried to tell her how much she meant to him, without scaring her. Max had given him freedom, she had taught him how to live in the world. She had taught him how to love. "I don't want to lose you again Max. I cant."
"Then don't." A single tear fall from her impossibly large brown eyes and Alec named it Hope. Hope that White wouldn't find them. Hope that Max wouldn't die in his arms as he had promised her. Hope that they could have a future…together.
TBC.