Seeing the Truth
By XellAn-Chan
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Alone again.
I used to think it was what I wanted -being alone- but now I'm not so sure. For a long time, I hid from the past. I was running and getting no where. I didn't want to see any one. There was so much guilt...what had I done to deserve my life? Why hadn't i died too? He could've killed me just as easily, then I wouldn't be suffering.
Why they gave me this job, I'm not sure. I'm certainly not worthy of it. The Claire Bible...in my care? Why trust me so? There are so many uncertainties in my mind. He could come back at any moment and...slaughter me. The thought of that is always there, he hates me and I fear him.
That is my weakness, how I fear. They all know he terrifies me. From the time I was very young, when I first learned of loss like the one he spawned, I have been afraid. He could toy with me, play some game of cat and mouse. I would be at his mercy. That is what scares me the most.
They came to me recently, those strange humans, looking for the Claire Bible. I wouldn't have shown any of them, but he was with them and he insisted I show the girl. I showed her. What else could i have done? Nothing; he would've killed me without a second thought.
The Demon Dragon King...the Hellmaster...a monster...I don't really remember much about it; it all happened so fast. I do remember a lot of healing on my behalf -the youngest girl nearly died- for I was the one most aware of what could happen if any of the Mazoku succeeded. It would be far worse than the war ever was.
It pleased me to see him suffer at the hands of Demon Dragon King Gaav. I would have loved to watch him die, but then I remembered what it was like to see death. There was nothing pleasant about it. I was almost relieved to see him escape, for it angers me to see some one die an unfair death, to die for reasons they cannot control. To die the way all my people did at his hands. He -like every other being- just wanted to live. I could understand that.
Hellmaster made short work of Gaav then disappeared with the swordsman. I knew I was no longer needed, so I made my exit then too. Part of me wanted to follow along and help them. Part of me wanted to be alone like always. The solitary part won over the heroic part.
But now, for some reason, solitude has become my enemy. I saw some very noble things during that battle, noble even on the part of the monster. He had put his life on the line for mere mortals. And I? I had left like a coward for the second time in my life.
I have too much time to think. Far too much time. i blame myself for everything, feel less than adequate in all that I do. I wish they had stayed for a little longer at least...I had smiled a few times in their company and I am not quick to smile.
The wind whips my golden hair into my eyes and I push it away. Sighing, I look at the sunset before me. I'm perched on a rock, my knees drawn up to my chest, thinking yet again. My own words echo through my mind: "Try to see the truth with your own eyes..." I evade the truth. I am false to myself. That's why I'm alone.
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AN: this is my first all-Milgasia fic. how many of you actaully caught that? i love Milgasia and think he doens't get enough credit. that's why i'm president of the Milgasia Fan Club(MFC). strange that i'm so fascinated with Xellos while also being so obsessed with some one who hates his guts, ne?
By XellAn-Chan
-------------------------------
Alone again.
I used to think it was what I wanted -being alone- but now I'm not so sure. For a long time, I hid from the past. I was running and getting no where. I didn't want to see any one. There was so much guilt...what had I done to deserve my life? Why hadn't i died too? He could've killed me just as easily, then I wouldn't be suffering.
Why they gave me this job, I'm not sure. I'm certainly not worthy of it. The Claire Bible...in my care? Why trust me so? There are so many uncertainties in my mind. He could come back at any moment and...slaughter me. The thought of that is always there, he hates me and I fear him.
That is my weakness, how I fear. They all know he terrifies me. From the time I was very young, when I first learned of loss like the one he spawned, I have been afraid. He could toy with me, play some game of cat and mouse. I would be at his mercy. That is what scares me the most.
They came to me recently, those strange humans, looking for the Claire Bible. I wouldn't have shown any of them, but he was with them and he insisted I show the girl. I showed her. What else could i have done? Nothing; he would've killed me without a second thought.
The Demon Dragon King...the Hellmaster...a monster...I don't really remember much about it; it all happened so fast. I do remember a lot of healing on my behalf -the youngest girl nearly died- for I was the one most aware of what could happen if any of the Mazoku succeeded. It would be far worse than the war ever was.
It pleased me to see him suffer at the hands of Demon Dragon King Gaav. I would have loved to watch him die, but then I remembered what it was like to see death. There was nothing pleasant about it. I was almost relieved to see him escape, for it angers me to see some one die an unfair death, to die for reasons they cannot control. To die the way all my people did at his hands. He -like every other being- just wanted to live. I could understand that.
Hellmaster made short work of Gaav then disappeared with the swordsman. I knew I was no longer needed, so I made my exit then too. Part of me wanted to follow along and help them. Part of me wanted to be alone like always. The solitary part won over the heroic part.
But now, for some reason, solitude has become my enemy. I saw some very noble things during that battle, noble even on the part of the monster. He had put his life on the line for mere mortals. And I? I had left like a coward for the second time in my life.
I have too much time to think. Far too much time. i blame myself for everything, feel less than adequate in all that I do. I wish they had stayed for a little longer at least...I had smiled a few times in their company and I am not quick to smile.
The wind whips my golden hair into my eyes and I push it away. Sighing, I look at the sunset before me. I'm perched on a rock, my knees drawn up to my chest, thinking yet again. My own words echo through my mind: "Try to see the truth with your own eyes..." I evade the truth. I am false to myself. That's why I'm alone.
-------------------------------
AN: this is my first all-Milgasia fic. how many of you actaully caught that? i love Milgasia and think he doens't get enough credit. that's why i'm president of the Milgasia Fan Club(MFC). strange that i'm so fascinated with Xellos while also being so obsessed with some one who hates his guts, ne?