In the Name of Love

By Tales of Spike

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer except for a certain bleach blonde vampire in my very best dreams. Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN and lots of other people own him the rest of the time, and all the others too. I didn't write the dialogue for Buffy dumping Spike. I couldn't make up anything that would make those blue eyes that miserable. It's all Douglas Petrie's fault.

Thank you again to Joan the English chick and www.psyche.kn-bremen.de for transcripts. I sort of regret to say that I have now seen "As You Were" but transcripts still help, especially with any bits that might vaguely refer to "Hell's Bells".

Thanks again for all the reviews. It's good to know that someone's still reading this, even second time round.

Anyone who wants to be notified when the chapters are posted up, just let me know your email and I'll add you to the list.

Chapter 5

Spike stood in the middle of what had once been his home and surveyed the wreckage. The area was strewn with rubble, and a layer of soot covered much of the room. At first glance it appeared that none of his furniture or possessions had survived the blast in tact.

He pushed a bit of the rubble aside with his foot, and then realising it just wasn't going to make the least bit of difference he sighed and gave up.

He recognised her perfume before she got anywhere near him, and he kept his gaze on the floor, refusing to let her see how much he was hurt. This was her cue to tell him she was leaving him for Captain Cardboard.

"So she's back. Thought you'd be off snoggin' with soldier boy."

"He's gone."

"So, you come for a bit of cold comfort?" The smallest flicker of hope was there on his face as he met her eyes, but even that wasn't enough to keep the misery from his voice when he continued. "The bed's a bit blown up, but then, that was never our-."

"I'm not here to-." The shadows of his face hid his eyes, but his pain was evident.

"And I'm not here to bust your chops about your stupid scheme, either. That's just you. I should have remembered."

"So this is worse then, is it, this is you telling me-."

"It's over."

"I've memorised this tune, love. Think I have the sheet music. Doesn't change what you want." He moved through the steps of their dance as he had so often before, but this time he knew the ending would be different. The confidence that normally permeated his words and gestures was absent. The man who had told her that he may be dirt but she liked to roll in it had been stripped of his pride.

"I know that." He watched her face. "I do want you." With every phrase she seemed to gain strength. "Being with you – makes things… simpler... for a little while."

"I don't call five hours straight a little while." He automatically used humour as a defence, his voice trembling.

"I'm using you… I can't love you. I'm just… being weak and selfish…"

"Really not complaining here." He begged for whatever crumbs she might offer.

"… And it's killing me." His brows furrowed and his eyes showed even more pain. The idea that she was suffering because of their relationship hurt him even more than his pain at losing her.

"I have to be strong about this. I'm sorry… William."

As she turned and left what really tore his heart out was the fact that rejecting him seemed to make her more whole. For the first time since she came back from the grave she seemed content within herself. He saw her heart and her strength, and she treated him like a man. Even as she destroyed him he fell just a little bit more in love with her.

* * * * *

Spike waited until she was out of sight to slide to the floor. He sat for several minutes, his forearms resting on his upraised knees, his forehead resting on his forearms. He didn't cry. He'd done all the crying he was going to do last night. He'd known last night that it was over, for now. He just sat for a few minutes until he felt up to doing what he came here to do.

When he rose from the ground William was gone for now. Emotion and sensitivity weren't going to help him now. He made his way to where his television set still stood. There was no apparent damage, but he didn't bother to check whether it worked or not. He didn't have time for Passions today. Instead he looked first on top of the set, and when there was nothing there he started searching the floor round about it. He picked a piece of card up off the floor, and looked to check it was what he wanted. "Bollocks!" he said as he read it for the first time before storing it in his pocket.

He then opened up the sarcophagus and rummaging below the discoloured skeleton that lay there, he pulled out a small cash box. It occurred to him that the key was now lost somewhere in the rubble downstairs and he swore before he forcibly pulled the lid back. The notes from the box were quickly stuffed into his coat pocket. The photographs that lined the bottom of the box he left inside. He closed the lid as best he could and then replaced it back under the human remains, before he reconsidered and pulled out one photo from the box.

He grabbed the blanket from the floor, ready to make a run for the nearest sewer entrance and refused to allow himself to be distracted by the scents of Buffy's perfume and last night's love-making which still permeated the fabric.

He silently cursed himself for not caving in and buying a cell-phone before now and tried to figure out how to best get to a phone-box. Eventually, he decided just to get to a mall as quickly as he could. He would get a phone there and that meant he could just head straight for the car with no detours.

His choice of shopping facilities was limited by the fact he had to avoid anywhere with skylights or glass atriums. Nevertheless, he thought if he used the underground parking and stayed away from the upper floors of the shopping centre he could get what he wanted without turning into a charcoal briquette.

It was an hour later by the time he finally phoned Tara. He wasn't sure if it was fortunate or not that he got her answering machine. It did save him from answering any awkward questions.

"Hi Tinkerbell! It's Spike. I need a favour. I want you to do a spell for me. Needn't worry, I haven't taken any hostages this time.

I need you to do a protection spell. It's probably best if you cover all the Scoobies, but especially you and Buff and the Bit. Use the best one you can get. If I haven't already spoken to her, tell demon-girl I'll cover the cost of any ingredients or whatnot when I get back, but don't tell her what they're for. She's already got her knickers in enough of a twist with the wedding coming up. Tell her your doing some sort of blessing or something. I should be around for the wedding but if I'm not don't panic. Take care."

One down.

He dialled the next number and prayed it wouldn't be Buffy who picked up the phone.

"Magic Box, for all your magical needs."

"Hi pet, it's Spike –."

"If you want to speak to Buffy she's in back but-."

"No, pet, it was you I need to speak to. The thing is- well actually there's three things. First of all I told Glinda if she needed some stuff that I would settle up with you when I see you. Is that all right?"

"Well what exactly are we talking about. I mean is it going to be a lot? -"

"I don't know, pet. She wasn't in when I rang. I just told her to get whatever she would need, books ingredients, whatever. You have my word I'll square up with you when I get back to town."

"Back… where are you Spike?"

"Why… are you going to miss me? Want to ditch Harris and come along for the ride? Can't say as I'd complain. Always thought you were far too hot a lady to be wasted on a bricklayer."

"Spike. It would make it easier to justify extending you credit if you weren't insulting my fiancé." Anya's tone suggested he got to the point.

"At the minute I'm at a phone-box in the mall but I'm heading off soon as I see The 'Bit, which brings me to the next thing. Do you know if your intended is picking her up from school today, 'cos if he is you can tell him he's got the day off."

"I think he was going to get her."

"Well let him know that I'll take school bus duty. I don't want to head out of town without making sure she knows I'm coming back, especially if she sees the state my place is in."

"Okay… what happened to your place?"

"Nothing much, little farewell party. You know what gatecrashers are like…"

"Look anyway just tell your beloved that he doesn't need to swing by the school. Last thing, have you got the librarian's phone number? I need to speak to him about some stuff."

"Spike, this is all very strange. What are you up to? -"

"Don't you start. Just because I've got things to do doesn't mean I've got some evil plan afoot. Look there's some loose ends from back when I was with Dru. I've got to get them sorted out and that's as much as I'm going to tell you."

"Fine. It's Bath 373 4624, but why I'm telling you I don't know."

"Sorry, pet, that's as much as I can tell you. Anyway us ex-'Big Bad's have to stick together. I'll see you Saturday. Don't think I'll miss a chance to claim a snog from the bride."

"I have to go anyway. There's a real customer here. One who pays for the goods when they get them."

Spike smiled quietly to himself. He really didn't know if she was serious or joking.

Two down.

Eight hours ahead, so half past two in the afternoon means half past ten at night there.

"Bath 373 4624."

"Giles?" Spike dropped his normal accent, speaking instead in the more cultured tones he'd used in his youth.

"Yes, who's calling?"

It suddenly occurred to Spike that if his suspicions were correct then there was every chance that Giles' phone could be tapped.

"It's Randy." Spike hoped Giles would realise what he was up to. "I was just ringing to say that I've got those things for you. I'll FedEx them down to you but with your duties I expect you wouldn't be home to sign for any packages, so I thought you could possibly pick them up from the depot, if you could be so kind as to tell me which one would be most convenient."

"R-randy, right there's one in Bath city centre, I b-believe. Ehm." Spike imagined Giles cleaning his glasses. "H-how is everyone up there? All okay?"

"Everyone's fine… as far as I'm aware. Well Rupert I really must go. I don't want to keep you from your cocoa. If I get down south any time soon I'll treat you to afternoon tea at the Ritz."

Spike had to go back to the mall again to buy some stationery to send his message to Giles. He explained his suspicions and asked him to check up on a couple of things. He gave him his cell-phone number. He also put a cell-phone with a generous amount of prepaid credit in the parcel. Once everything was all wrapped up he took it straight to the FedEx office. He wanted to hear back as soon as possible. He had also included the number for the phone he was going to leave with Dawn and instructions on where in the crypt to find another cash box, larger than the one he'd raided this morning. This one contained some money, but also a number of bank account passbooks. By tomorrow Giles would have the passwords for the accounts.

It had occurred to Spike that had Buffy not been there last night the odds were better than even he wouldn't be here now. If the kid had just found Spike with the eggs and no witnesses… who knows? Someone had set him up and they were very possibly playing for keeps. He was going to have to wait at least another eight or nine hours before he could even try to find out who it was.

He headed back to the crypt to pack. He was pleased to discover that the drawers had at least partially withstood the blast, protecting some of his clothing a bit. He found the particular piece he was looking for and got changed. The rest of his clothes he pushed into a duffle bag and lastly he picked up his duster folding it over one arm. He felt almost incomplete as he ran back to the car without it billowing behind him, his shoulders far too light without its weight on them, but that was the point, wasn't it?

He pulled up outside the school with ten minutes to spare, making sure to park so that he could open the passenger door without any sunlight hitting his side of the interior. When he saw Dawn approaching the parking lot he honked on his car horn and flung open the passenger door. Dawn rolled her eyes before coming over and throwing herself into the car.

"Jeez, and who taught you manners? Does every girl you meet just come running when you honk?"

"That would be my mother, but they didn't stick. And no," his voice softened, "not all of them. I figured you'd make allowances for me not getting out to open the door for you due to my inherent combustibility… that and the last time I tried to open a door for your sister I got a mouthful of abuse."

He waited while a few of the cars pulled out and then swerved quickly into a gap which appeared. Dawn gripped the door handle to avoid sliding along the bench seat.

"Not that I'm not grateful, but I doubt you got the monster out of mothballs just to pick me up from school, so what gives?"

Spike decided that this was a good time to concentrate on the road, but even staring fixedly ahead he was aware of Dawn's glare.

"I'm coming back, Bit." He tried to ward off potential misunderstandings. "I'm getting out of town for a while. I wanted to say goodbye and I wanted to give you something to look after till I come back." Spike kept darting glances at Dawn's face as he spoke, trying to gauge her reaction. "I don't know how long I'm going to be gone. I might have to make a couple of trips." He pulled over to the side of the road so that he could give her his full attention.

Dawn looked somewhere between pissed off and deeply hurt. Tears began to well up in her eyes.

"You're just like all the rest. Why should I care if you go? It's not as if you care. You don't come round anymore, or at least you don't come in. You hang around in the yard chain smoking to catch a glimpse of Buffy, but you can't come in and actually see me. Do you think I don't know where the heaps of cigarette butts come from? I'm not an idiot. Four and a half months she was dead and you were all Big Brother. Have to go to school. That's what Buffy would want. Have to do this. That's what Buffy would want, but you never gave a damn about me, did you? You just pretended you cared because that's what Buffy would want. The second she came back, you just stopped coming round. So you tell me why should I care if you leave?"

Spike was dumbstruck by her outburst. 'Bitty Buffy indeed,' he thought. 'If something hurts lash out.'

She grabbed for the door handle and had her door halfway open before Spike could make a grab for her wrist.

"Ow, let go, you peroxide freak, or I'll scream."

He reduced the pressure on her arm but didn't let her go. He pulled her along the seat towards him away from the sunlight coming through the open door, and when she was close enough he pulled her into a hug, one hand cradling her head. Then the tears came, and just like when she'd lost Buffy, he didn't try to calm her or quiet her, he let her cry as long as she wanted. He just held her and talked quietly to her.

"You're right, love. I deserved that, or most of it at any rate. I do love you, Niblet. I'm in love with your sister, but I love you and I loved your mum. There isn't a Summers woman that I can resist. I'm pathetic, one look from any of you and I'm mush.

I don't want to leave but there's things I have to do. I'm really sorry that it has to be now. I know I haven't been around so much but things are sort of complicated with me and your sister. Imagine there was some guy that really liked you, but you thought he was an irritating wanker, and every time you come in from school, there he is sitting on the couch watching TV with Buffy. You wouldn't be too happy."

Dawn sniffled and gave a half smile. "I think you're an irritating wanker sometimes, but I like you just the same."

"Yeah, well your sister only ever got a hang of the first bit, so when it comes to her home, I try not to overstep the boundaries too much. She kind of made it plain that I should have an invite before I come round… and before you say anything, she's got a perfect right to expect peace in her own house."

"But I want to see you."

"And that's why when I'm back I'll try to work something out with Big Sis, where you come to visit me. But it'll have to wait till I get back."

"How do I know you're coming back? Maybe once you get to where you're going you'll decide to stay, or you'll meet someone who doesn't think you're an irritating wanker."

"Well, the places are concerned, bin there, there and there: done that, that and that: got all the T-shirts. As to the other, fat chance but if it were to happen I'd just have to bring them here."

"Yeah, right, so you're going to meet some other woman and bring her here to wave her under Buffy's nose?"

"Think it'd work?" He sat back and flashed Dawn his patented smirk.

"We're talking Buffy here, she'd probably throw you a parade, as long as you don't chain up the new one and threaten to kill Buffy for her. The girl has no taste."

"Thanks, and being reminded of my stupidest mistakes always makes me feel better… but seriously, you'll know I'm coming back 1) because I promised Buffy I'd look after you and that promise was given until the end of time 2) when I was talking to your mum last night-." Spike noticed the bemused expression on Dawn's face. "What? She never minded listening to me before, I don't figure she minds now. She doesn't give me any advice anymore, but hey… can't have everything. Try it sometime, in daylight.

Anyway, I promised your mum I'd make sure I spent some time with you on a regular basis and 3) I'm going to have to come back because you're going to be looking after my duster." He pulled it from the back seat and deposited it on her lap.

"4) If you check the left pocket you'll find a cell-phone, and using that you can ring this cell-phone." He indicated a cell-phone currently connected to the car's lighter socket. "If you need me, you call, and wherever I am, whatever I am doing I will drop it and I will come straight back. Have you got that?"

"Got it!" She grinned and started experimenting with the buttons without success.

"Right, the instructions and the charger and the number for this one's in the box in the glove compartment, help yourself. It's supposed to charge for about ten hours before you can use it the first time. There's quite a bit of credit on there already, but there's a chance I'll be overseas some of the time, if I can swing it, so don't use all the credit sending messages to Janice. If you do need to phone me it might cost a bomb, which is why you use that and not the phone at home."

He produced a cloth handkerchief from his jacket and proceeded to wipe the last few tears from her face.

"I reckon this is going to cost me a couple of ice-creams now, 'cos if I take you back with red eyes Big Sis will leave the Big Bad black and blue… you have to stand in the queue though. Now shut the door."

As they both sat in the car finishing their ice creams some time later Spike asked, "So are we good?"

"We are officially of the good."

"Okay, time to take you home then." He turned the car in the direction of Revello Drive.

"Spike, what about the wedding?"

"Honestly, pet, it depends on how fast I can get hold of the paperwork I'm going to need to get on a plane for Europe. If it turns out I'd be hanging around waiting while someone knocks it all together then I'll be there. If I'm still trying to find someone who can do it or if I get it and can make a start on sorting stuff out, then no. Look, I'll send you a message every day saying where I am.

Now, do me a favour when you get in, and phone grand-papa and give him a reason not to stake me on sight when I get to LA. I don't think having him tortured made me very popular the last time I was in town."

"You do know how to win friends and influence people, don't you?"

"You tell me. You're the closest thing to a friend I've got."

The car pulled up at the kerb outside Dawn's house. To Spike's surprise Dawn kissed him on the cheek before scrambling out of the car clutching the box of phone accessories and his duster. She bent down to get in a final word.

"By the way, Spike, the new jacket's pretty cool, but it's not a patch on this."

He smirked back at her. "I know, love. Wouldn't be much point leaving it otherwise." As he recalled her sister hadn't liked the new one much either.

End of Chapter 5

Next chapter: Spike heads for LA

Spike/Angel plus Spike/Lorne

And how did he meet the girl he took to the wedding from hell?

Super long chapter and the quicker the reviews come in, the quicker I'll post it up.