In the Name of Love
By Tales of Spike
Spoilers: So far, story started just prior to "As You Were" and has gone from there to the end of "Hell's Bells". It is now about to go AU, so basically "Normal Again" hasn't happened and won't.
Disclaimer:
Spike: Right so, this bloke Joss Whedon, the one who made us up. You say it's his fault that you've been a right royal bitch for the last year?
Buffy: Well, him, and the people at Mutant Enemy, and the UPN guys and whoever else threw enough money at them.
Spike: But if we use your logic, then the only reason I'm me is 'cos of them too.
Buffy: Well… duh.
Spike: But who would create the masterpiece that is me, and then put me in a situation like... well, where we are. I mean, I know it's supposed to be a Hellmouth, but it's still California. We should get to have some fun.
Buffy: Mmh. Conceited much?
Spike: (Eyebrow raised) Well even that Joss bloke said I was the best you'd ever had.
Buffy: No, he just made you think that you were the best I'd ever had.
Spike: Look me straight in the eye and deny it, Slayer!
Buffy: (Blushing) N-n-No! R-R-Riley was… (Desperate) A-Angel?
Spike: Did you know you stutter when you lie? … Bad little girls who tell lies have to beg forgiveness. I think it's time you had a nice long Spike refresher course so you can see the error of your ways.
Buffy: No. Joss says I'm not allowed to do that with you any more. I'm a good little martyr now. Besides the actress that plays me costs too much for them to keep having her take her clothes off. Your actor's cheap.
Spike: That would explain why I suddenly went from sleeping with all my clothes on in series 4 to being bollock naked most of the time. (leading Buffy off by the hand towards the nearest thing which could be remotely described as cover) But this isn't the TV show; this is just a story, so we don't need your actress, and that Joss bloke'll never know, well, not if you can keep the volume down a bit…
A/N: Okay, I guess NeverMindDaria and faerie babee aren't the only two people to still be reading after chapter 3. I wasn't too sure for about three chapters there. It's hard to gauge how many people might be reading especially since this is a repost. It's easy to convince yourself that 99% of the people who would want to read it probably caught it first time round.
Dedication:
To Sarr Chasm : Of course repeat reviews aren't a nuisance. How else do I know that anybody read past Chapter 3?
Chapter 8As soon as they were clear of the reception hall, Spike regretted his curtness. "I'm sorry, pet." He patted down his pockets until he found his lighter and cigarettes. "I guess it's just too soon for me and her to be in the same room." He drew deeply on his cigarette as soon as it was lit, then exhaled in a long white sigh. "Come on, I'll take you back to the motel and you can sort out with your sis what you want to do for the rest of the day."
The ride back to the beach was uncomfortably quiet; the loudest sounds the pounding of the rain on the car roof and the rhythmic squeak of the windscreen wipers. When the car pulled up at their destination Spike made a final effort. "I'll just go get changed. Have a chat with your sister.
Hanging around the beach isn't going to be up to much in this weather. There's one halfway decent club in town if you fancy going tonight. There'll probably be a live band on, but to be honest it won't be up to much compared with the choice you'd have in LA. So it's up to you whether you try to stick it out and see if you can get some decent weather tomorrow morning or go back to LA now and you can hit the Strip tonight.
Just give me a knock when you've worked out what you fancy doin'"
He got out of the car and walked round it, shoulders slumped, to his room. When he reached the door he turned back to where the girl was struggling with her door key. He made an obvious effort to come up with a half-smile. "Don't worry, I promise not to spend too long being a misery guts and if you two want to go out alone that's fine too."
He opened his door and once he was in sort of fell against it to shut it, leaning there for several seconds before starting to strip off his rain soaked clothing. Once he was naked he decided he might as well have a shower while he had the chance because once he took the girls back to LA he really should either get back to the crypt or find himself somewhere new to call home. He stood under the steaming hot spray, water running down his body and tried to wash the feeling of numb helplessness out of his system with lemon scented shower gel. He was surprised by the extent to which it worked. By the time he left the shower cubicle he certainly wasn't full of the joys of spring but the numb feeling had gone and he felt able to poke fun at himself for moping around. He was still dressed just in a towel; cigarette dangling from his lips in a Bogartesque fashion when there was a knock at his room door.
"C'm'in!" he called through the cigarette.
"Hi!" It was the second sister. "Jane's just finishing up packing. We decided that it probably wasn't worth hanging round on the off-chance of better weather, so if you don't mind driving back up this afternoon we might as well head for home."
"Sure, give me ten minutes, and we can hit the road."
The trip back to LA was amicable enough, but the group just couldn't seem to recapture the exuberance of the drive to Sunnydale, and Spike didn't have the heart to prolong the evening when he dropped the women off at Jane's home.
He did a U-turn outside the apartment block and headed back to the Hellmouth. It seemed to him that if the slayer and her groupies were otherwise occupied for the evening, then it just meant all the more for him to do.
When he finally made it back to his motel room for the night, he had a black eye and a couple of cracked ribs. However a spot of therapeutic violence had at least taken his mind off things for a time and he fell into a deep sleep almost as soon as he collapsed on the bed still fully clothed.
* * * * *
The next morning dawned equally dull and overcast and Spike packed his things back into the car, deciding it was time to check out of the motel and see what if anything could be salvaged of his former home. He also decided it was time he tried to make a start on sorting things out with Buffy. Making the decision of course didn't make it any easier to take the first step, and he actually cleared a fair amount of rubble from his crypt to the tunnels which ran underneath before he willed himself into make the phone call he'd been dreading.
"Hello. Summers residence." The voice was Dawn's, but the tone was more subdued than he had expected.
"Hey, Niblet. You don't sound so good this morning. You didn't overdo the champagne did you?"
"You don't know? Xander did a disappearing act. The wedding never happened… Spike?"
"Sorry, pet. You actually did the impossible and stunned me into silence. Seems like the guy just threw away the only thing he had going for him. How's Anya?"
"Total wipe-out. She was just sort of left stranded in the wreckage of the whole thing, and she didn't want any of us to stay with her. She was so happy and then it was all cut out from under her."
"Yeah?" Been there. Done that. "Anyway, I was actually calling to see if your sister was about." Just to see if you can give her the chance to do the same again. "Maybe now's not a good time."
"I'll give her a shout. BUFFY… PHONE."
He could hear Buffy's muffled reply in the background. "Is it Anya or Xander?"
"Spike"
"Oh", Spike could hear the disappointment in her voice. He desperately wanted to hang up but knew he couldn't.
"Hello, Spike."
"Sorry to be a disappointment."
Buffy sighed. "It's just a bad time…"
"Lately it doesn't seem like there are any good ones."
"So what's the problem, some nasty get a piece of the Big Bad?"
"Actually, yeah, but I didn't think you'd care. I'd like to meet up at the Bronze or one of the coffee places sometime in the next couple of days. I wa-."
He heard her make a sharp intake of breath when he said she wouldn't care, and knew he'd made a mistake, which would probably set the tone of the remaining conversation.
"I wouldn't meet you when… That just sounds too much like a date."
"Bloody Hell, woman! It's an appointment, not a date. You don't want me at the house. I can't have you at the crypt. I need to talk to you about Dawn and I thought somewhere public would be best."
"And that's all you want to talk about?"
"No, it's not bloody well all I want to talk about. You march into … well, less said about that the better, but you come in with everything you want to say all prepared, and you're gone before a guy can get his head straight. Yeah, I've got some stuff I want to say, but the only thing I need to talk to you about is Dawn. Okay?"
"Why don't I just come to your place?"
"Because…" Spike hesitated torn between telling her the truth, that he didn't know if it was safe there, and just telling her she wasn't welcome. He smiled a sly smile. "You just can't. Right. I don't want any of you round here. Not you, not the munchkin, nobody."
"Spike. You say things like that and it just makes me more determined to come over and see what you're hiding."
"If you do, you won't find much different from how you left it, except the dead bits smell a lot worse.
Look, you must have a key for the magic shop so you can use the training room when it's shut, so how about I take the tunnels and meet you there. If you don't like what I have to say, go ahead, poke around. It's not like you could make the place any worse. But if you must I'll take you through the tunnels so no one sees you. Be there in a bit… love." Spike switched off his phone, and headed out through the tunnels, singing quietly to himself as he went.
"Spike? SPIKE?" Buffy slammed down the receiver. If it had been anyone else she would probably have used *69 but it never even occurred to her that Spike might have his own phone. She just assumed it was a call box. So she was left with three options. She ignored him, which would put him in a mood, and mean that there was more of a chance that things would get physical when they did meet, or possibly prompt him to come to the house. She could go to his crypt and have a look to see what he was trying to hide, but then what was it Tara had said about him lying? So, she abandoned her pyjamas and got ready to go out. She deliberately picked out some baggy sweats. If she went to the shop she night as well train. Then she cursed herself as she realised how much care she'd taken over her hair and make-up. She made her way to the magic shop, muttering under her breath.
* * * * *
When she got there, she looked through the window before she approached the door. Spike was behind the counter. She watched as he tilted the cash register back exposing its underside. He seemed to feel for a catch or something, then the till drawer popped open. Knowing that Anya emptied the register every night, she watched to see his face at finding the drawer empty. She was more than a little surprised when he took a piece of paper from the counter wrapped it around something he took from his pocket and put it in the drawer before closing it. It was only then that she remembered what Tara had said about spell ingredients. She wondered what it meant that she was always prepared to think the worst of him. He moved out from the counter to take a seat on the stairs leading down from the loft area. Buffy waited outside the door for a few minutes before she entered the shop.
"You know Anya doesn't like you smoking in here."
"I haven't set fire to anything, yet, and I doubt she's going to be in here tomorrow like it's business as usual. It doesn't work that way when someone you care about ditches you like last week's trash." He sighed. "Sorry. I hoped that we could manage a proper conversation, and then it's me that goes off it at the first thing you say. Can we start again?"
She half smiled. "Hi, Spike."
"Hi, pet. D'you mind if we talk about the Niblet first? That way if we can't keep our tempers under control then we've at least sorted out the stuff about her."
"Okay, why don't you want her around your crypt?"
"Same reason I don't want you or anybody else there, and that's all to do with what I want to leave till later, pet. What I want to talk to you about is that muck up at your birthday party. Dawn's spending too much time fending for herself." When he saw her look he proceeded quickly before she could interrupt. "I know you can't help most of it. You have things that have to be done. What I'm getting at is I'd like to be there for her more. When you were… indisposed I was round there practically every day. I miss her and I know she misses me. You said the other night you wouldn't betray her by letting me in the house. She sees it a bit different. She noticed the fag ends. She feels betrayed because I wait outside for you rather than going in and spending time with her."
"I'm not having you hanging round the house all the time."
"The way things are, love, it's the last thing I want. I told you months ago that I can't do the friend bit. I meant it. My original plan was to see if she could come straight to mine from school and I could help her with her homework and stuff, maybe get her… Anyway that idea's no good any more, but maybe a couple of nights a week I could take her out to a movie or something. Sort out some sort of regular thing so she knows where she stands, or at least regular when I get back."
"Well I must admit I preferred the idea of helping her with homework to the idea of the two of you in a cinema."
"Hey, you make that sound as if… You know there's only one Summers I'm interested in like that."
"Why don't you come to our place, you could leave when I get in from work."
"Can't. It has to be public, the busier the better."
"What's all this about? Why not here? You can use the tunnels and it's near the school, and you can walk her back when it's time."
Spike considered. "I think it's workable. If I take her out through the tunnels it should do."
"Tell me what on earth has got you this paranoid?"
"Didn't anybody ever tell you that it's not paranoia if they really are out to get you?" Spike smirked, unable to resist taunting her.
"Just spill. I've had enough of the pre-show."
"Okay, but only if you promise to think seriously about the two of us while I'm away."
"There is no two of us. I told you that. Why can't you take no for an answer?" She looked frustrated and almost tearful.
Spike reached out and took her chin in his hand, forcing her to look into his eyes. He let his feelings show there. "'Cos I love you, Slayer, and I've thought through where things went wrong before and I think if we made a fresh start we could do it right this time.
I know you don't love me, but I think if you let yourself get to know me, I think you could. I want a chance to start over totally fresh, just start by having coffee, or going to a movie, or going to see a band at the Bronze. I want to learn all the little things like what your favourite movie is and whether you like your popcorn sweet or salty.
I want to walk you home after a date and share a goodnight kiss on the doorstep. I want to go back to the beginning and get everything in the right order, starting with making it common knowledge we're dating, so that next year I'm not still carrying your birthday present round with me a month after its been and gone."
"Spike, I can't, there's just no way."
"Think of this, Slayer. I love you. I want you to be happy even if it means I'm miserable. If I thought you'd be happier alone or with someone else then I would stay the hell away from you, but I happen to believe that, warped as it may seem, we're meant to be together. Until your ex turned up the other night I thought you might believe it as well.
If you're prepared to think through what I'm going to tell you with an open mind and give what we could have a chance then fine. If you've already decided I'm too much of a monster for you to ever love and I've decided we can't be friends then we haven't got anything else to say to each other. You can either stay the hell out of my life or stake me now. It's up to you, love, but be aware as long as I'm still walking the earth, I'm coming back to Sunnydale, and I'm staying as long as Dawn's here. I won't go away like the others and make it easy for you to forget me. And every time we run into each other you'll wonder whether you were so scared of what other people think that you rejected the only man who loved you for everything you are. You'll always wonder what might have happened if you had taken the risk."
He released his hold on her chin.
"It's up to you, love."
End of Chapter 8