In the Name of Love
By Tales of Spike
Spoilers: Story started just prior to As You Were and runs through to the end of Hells Bells. From there on the story goes AU, so Normal Again, Entropy etc haven't happened and won't. For purposes of Angel characters, assumed Cordelia and Groo still on holiday and Connor is still living with Angel at the Hyperion, just because it makes my life simpler.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
A/N: This chapter's a bit quiet, but there should be more happening in the next one.
Feedback: I'd really like feedback, I get all insecure without it and start to think no one's reading this crap I produce, so bring it on at Sandy.Osborne@blueyonder.co.uk.
Chapter 13
Buffy was surprised to find that Willow and Dawn were still up when she got back home.
"Isn't it way past someone's bedtime?" she said to Dawn, but her tone was light rather than stern.
"Yeah, like the amount you would say over the phone was going to put my mind to rest enough for me to sleep!"
"Dawn said Spike was in some sort of trouble. Is he going to be okay?" Willow's question was asked quietly.
Buffy gave a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "He's done alright for the last hundred and forty some years. I'm sure he'll get through." She passed the duster to Dawn. "The phone's back in the pocket. I think I heard your first message come through a couple of hours back."
Dawn busied herself finding the phone and checking. ""Back on the road again. Miss you both." Aww. Does this mean you actually gave him permission to be nice to you in public, or that he just doesn't care if you kick his ass when he gets back?"
"A bit of both, I suppose."
"Go on. I think I deserve more information." Dawn gave her sister a metaphorical push.
Willow, sensing that there was more to this conversation than she knew, started heading toward the door. "I'll just… em… sleepy now." She pointed upwards.
"Wait, Willow, I think it's probably easier to do this once rather than twice." She took a deep breath. "Spike's probably going to be away for some time. He's in some pretty serious trouble and it could take a while to sort it out. We've agreed that when he does get back, we're going to try dating."
"Congratulations." Willow watched her friend who in turn was watching her own reaction. "This is a congratulations type thing, isn't it?"
"Yeah." Buffy replied contemplatively. "I think it is."
"Took you long enough to work it out, though." Replied Dawn with all the tact you can expect from a little sister.
"Any word from Anya or Xander? I think we need a Scooby meeting about what's happening, say over here tomorrow night. In the mean time, Dawn, don't wear the coat outside the house and no one go near his crypt or his car. I'll explain why tomorrow, or should I say, later today. Which reminds me. Bedtime. Go. It's hard enough getting you out in time for school when you have had enough sleep."
Dawn moved for the stairs, knowing she'd get no further information from Buffy that night. Buffy fell in next to Willow as she too headed upstairs. "Hey, Will, I know I've sort of sprung it on you with no warning, but you're okay about Spike and me, right?"
"If you are? Everybody's known for ages how he feels about you. And he's been really good with the patrolling and looking after Dawn and everything even when you weren't here. I mean, when we thought the 'bot was you I thought you'd gone insane, but now I think he might really have changed. But you're probably in the best position to judge, so if it's okay with you, then it's fine by me." She treated Buffy to a Willow grin. "I guess you're not so over the bad-boy thing as you thought."
* * * * *
As Buffy had suspected, neither Anya nor Xander were available for the meeting that evening, so she stuck to bringing everyone up to date as to what was happening.
"Isn't there anything we can do to help. Some research or something?" Willow asked.
"Not that I can think of. Maybe I should have asked Spike how you actually hire the Order of Taraka. If they use a web address or something maybe you could have hacked their system, but I think Spike's probably already planning on using the easiest means to trace them. It's just a race between him finding the person who put up the contract, and the Tarakans getting him."
"I seem to recall Giles and Angel were both power freaked when Spike set them on you. How good a chance do you think he's got?"
"It's hard to say. Spike's no schoolgirl, but the chip makes him vulnerable to any human. Tara could beat him to a pulp if she wanted to, not that she would, but as long as he keeps moving around he should be okay, right? Someone would have to have something of his to do a location spell, wouldn't they?" Suddenly, Buffy remembered that his crypt was unguarded and full of his things. "… but then I suppose it wouldn't be hard to get something. I guess we've just got to hope they haven't got anyone who can do that over a large enough range. I don't know…" Buffy shrugged. "If anybody could do it it'll be him…"
Later, when Buffy went through to the kitchen for coffees, Tara followed her through. "So, you came to a decision about him then?"
"I guess so, sort of anyway."
"And you're happy with what you've decided?"
"Ask me that a year or two from now. I don't know whether things'll work out between us. I think he loves me more than Riley did, or even Angel. I know he won't quit on me and the chemistry between us is unbelievable… I just don't know if I can ever love him… I owe it to both of us to find out, but it's so hard to work him out. Sometimes he seems to see right through me, to understand me better than I do myself. Ten minutes later he does something or says something just totally wrong."
"I think that just goes with the territory…"
"Dating a vampire?"
"Dating a male… of course I'm basing this on second hand experience, but that's what I heard they're like…"
"Well, duh, but our undead blonde is the most extreme case I've come across so far." Buffy reached up to her neck and undid the clasp on the locket, passing it to Tara for her to have a look at.
"Even just buying a present he gets it so totally right but totally wrong at the same time." She pulled some mugs from the cupboard. "Isn't that the most beautiful thing, the most thoughtful gift you've ever seen? But it's just way too much."
Tara raised an eyebrow in her direction. Buffy wondered how the same gesture on two different people could have such diverse meanings, or rather how Spike managed to make the gesture mean so many things. "You were wearing it."
"Well, I couldn't refuse it under the circumstances, but it was supposed to be my birthday present. Don't you think it's a bit over the top for a simple birthday gift from a… whatever we were meant to be."
"From a man who's totally in love with you and practically worships the ground you walk on, yeah, it's way to much." Tara's smile had gone up a notch and Buffy couldn't work out how she managed to look so wicked and innocent all at the same time. "I just can't wait to see what he gets you next year if you're officially seeing each other. Okay, so you wouldn't have felt comfortable if he'd given you that in the middle of a room full of people, but he didn't did he?"
"No, he just kept making lewd innuendoes on the off-chance I'd be so overcome by them that I'd drag him off somewhere to "shag" like bunnies." She gave a sigh of exasperation before her voice softened. "He spends the whole night convincing you that he's just a testosterone bomb on legs and all the while he's walking around with this in his coat pocket waiting for the right moment. How do you deal with someone like that?" Buffy replaced the necklace around her neck.
"Same way you deal with anybody else. Take it one day at a time. One thing for sure, you won't be bored."
"No, not bored."
* * * * *
Next day, Buffy paid her first visit to the post office box. As she had expected there was a letter waiting for her. She rushed back to work, hoping to get a chance to read it before the end of her lunch-break; otherwise it would be a long wait as she was on a double shift again. It seemed that circumstances were conspiring against her however, and she barely had time to change back into her uniform before she was due back on the counter. It was well into her second shift before she sat down alone at the staff room table to read his first epistle.
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Hello love,
You wouldn't believe how much I'm regretting coming up with this stupid idea. It seemed to be a great plan, but now I'm stuck with trying to think what I should actually write about, and it's not like you can write back to tell me what it is you'd like to know. I guess I'm going to have to wing it.
I'm still where you left me. You've been gone about a quarter of an hour now, and part of me really didn't want to let you go. I couldn't help but stand in the doorway watching until you were out of sight. I think this whole thing has got me as scared as I've ever been since I was human. But, it's not the idea of dying that scares me. It's the idea of not seeing you and the Bit and some of the others again. So, that means it's good, doesn't it? It's more reason to fight.
Okay, I'm running out of things to say, other than the obvious, but then I can't fill a whole letter with the same three words. I suppose I should try to tell you stuff that you don't already know about me, so how's this for a start. I told you once about what used to be the two best nights of my life, and you have first hand experience of the rest of my best nights. One was our first night together, though I admit I didn't manage to express myself very well and I helped ruin the morning after. Sorry, love. Another was when I saw you walk down the stairs and realised it wasn't the 'bot. Finally, I'd have to say, right up to the point where your ex showed his face, our last night together seemed pretty special, at least to me. I don't know if you realise what my best day was.
Surprise, surprise, you were involved, although it wasn't because it was you that made it so special at the time. It could have been any gorgeous sexy young thing and the effect at the time would have been the same. I'm glad it was you, but at the time, that wasn't the point. Anyway I can just imagine you reading this and telling me to get to the point, so I will. The best day of my life was the day that I proposed to you. It wasn't real, and even then we had quite a few issues (which I think are pretty much resolved now?) but for a few hours I was in love with an incredible woman who loved me back. How's that for embarrassing myself. Hope that doesn't come across as totally pathetic, but the point is this; what we had that day wasn't real, but the way I feel about you is. I just hope that in time we can have lots of days like that but for real this time.
That should be enough to keep you amused for a day at least. I'm sure I'll think of something just as embarrassing to tell you tomorrow. At this rate, I won't be able to look you in the eye when I do get home because you'll know all my deepest darkest secrets. Good thing the Big Bad is undead like me, because I think I just put a good few nails in his coffin.
I love you.
Spike.
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On Thursday morning Buffy made sure she left early for work so that she had time to call in at the post office on her way. She read the letter as she walked the remaining distance to work, almost managing to get run over at a crosswalk. Despite his promise this one had no major revelations in it, but all the same she found that the letter seemed to show a gentler, more considered side to Spike's nature. He also reminded her to speak to Clem, so when she left work that night she swung past Spike's "local" and watched a couple of hands of kitten poker.
Friday's letter came from San Francisco, and came complete with a couple of anecdotes about the times that he had spent there in the sixties. Buffy tried to imagine Spike with long hair and psychedelic clothes and failed miserably. She'd have to ask him if he had any photographs when he got back. On Friday night as promised Buffy went to the Bronze with Tara and Dawn, skipping patrol for the night. That was why she remained unaware of her ex-lover's demise, all evidence having been removed by the following morning.
Saturday's letter was from Portland wondered if he had some sort of planned route, or whether he was just playing spin the bottle each day to decide where he would go. Monday brought two letters, or to be more precise one package and one letter. The package had the earlier postmark, and when she opened it she found a videocassette along with a note.
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Hello love,
Got out of my hotel room today long enough to pay my respects to this guy and his dad. I sent the video just to encourage any predilection you might have for sexy dead guys in black leather (I can live in hope). Of course, its also one of the most romantic love stories I can remember, just slightly twisted, definitely unconventional but a love story nevertheless, and it even has a happy ending. Maybe there's hope for us yet.
I love you
I miss you
Spike.
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That night she and Dawn watched the tape he had sent. She even cried when she watched it. She had to agree that "The Crow" was everything he'd said it was, even if he did leave out all the violence and scenes about drug use that made her wonder whether her mom would have let Dawn watch it. Monday's second letter was from Eugene and was fairly brief. As was his letter from Reno which she received on Tuesday. On Tuesday night Dawn's phone message came through earlier than normal. Buffy was surprised at how much she was upset by the letter she received on Wednesday.
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Hello love,
I've got some real news for you today. I've finally seen the doctor who is going to do the operation to remove the chip. He spent a long time explaining things and going into detail, but it boils down to the fact that removing the chip is probably going to cause some sort of brain damage. It's then up to that evil soulless demon you're so fond of to make sure that I heal up okay from it. See, it has its uses, of course, if I was human I wouldn't have the chip in the first place, but hey.
Suffice to say, the doctor doesn't know how long it'll be before I'm myself again, so after tomorrow, Tuesday, I won't be sending any more messages to Niblet for a while and I think with all the preparations that are going to be happening this will be my last letter. I won't be alone. That recent acquaintance I mentioned the other day will be playing nursemaid. I think you'd like him, he's quite a character. The plan is that I'm going to be chained up for a while after the operation, so if you get a letter that's not in my handwriting don't worry I probably dictated it to him, but it could be a few weeks before you hear anything. We don't know how long I'll be out of it for, and the poor guy is likely to be stuck with me twenty-four seven, so anything either of us write probably won't get posted until I'm ready to leave for my next stop.
Here's hoping I still remember you when I come to. (Joke).
I'll be in touch as soon as I can
I love you
Spike
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The last letter was postmarked Los Angeles, and Buffy was tempted to get on the phone to Angel and see exactly what was going on. She knew he had to be mixed up in this somewhere, but she didn't want to do anything that would attract attention. She was also unsure as to how she could explain to Angel about her interest in his grandchild. Not to mention, there was a world of difference between sending a greeting card to congratulate Angel on his good fortune and actually speaking to the new father. So she waited, and more often than not over the next couple of weeks, she found herself sharing Dawn's bed. The coat spread out over both of them, so that they slept amidst he comforting scents of cigarette smoke, old leather, bourbon and him.
It was just over two weeks later when Dawn found her sitting on the stairs with a bundle of envelopes at her feet laughing till tears streamed down her face.
"Okay, I guess the fact the mail has started again is a good sign, but I doubt anything Spike has to say is that funny!"
"But it is. It's priceless. He's trying to avoid an assassin cult. He undergoes life-changing surgery that could have left him a vegetable, and what's the first letter he writes when he gets the chance. A page long tirade using all his English swear words about how the doctor shaved a patch on the back of his head. I think the doctor's lucky he got away while he was still under the anaesthetic. Apparently he's been trying to measure it to see how bad it is because he can't use a mirror."
"Let me see." Dawn grabbed the letter from her sister's hand. Soon she was also laughing and crying, partly at the contents of the letter, but mostly in relief that Spike had come through the surgery, and was obviously still himself.
End of Chapter 13