The Legolas Hair Chronicles: part 1
You know, there's a lot of Legolas-hair bashing on ff.net, and I'm sure you've noticed that. We asked our master stylist here about why people want to cut it, shave it, rip it out, etc. He said, and I quote, "There's just not enough people daring enough to do, well, THAT with their hair. We're still stuck in that same old rut, still cutting our hair the precise way so that we can do absolutely nothing with it. Legolas is punk, and cool, and, you know, I think everyone admires him for being that way." Okay. Right. We suspect that Wess was drunk when he said that. Well said, Wess. Usually we describe his hair as "Marsha Brady" or "Cher-esque", but hey, you're the hairdresser, Wess..ahem. Now we know where that bucket of margarita mix went. So, anyway, we decided to compile a short list of possible 'do's for the walking Herbal- Esscence commercial, the heartthrob-dude, the blonde formally known as Femme Boy *snicker *. And, by unanimous request, and inspiration by the word 'punk', we decided to fix him up 80's style. Yep, that's right. The decade of utterly hideous hair. So we dragged him into the studio, kicking and screaming I might add, and did some serious damage. So, without further ado, let us bring you the LEGOLAS HAIR STYLES OF THE EIGHTIES!!!! (cue fanfare here)
10. A mullet.80s-ish, and fun as hell to see him look in the mirror.
9. Michael Jacksonize him! Black dude or white woman, either one. Though Little Michael was way cooler than the Great Albino Noseless Thing of today..
8.Tease, pouf, and spray. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat until the hairspray has rendered you intoxicated and laugh. Repeat. Repeat...
8 ½ . Bon Jovi, 1983. Or '84. Or '85..
7. A B-52's style bouffant. Scary.
7 ½ . Permed and pouffed and sprayed, and he's a Bangle! Also add some big earrings.
6. Madonna-ish! W0ot! Hey, while you're at it, Wess, could you possibly switch his tights for fishnets and obtain a cone bra?
5. Just the way it is. Hey, it was the eighties, anything goes. He's kinda punk anyway. Now, normally I like the punker look, as long as there aren't excessive piercings involved, but hey, I'm an anti-fangirl. It's what I do. I gotta eat, you know..
4. MOHAWK IT, DUDE! My personal fave..
4 ½ . Rambo!!
3. Dyed and gelled into outlandish shapes. It's called 'sculpture' by some, 'scaring the old lady across the street' by others..think David Bowie album covers. Or maybe the Thompson Twins.
2. Eau-de- Flock of Seagulls. Nuff said. Now, normally this would be included in #3, but A)we are not normal people and B) The Flock of Seagulls 'do deserves a category all its own.
1.Just chop it randomly with some scissors. Hey, whatever makes him scream the loudest...
0.Yeah, yeah, we know zero's not a legitimate number, but this isn't an SAT, now is it? Curl it and dye it black and he's our version of Boy George. Happy styling!!!!
Whether or not I do another chapter depends on how many reviews I get. Want to do more horrible and entertaining things to hair? WELL, STOP READING THIS AND REVIEW IT, IDIOTS! Sorry. He just tried to attack me with my own scissors, and I'm a little pissed...Wessie, bring me the hair gel! No, I wanna dye it pink. Well, maybe just the tips..muahahahhhahaha...
You know, there's a lot of Legolas-hair bashing on ff.net, and I'm sure you've noticed that. We asked our master stylist here about why people want to cut it, shave it, rip it out, etc. He said, and I quote, "There's just not enough people daring enough to do, well, THAT with their hair. We're still stuck in that same old rut, still cutting our hair the precise way so that we can do absolutely nothing with it. Legolas is punk, and cool, and, you know, I think everyone admires him for being that way." Okay. Right. We suspect that Wess was drunk when he said that. Well said, Wess. Usually we describe his hair as "Marsha Brady" or "Cher-esque", but hey, you're the hairdresser, Wess..ahem. Now we know where that bucket of margarita mix went. So, anyway, we decided to compile a short list of possible 'do's for the walking Herbal- Esscence commercial, the heartthrob-dude, the blonde formally known as Femme Boy *snicker *. And, by unanimous request, and inspiration by the word 'punk', we decided to fix him up 80's style. Yep, that's right. The decade of utterly hideous hair. So we dragged him into the studio, kicking and screaming I might add, and did some serious damage. So, without further ado, let us bring you the LEGOLAS HAIR STYLES OF THE EIGHTIES!!!! (cue fanfare here)
10. A mullet.80s-ish, and fun as hell to see him look in the mirror.
9. Michael Jacksonize him! Black dude or white woman, either one. Though Little Michael was way cooler than the Great Albino Noseless Thing of today..
8.Tease, pouf, and spray. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat until the hairspray has rendered you intoxicated and laugh. Repeat. Repeat...
8 ½ . Bon Jovi, 1983. Or '84. Or '85..
7. A B-52's style bouffant. Scary.
7 ½ . Permed and pouffed and sprayed, and he's a Bangle! Also add some big earrings.
6. Madonna-ish! W0ot! Hey, while you're at it, Wess, could you possibly switch his tights for fishnets and obtain a cone bra?
5. Just the way it is. Hey, it was the eighties, anything goes. He's kinda punk anyway. Now, normally I like the punker look, as long as there aren't excessive piercings involved, but hey, I'm an anti-fangirl. It's what I do. I gotta eat, you know..
4. MOHAWK IT, DUDE! My personal fave..
4 ½ . Rambo!!
3. Dyed and gelled into outlandish shapes. It's called 'sculpture' by some, 'scaring the old lady across the street' by others..think David Bowie album covers. Or maybe the Thompson Twins.
2. Eau-de- Flock of Seagulls. Nuff said. Now, normally this would be included in #3, but A)we are not normal people and B) The Flock of Seagulls 'do deserves a category all its own.
1.Just chop it randomly with some scissors. Hey, whatever makes him scream the loudest...
0.Yeah, yeah, we know zero's not a legitimate number, but this isn't an SAT, now is it? Curl it and dye it black and he's our version of Boy George. Happy styling!!!!
Whether or not I do another chapter depends on how many reviews I get. Want to do more horrible and entertaining things to hair? WELL, STOP READING THIS AND REVIEW IT, IDIOTS! Sorry. He just tried to attack me with my own scissors, and I'm a little pissed...Wessie, bring me the hair gel! No, I wanna dye it pink. Well, maybe just the tips..muahahahhhahaha...