Disclaimer: Please, if I owned Ranma ½, would I be posting this on the internet?

Ranma the Homicidal Maniac

Chapter 1: He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood!

Welcome back! When we last left our intrepid heroes, they were in shock over the death of one of their own, Akane Tendo. Let's watch, shall we?

***

Nabiki sprang up with fire in her eyes, and shouted, "What is wrong with you people?!"

Now, I'm sure you couldn't ignore something like this, and so, neither could Genma and Soun.

"W-what? Is something wrong, Nabiki?" Soun started, but was quickly reduced to a wreck, because he was yelled at.

'ARGH! No, calm down. Must. Remain. CALM!' Nabiki told herself. "Now, let's review the facts, shall we? One," she held up a finger at this, "Akane is dead. Two, the weapons that killed her were found, still in her body."

"Yes, yes, where are you going with this?" Genma asked.

"Shut up! I'm still talking!"

Genma cringed back at this, and a mumbled "Yes ma'am" could be heard.

"Now where was I, oh yeah. Three! Said weapons found in said body of said Akane, consisted of a bonbori, a sharpened spatula, and a ribbon! Now, who do we know who uses those weapons?"

"Mousse?"

"No."

"Ryoga?"

Ryoga cried louder at this.

"No!"

"That demented Kuno boy?"

"NO!"

"Dr. Tofu?"

"NO! ARGH!"

Now, it would be kind of me to censor the upcoming scene, because it's too gruesome, but I won't!

Nabiki jumped at Genma, screaming in rage, and frothing at the mouth. She picked up the table, and smashed it over his head, with a nice, resounding crash. But it didn't stop there, oh no, not by a long shot. There was a sickening snap as she did a quick roundhouse to his right arm, a loud pop as she forcibly readjusted his left leg, and a nice, satisfying crunch, as she grabbed his hand and squeezed.

"ouchies."

***

A few hours later…

"Well, Mr. Saotome, the good news is, you'll be back up in no time, the bad news is, she might do this again." Dr. Tofu said.

Now, Kasumi came in, because I'm not about to give up such a PERFECT gag.

"K-Kasumi! Why, what a coincidence to meet you here, of all places!"

"Silly doctor, I live here!" Crack! "Oh my, what was that?"

Now I'm sure you've seen this done before, so you all know.

"W-what was what?" stammered poor Tofu.

"Oh, nothing! I must be hearing things."

Poor Genma.

***

"Ahem, now that I'm calm again, I'll tell you who killed Akane." Nabiki announced.

Soun and Genma were now on the edges of their seats, waiting to hear the answer.

"The culprits were Shampoo, Ukyo, and Kodachi!"

"W-wow! How d-did you guess?!" Genma exclaimed.

"Elementary, my dear p-panda! Their weapons gave them away!"

"Am-mazing! I never would have guessed!" Soun said, with his teeth chattering… "Brr! Kasumi, could you turn up the heat?"

"But father, it's July! We don't pay our heating bill in the summer! I can't."

Only Genma knew why it got so cold, so quickly, and quite frankly, it scared him.

Ranma was awake.

*********

Author's notes: WHOO! How's that for a cliffhanger! …Not much, is it? Yeah, it's pretty lame, isn't it? Oh well!

Well, this isn't my first fic, but it's the first fic that I've ever posted! A few notices, by the way. No, I don't hate Genma OR Soun. No, I don't think Kasumi is THAT clueless, hence the Prozac in the prologue. Yes, the fiancée's will die. No, I don't REALLY hate any of them other than Ukyo. Yes, I like Akane. And no, I'm not on crack.

Prologue note: Tatsumaki Senpuu Kyaku roughly means "Tornado Spinning Kick" and it's that flying spinning kick Ryu and Ken from Street Fighter 2 use. Yes, I know it's a bit redundant. Senpuu is pronounced sempuu, by the way.