Between the Shadows

By: Ethereal Fury

Chapter Fourteen: Confession

They walked in silence through the humid night, deeper into Zion's maze-like heart towards the old man's gunblade shop. Zephyr walked with his head bowed and hands in the pocket of his black jeans, regularly glancing sideways at Aurora to ensure her constant presence, picking his way through the winding alleyways without a second glance. He knew this part of town well enough to find his way around blindfolded when the ground was covered in its customary thick snowy blanket during Zion's bitter winters. Aurora now walked beside him, no longer trailing after him, sneaking constant glances in his direction, studying his handsome profile in the dim light and looking away shyly whenever his intense blue gaze met her own. His silence unnerved her; he'd closed himself off completely again, just like the day when they had met at the reception.

She couldn't believe it had been only twenty four hours ago she had approached him whilst he scanned the ballroom with boredom, lurking almost unnoticeably between the shadows of the room's corner. It seemed like so much more time had passed, as if she had known him forever. Aurora sighed and shifted her gaze back up to his profile. Something glittered in the dim light, catching a few wayward rays of moonlight and drawing her attention. It was a small silver stud upon his left earlobe— she had never noticed he had an earring, but now the way it seemed to duck playfully behind an unruly lock with one step and peek shyly out with the next was almost fascinating. It seemed like something was carved on the minute silver orb, and Aurora fixed her gaze solely on it in an attempt to discern the engraving upon it. Her lack of attention to her surroundings caused her to scrape her elbow against the jagged exterior of the wall of the alley they had just turned into, eliciting a surprised yelp of pain. Quirking an eyebrow and directing her a look of amused annoyance, all without uttering a word, Zephyr continued the brisk walk. Aurora sighed again, rubbed her scraped elbow— which now stung in that unbearable way only shallow wounds can— and felt the sticky warmth of fresh blood droplets, and went back to thinking… thoughts finding themselves centered on the man beside her.

She wanted him to talk to her, tease her, embarrass her like he'd done back at the tavern, be mad at her; anything but the weighty silence they now walked in. She was battling inwardly between thanking him for returning to save her ('save'… that word annoyed and thrilled her at the same time— she'd needed help, but he cared) and helping her get back to her friend's house for what was left of the night and yelling at him that she could take care of herself. Nothing she could muster sounded right, but she desperately wanted him to talk, even if it was only to have him mad at her. She had never liked silence much; it made her think and dwell on things she wished she could forget; reminded her of how alone she really was. She had enough silence at home, where her biggest conversation with her father was over dinner, both at opposite ends of the lengthy dining room table, when he asked her about her day and immersed himself in his politics after a two-word answer. The only noise that rang throughout the vast room was that of cutlery on porcelain. With a resigned sigh and a slight shrug of her shoulders, she addressed Zephyr softly, "Um… can I tell you something?"

Zephyr made no outward sign of having heard her; he just kept walking at his brisk pace. Maybe if he ignored her, she would tire of trying and he could return to his thoughts. He had to sort them out; those lingering recollections of the sweet scent of her hair, the comforting weight of her lithe physique against his own, the warmth of her breath against his kin, the way his heart beat erratically and his blood boiled at the prospect of her being in danger… they confused him. He had been trained and conditioned to shield himself with indifference, to be but an unquestioning automaton, someone else's instrument of justice. Feelings were to be left outside the door when one entered ZEG; the job was to carry out orders, not to feel. Yet here he was, about to end a man's life to help his unfortunate younger sister and allowing his thoughts to focus on a certain auburn-haired female. Zephyr shook his head ruefully— he wasn't cut out for ZEG after all. He may be the physical embodiment of its ideals, but he still retained the moral scruples one had to rid oneself of. Hidden, yes, but present nonetheless. He kept walking, paying no heed to Aurora's comment, hoping that his silence would convey the fact that he didn't care to hear what she had to say.

Yeah Leonstrife… like that's really gonna happen. She's not gonna drop it until you answer, so you might as well. Besides, you do wanna hear what she has to say; you like her voice, dontcha? his inner voice smirked knowingly. Zephyr sighed inwardly—it was right; Aurora wasn't going to leave him until she had said what she wanted to… and dammit, he did like the sound of her voice. He cursed under his breath and cocked his head slightly to signal he was listening, still not saying a word.

Aurora took notice of Zephyr's cocked head and bit her lip nervously, wondering what to say. Now that she had his attention, even if only slightly, she couldn't seem to put her thoughts into words. She didn't want to sound like the ever-thankful hopeless victim, the good-for-nothing damsel-in-distress that needed rescuing every five minutes (she could fend for herself dammit), nor the ungrateful feminist bitch… ack, what the heck, she'd just wing it. Talking had always been one of her talents… guess she inherited that from her father. "Um… I just wanted to… ah, thank you for… what you did back there…" she began slowly twirling a strand of her auburn hair mindlessly around her finger. So much for winging it… she sounded like an incoherent babbling idiot; way to make an impression.

Oh man, no, not this… dammit, I knew I was going to regret it. Can't she just not say it and forget about it? It means nothing… nothing…but then why I am not annoyed at hearing her say it? Normally, I wouldn't save anyone's ass unless they paid me… and they would never dream of thanking me if I did. Damn it all; I'm going soft, he thought in frustration.

Why did she insist on doing this to him? He'd never explained himself to anyone, yet she made him want to stop walking and tell her that he was glad he'd returned and sorry he'd even left in the first place. But there was no way he was going to let her know… hell, he shouldn't even be letting himself realize that; it'd just complicate things further. He had enough to deal with as it was; he didn't need love (or lust) in the mix. He really had to distance himself from her… why had he agreed to walk her anyway? He should've known something like this would have happened. Pulling himself out of his thoughts, he realized that Aurora had stopped walking and was now a few steps behind him, wringing her hands together and chewing on her bottom lip. With a sigh, he stopped walking and turned to face her, keeping his head bowed and his gaze averted. But it seemed to have a mind of his own and he found himself watching her, entranced, as she toed the ground with a sneakered foot.

Would you look at that…? Leonstrife's checking the chick out, ladies and gentlemen! I don't think he's ever given a girl more than an annoyed scowl… yet there he is, standing in the middle of a darkened alleyway staring at her… Well, that skirt would surely make any guy gawk, ladies and gentlemen, his inner voice chuckled in a sportscaster voice. Zephyr forced his eyes back onto the ground and scowled at himself inwardly. What was up with him, looking at her like that? Damned testosterone was getting the best of him. Yes, he was young and male, and granted, she looked absolutely kissable right now, but he didn't have time for this… and his patience was wearing thin. Would she ever hurry up and say what she wanted so he could get back to the Akademy and forget about her?

"… but it really wasn't necessary. I had everything under control," she continued, looking up at him, something akin to anger flashing in her eyes again. Not really anger directed towards him, he could see that much, but towards herself for having had to request his help. So it was a matter of pride… perhaps they weren't that different after all.

She looks cute when she's mad… I mean… argh!, Zephyr thought, quirking an eyebrow in quiet disbelief. Had she really just said she had had everything under control? Sure she had—if your idea of control was being backed up in a dead-end alley, unarmed, by a man twice your height with arms the size of cans that could crush you with an effortless blow and screaming your head off. Zephyr found it hard to believe that that was being in control, even to someone that had not had the military training he'd had. "Was that before or after you began frantically yelling for help?" he countered dryly, shaking his head slightly.

On second thought, why did it even matter to him whether she thought she could have gotten out of her predicament by herself or not? He knew she couldn't have, that's all that really mattered. It was thanks to him that she was standing there, able to take another breath, another step instead of God knows where in the hands of that man. Couldn't she see that? So that's what this is about, eh Leonstrife? You and your manly ego… you don't like her sayin' she could've handled herself… my, my, getting protective aren't we Leonstrife? the ever-present inner him chuckled. He had acted instinctively for the first time in years to help her, and now she was chastising him for it! I'll be damned if I ever help her again, he thought to himself.

"That was just a distraction," Aurora replied defensively. It had been a distraction, right? She hadn't really needed his help, had she? Well, at least she'd gotten what she wanted; he'd said more words in that one sentence than he had in the ten minutes they had been walking. And he'd shown some emotion other than stoic indifference and acrid cynicism. It was a start.

"Sure, and Reed can kick my ass blindfolded and with a hand tied behind his back," Zephyr retorted, voice exuding sarcasm, raking a hand through his hair and shaking his head again. Well well Leonstrife, make up your mind here, will ya? Not even five minutes ago you were complaining about having her thank you—though we both know you liked that—and now that she's saying she didn't need you there, it angers you. I quote, "it means nothing… nothing…" if it means 'nothing', why are you in such a huff over it? And don't even try to tell me it's a clash of prides. We both know it's more than that.

Aurora opened her mouth to protest but Zephyr promptly cut her off, muttering in a low voice, "Six years at the Akademy… you'd think I know what a distraction looks like."

"Six years… so that's how long you've been there, huh? What were you, twelve or so when you entered?" she questioned, thrilled that he was talking. Any anger she may have had towards him disappeared promptly; salvaging whatever was left of her pride would have to wait. Now she was going to get him to tell her about himself, shed a little light on the mystery that was him—the reasons behind his apparent detachment from the world, why he seemed so out of step with convention, brooding and alone like a true Byronic hero. Perhaps getting him mad hadn't been such a bad idea after all; he did look awfully handsome with those blue eyes flashing angrily in the dim light.

"Eleven. Just turned eleven. I'd just recently run away… never mind," he began, promptly silencing himself when he realized he was revealing more than was prudent. He shoved his hands into his pockets again and scowled at the ground, wishing she would get moving again. His life story was really none of her concern; it was something he bore on his shoulders alone. He didn't need anyone's sympathy or pity; he'd pulled through seventeen years, he could handle the rest of his life. He certainly didn't need—or want—some girl, especially one of Reed's 'conquests', feeling sorry for him. He was too proud for that.

His wish was not granted; instead, Aurora crossed her arms over her chest and stubbornly stood her ground. "No, I do mind! Ran away from where? Come on, tell me something about yourself," she insisted, taking a step closer and tapping his heavy black boot with her sneakered foot. She did the math… he was only seventeen like she was, yet he seemed to have lived through so much more. Just how much more she didn't know but she was going to find out. There was something vulnerable about him, once one got past that initial aura of confidence, arrogance, and aloofness that seemed to want to be discovered and pulled every fiber of her being towards it. She would not budge until he opened up, not matter how long it took.

A bitter chuckle escaped Zephyr's lips, startling Aurora and making her jump slightly. "Something about myself, huh? How's this for kicks— my father was almost never home when I was little, too busy risking his life in undercover missions… he was executed when I was ten and a half and it completely destroyed my mother, who had just found out she was pregnant and turned to drinking. She'd never been the perfect mother; too busy adoring my father when he was around, but she was my mother after all and I had to watch her fade into the empty shell she now is. I ran away from home a week after my forgotten eleventh birthday, three months after my sister had been born… I lived in these streets for a while in winter before hiring myself out for a minimal wage to the steel factory to at least be able to pay a minuscule portion of my Akademy tuition, which I joined not long after and immediately excelled in. My gunblade was a present from my father for my fifth birthday… I didn't see him again until I was seven, when he returned critically wounded from a mission and gave me the pendant I wear around my neck so I would protect my mother if he died. My sister, now approximately the same age I was then, never met him. She has to care for herself and my mother, who's as good as dead, with no real source of income… and my only way of helping her is by selling my services to the highest bidder as a member of ZEG," he spat bitterly, a sardonic sneer souring his features as he shook his head ruefully and looked up at the cloudy star-free sky above them.

Aurora watched him, speechless, allowing what he'd said to sink in. She had known Akademy students had troubled pasts— in Reed's case, his parents had both died in a gruesome bomb attack on the headquarters of the Zanark United Party when he was nine going on ten, and he'd had no siblings— but this, this was… heartbreaking. No wonder he was so outwardly taciturn and cynical; he'd essentially grown up without a father, watching his mother slowly fade into nothingness, earned his own living when he was just eleven (heck, when she was that age, her biggest concern had been whether boys had cooties), and now had to watch his younger sister go through the same thing. His life must have been a living hell, and the icy shell he'd built around himself his only source of protection. She had found a crack in that shell and wiggled through his defenses to his reluctant vulnerability, catching a glimpse of the lost boy behind the manly façade.

With a silent sigh, Zephyr forced his gaze down from the passing clouds above to Aurora's face. He was almost dreading her reaction to his embittered confession. The last thing he wanted was her pity; he hadn't shared with her a past unbeknownst to anyone else to evoke compassion; it had just become too much for his young shoulders to bear alone. And it had felt good to say it aloud for once instead of keeping it to himself, but now seeing her on the verge of tears, he was beginning to regret his divulgence. Great going Leonstrife… now she probably thinks you're some sad, pathetic wimp because you had to watch your mommy die spiritually. You couldn't keep your screwed up past to yourself like you had for the last seventeen years… nooooooo, you just had to share like this were Show and Tell, his inner voice reprimanded. He shook his head again and began to turn away.

Not knowing what else to do, Aurora closed the small distance between them and laid her hand on his forearm. Even through the leather of his jacket, she could feel the warmth emanating from his body and her fingers tingling from the contact. He turned his head back to look at her, blue eyes almost sorrowful. "I'm… s-sorry…" she stammered nervously. She really didn't know how to respond to such a personal admission… 'thank you' sounded even more wrong than 'sorry'.

"Don't be," he replied brusquely, his voice taking on it customary hard edge. He removed his arm from her touch and shoved his hands in his pockets again, cursing himself inwardly. He should have known this would invoke nothing but pity from her; the last thing he wanted… he really should have kept his mouth shut.

Aurora shook her head and grasped his arm lightly again, tugging at his sleeve until he was fully facing her anew. "I didn't mean it like that… I don't feel sorry for you… I'm just sorry you had to go through that. My… my mom died in a hold-up when I was thirteen… she was buying me my belated birthday present because she and my father had been away on some business trip the day of my birthday. It's been just me and my dad ever since… and he changed drastically the day she died. He became overly protective of me, buried himself in his work, lost his smile… and for a while avoided me at all costs. I reminded him too much of her, the way I looked—even though I look more like him than my mom—, the way I dressed, the way I talked… and he felt it was his fault she died. I…" she trailed off, blinking away the tears that had built up and threatened to spill over. She hadn't spoken of her mother's death for the longest of times; her father had forbid its mere mention in his home… and it felt good to share it with someone. Sniffling slightly, she contemplated how he probably wouldn't take too kindly to her dissolving into tears in the middle of a darkened street. It really was almost funny, that confused and almost horrified-yet-somewhat-tender-and-intrigued look reflected in those cerulean pools of his. She couldn't stop gazing into their hypnotic depths, now darkened to a midnight hue in the lack of light with the shadows flickering across them; the searing intensity with which they seemed to bore into her own sent tingling chills down her spine.

"Why… why are you telling me this?" Zephyr asked uncertainly. He wasn't trying to be rude or anything; he just wasn't used to people going to him with their problems… and he certainly wasn't used to teary females. It felt comfortingly warm; something he could get used to. Oh no Leonstrife, other people's problems remain other people's problems, not your own.

" I don't know… I'm probably not making much sense… but I guess…" she began with a sad smile. "I guess I want you to know my life's been no beach party either… even if it's only a tiny fraction of yours, I know how you feel. I know… I know what it's like to lose someone and watch those left behind fade away… I'm sorry, I'm really not making any sense now…" she finished, rubbing her right eye with the back of her fist. She really didn't want to break down and cry right now; he probably already thought lowly enough of her and an unneeded burst of female sensitivity was probably more than he could handle.

Zephyr shook his head with a hint of a smile, though the shadows of the dim street lamp falling over his face hid that from Aurora. She was making perfect sense; he knew exactly what she was trying to say… she didn't pity him; she shared his pain, she'd been through it too. Now he really didn't know what to say and an awkward silence passed between them. Finally, he cleared his throat and spoke; "It's getting late. Let's go."

Wordlessly, Aurora nodded her grateful agreement and they both continued silently down Zion's snaky alleyways in the humid night towards the old man's gunblade shop. It really couldn't be far now; it had only taken Zephyr fifteen minutes of brisk walking to get to the tavern from it, and by his calculations, without the interruptions of the black-clad man's assault and their mutual sharing of their pasts, they'd been walking for around ten minutes. At the pace they were going, slower than the one Zephyr had set when walking alone, he averaged they had about eight or so minutes left. Checking his watch and noting its lateness, he could only hope the old man's shop was still open. He glanced over his shoulder to check on Aurora and found her studying him in the dim light with a smile. Discreetly admiring her beauty out the corner of his eye, ensuring she didn't see him, he directed his gaze to the ground in front of him again and kept walking, suddenly feeling self-conscious under her intense perusal of his features. Zephyr chuckled inwardly as her foot came into contact with a street lamp and she let out a very unladylike growl and a string of muttered profanities. This night was definitely proving interesting.

***

R&R!