The Even Odder Couple
The Pilot
"I'm home!" called the Duke opening the door to the lush apartment. He was greeted with the sight of Allen sitting on the couch smoking a Cuban cigar watching porn surrounded by food wrappers.
"Allen!" the Duke shouted, his eyes bulging out of his head, "What are you thinking!? Is Chid home?"
"Naw," replied Allen, lifting his wrist into his unmoving range of vision, checking the time on his rolex, "he's still at school I think."
"Or am I?" Chid teased, popping up from behind the couch.
"GASP!" said Allen and the Duke.
(studio-audience laughter)
"Why aren't you in school!?" the Duke demanded the small little boy, who smiled innocently.
"I skipped."
"GASP!"
"This is your influence!" the Duke snapped.
Dun da dun da dun da dun...(rip off of odd couple theme, performed by monks)
The family sat around the dinner table discussing Chid's bad actions, like a good family. The cheese burger dinner steamed and wafted through the kitchen, a family dinner.
"Chid, I'm very disappointed in you," sighed the Duke while just kinda holding the burger, but not eating it.
"But Daddy said that school is for sissies, Father," replied Chid smiling innocently at the camera.
(canned laughter)
"I thought we agreed to set aside our differences for the common good of Chid," growled the Duke smacking Allen upside the head.
"You are right Duke, I am sorry," grinned Allen. It was only a joke with his son. I mean, he went by without any formal education and look how HE turned out!
"You are forgiven," the Duke heartily laughed, patting Allen on the back. The whole trio burst into random laughter completely forgetting about Chid skipping school.
"Oh yeah, Father, Dad, I'm getting an earring to impress my girlfriend."
"GASP! No you're not!"
"Now Duke, there's room for discussion."
"No, he is too young to be putting holes in his head!"
"Oh come on Duke, he's my son after all."
(canned laughter)
"No means no! There will be no discussion whatsoever!" barked the Duke, slamming his fist on the table firmly to justify his point.
"You never listen to me! I hate you father!" Chid burst into tears, pushed his chair over and ran to his room, a tiny slam echoing dangerously through the apartment.
"Ooh, you've done it now. He's gonna go commit suicide now. I know I did."
(Laughter...but there is none...come on guys...laugh!)
(Canned laughter)
"You really hurt his feelings, Duke," Allen added all-knowingly.
"Bah, he's a kid, he needs direction! It's just a hissy fit, he'll get over it, he always does."
"Sure Duke."
(Canned laughter)
"I wasn't being funny." Allen replied seriously.
(Canned laughter.)
Later that evening...when all the adults figures gone you know that trouble is a-brewing....
Ding-dong!
Chid looked up from his superhero comics and smiled. Tucking the comics under the bed he ran out to open the door to find his best friend with a brown paper bag tucked under his arms.
"Hi Van, thanks for coming over! Did you bring the ear piercer?" he whispered, hustling Van into the apartment.
"You've got it," Van smirked, tilting his sunglasses he was wearing at night for no particular reason, other than it looked cool, of course.
"Okay, let's go!"
"You got any beer? I've been really stressed lately."
"Minors aren't supposed to drink alcohol, it's against the law." Chid commented.
"Yeah yeah, hold this," Van shoved the bag into Chid's small arms and went to scope out the fridge himself.
"Besides, there isn't any." Chid sighed, "I already checked."
"Curse your pansy dad!"
"My dad's not a pansy Van!"
"Sure, sorry.." Van rolled his eyes, "Okay, let's get some holes in your head!"
"I don't know Van, I'm having doubts, I would feel bad if I betrayed the trust between Father and I."
"Oh come on Chid, all cool kids have their ears' pierced. You want to be cool, don't you?"
"Yeah but..."
"You're not...chicken are ye?"
BUM!
Chid's eyes narrowed with determination. He was no chicken! He'd show them! "Let's do it!" Chid declared, leading the way to his room.
"Now that's what I'm talking about!" Van approved.
In the bedroom set.
"That's your ear piercer? Don't people just use pins?" gulped the little blond.
"Pins are for sissies Chid, this is just an ear piercing gun! For REAL guys."
"Looks more like a nail gun to me..."
"No it's no--" Ka-CHUNK! A nail shot into the ceiling, "No it's not. This is a MAN's ear piercing gun!"
"Oh, okay but...gee whiz..." Chid gulped, backing into the wall.
"Now, let's see if..." ka-CHUNK, another nail hit the ceiling, "I can get it this time..."
"THIS TIME!" squeaked our frightened blond, "You've done this before?"
"On Ruhm." Van replied casually.
"Isn't Ruhm in the hospital!!?"
"Now hold still..." Van muttered, taking aim......
Ka-CHUNK!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
The next morning...
The Duke walked into the kitchen to find Allen eating a bowl of fruitloops while reading the maze puzzle on the back.
"Where's Chid?' questioned the Duke turning the coffee maker on.
"Said he was feeling sick," replied Allen not looking up from the box, his brows furrowed in concentration.
"Did you check his temperature?"
"I didn't even think of that.."
"Of course you wouldn't!"
(Canned Laugher)
Knock-knock.
"Chid? Can I come in?" asked the Duke, rapping his knuckles against the youth's door.
"No! Leave me alone! I don't feel good!" replied a small voice from inside the room.
"I'm coming in!" said the Duke opening the door to find Chid with his head hidden under the pillow. "Allen says that you aren't feeling good. What's wrong?"
"I've been vomiting all night, I don't feel good," came Chid's muffled voice from beneath the pillow.
"Chid..." started the Duke sitting on the edge of the bed. Looking up he narrowed his eyes, "What's with the ear nailed to the wall?"
"Um... wards off evil spirits," came a hesitant yelp from Chid.
"Chid, take your head out from under the pillow," prompted the Duke putting his hand on Chid's shoulder.
Hesitantly Chid peaked out from his hiding place, his bowl hat tilted to the side, blood covering half of his face.
"GASP! Chid, what happened?"
"That," he replied taking his hat off to show no ear on one side of his head.
"GASP, where is your ear?"
"There," whimpered Chid pointing the ear nailed on the wall.
"Who did this to you?"
"Erm... no one..."
"It was that rogue Van, wasn't it!" the Duke demanded shaking Chid's shoulders lightly.
"No comment."
"Now Chid," the Duke began, placing his folded hands in his lap, head tilted. "I know I was a bit harsh last night, we should have discussed it, as a family."
"I know," whispered Chid, unable to look at the Duke's eyes.
"Next time before you nail your head to the wall let's talk about it, okay?"
"Yeah, I learned my lesson, I'm sorry Father," cried Chid, hugging the Duke.
"I'm sorry too son!" wailed the Duke, hugging Chid... too.
(audience awws)
"Now let's go to the hospital and get your ear sewed back on," smiled the Duke, patting Chid on the back as he pulled away. "And we can get ice cream on the way home."
"Yippee!" shouted Chid, jumping out of bed and yanking the ear off the wall.
"Did someone say ice cream?" asked Allen peaking his head around the doorframe.
(Canned Laugher)
Credits:
The Duke: The Duke of Freid
Allen: Allen
Chid: Chid
Van: Van
Directors: Anne and Numair
Bad Cliches: Look on TV, you'll find them
Music: Numair's WINAMP
Credits: Anne
Written by: Mysterious Duo!
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A/N: So we were watching Escaflowne tape 5 awhile back and Anne did her usual comment, "Allen is such a deadbeat Dad!" Numair replied, "Well, what is he going to do, hang around with the Duke all day?" And there it was, another parody. Poor souls. Stay tuned for more morals and highjinks by this odd family.
Disclaimer: Not ours, we make not money off of this (come to think of it... we never have money... boo hoo).