Confidences

Author: Joy

Email: Julianna@ziplip.com

A/N: Warning there are no graphic details that follow though it maybe upsetting for some people. In some ways I would hope it would be upsetting to everyone.

Dinner went surprisingly well. No one acknowledged the hour or so that Ian and Gabriel spent away, but it was obvious that both men felt more comfortable with each other. Vicky seemed to be the only sane one at the table since she refused to get all worked up over dinner. Ian's attentions were divided. He would check up on Gabriel primarily silently and sense Sara's state. The rest of the time he was talking with Vicky.

Sara had a huge lump in her throat that wouldn't go away. Part of her just wanted to scream. Part of her just wanted to push the conversation. 'But that's how I got in trouble in the first place,' she thought.

Gabriel ate relatively silently until his phone beeped. Ian and Gabe's heads both shot up at the sound. Ian tilted his head toward the bedroom as Gabriel nodded. "Can I borrow your room for a while?" he asked simply.

"Ah" Sara began to say only to see Vicky nodding her head determinedly. "Surewhatever you need." Gabriel nodded and left the room.

Both women turned to Ian. "It is not my place to say anything," he stated gently. "Take a deep breath Sara. The sooner he gets through that conversation the sooner you will have the air cleared between you."

Sara bit her lip and stared at her plate.

"Hey baby browhat's up?" Elizabeth said sweetly. "Pretty serious message."

"Yeah well I need some help Liz."

"So your message said. Can't help till I know the topic."

"How do I tell my girlfriend about well" Gabriel muttered.

Silence followed for a long time, "I just moved to another room You don't have to do this. It can wait. You haven't been seeing this girl that long."

"Lizbeth it can't wait. Something happened this afternoon and it can't wait."

Liz sighed, "Want to tell me what the something is?"

"Not really."

"Why?"

Gabriel growled, "Cause you'll get mad and you haven't even met herand she's been one of my best friends and I couldn't stand it if you guys didn't even give her a chance"

"Gabe There were too many 'and's in that last sentence." Elizabeth heard her brother sigh. "Okay so whatever happened, it was Samantha"

"Sara"

"It was Sara's fault."

"That sounds so harsh," Gabriel said exhaling some of his stress. Of his family Lizbeth and he were the most alike and closest in age because their mom got pregnant with him while she was still breast feeding Liz.

"But is it true?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Okay so you are afraid that once I find out what Sara did I won't give her a chance Little brother if you love her, I love her Mom's not good at keeping secrets baby," she murmured at his muffled cough. "So tell me what happened."

"Siswhy do you think I work with ancient things?"

"Because you have an old soul kid. I always told you that."

Gabriel prepared to say something he wasn't sure it would be received, "What if that is really true? What if I really do have an old soul because this isn't the first time I've been on earth?"

"You mean reincarnation? Jeez Gabriel, you're the one that came to me. If you don't want to talk about it then we won't but don't"

"Liz I'm not deflecting. Sara and I are bounded in a weird way. Her mom died when she was really little and her father was murdered. Sara doesn't just trust peoplebut I am the exception. For whatever reasons Sara completely trusted me from moment one We've known each other before."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay Kid you never were like the rest of us. You connected with something out there that the rest of us couldn't fathom. If I had tried to avoid college and start my own business Dad would have killed me. They knew better than to do that with you. You were on your own path and the rest of us were just trying to keep up."

Elizabeth's words touched Gabriel. It reminded him of what he had told Sara about her not being of this world. He was slowly finding out, he really wasn't either.

"So once againwhat happened?" Liz questioned.

"Sara knew I had been curbing my 'I love you's so she wouldn't freak out. But today she told me she loved me. It was like everything made sense in the universe for a half and hour. I met her partners and her best girlfriend Later I told Sara I thought the confessions were moving us along a little too fast. The information either didn't quite reach her brain or she's never had a guy say no before Anyway she continued to prod and such What got me was she said, 'RelaxWe'll have fun.'"

"Oh yuck!"

"I knowIf anyone would understand it would be you. I mean this huge part of me wanted to yell, 'Could you have picked a worse statement?' I grabbed her hand completely pissed off. She didn't understand why I was so mad. I told her if the roles were reversed she wouldn't have any problem seeing what happened. I stormed out, a friend came with me and provided a large punching bag for me to work over," Gabriel confessed.

Lizbeth stayed quiet for a moment, "So you haven't talked to her since?"

"Not about this. I wanted to talk to you and ask for some tips I mean I'm back at her place and was eating when you called butno we really aren't talking," Gabe answered.

"Does she seem sorry?"

"Yeah but I'm not sure she has any clue why she needs to be sorry."

"Give her the benefit of the doubt."

"I can do that Now help."

Liz chuckled, "Okaystart with an outline in your own mind about how much you want to tell and where you want the boundaries to be."

Silence filled the phone line. Gabriel sighed, "I guess brief statement about what happened when we were kids, why those particular words set me off, and lay down some ground rules."

"I'm fine with you talking to her about meMichael will have issues. If she asks say yeah other siblings were abused too but you don't need to go into specifics unless you want to You realize that Rafael is the only one that didn't"

"He was what four years old? That twisted bastard at least didn't touch him."

Lizbeth took a deep breath, "Here's the deal Gabriel if she wants to cut and run let her. You don't need that sort of headache. If she acts like you're made of glass afterwards that you can work on. If after a couple of weeks she's still acting like this somehow affects your manhood, then drop her. I don't want to see you waste time with someone that doesn't deserve you."

Gabe took in what his sister said. He had dealt with Sara's secret so to speak. Now it was her turn to deal with his. The dumb thing was Michael was the only one that kept it a secret. His parents had been great once they found out. Now his father had gotten arrested for beating the bastard to bloody pulp but it was kind of cool in Gabe's mind. Dad comes out to save the day. Anyway the kids were told over and over it wasn't their fault. The extended family knew of course. There had to be a reason why 'Uncle' Joe wasn't invited to functions anymore. Michael was older so he was embarrassed. Lizbeth and Gabe were just grateful the abuse had stoppedplus no one ever treated them weird. Of course people outside the family that was another story.

Gabriel thought all these things over as he came out of the bedroom. He saw Ian and Vicky sitting on the couch talking quietly. He could only see Vicky's face but he assumed if the smile she was sporting was any indication things were going well. Sara was at the sink furiously scrubbing dishes that were basically already clean. Anxiety and sorrow were flowing off of her like waves.

Gabe made a decision about how to handle things. Sara was a tactile person whether people knew it or not. She craved affection like most people craved chocolate. He believed the lack of familial bonds kind of brought about that need. It was the way she knew that love was expressed. Suddenly her actions didn't seem all that malicious; she just wanted proof. Hearing him say they should wait was probably the equivalent of 'I don't really love you' in her mind.

Slowly he approached Sara from behind and rested his head on her shoulder while wrapping his arms around her waist. She startled a minute and then realized Gabriel was embracing her. He kissed the juncture of her neck and shoulder sweetly. "You're going to take the finish off the dish if you scrub any harder, luv," he whispered.

Sara leaned her head on to his, took a deep breath and let him support her weight. The more she leaned the more her emotions caught up with her. Suddenly Sara began to weep. "Hey" he soothed running his hands up and down her arms.

She turned in the circle of his embrace putting her arms about his neck clutching him tight. "I'm sorry," she cried softly. "I hate thisI hate that I hurt you. I hate that things are strained between usDon't let me go. Pleasedon't let me go."

"I'm not going anywhere," he whispered kissing her forehead. "We need to talk this out butI'm not burning any bridges Sara." She just curled further into Gabriel's chest as he rubbed his hands over her back.

Ian was amazed at the lack of pain in his chest seeing the two reunited. He was actually happy that they were happy. A small grin crept over his lips as he looked to the lovely doctor beside him. "Let me walk you to your car."

"Sounds good." Vicky peered over her shoulder to her friend in the arms of her love. "They'll forgive us for not saying goodbye."

"Your right." With that they were out the door and down the stairs before Sara and Gabriel surfaced from their embrace.

Gabriel led Sara to the sofa and sat next to her taking her hands in his. "Okay the short explanation for what happened this afternoon My dad's best friend used to baby-sit my siblings and me when my parents went out for date night. He would say as my parents were walking out the door, 'Don't worry. We'll have fun.' Fun meaning he would molest us periodically. My sister cringes anytime someone calls her pretty because he would stroke her face and tell her what a 'pretty little girl' she was. My big cringe worthy statement is the word 'relax.' It was normally followed by unpleasant sensations that were worse if I didn't relaxSo in one fell swoop you managed to hit the two worst statements you could have made plus you weren't listening when I was saying not yet."

Sara swallowed the awful taste in her mouth. She felt sick. She had seen some of what had happened and he was talking about it way too calmly. This babysitter had been a sick puppywith a fetish for knives. Gabriel was skipping that entirely but it did make sense why in his own mind that when he was physically working out his frustrations he wanted to stab something.

Gabriel sighed deeply when Sara continued to stare at her hands and not speak. "So here's the deal. It happened and I can't change that. I also know it helped shaped who I am and how I relate to my family and others. I don't have some deep seeded notion it was my fault or it somehow makes me less of a man or crap like that. My parents found out and handled it. The molestation was never a secret in my family nor was it something we were shamed about. It just was. There was no reason to really mention it at this point because it never came up and it's kind of a heavy topic. My mother insists that it is why I'm not married yet" he almost laughed.

"What happened to him?" Sara asked quietly.

"Uncle Joe?" Sara nodded. "Dad took a baseball bat to him." Sara's head popped up. Gabriel only smiled sheepishly. "He did some community service for that but he always said it was worth it. Dad said the looks on our faces when he beat the bloody hell out of Joe was worth all the hell he went through in court. Some people will contend that he shouldn't have let us see what he did but it made on hell of and impression on me. I mean this was my dad's old roommate from collegehis best friend and he didn't question us once. Dad just went over to Joe's house with us in the car and showed us what he thought of his 'best friend'. We never went to court because there was so much 'physical' evidence, as you cop types like to put it, that it spoke for us. Plus there were others that we found out courtesy of my mom.The best was the day my mother went to Joe's work. In front of this room full of parents she said to his boss, 'Are you aware that man is a child molester?' Now for a nice family run photo shop that parents would leave their children at and they were constantly coming in an out all the time this was very bad news. Joe was locked up for a long time for what he did to us and the other kids from his work. I think mom said he's on that Depo-Provera treatment now," Gabriel said thoughtfully.

Sara was slightly overwhelmed by the situation. Of course she wasI mean how often are you in the situation that you push your boyfriend into physical stuff he doesn't want and utter the words he most associates being molested with. It would kind of make anyone reluctant to begin the prospect of mending things.

Gabriel watched as she digested, "Look I don't know how I expected you to take this. I mean my friends in the past have reacted in a whole host of ways some not very pleasant I guess I'll just let you get used to the idea and we'll play it by ear." He leaned forward and kissed her forehead moving to leave.

"That's itYou're leaving I don't get to say anything or beg forgiveness or" Sara said in a panic.

He stared at her a moment, "What did you want to say? You've been sitting there staring at your hands for the last several minutes and each time I stopped talking I was greeted with silence."

"I just Damn Gabriel, I don't know what to do. I violated your trust and I don't know how to fix that. I mean I told you I loved you for the first time today. I figured tonight would be our first time together."

"Well Sara I don' t work like that. In the past I may have I'll admit but I wasn't involved with someone this seriously. And this is serious whether you admit it or not. This is past life serious You're right you did violate my trust but that is something only time can fix."

"Okay," Sara muttered.

"Okay?"

"Okay."

"I had this particular part of this conversation with my sister earlier."

Sara laughed lightly, "Glad you got a chance to rehearse." Gabriel breathed out the last bit of anxiety he had been holding.

"I'm used to being in control Gabe. It's the way I've dealt with the losses in my life. It's gonna take some getting used to letting you take the reigns."

"The fact that you're even willing to try is a big deal," he said rubbing her hands.

"UmI don't think I've mentioned the fact I'm an idiot so I'll do that nowI'm an idiot. I'm sorry for what I said and did. Unfortunately there are moments when I can't see past the end of my nose," Sara confessed.

Gabriel kissed the tip of the aforementioned nose and said, "But it's so cute."

She smiled, "I love you Gabriel. And I'll earn back your trust."

"I love you tooand I know you will."

TBC

A/N: I am known for my informative author's notes so here goes: if anyone wants information about organizations that support abuse survivors please drop me a line. The best known will be the YWCA which has in-take interviews regularly, introductory groups, and then support groups that meet once a week. Once you have gone through the introductory group you can be placed in a support group anywhere in America if you move. Think of it is AA for survivors.

A/N2: So I now have proof the gargoyles are getting into my psych books again. When I start writing about genealogy and family dynamics I need someone to stop me. Luckily in the same bookcase is the Neil Gaiman collection so Well if life becomes too much like Neverwhere stop me too. I think the gargoyles will have a field day if they get a hold of that. I can already hear them whispering so I'm afraid there will be more psychobabble to come yet I foresee good books and actually growing on Sara's part I also see many romantic movies that Ian will watch in an attempt to learn how to act with Vicky. Can't wait to see Gabriel introduce Ian to Blockbuster.

A/N3: I once again make my plea that no one take off from the site just yetor at least leave a forwarding address.