Author Note: I was looking on fanfiction.net at all the stories posted
there under LOTR and the sheer stupidity of most of them really begin to
affect my brain. And this blurb was born. Yes, I know many things have been
done like this before, but I'm pissed off and do not really care.
Disclaimer: Hmmmm.don't own anything.
The Diary of Legolas
Day 1: I was wandering around, practicing archery, when I had to rescues some poor girl named Allarita from attacking orcs. After I saved her, I realized that she was a very beautiful elf princess and we fell in love. Then I realized that I would never be able to love anyone else but her and we got married.
Day 2: While walking through Mirkwood, I ran into some young girls who had magically appeared in Middle-earth. At first they annoyed me, with their shrill laughter, their abundant energy, and their constant staring at my butt, but then I realized that they were actually pretty cute and I fell in love with one of them.
Day 3: I was taking a short visit to Lothlorien, when I had this sudden urge to sleep with Galadriel, and so I did. After that, I slept with Haldir. But even sleeping with both of them wasn't enough for my enormous sexual desires, so I slept with Celeborn and every other one of the Galadhrim. Since I'm sooooooooo dead sexy, they couldn't resist me.
Day 4: My life long friend, Talawhencia, who I have known since I was a tiny little elf, told me today that she is in love with me. It was then that I realized that I love her too. And I realized she was the most special elf on Earth, so I married her.
Day 5: This morning, I met this girl named Charianenata, who I really hate. She hated me too. But then, I realized that there were some good things about her. And we became friends. And then I realized how charming and beautiful she was and I realized that I loved her all along.
Day 6: Today I was magically transported out of Middle-earth only to land on the doorstep of some house filled with teenage girls. After being forced to play some games called "Truth or Dare" and "Spin the Bottle" with them for hours, I decided to start a relationship with the one that was the best kisser.
Day 7: Went to Rivendell to attend the Council of Elrond and saw Aragorn again. I hadn't seen him for the longest time, and when I saw him again, I had an overwhelming urge to sleep with him. Joined the Fellowship and then invited him up to my bedchambers. After one night, I realized I loved him and married him.
Day 8: My love, Tellaghwair, who I have loved since the beginning of time, tragically died today. I was unable to live without her and I died of a broken heart.
Day 9: Today I lost my pretty pink nightgown, my sparkly pink toothbrush and my teddy bear, Pooky. I was so sad that I cried, and to make myself feel better, I gave myself a manicure and highlighted my hair.
Day 10: For some reason, Sauron did not die when Frodo threw the ring in Mount Doom, and created a new One Ring. So the Fellowship had to reunite and have the whole quest all over again to destroy it.
Author Note: Okay, if you have ever written a story that has the same plot as the things I have listed above, please do us all a favor and STOP WRITING IT. For those of you who are also sick of these type of stories, I hope that was funny.
Disclaimer: Hmmmm.don't own anything.
The Diary of Legolas
Day 1: I was wandering around, practicing archery, when I had to rescues some poor girl named Allarita from attacking orcs. After I saved her, I realized that she was a very beautiful elf princess and we fell in love. Then I realized that I would never be able to love anyone else but her and we got married.
Day 2: While walking through Mirkwood, I ran into some young girls who had magically appeared in Middle-earth. At first they annoyed me, with their shrill laughter, their abundant energy, and their constant staring at my butt, but then I realized that they were actually pretty cute and I fell in love with one of them.
Day 3: I was taking a short visit to Lothlorien, when I had this sudden urge to sleep with Galadriel, and so I did. After that, I slept with Haldir. But even sleeping with both of them wasn't enough for my enormous sexual desires, so I slept with Celeborn and every other one of the Galadhrim. Since I'm sooooooooo dead sexy, they couldn't resist me.
Day 4: My life long friend, Talawhencia, who I have known since I was a tiny little elf, told me today that she is in love with me. It was then that I realized that I love her too. And I realized she was the most special elf on Earth, so I married her.
Day 5: This morning, I met this girl named Charianenata, who I really hate. She hated me too. But then, I realized that there were some good things about her. And we became friends. And then I realized how charming and beautiful she was and I realized that I loved her all along.
Day 6: Today I was magically transported out of Middle-earth only to land on the doorstep of some house filled with teenage girls. After being forced to play some games called "Truth or Dare" and "Spin the Bottle" with them for hours, I decided to start a relationship with the one that was the best kisser.
Day 7: Went to Rivendell to attend the Council of Elrond and saw Aragorn again. I hadn't seen him for the longest time, and when I saw him again, I had an overwhelming urge to sleep with him. Joined the Fellowship and then invited him up to my bedchambers. After one night, I realized I loved him and married him.
Day 8: My love, Tellaghwair, who I have loved since the beginning of time, tragically died today. I was unable to live without her and I died of a broken heart.
Day 9: Today I lost my pretty pink nightgown, my sparkly pink toothbrush and my teddy bear, Pooky. I was so sad that I cried, and to make myself feel better, I gave myself a manicure and highlighted my hair.
Day 10: For some reason, Sauron did not die when Frodo threw the ring in Mount Doom, and created a new One Ring. So the Fellowship had to reunite and have the whole quest all over again to destroy it.
Author Note: Okay, if you have ever written a story that has the same plot as the things I have listed above, please do us all a favor and STOP WRITING IT. For those of you who are also sick of these type of stories, I hope that was funny.