Perhaps this IS a direct throwback to 'Let's All Kill Himiko' aka 'The
Anecdote will be Commenced' aka 'Potted Meat Food Product' but it's a long
a torturous story which not only has taken on a life of it's own but has
strayed from it's original intent which was to simultaneously parody and
KILL Himiko, that loveable spiritualist from the OAV's. So here I give you
what I originally set out to do...a BIG KILLIN' OF HIMIKO! But shorter and
less involved. Beware: This is the baby clone of my other stories, so other
phrases and ideas WILL be directly copied. Like the scene from the house. I
like that scene.
As a matter of fact..here's the 'CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE' version of Let's All...starting from the house. Ready...? GO!
Oh yes and I truly am a jealous little madness-kitten. If you steal my ideas I will go after your soft bits with my evil teefs of...flesh-rending violence. Grrr
(Know what's a funny word? Clusterfuck. Clusterfuck! I learned that from Mister Rogers. He knew I could)
HERE WE GO NOW! By the arachniphiliac
*The first part's for the benefit of those who haven't read my other aforementioned story. For those who have, there's new stuff floating around in the old stuff like dead puppies in the hallway.
Download Dead Puppies. Tom Lehrer. Yessssss..it time for stori.
Se Himiko had long since given up on kidnapping young boys and forcing them to critique the hefty stash of 'Mr. Fitness '93' calendars she had. Some months earlier she had encountered something that was anathema to the hokey, fake, 'mysterious creaks and odors' business she was in. A vampire. No, really. Shit, kids, you know the deal.
After stalking the demon and several local innocents for completely random reasons, the deep sense of moral dignity her drunken father had instilled in her rose like the gag reflex of a bulimic sword swallower.
(God I'm terrible. Damn introductions. I needs five titties.argg focus, damn you)
After spying the creature in, around, going to and coming from the junior high, in uniform no less, Se Himiko decided to confront the demon on hallow ground. The school. This turned out less than satisfactory for the unfortunate spiritualist, though she did moderately excite a janitor mopping a hallway with her white leather thigh-high go-go boots and neckline she had earlier pulled down to her groin.
(THIS IS WHERE THE FUN STARTS!)
She stalked away, swaying as much as possible for the janitor's benefit, and sat down on a rock quite far from the school to smoke a cigarette, which Larva had earlier tried unsuccessfully to lace with cyanide.
(Oh yeah and Larva's trying to kill her. He's also made vague allusions to stabbing someone in the neck with a pencil. So there)
She gagged nonetheless, enjoying filling her lungs with condensed tar, and exhaled happily, if a bit noisily.
"Hmmmm," she mused out loud, shifting on her rock, "my ass tells me I have sat here before." Her ass gurgled unhappily, protesting the lie. She peered up the slope to the top of a hill, one with trees and dirt and everything. "Mmmmm, hill hill hill hill hill", she sang quietly to herself. Thought hit her like an anvil, and she fell off her rock, a stone sailing where her head used to be and a muffled curse coming from the bushes. She got up, a lightbulb all but hovering over her head. "This hill! It was this hill!"
Thought abruptly left her, to find someplace else more worthwhile, and Himiko deflated like Larva's birthday balloon. "Uh........"
Miyu decided to help her out a little. She stepped out of a bush nearby with admonitions for Larva not to throw any more rocks, and deftly kicked Himiko in the ass, sending her skidding up to the top of the hill.
She came to rest at the top, a large clearing showing her a large clearing. "Hmm," she said, "a large clearing," nodded to herself, scratched her ass, made love to a nearby hedge, and turned to leave.
She was stopped by a sound like a dozen butch Japanese schoolgirls wailing at her and beating each other with wooden paddles. She turned, and there was a house in middle of the clearing, the sky streaked dramatically with red and black.
"Ooooooooooh," commented Himiko. She examined the house. She examined the crud under her fingernails, then went back to the house. It was of traditional Japanese post-war style, dilapidated, and almost completely an unhappy shade of gray. Definitely haunted. Himiko walked up and rang the doorbell. There was no answer. Himiko rang again using her nipple for variety, then went and peered in the windows, inquiring if anybody was home. Not wanting to get her sleeve dirty, she opened her shirt and rubbed her naked breasts against the window, creating two clean spots she used to peer inside the dark depths.
She went back to ring the doorbell again, leaving her shirt and dirty pillows (hee hee, Carrie!) hanging out in the rather chilly Japanese air. Miyu appeared behind her. She exhaled impatiently and shoved Himiko through the door with her foot, which would later be examined meticulously for transmitted STDs. She then disappeared, readying all her creepy-making effects, which included a fog machine Larva had lifted from his last stint of throwing eggs at Sigfried and Rhoid's house.
(It's Rhoid. Shut up, I'm trying to write)
Himiko stopped just inside the door, where the floor was raised a few steps, and three pairs of shoes lay, one belonging to a young girl, the others made for larger feet. She decided it would be too much work to tug off her slut-boots, and simply swayed her way up the stairs. One of the shoes flew up to smack against her ass, and she whirled to confront...nothing. Larva silently and maniacally giggled. This wasn't one of Miyu's creepy-making effects, and she went and briefly pummeled him for spoiling the mood and desecrating the soul of Dr. Schole. Himiko's attention span couldn't hold for that long, so she continued up the stairs to stop and stare dimly at some paintings. Miyu waited patiently for her to finish. After ten minutes drool was making a steady train down Himiko's chin. Miyu crept close and whispered surreptitiously, "They're paintings."
Himiko promptly shit herself. Snapping to attention, she squinted at them harder. "Oh........" she commented brightly. Miyu beat her head against the wall across the room, drawing Himiko's attention. She walked over to that side of the room, Miyu trailing behind, and stopped by a door.
(I have a healthy grasp of physics)
"Nice door," she remarked, and turned to leave. Miyu caught her arm and gave her a little push toward the door, in lieu of ripping it off and beating her about the kidneys with it.
"But the door has a TABLE in front of it!" Himiko wailed ignorantly. On the table rested a tiny stoppered vial containing a dark red liquid. Miyu sighed angrily. "Larva!" Larva leaped eagerly to help Himiko, grasping the back of her head gently, then bashing it against the table, smashing the tiny vial and smearing the liquid onto Himiko's forehead. He then kneecapped her for the sheer unadulterated hell of it. Himiko straightened. "Ow."
Miyu smiled thankfully at Larva, who traipsed happily back to his corner, thoughts of becoming a mafia hitman after the last shinma was sealed bouncing through his head like Himiko's naked and dirty, dirty breasts. Himiko turned to look at Miyu expectantly. Miyu held her hand out to the door, palm up. Himiko continued to stare helplessly. Miyu gestured to the door. Himiko had one finger lodged in her nostril, presumably to poke her brain awake. Miyu pointed to the door, miming opening it with her other hand, nodding and smiling helpfully. Himiko tilted her head slightly. Miyu reached out and placed Himiko's hand on the door latch, pushing gently to get it started. Himiko stared at her hand as if surprised to find it attached to the end of her arm.
"OPEN THE DOOR!" Miyu yelled inconspicuously to the air above Himiko's head. Himiko peered above her, and Miyu flung the door open, pushing Himiko in. The resulting broken nose from smacking into the looming hard substance was very satisfactory.
"Ow! AAAAAAAAAAAKragenAutoPartsAAUUUUWWWW!!!!!!" A very long, fake, manly scream came from Himiko, and Miyu smiled, settling down to her other creepifying things she had planned. Himiko wet herself, washing away most of her earlier accident.
(Arrggggg I'm going to hell!)
Himiko pointed to the room, boggling intelligently and breaking her finger against the hard substance, and Miyu nodded helpfully.
"The room!"
Miyu nodded.
"Ice? Glass? The room is filled with glass?"
Miyu stared at her and smiled her creepy smile. "Those are-"
Himiko refused to be diverted. "Glass? Glass? It's glass, isn't it? Glass Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Is it glass? I'll bet it's glass. It looks like glass. It has to be glass! Or ice! Is it ice? Ice? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? AAAAAH!!" Himiko knelt down clutching her head. "Tell me!" She lifter her head, the beginnings of a smile tugging the corners of her lips. "Teletubbie!"
Miyu sighed. "It's saran wrap."
Himiko brought her head around, her smile vanishing. "Oh."
Miyu tried to get back into creepy-making mode. "Those are-"
"So it's not glass?"
"No!"
"You sure?"
Miyu squinted evilly. "Positive"
"Only fools are positive."
"You're going to pay for that in your own flesh later."
(Wee-hoo. Who remembers Fern Gully? Himiko does!)
"So...it's not ice either?"
"NO."
"Sure looks like-"
"I KNOW!! Those are my parents."
"Ohhhhhhh. You wouldn't BELIEVE how warm my thighs are right now."
Miyu made a valiant attempt at conversation. "They're-"
"Why they on the ceiling?"
"Because."
"Because why?"
"Because I stapled them there!"
"Ew."
Miyu peered at Himiko and managed a smile. "Do you want eternal life?"
Himiko twitched. "Wha?"
Miyu giggled. "You do!"
"Nope."
"Yes you do."
"No I don't"
"Do too"
"Do not!"
"Yes you do"
"NOT!...Bitch!" Ha, showed you. Himiko thought.
"Yes you do. I can see it in your....augh!"
"What?"
"Your mind.."
"Not at all!"
Miyu's squint reached dangerous proportions. "What?!"
"I don't mind.really!"
"That..is NOT what I meant!!"
"So what? You can read my mind. I don't even have to talk to you." Himiko crossed her arms and began humming 'I have loved a thousand sailor men'.
"It doesn't WORK that WAY!"
"Do you kill babies?"
"NO!"
"You shouldn't. It's not functional. Even if you were gonna wear them as shoes. You'd never have a matching pair."
"Unless you have twin-SHUT UP! Shut up you STUPID WOMAN!"
"You gots some POINEE teef!"
Miyu sighed calmly. "I told you to shut up. Now I'm going to have to burn you."
Larva helpfully produced a match from the depths of his cloak and flicked it alight with a fingernail. Miyu gave him a withering look and formed a fireball in the center of her palm. Larva shrugged and flicked the match into Himiko's hair.
The next chapter?..Why, filled with murder and mayhem! Just you wait! And this isn't going to be like my other stories where I promise the next chapter will be the last and then it never happens cause it WILL!
Please review. When no one does I think no one is reading my shit and thus I don't update, disgruntling the few who did read but failed to review because of the immense mental pain I just inflicted on them, bless they little souls...
All right, truly (madly deeply? Not on your life, motha fucka!) the next chapter?....WE KILL HIMIKO!!! Yaaay!
Please give me a review. I am a sad nobody with flying fingers of mystic doooooooom
And I own nothing, so don't presume to flatter me by assuming I do. I'll get Larva to kneecap you, bitch.
Done now.til next chapter, anyway
As a matter of fact..here's the 'CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE' version of Let's All...starting from the house. Ready...? GO!
Oh yes and I truly am a jealous little madness-kitten. If you steal my ideas I will go after your soft bits with my evil teefs of...flesh-rending violence. Grrr
(Know what's a funny word? Clusterfuck. Clusterfuck! I learned that from Mister Rogers. He knew I could)
HERE WE GO NOW! By the arachniphiliac
*The first part's for the benefit of those who haven't read my other aforementioned story. For those who have, there's new stuff floating around in the old stuff like dead puppies in the hallway.
Download Dead Puppies. Tom Lehrer. Yessssss..it time for stori.
Se Himiko had long since given up on kidnapping young boys and forcing them to critique the hefty stash of 'Mr. Fitness '93' calendars she had. Some months earlier she had encountered something that was anathema to the hokey, fake, 'mysterious creaks and odors' business she was in. A vampire. No, really. Shit, kids, you know the deal.
After stalking the demon and several local innocents for completely random reasons, the deep sense of moral dignity her drunken father had instilled in her rose like the gag reflex of a bulimic sword swallower.
(God I'm terrible. Damn introductions. I needs five titties.argg focus, damn you)
After spying the creature in, around, going to and coming from the junior high, in uniform no less, Se Himiko decided to confront the demon on hallow ground. The school. This turned out less than satisfactory for the unfortunate spiritualist, though she did moderately excite a janitor mopping a hallway with her white leather thigh-high go-go boots and neckline she had earlier pulled down to her groin.
(THIS IS WHERE THE FUN STARTS!)
She stalked away, swaying as much as possible for the janitor's benefit, and sat down on a rock quite far from the school to smoke a cigarette, which Larva had earlier tried unsuccessfully to lace with cyanide.
(Oh yeah and Larva's trying to kill her. He's also made vague allusions to stabbing someone in the neck with a pencil. So there)
She gagged nonetheless, enjoying filling her lungs with condensed tar, and exhaled happily, if a bit noisily.
"Hmmmm," she mused out loud, shifting on her rock, "my ass tells me I have sat here before." Her ass gurgled unhappily, protesting the lie. She peered up the slope to the top of a hill, one with trees and dirt and everything. "Mmmmm, hill hill hill hill hill", she sang quietly to herself. Thought hit her like an anvil, and she fell off her rock, a stone sailing where her head used to be and a muffled curse coming from the bushes. She got up, a lightbulb all but hovering over her head. "This hill! It was this hill!"
Thought abruptly left her, to find someplace else more worthwhile, and Himiko deflated like Larva's birthday balloon. "Uh........"
Miyu decided to help her out a little. She stepped out of a bush nearby with admonitions for Larva not to throw any more rocks, and deftly kicked Himiko in the ass, sending her skidding up to the top of the hill.
She came to rest at the top, a large clearing showing her a large clearing. "Hmm," she said, "a large clearing," nodded to herself, scratched her ass, made love to a nearby hedge, and turned to leave.
She was stopped by a sound like a dozen butch Japanese schoolgirls wailing at her and beating each other with wooden paddles. She turned, and there was a house in middle of the clearing, the sky streaked dramatically with red and black.
"Ooooooooooh," commented Himiko. She examined the house. She examined the crud under her fingernails, then went back to the house. It was of traditional Japanese post-war style, dilapidated, and almost completely an unhappy shade of gray. Definitely haunted. Himiko walked up and rang the doorbell. There was no answer. Himiko rang again using her nipple for variety, then went and peered in the windows, inquiring if anybody was home. Not wanting to get her sleeve dirty, she opened her shirt and rubbed her naked breasts against the window, creating two clean spots she used to peer inside the dark depths.
She went back to ring the doorbell again, leaving her shirt and dirty pillows (hee hee, Carrie!) hanging out in the rather chilly Japanese air. Miyu appeared behind her. She exhaled impatiently and shoved Himiko through the door with her foot, which would later be examined meticulously for transmitted STDs. She then disappeared, readying all her creepy-making effects, which included a fog machine Larva had lifted from his last stint of throwing eggs at Sigfried and Rhoid's house.
(It's Rhoid. Shut up, I'm trying to write)
Himiko stopped just inside the door, where the floor was raised a few steps, and three pairs of shoes lay, one belonging to a young girl, the others made for larger feet. She decided it would be too much work to tug off her slut-boots, and simply swayed her way up the stairs. One of the shoes flew up to smack against her ass, and she whirled to confront...nothing. Larva silently and maniacally giggled. This wasn't one of Miyu's creepy-making effects, and she went and briefly pummeled him for spoiling the mood and desecrating the soul of Dr. Schole. Himiko's attention span couldn't hold for that long, so she continued up the stairs to stop and stare dimly at some paintings. Miyu waited patiently for her to finish. After ten minutes drool was making a steady train down Himiko's chin. Miyu crept close and whispered surreptitiously, "They're paintings."
Himiko promptly shit herself. Snapping to attention, she squinted at them harder. "Oh........" she commented brightly. Miyu beat her head against the wall across the room, drawing Himiko's attention. She walked over to that side of the room, Miyu trailing behind, and stopped by a door.
(I have a healthy grasp of physics)
"Nice door," she remarked, and turned to leave. Miyu caught her arm and gave her a little push toward the door, in lieu of ripping it off and beating her about the kidneys with it.
"But the door has a TABLE in front of it!" Himiko wailed ignorantly. On the table rested a tiny stoppered vial containing a dark red liquid. Miyu sighed angrily. "Larva!" Larva leaped eagerly to help Himiko, grasping the back of her head gently, then bashing it against the table, smashing the tiny vial and smearing the liquid onto Himiko's forehead. He then kneecapped her for the sheer unadulterated hell of it. Himiko straightened. "Ow."
Miyu smiled thankfully at Larva, who traipsed happily back to his corner, thoughts of becoming a mafia hitman after the last shinma was sealed bouncing through his head like Himiko's naked and dirty, dirty breasts. Himiko turned to look at Miyu expectantly. Miyu held her hand out to the door, palm up. Himiko continued to stare helplessly. Miyu gestured to the door. Himiko had one finger lodged in her nostril, presumably to poke her brain awake. Miyu pointed to the door, miming opening it with her other hand, nodding and smiling helpfully. Himiko tilted her head slightly. Miyu reached out and placed Himiko's hand on the door latch, pushing gently to get it started. Himiko stared at her hand as if surprised to find it attached to the end of her arm.
"OPEN THE DOOR!" Miyu yelled inconspicuously to the air above Himiko's head. Himiko peered above her, and Miyu flung the door open, pushing Himiko in. The resulting broken nose from smacking into the looming hard substance was very satisfactory.
"Ow! AAAAAAAAAAAKragenAutoPartsAAUUUUWWWW!!!!!!" A very long, fake, manly scream came from Himiko, and Miyu smiled, settling down to her other creepifying things she had planned. Himiko wet herself, washing away most of her earlier accident.
(Arrggggg I'm going to hell!)
Himiko pointed to the room, boggling intelligently and breaking her finger against the hard substance, and Miyu nodded helpfully.
"The room!"
Miyu nodded.
"Ice? Glass? The room is filled with glass?"
Miyu stared at her and smiled her creepy smile. "Those are-"
Himiko refused to be diverted. "Glass? Glass? It's glass, isn't it? Glass Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Is it glass? I'll bet it's glass. It looks like glass. It has to be glass! Or ice! Is it ice? Ice? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? Glass? AAAAAH!!" Himiko knelt down clutching her head. "Tell me!" She lifter her head, the beginnings of a smile tugging the corners of her lips. "Teletubbie!"
Miyu sighed. "It's saran wrap."
Himiko brought her head around, her smile vanishing. "Oh."
Miyu tried to get back into creepy-making mode. "Those are-"
"So it's not glass?"
"No!"
"You sure?"
Miyu squinted evilly. "Positive"
"Only fools are positive."
"You're going to pay for that in your own flesh later."
(Wee-hoo. Who remembers Fern Gully? Himiko does!)
"So...it's not ice either?"
"NO."
"Sure looks like-"
"I KNOW!! Those are my parents."
"Ohhhhhhh. You wouldn't BELIEVE how warm my thighs are right now."
Miyu made a valiant attempt at conversation. "They're-"
"Why they on the ceiling?"
"Because."
"Because why?"
"Because I stapled them there!"
"Ew."
Miyu peered at Himiko and managed a smile. "Do you want eternal life?"
Himiko twitched. "Wha?"
Miyu giggled. "You do!"
"Nope."
"Yes you do."
"No I don't"
"Do too"
"Do not!"
"Yes you do"
"NOT!...Bitch!" Ha, showed you. Himiko thought.
"Yes you do. I can see it in your....augh!"
"What?"
"Your mind.."
"Not at all!"
Miyu's squint reached dangerous proportions. "What?!"
"I don't mind.really!"
"That..is NOT what I meant!!"
"So what? You can read my mind. I don't even have to talk to you." Himiko crossed her arms and began humming 'I have loved a thousand sailor men'.
"It doesn't WORK that WAY!"
"Do you kill babies?"
"NO!"
"You shouldn't. It's not functional. Even if you were gonna wear them as shoes. You'd never have a matching pair."
"Unless you have twin-SHUT UP! Shut up you STUPID WOMAN!"
"You gots some POINEE teef!"
Miyu sighed calmly. "I told you to shut up. Now I'm going to have to burn you."
Larva helpfully produced a match from the depths of his cloak and flicked it alight with a fingernail. Miyu gave him a withering look and formed a fireball in the center of her palm. Larva shrugged and flicked the match into Himiko's hair.
The next chapter?..Why, filled with murder and mayhem! Just you wait! And this isn't going to be like my other stories where I promise the next chapter will be the last and then it never happens cause it WILL!
Please review. When no one does I think no one is reading my shit and thus I don't update, disgruntling the few who did read but failed to review because of the immense mental pain I just inflicted on them, bless they little souls...
All right, truly (madly deeply? Not on your life, motha fucka!) the next chapter?....WE KILL HIMIKO!!! Yaaay!
Please give me a review. I am a sad nobody with flying fingers of mystic doooooooom
And I own nothing, so don't presume to flatter me by assuming I do. I'll get Larva to kneecap you, bitch.
Done now.til next chapter, anyway