*********************** * * * * ********************** * * * *
*********************** * * *
Now this was the kind of mission K had never been able to convince Tohma were necessary for the everyday running of NG.
That babysitter. He had this suspicious feeling he knew her from somewhere, but he just couldn't place it. . . . never mind that, he had a mission to concentrate on now.
************* * * * * ************************* * * * * ************************* * * * * **
Bang. Crash.
Yuki, having finished his programming of the VCR (it was a very complicated procedure, involving pliers and two rolls of duct tape) had consequently forgotten why it was necessary to begin with. He had a good idea that he had forgotten something very important, so busied himself with the task of getting smashed so he'd have a reasonable excuse to have forgotten when whoever he was meant to meet called. With a can of beer and a cigarette he clambered onto the Sofa to dedicate the rest of the day to loafing when a very odd noise came from the ventilation pipe overhead.
Why. . . It sounded as if a very large albeit stealthy American were crawling around in there. Curious and curiouser. Especially since this was a closed circuit type ventilation system (installed by request of the landlady after the third Yuki/Shu stalker fell through to her lounge room) and the intruder would effectively be eternally travelling in the apartments figure eight design forever. What was the fool thinking?
One could just as easily ask why whoever it was had gotten in there in the firstplace, but when one had lived with Shindo Shuichi long enough one knew better than to wonder the small details (and Yuki was beginning to think it had been far too long now since having people crawling in his ventilation was no longer the uncommon occurrence it had once been).
He was torn between letting whoever it was think they were undetected and wear themselves out in mobious-strip-ventilation-hell and sheer curiosity (since there was that nagging thing he was supposed to be doing. . . .).
Curiosity won.
****************** ****
Bang! Bang!
K cursed as someone started poking at the ventilation with a broomstick. .. . no wait, that resonance. . . probably a mop (the difference is obvious with experience). He didn't have long to contemplate this, as ventilation ducts are notorious sturdy on the inside, but tend to collapse with the least amount of pressure applied from the outside. Hence the pipe was no longer so much attached to the ceiling but in pieces on the floor.
"Good morning, Mr. Yuki." Drawled K recovering instantly (Experience! Experience!) in his perfect (?) English.
Yuki wondered how someone could fall so far in a tin can and not be injured. He also knew that statement could only be loosely coined English since he had spent some years in America and was pretty sure no one talked like that. Maybe it was a dialect.
"I have a message for you from Mr. Sakuma." In English (?) again.
Maybe K was Australian. Yuki had never met an Australian. At least he didn't think so, maybe he had met dozens but their dialect was unremarkable so he merely hadn't noticed.
"Go on." Prompted Yuki (mentally picturing K in an Akubra) after several minutes of silence. K produced a set of notecards from inside his shirt, and began to read.
"Usagi." That one word had taken just under a minute to translate form the scrawl Ryuichi called handwriting. K was proud of this, as more than 5 years as Ryuichi's manager had truly endowed him with an amazing skill. He hadn't even been fazed by the Egyptian hieroglyphs scattered amongst the katakana. Having successfully decoded the first page, he turned to the next.
"I have successfully reclaimed my progeny from your lair of inequity." This was the part Sakano had suggested. "Please accept this. . . American replacement as a sign of goodwill?" K looked horrified between the paper and Yuki (who looked thankfully disinterested in the proposition). Suddenly Ryuichi's suggestion that K dye his hair pink as a form of cryptic coloration in case Yuki's ventilation ducts were pink inside made perfect sense.
This was war, and sacrifices had to be made. K had willingly accepted this mission, and he wasn't one to back out when things got too tough. He flopped onto the couch wordlessly to begin his new life as Shindo Keiichi, lead singer of Bad Luck. Taking out a notepad he started trying to write lyrics.
Perhaps Yuki had not noticed the substitution.
It would have been a lot easier if Yuki wasn't holding that mop in a pre- offensive strike kinda way with a nervous twitch playing on his temple - no wonder Shuichi was always late getting songs in if this was indicative of his working environment, it could be considered excellent combat training however.
******* ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** *
It appeared that stupidity was contagious . . . and a particularly virile strain had been introduced into NG studios at some point in the past two days. Yuki hoped it wasn't transmittable through bodily fluids since he distinctly remembered kissing Shuichi last night. Then again, maybe Shuichi was immune since he was naturally stupid. That didn't mean he couldn't be a carrier though. Damn.
"Yuki! Yuuu~~~ki!" Called the very-definitely-not-Shuichi man on the other side of the door.
Panting to regain his breath, Yuki reached desperately for the phone, finding it just out of his reach if he wanted to keep the door braced.
Then the banging on the door stopped.
This was a very disturbing thing. It was one of those thebadguyistryingsomethingnew kind of silences that almost always resulted in one of the good guys getting slaughtered - and since Yuki was the only player in the current scene. . . there was only one thing to do in such a situation. Cower in fear.
This course of action was not only boring but also non-productive. Yuki gave up and went to write a few novels's instead.
'Keichi' meanwhile was distracted doing a very Shuichi kind of thing, raiding the fridge (of course this was a cover for Kei who was really making a list of all the common household products that could be used to make explosives).
***** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ***
"Yes!" Declared Ryuichi in his best I'm-a-brat-so-deal voice.
"No!" Was Shuichi's I'm-a-brat-so-deal comeback.
Sakano had no idea who was winning the current erm. . . altercation. On one hand Shuichi was at least 5% cuter being just slightly shorter and having the whole pink-hair thing going. Ryuichi however had the Kumagarou advantage. He just hoped neither of them resorted to using special techniques. As if the thought itself was prompt enough, Ryuichi started powering up for a Kuma Biimu. From that stance Shuichi obviously intended to counter with a pink sugar heart attack. This was bad. Very bad. Who knew what kind of chaos would be borne if the beams crossed? All life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light would be Sakano's first guess.
"Stop it you fool's!" Screamed Sakano suddenly (not that anyone would have noticed the slight increase in agitation from Sakano's usual state of perpetual panic). "Do you really want to risk total protonic reversal?"
Two chibi's stared at him non-plussed.
"Tonic is something you drink, ne? Ne?" Asked ChibiShu tugging at his jacket.
"Proctal river seal? Like the aquarium?" Asked ChibiRyu (whose Engrish was after all much better).
"Cube is taking us to the aquarium!" They cheered in unison doing a chibi- dance highly reminiscent of the Macarena.
Sakano secretly congratulated himself on saving the world from near destruction yet again.
"But first.!" Declared Ryuichi to the heavens.
"Bath!" Shuichi and Ryuichi declared, divesting themselves of their clothes and making a mad dash for the bathroom. This was not the lewd vision some people had fantasized it to be (not mentioning any names **cough Tatsuha cough** ) as naked is the natural state of chibi's and they tended to revert to it wherever and whyever possible (not to mention they had about as much sexual definition as a jelly bean).
"I. . . . better go assist!" Suggested Tatsuha sweetly. After all the chibi- no-jutsu consumed mass quantities of ki and could only be maintained so long. . . best to be there when they returned to normal. . . . er. . . incase one of them passed out or something. . . . yeah that was it.
**** ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* *****
Yuki didn't know whom to call.
Kei had cut off the phoneline some time ago and Yuki suspected it was only because he'd taken precautions in the past to make his office Shuichi-proof that he still remained relatively unscathed in this whole affair. If the small explosions that kept shaking the building were any indication it was unlikely the titanium doors would last much longer either. Right now he was regretting his decision that depleted uranium was overkill.
Luckily he had found Shuichi's mobile wedged under one corner of his desk (incidently keeping the desk level due to the missing leg).
If he called the police or his psychiatrist the result would be the same. 'That's right doctor. A large, blonde, American is impersonating my, erm. flatmate. . . yes the one with which I am intimately involved. . . No. He just wants me to keep reading incredibly bad song lyrics at gunpoint.' Maybe a few weeks at a mental health retreat might be just what he needed after all. He'd managed to complete three novels since he's enforced internment so he could afford the time off anyway.
He could call Mika who would unsympathetically tell him this would never have happened if he had returned home and run the family temple like he was supposed too. Telling Tohma would just be indirectly telling Mika.
On a whim he scrolled through Shuichi's phonebook. Rather peevish he noticed he was only number 13. Then again he supposed they were only ordered by entry date rather than importance. So here he was squeezed between Suguru and Pizza Hut. That hurt. Without another thought he reordered himself to the top of the list, bumping Hiro to #2. Heh. That felt good.
. . . . and it started ringing.
"You better have a damn good reason for. . . " Hiro's voice demanded over the line. In surprise Yuki fumbled with the phone. How could he possibly have known?
"I was just. . ." Yuki tried to sound as dignified as possible (failing miserably).
". . . Yuki-san?" Hiro's surprise was evident and Yuki belatedly realized Hiro had thought Shuichi had answered. Haha. Of course he couldn't have known about the phone. Hahah. Its not like he had some kind of sixth sense to tell when someone was messing with Shuichi, was it? Admittedly this was not the first time Yuki had wondered. "Ah. . . . Is Shuichi there?"
"No." It was not an answer extremely beneficial to either party, but Yuki had a reputation as a cold, heartless, bastard to maintain.
"Do you know where he is?"
"No." Well it wasn't a lie. He didn't **know** Shu was at Ryuichi's house. Suspected sure.
"Do you. . . suspect anywhere he might be?"
Yuki glared at the phone. Ineffective maybe, but gratifying.
"He might be at Sakuma's." Yuki admitted.
"If you see him tell him he's three hours late for practice!" Growled Suguru's voice, the owner of which had apparently commandeered the phone, before ending the call.
Great. Just great.
Yuki had hoped he could just sit this one out until the novelty wore out and Shuichi got returned/returned on his own, but now he would HAVE to go rescue Shuichi before Hiro did.
Now this was the kind of mission K had never been able to convince Tohma were necessary for the everyday running of NG.
That babysitter. He had this suspicious feeling he knew her from somewhere, but he just couldn't place it. . . . never mind that, he had a mission to concentrate on now.
************* * * * * ************************* * * * * ************************* * * * * **
Bang. Crash.
Yuki, having finished his programming of the VCR (it was a very complicated procedure, involving pliers and two rolls of duct tape) had consequently forgotten why it was necessary to begin with. He had a good idea that he had forgotten something very important, so busied himself with the task of getting smashed so he'd have a reasonable excuse to have forgotten when whoever he was meant to meet called. With a can of beer and a cigarette he clambered onto the Sofa to dedicate the rest of the day to loafing when a very odd noise came from the ventilation pipe overhead.
Why. . . It sounded as if a very large albeit stealthy American were crawling around in there. Curious and curiouser. Especially since this was a closed circuit type ventilation system (installed by request of the landlady after the third Yuki/Shu stalker fell through to her lounge room) and the intruder would effectively be eternally travelling in the apartments figure eight design forever. What was the fool thinking?
One could just as easily ask why whoever it was had gotten in there in the firstplace, but when one had lived with Shindo Shuichi long enough one knew better than to wonder the small details (and Yuki was beginning to think it had been far too long now since having people crawling in his ventilation was no longer the uncommon occurrence it had once been).
He was torn between letting whoever it was think they were undetected and wear themselves out in mobious-strip-ventilation-hell and sheer curiosity (since there was that nagging thing he was supposed to be doing. . . .).
Curiosity won.
****************** ****
Bang! Bang!
K cursed as someone started poking at the ventilation with a broomstick. .. . no wait, that resonance. . . probably a mop (the difference is obvious with experience). He didn't have long to contemplate this, as ventilation ducts are notorious sturdy on the inside, but tend to collapse with the least amount of pressure applied from the outside. Hence the pipe was no longer so much attached to the ceiling but in pieces on the floor.
"Good morning, Mr. Yuki." Drawled K recovering instantly (Experience! Experience!) in his perfect (?) English.
Yuki wondered how someone could fall so far in a tin can and not be injured. He also knew that statement could only be loosely coined English since he had spent some years in America and was pretty sure no one talked like that. Maybe it was a dialect.
"I have a message for you from Mr. Sakuma." In English (?) again.
Maybe K was Australian. Yuki had never met an Australian. At least he didn't think so, maybe he had met dozens but their dialect was unremarkable so he merely hadn't noticed.
"Go on." Prompted Yuki (mentally picturing K in an Akubra) after several minutes of silence. K produced a set of notecards from inside his shirt, and began to read.
"Usagi." That one word had taken just under a minute to translate form the scrawl Ryuichi called handwriting. K was proud of this, as more than 5 years as Ryuichi's manager had truly endowed him with an amazing skill. He hadn't even been fazed by the Egyptian hieroglyphs scattered amongst the katakana. Having successfully decoded the first page, he turned to the next.
"I have successfully reclaimed my progeny from your lair of inequity." This was the part Sakano had suggested. "Please accept this. . . American replacement as a sign of goodwill?" K looked horrified between the paper and Yuki (who looked thankfully disinterested in the proposition). Suddenly Ryuichi's suggestion that K dye his hair pink as a form of cryptic coloration in case Yuki's ventilation ducts were pink inside made perfect sense.
This was war, and sacrifices had to be made. K had willingly accepted this mission, and he wasn't one to back out when things got too tough. He flopped onto the couch wordlessly to begin his new life as Shindo Keiichi, lead singer of Bad Luck. Taking out a notepad he started trying to write lyrics.
Perhaps Yuki had not noticed the substitution.
It would have been a lot easier if Yuki wasn't holding that mop in a pre- offensive strike kinda way with a nervous twitch playing on his temple - no wonder Shuichi was always late getting songs in if this was indicative of his working environment, it could be considered excellent combat training however.
******* ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** *
It appeared that stupidity was contagious . . . and a particularly virile strain had been introduced into NG studios at some point in the past two days. Yuki hoped it wasn't transmittable through bodily fluids since he distinctly remembered kissing Shuichi last night. Then again, maybe Shuichi was immune since he was naturally stupid. That didn't mean he couldn't be a carrier though. Damn.
"Yuki! Yuuu~~~ki!" Called the very-definitely-not-Shuichi man on the other side of the door.
Panting to regain his breath, Yuki reached desperately for the phone, finding it just out of his reach if he wanted to keep the door braced.
Then the banging on the door stopped.
This was a very disturbing thing. It was one of those thebadguyistryingsomethingnew kind of silences that almost always resulted in one of the good guys getting slaughtered - and since Yuki was the only player in the current scene. . . there was only one thing to do in such a situation. Cower in fear.
This course of action was not only boring but also non-productive. Yuki gave up and went to write a few novels's instead.
'Keichi' meanwhile was distracted doing a very Shuichi kind of thing, raiding the fridge (of course this was a cover for Kei who was really making a list of all the common household products that could be used to make explosives).
***** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ***
"Yes!" Declared Ryuichi in his best I'm-a-brat-so-deal voice.
"No!" Was Shuichi's I'm-a-brat-so-deal comeback.
Sakano had no idea who was winning the current erm. . . altercation. On one hand Shuichi was at least 5% cuter being just slightly shorter and having the whole pink-hair thing going. Ryuichi however had the Kumagarou advantage. He just hoped neither of them resorted to using special techniques. As if the thought itself was prompt enough, Ryuichi started powering up for a Kuma Biimu. From that stance Shuichi obviously intended to counter with a pink sugar heart attack. This was bad. Very bad. Who knew what kind of chaos would be borne if the beams crossed? All life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light would be Sakano's first guess.
"Stop it you fool's!" Screamed Sakano suddenly (not that anyone would have noticed the slight increase in agitation from Sakano's usual state of perpetual panic). "Do you really want to risk total protonic reversal?"
Two chibi's stared at him non-plussed.
"Tonic is something you drink, ne? Ne?" Asked ChibiShu tugging at his jacket.
"Proctal river seal? Like the aquarium?" Asked ChibiRyu (whose Engrish was after all much better).
"Cube is taking us to the aquarium!" They cheered in unison doing a chibi- dance highly reminiscent of the Macarena.
Sakano secretly congratulated himself on saving the world from near destruction yet again.
"But first.!" Declared Ryuichi to the heavens.
"Bath!" Shuichi and Ryuichi declared, divesting themselves of their clothes and making a mad dash for the bathroom. This was not the lewd vision some people had fantasized it to be (not mentioning any names **cough Tatsuha cough** ) as naked is the natural state of chibi's and they tended to revert to it wherever and whyever possible (not to mention they had about as much sexual definition as a jelly bean).
"I. . . . better go assist!" Suggested Tatsuha sweetly. After all the chibi- no-jutsu consumed mass quantities of ki and could only be maintained so long. . . best to be there when they returned to normal. . . . er. . . incase one of them passed out or something. . . . yeah that was it.
**** ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* *****
Yuki didn't know whom to call.
Kei had cut off the phoneline some time ago and Yuki suspected it was only because he'd taken precautions in the past to make his office Shuichi-proof that he still remained relatively unscathed in this whole affair. If the small explosions that kept shaking the building were any indication it was unlikely the titanium doors would last much longer either. Right now he was regretting his decision that depleted uranium was overkill.
Luckily he had found Shuichi's mobile wedged under one corner of his desk (incidently keeping the desk level due to the missing leg).
If he called the police or his psychiatrist the result would be the same. 'That's right doctor. A large, blonde, American is impersonating my, erm. flatmate. . . yes the one with which I am intimately involved. . . No. He just wants me to keep reading incredibly bad song lyrics at gunpoint.' Maybe a few weeks at a mental health retreat might be just what he needed after all. He'd managed to complete three novels since he's enforced internment so he could afford the time off anyway.
He could call Mika who would unsympathetically tell him this would never have happened if he had returned home and run the family temple like he was supposed too. Telling Tohma would just be indirectly telling Mika.
On a whim he scrolled through Shuichi's phonebook. Rather peevish he noticed he was only number 13. Then again he supposed they were only ordered by entry date rather than importance. So here he was squeezed between Suguru and Pizza Hut. That hurt. Without another thought he reordered himself to the top of the list, bumping Hiro to #2. Heh. That felt good.
. . . . and it started ringing.
"You better have a damn good reason for. . . " Hiro's voice demanded over the line. In surprise Yuki fumbled with the phone. How could he possibly have known?
"I was just. . ." Yuki tried to sound as dignified as possible (failing miserably).
". . . Yuki-san?" Hiro's surprise was evident and Yuki belatedly realized Hiro had thought Shuichi had answered. Haha. Of course he couldn't have known about the phone. Hahah. Its not like he had some kind of sixth sense to tell when someone was messing with Shuichi, was it? Admittedly this was not the first time Yuki had wondered. "Ah. . . . Is Shuichi there?"
"No." It was not an answer extremely beneficial to either party, but Yuki had a reputation as a cold, heartless, bastard to maintain.
"Do you know where he is?"
"No." Well it wasn't a lie. He didn't **know** Shu was at Ryuichi's house. Suspected sure.
"Do you. . . suspect anywhere he might be?"
Yuki glared at the phone. Ineffective maybe, but gratifying.
"He might be at Sakuma's." Yuki admitted.
"If you see him tell him he's three hours late for practice!" Growled Suguru's voice, the owner of which had apparently commandeered the phone, before ending the call.
Great. Just great.
Yuki had hoped he could just sit this one out until the novelty wore out and Shuichi got returned/returned on his own, but now he would HAVE to go rescue Shuichi before Hiro did.