The Dark Ride Saga - Chapter

                          Three

                      Last Traction Hero.

                                                                       Disclaimers-

"I just invented bleeding to death through the nipples! Arrrggghhh…":

Just like the fine people at Celebrity Death match own that quote the fine people at Marvel own everyone except for Cal.

I can see my house from here!:

You wanna archive, feel free. Tell me about it though.

It's not illegal if I don't see it happen!:

As usual this gets a PG. Rather safe than sued by the PTA.

"Hey! You ever notice that on page three thirty five his name is Cylops?":

So alternate universe it gets its own postcode.

"Luke, I am your father!":

Spoilers maybe, but ancient ones.

I was lying on a beautiful, deserted tropical beach.

The sun was shining, the sky was cloudless and blue, the sea was calm and everything was wonderful in the world.

That wasn't right. I always avoid the sun. More shadows at dawn, dusk and night time. Easier to hide.

Meh.

Yes, I said meh.

It's the verbal equivalent of the 'I don't care' shrug, as practiced by teenagers the world over.

This time it's your fault I went off on a tangent.

Anyway, I decided to forget about it. It was too relaxing to worry about anything. I yawned and stretched out my arms and extended my wings. Or tried to. My wings were gone. This wasn't worrying me as much as it should. I scratched my head in confusion. There was something wrong with my arm too. I stared at it for a while and gave up.

I closed my eyes. I'd work it out later.

Or not. I suddenly realized what was wrong. I had a hand. My claw was gone. I opened my eyes again and looked down. I was human. Fully human. That wasn't right. I shouldn't be able to shift to my human form for at least two weeks.

Meh.

More verbal shrugging.

More tangents. Sorry. I really should try to stop doing that. It must be really annoying.

I'm doing it now aren't I?

Anyway, I was lying on a beach, fully human and feeling too relaxed to care how.

I rolled onto my back. There was a sudden sharp pain. I remember thinking something along the lines of

'Owowowow. It bit me! The beach bit me!'

Not exactly a logical train of thought is it? Something was happening to the sky. It was falling. No, that wasn't right. It was slowly lowering. And changing. Cracking and becoming pitted. It resolved itself into a ceiling. The sun had changed itself into a low watt electric light bulb. I closed all my eyes and groaned. Most of my back was in agony. Terrible, nightmarish, being made to listen to Britney Spears while wearing a blindfold so I wouldn't be able to distract myself from the music by looking at her ass painful. I managed a low level echo pulse. I was in a basement. A basement occupied by two people. One was me, obviously. The other was…

What? Echo pulse? It's like when you hold your nose and blow till your ears pop.

Is it just me or does that sentence sound wrong somehow?

Anyway.

It's kinda like a dolphin's sonar. Except not in water, obviously. And much more sensitive. And by the way, it's your fault I've gotten off topic.

Again.

There was a sudden noise. Whoever was in the room was pacing. And muttering.

"What was I thinking!...Bringing it…"

There was a pause. The voice continued.

"Bringing him here."

That was new. No had ever not called me an it.

Did that sentence make sense?

"Stupid upworlders hate me…why should they treat him differently…why am I even asking that? He's not me…of course they'll treat him with respect…they'll want to help him…why did I help him?..."

The voice was getting angry. The pacing stopped for a moment then resumed. Reached the other side of the room and turned around. I felt strangely proud of realizing that fact. Guess I still wasn't one hundred percent.

"…No one ever helped me…" 

The voice suddenly sounded sadder too.

"…no one…"

Much sadder.

I groaned again. Louder this time. I wanted to find out how they (whoever they were) would react if they thought I was waking up before I actually let 'em find out I was awake. That way if things were really bad and I'd been captured by the Friends of Humanity or the Society Of Preventing The Mutants Eating My Baby or whatever I'd have an extra few seconds of shrieking and running away time.                                                                                     

Stop looking at me like that.

I'm not a coward. Seriously, I'm not. I just have a small issue with being beaten to death by an angry mob because I'm carrying unfashionable DNA.

Anyway, it's like the old saying goes-

'He who shrieks and runs away lives to flee another day.'  

The footsteps and the muttering stopped for a second and then the person hurried out of the room. I relaxed a little. I was always uncomfortable around other people. I guess I still am, sometimes anyway. I decided to wait, see what happened. They might be careless and let something useful slip. That and it really hurt to move.

After about five minutes the footsteps returned. Two people this time.

"He groaned."

"Are you certain?"

"…"

"You know this would be so much simpler if we moved him to the infirmary?"

"…"

I remember thinking

'Ok, either the first person just turned into a telepath or those were the most expressive silences I've ever heard.'

I'd always thought I was the master of the disgruntled scowl technique but even without opening my eyes I knew I was outclassed.

I felt someone examine my back. Serious pain happened. I tensed up. The person moved back. I could hear the two of them talking but infuriatingly I couldn't hear what they were talking about. One of the people left.  Finally the other spoke.

"I know you're awake."

Dammit.

"If you still were unconscious you wouldn't have flinched."

Time to face the music.

I opened my eyes.