Author's Notes – Wow, it took a lot less time than I thought it would to get out chapter 4. This is what I get for doing all of my homework like a good little non-procrastinator. Extra time in the writing lab for me! Thanks to this fanfic and many homework assignments, I've now officially completed all of the minutes necessary for the semester in the writing lab. And yes, I do have a life, it just so happens that I have a big 3-hour chunk of time between my first hour at my high school and my Spanish class at college. Hehe! Anyways, I know the fourth chapter was a bit Koume, Yaegashi, and Matsudaira heavy, so for all of your Momiji, Kusenagi, Ryoko, and Kunikida fans out there, this one's more geared towards them. I was going to keep going on chapter 4, but then I realized that where I had stopped that segment was a great stopping point for the chapter, so thus chapter 5 promises to have a good pick up. Whee!
Rated: PG – 13 (bad Koume, Yaegashi needs to wash out your mouth with soap) ^_^;
Fun Note – Wanna see what the spell check changed everybody's names to?
Kusenagi = Cozenage
Momiji = Hominid
Kunikida = Fungicide
Matsudaira = (no spelling suggestions)
Ryoko = Rook
Koume = Come
Yaegashi = (no spelling suggestions)
Sugishita = Suicide
Sakura = Sakura
Aragami = Origami
Kusenagi's Illegal Break In! The Unexpected Disassembly! Blue Seed 1.399 – What Happens When You Don't Show Up For WorkKusenagi flew over Tokyo, grumpily noting the rather large seagull problem that the city had. He attempted to dodge the annoying little birds, but, like a jumbo jet, he couldn't quite clear them.
"Ugh, now I know what Fabio went through!" Kusenagi lamented as he recalled a newspaper article (the one time he actually read a newspaper) in which the famous romance author Fabio had been smacked in the face by a flying duck while riding a roller coaster. Amidst knocking some of the kamikaze seagulls out of the air, Kusenagi kept a sharp eye out for the apartment building that Ryoko Takeuchi lived in. Fifty dead seagulls, a pound of bird poop, a near miss with a (real) jumbo jet, and about forty or so fanatical Superman otaku that kept screaming at him to come and show them his cape later, he finally found the building. Stopping for a second (much to the delight of the crazy Superman otaku and angry seagulls below him), Kusenagi fished through his bird-fecal-drenched jacket and pulled out a small slip of paper. Reading its contents, Kusenagi circled around the building, and, if he estimated correctly, perched himself onto Ryoko's porch.
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Momiji wandered around the halls aimlessly. "Stupid school. Argh, why can't I just be done with it?" Suddenly, a girl with mid-back length raven-black hair ran up behind Momiji and grabbed her shoulder.
"Momiji!" She huffed as she bent over to catch her breath, her one hand still held fast to her shoulder.
"Yeah Toshi?" Momiji asked as she eyed her friend strangely. Toshi and Momiji had become friends before the Aragami threat had forced all of Tokyo to evacuate. Momiji at the time was glad to have a friend her age outside of Izumo (Akiko called regularly, but it wasn't the same). Someone who she could share most of her hopes and dreams (most of them pertaining to a certain cat-eyed, green-haired hottie) with and not be laughed at.
"I…*huff*…was…*puff*…calling…*huff*…you…*puff*" Toshi wheezed out, sweat pouring down her perfect face, washing away a bit of make-up with it.
"I'm sorry, I guess I was totally out of it." Momiji said in her usual air-headed manner. Toshi took another minute to catch her breath, before inquiring further about Momiji's absentmindedness.
"About Kusenagi?"
"Yeah." Momiji said with a sigh.
"Aw, buck up Momiji! I've never seen you look so glum. What's the deal?"
"Toshi…well, I kind of yelled at Kusenagi last night when he was doing his darndest to make me feel better about all of the homework I have to make up. I guess all of the stress got to me, and I gave him the cold shoulder. I guess I kinda feel bad."
"Aw, nothin' a little meal can't fix!" Toshi said as she smacked Momiji on the back, hard. Momiji blanched as waves of pain shot from the area that Toshi hit and cried out.
"Oops, sorry Momiji. Guess I don't know my own strength!" Momiji, unable to stay mad at anybody for longer than thirty seconds, laughed and played it off like it wasn't a big deal.
"Oh never mind about it. Hey, speaking of meals, it's lunchtime! Let's go chow down!"
"Hey, that reminds me, I wanted to surprise you. Lookit, I made you a lunch!" Toshi said as she handed Momiji a small tin. Surprised, Momiji opened the tin to find all of her favorite foods in small proportions, complete with little chopsticks wrapped in a maple leaf.
"Oh Toshi, thank you! Wow, this all looks so good! Hehe!" Momiji said as she began to lightly drool. Toshi laughed at the sight of Momiji, accepting her gratitude and suggesting that they go outside to eat. "Since it's such a nice day out." She commented. Momiji nodded, merrily awaiting to eat her meal. Though she had noticed cucumbers in it, she knew that she would live. "I hate cucumbers, but if I can eat them with Kusenagi, then I can eat them with Toshi."
As the girls walked out the doors of the school, Momiji bumped into a person and tumbled down the stairs. The surrounding area of school students them stopped, and the girls couldn't help but giggle at the sight of the klutzy Momiji; butt in the air and skirt by her hair, Kojiro the Crazy Kangaroo underpants on display for everyone to see.
"Oh man…" Momiji said as she blushed, the crowd around getting a good giggle out of the situation. Well, the girls giggled, the boys more or less hooted and hollered for more. Standing up, Momiji smoothed down her skirt and calmly waited for Toshi, who was laughing along with the rest of the crowd.
"Momiji, you are a riot."
"Har har." Momiji said, her voice mixed between embarrassment and sarcasm.
"Too bad Kusenagi wasn't here." Toshi said as she nudged Momiji lightly, as the situation had brought up many memories of slumber party secrets that the two had shared, the majority being Momiji's sharing of Kusenagi's small obsession with her unmentionables. Momiji blushed at the comment and waved off the suggestive nudge as she (rather quickly) made her way towards one of the large oak trees in the back of the school.
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Matsudaira laid on top of the piling of furniture as she finished scraping and scrubbing the ceiling of the main office of the TAC building. She was about to get down, when Yaegashi ran into the office, pushing open the door into the makeshift scaffolding. With a cry, Matsudaira tumbled down with the furniture, landing on the floor with a loud crash. Extremely confused, Yaegashi quickly made his way over to an equally bewildered Matsudaira, who now lay on top of a large pile of rubble.
"Ms. Matsudaira! Are you ok?" Yaegashi said as he helped Matsudaira up.
"Huh? Oh, I'm fine Yaegashi."
"I'm sorry, I didn't see you there."
"That's fine."
"Speaking of not seeing you there, what exactly, um, were you doing?"
"I was collecting samples of Aragami trails. Speaking of which, where did my Petri dishes go?" Matsudaira said as she turned around, her eyes focused on the floor. Yaegashi, even more confused than before, decided that maybe talking to Matsudaira at that point in time was not a great idea.
"Matsudaira, have you seen Mr. Kunikida anywhere?" Matsudaira, now on her hands and knees crawling through her once-make-shift-scaffolding, poked her head up at Yaegashi.
"No, Koume and I were actually wondering about that earlier."
"Oh?"
"Yes, it appears as though he never went home last night, nor has he shown up at all today."
"Sounds quite odd for Mr. Kunikida. What about Ms. Takeuchi? Where is she?" Yaegashi asked, eager to tell someone of his earlier findings.
"She hasn't show up for work either." Yaegashi quickly put two and two together and figured out what was going on (much the same as Kusenagi and Koume had). Blushing, Yaegashi asked where Koume was.
"I have no idea. We were discussing some personal matters and she said that she needed to do something and left."
"Personal matters?" Yaegashi asked, curious as to what personal matters Matsudaira could possibly discuss with Koume without getting herself killed. Matsudaira however, had gone back to her previous task of trying to find her Petri dishes. She stuck her head into a small gap between a chair and part of an overturned desk and began to search. Yaegashi sighed disappointedly, "Oh well," he thought, "I guess I'll have to tell them a little later."
"Yaegashi, could you please help me find my Petri dishes?" Matsudaira's muffled voice asked through the mass of furniture. Dejected and with nothing better to do, Yaegashi got on his hands and knees and began to look.
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Kusenagi smiled wickedly as he snuck up to the porch window. Peering in, the apartment seemed empty, unoccupied. However, Kusenagi was looking into both the living room and the kitchen, and he knew where he really needed to look. Using the blade from his arm as a lock pick, Kusenagi picked the door's lock and quietly let himself in. On his tiptoes, Kusenagi snuck into the middle of the room as he tried to decipher where the bedroom would be. Suddenly, the sound of loud snoring caught his ears, and the slight aroma of alcohol grabbed the attention of his nostrils. Quietly laughing, Kusenagi followed the sound of the deep snore, noting the stench of alcohol getting stronger the closer he got to the door at the end of the hall. Upon reaching the door, Kusenagi lightly grunted and peered inside. The sight nearly made him blow his sneaky cover.
On the bed, all tousled up, were Ryoko and Kunikida. Kusenagi tried desperately to stifle the noise of his hysterical laughing as he took in the sight. Ryoko was half off the bed, face down and only half dressed, her top and bra resting on a neighboring lampshade and bedpost. A small bottle of sake lay on the floor underneath her dangling hand, along with a small puddle of drool. Kunikida lay face up on the opposite end of the bed, his entire torso strewn in every direction. Kunikida's unbuttoned shirt lay limp by his side, and his loud snoring accentuating the hilarity of scene. While Ryoko was laying half-off the side of the bed, Kunikida was completely turned around; his feet pushing up against the pillows and his head nearly hanging off the foot of the bed. The surrounding covers were a total mess of what appeared to be wrinkles, clothes, sake, drool, and other fluids that Kusenagi cared not to think about.
Whipping out his one-time-use camera, Kusenagi quietly took pictures of the room and the people who occupied it, laughing the entire time. Finally satisfied (as well as out of film), Kusenagi crept out the same way be came in and flew towards the nearest Drug-o-Mart, giggling like a school girl the whole way at the blackmail that he was going to have against Kunikida and Takeuchi. Landing in the parking lot, Kusenagi ran into the store and up to the photo development center.
"One-hour printing or regular?" A pimply, pubescent boy asked from behind the counter.
"One-hour." Kusenagi said, his evil grin becoming wider with each passing minute.
"Glossy or regular?"
"Oh, regular, I don't want fingerprints to be visible." The boy from behind the counter then picked up a small note card and in a monotone voice read,
"Sir, would you like to try our wonderful opportunity at having your prints scanned onto a computer CD-ROM? With this CD you can e-mail, edit, and print your photos, as well as publish them online."
"This is too much." Kusenagi said as he laughed like a hyena. "I'll take it!"
The End of Chapter 5
I've done it again! LOL, I just started out with basically zero ideas as to what I was going to do with the plot outside of Kusenagi seeing Kunikida and Ryoko snoozing away (so like Kusenagi, ne?) when I started writing. Five pages later, I had myself one heck of a good chapter. Well, at least I think so. PLEASE REVIEW!!!! I love reviews! I don't know how many chapters of this story I'll be writing, possibly eight. But I need feedback!