All right, it has just recently occurred that my best friend Chrissy handed me a note challenging me to write a story. But not just any story. No, this one has guidelines. Note to all who don't know what these italics mean: run. Run as fast as you can.

Now, of course I answered Chrissy's challenge with one of my own. That can be viewed under the penname "sixsignsthecircle," if you're interested. And trust me: you should be interested.

Before I start this fic, of course, I'm going to give you the guidelines that were enclosed in this lovely little note. The fic is to be as follows, and I quote from the note (hey, I rhymed):

"Crossover--Harry Potter (Marauders) & X-Men: Evolution.

- Chrissy-Sirius romance (but can be as ridiculous as you want)

-Moony wants Rogue

-Rogue wants Lily

-Xavier cannot get through a sentence without swearing

-You must be in it. You can go out with Kurt, but if you do, Kitty has to go out with the Blob (LOL!)

-Dumbledore can go out with any of these: Xavier, Ororo, Hank

Have fun!"

For those of you who don't know, the Marauders are from the Marauder's Map. You know, from Harry Potter (like it says)? Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, otherwise known as Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black, and James Potter. But in the fanfiction world, if you write Marauders, you write when these four were attending Hogwarts themselves--that's right, folks. They're teenagers. If you didn't run before, do so now.

And for those of you who haven't read Harry Potter, good luck figuring out who the hell everyone is.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nothing!

Reason for R-rating: You read the guidelines, didn't you? I thought so. Check out the language. Hee-hee-hee.

Extra Author's notes: This is meant to be a silly-fic, mostly, so I know that nearly everyone I write is going to be enormously out of character. Deal with it. Flame if you wish, but you will be flamed back. Have a nice day. ^_^

Chapter One: Enter If You Dare

Everyone in the X-Mansion, yes, even Logan, had the same puzzling message broadcasted into their heads at 3:30 in the afternoon: Everyone get down to the fucking lobby, we will have some new students arriving momentarily. To the millisecond, each person in the X-Mansion looked up from what they were doing at the same time; Storm from her gardening, Kitty from her laptop, Scott from his daydream (guess who it was about), Jean from her homework (damn goody two-shoes), Evan from his skateboarding (he promptly ran into a light pole), Kurt from his acrobatics (listen closely: Wha-DOOSH!), Rogue from her horror novel, Hank from his microscope-peering, and Logan from his God-only-knows-what. [1]

They were down at the lobby within minutes, most ravenously curious to know why the Professor would use such foul language. They looked him up and down as they entered: Professor as usual, nothing incredibly interesting about him, except for the perfectly-polished head that was obviously intended to give off a dazzling shine, but really just wound up blinding everyone who wasn't used to it. He nodded at each of them as they filed in, indicating that they should sit down.

"All right, you assholes," he started. "I've arranged for-"

"Hold on, Professor!" Scott jumped out of his seat, only to realize that everyone was looking at him strangely. He blushed, and continued, "I think we all want to know why, exactly, you're choosing to use such...um...questionable language. Yeah." He trailed off, looking a bit sheepish under everyone's eyes.

"The answer is quite bloody simple, Scott," the Professor said in his normal calm-as-all-hell voice. "I was getting damn tired of only having a vocabulary of nearly every word in the dictionary." All present boggled at him. "So I decided to include some colorful words in my speech, just to make it more interesting, and shit." He finished quite primly, looking at his students expectantly.

"Uh, well, okay, then," said Scott, sitting back down uncomfortably. "Um...what were you saying about new recruits?"

"I've arranged from some fucking English people to come over here and join us for the time being. They don't really have any damn mutant powers, but they're hella-close to having some. They practice fucking magic, or something of the kind, so I'm sure you'll welcome them quite jovially, hmm?"

"How many are there, Professor?" Kurt was slightly stunned, but determined to carry on with the conversation as if it was normal.

"Three, and some sort of goddamn mentor or some shit like that," he rolled the unfamiliar phrase around his mouth. "He's the one I spoke to on the fucking phone. Dumble-fucking-dore."

{Ding-dong!} Xavier started whirring towards the exit to answer the door, but Jean stopped him by crying: "Professor, are you sure you should speak to them like that?!"

"Why the hell shouldn't I?"

She quailed under his gaze. "Um, well, won't they think it's a bit hostile?"

"Well, fuck, I suppose they will, but I'm sure they'll understand if I just explain it to them." He turned his chair again and whirred right out into the entry hall. Logan bolted ahead and opened the gigantic wooden doors for him, and all the students, who had been caught in the door (they all tried to leave at once, the fools) toppled to the floor only to look up and see the Professor smiling at...

***

End of chapter!

[1] Congrats, folks, you finished my first paragraph, and you're going to live! Yeesh, what a run-on sentence...

Well, I must say, that turned out to be an interesting first chapter. I hope you'll forgive me if it's a bit short, and, well, not as funny as I'd hoped, since I have a splitting headache tonight. I'm going to be updating this story once a day, just to let you know. I made a deal with the Devil (Chrissy, lol), and I'm not about to let it slide.

Review if you have something to say. Thoughts, ideas, random comments? Constructive criticism? Odd allusions to goose proverbs? Split pea soup you made for me when you heard of my headache? All this and more, I hope, you will leave on the doorstep with your name, telephone number, and address, because this prize can be yours, folks! A fabulous trip through the insane cold-infested mind of....Lyra Silvertongue!

Heh.