CHAPTER 20
"So tell me more about Amanda." Beth asked as she put another loaf of cornbread in to cook.
She'd made a pot of vegetable beef soup earlier that day and invited Duncan to bring his friend
over for a casual dinner … along with Richie, Joe and Adam of course.
It was Friday night and the next day was only a half day for the bake shop so Esperanza had
gone out of town to see her sister for the weekend.
"Amanda?" Richie replied. "She's great … different, yes … a little unconventional, absolutely …
but she's nice … you'll like her."
"I gathered from Adam that she's quite the world traveler … with a real sense of style. AND I get
the idea that she's more than just a friend of Duncan's" Beth raised an eyebrow … obviously
asking for confirmation.
"You could say that." Richie laughed. "They've been sort of on again off again for a long time …
and even when they aren't together … there's something between them."
Beth grinned as she checked to make sure there was plenty of ice.
"You seem awfully interested in Amanda … you aren't jealous are you?" Richie teased.
"Jealous? Of course not …" she replied "I'm just interested … I'd ask the same questions about
anyone who was getting close to any of you guys … It matters to me that you are all happy."
"Well if it matters … " Richie moved to stand in front of her … pressing her against the counter by
his closeness. "You know what would make me happy." His voice was low and husky and his
eyes held hers … catching her off guard with their intensity. For several long seconds they
shared the same breath … and when Richie didn't detect a rebuff … he bent his head, capturing
her lips in a gentle kiss.
Beth hadn't expected their banter to take this turn. When he'd moved so close, there was
something inside her that longed to feel alive again … and the way Richie looked at her with such
unbridled heat … she was too weak to resist. It had been so long … and she was so tired of the
emptiness, so she simply let it happen.
Richie couldn't believe he was actually kissing the woman of his dreams … that she hadn't made
some excuse or turned the moment with humor. He'd actually expected it … what he hadn't
expected was to feel his insides turn over at the simple contact. Grasping her hips, he pulled her
closer, and as her soft curves molded against his muscular form … he thought there could be
nothing he'd ever want more than to be loved by her.
Beth heard the low moan that escaped his lips and it was all she could do to resist the urge to let
him deepen the kiss. It would be so easy to just give in … to sieze the moment. But as
pleasurable as it was to be so wanted by this handsome young man, as much as she enjoyed the
feel of his mouth delicately nibbling her lower lip … the feel of his arms so strong as the held her
so tight … somewhere inside, reason managed to rise.
Richie was surprised when he felt her pull away … breaking the kiss by leaning further into the
counter space.
"Is something wrong?" he asked, stroking her cheek with one hand as he moved back slightly …
giving her the space she obviously wanted.
"I'm sorry Richie … I shouldn't have let that happen … I shouldn't have made you think …"
Beth's cheeks were flushed and she knew she'd made a terrible mistake … a mistake that wasn't
fair to him. She'd led him on knowing she would never be able to follow through.
Richie let out a long groan and raised his arms to press his hands against the side of his head as
he turned away from her. When he finally regained some measure of control, he turned back to
her … but left the width of the kitchen between them.
Beth could see the hurt and even a trace of anger in his eyes. She opened her mouth to
apologize again, but he stopped her.
"Don't tell me you're sorry … just … just answer me one question." His voice shook with emotion.
Beth waited.
"Why … if you were just going to push me away … again … why did you let me kiss you? Why
did you kiss me back?"
"That would be two questions." Adam's voice came from the living room area … obviously not
the least bit worried that he was joining a conversation that didn't concern him.
"Stay out of this." Richie ordered, not taking his eyes off Beth's. Adam didn't interfere further, but
he also didn't leave the room.
"I'm not sure." Beth replied quietly, wishing she could find a hole to crawl into.
"You're not sure?" Richie repeated. "You are not sure why you let me kiss you but you are sure
that it was wrong? I'm sorry Beth, but I don't get it. This makes no sense."
Unshed tears started to brim in her dark eyes, but she was determined not to pull the sniveling
female routine to get out of this. Richie deserved more respect than that … he'd been too good a
friend and he deserved an answer … if she could think of one.
"I told you before Richie … I'm not the woman you deserve … I'm not what you need. My life is
… complicated … and I am so tired of fighting to just get through the day." Her eyes were bright
and her voice became stronger as she spoke directly. "You want an answer to why I let that kiss
happen? I'll give you an answer … but it won't make either of us feel any better about it."
This time it was Richie's turn to wait.
"I wasn't expecting to be in this situation … I'd told you before I didn't want that … but you kept
pushing … I wasn't expecting you to move so close or to look at me like I was the most desirable
woman you'd ever seen. Do you have any idea what that look would do to ANY woman?" she
didn't wait for an answer. "And I guess in that brief moment before it happened I just got tired of
fighting. There hasn't been a lot of normal in my life for over a year now, and for one brief
moment it seemed like the most normal thing in the world ... to just let it happen … to be held and
desired." Beth took a deep breath. She knew she was hurting a man she desperately wanted to
keep as a friend, but she knew she couldn't stop until she'd said it all. "I won't lie to you and say I
didn't feel anything, but I didn't feel what I know I should if it was right for both of us. I've been in
love Richie … and a part of me loves you … but not the way you want me to … not the way you
deserve."
"You keep talking about what I deserve … what I need … but what do you deserve? What do
you need Beth?" Richie asked. "I see how much you hurt … and I see how when we're together
you seem to forget … and I damn sure know that when you kissed me, there was something real
that you aren't admitting … so enlighten me … please … tell me what I'm missing here?"
"Richie you need to back off." Adam warned. He understood what the younger man found so
frustrating, and he had to admit he didn't completely understand why Beth was fighting so hard to
keep him at bay when she obviously had some feeling for him. But he could see the strain in her
face and she didn't look well …
"I said to stay out of it Adam." Richie turned and gave him a scathing look.
When he turned back he hoped Beth would have some answers that actually made sense … he
had no idea what she was about to say would rock him to the core.
"You want to know what I need Richie?" Beth asked, her voice strained but very soft. "I need a
place where I can rebuild what's left of my life … I need friends to help me remember why life is
so good … and to help me forget what I can't bear to remember. I need to feel safe, when I know
that I'll never really be completely safe again. And I need people around me who understand why
I only have so much to give … Because anything that isn't all used up when the rest is said and
done, I'll need to try and make a normal home … for myself … and for my baby."
When her last words sunk in, Richie was beyond anger. As he looked down at her still almost flat
middle, he immediately felt like a fool. "You're pregnant?" he could hardly say the words. It
didn't make any sense … she said she was alone … she said she didn't think she'd be able to
love again … so how?
"I hadn't said anything because I wasn't ready to have to explain …"
"What's there to explain?" Richie ignored the hurt in her eyes and the warning he heard from
Adam, who had come into the kitchen. "You said there were things you weren't ready to talk
about … I guess the baby's father was one of those things …"
Richie didn't give her a chance to say anymore. He'd heard enough. Grabbing his jacket he
stormed through the hallway and almost ran into Duncan, Joe and Amanda as they walked up the
front steps.
He didn't stop when Duncan called his name, but kick started the bike and roared away without
looking back.
"Adam … could you take the bread out … so it doesn't burn?" Beth managed to say before she
burst into tears and raced up the stairs to her room.
Duncan, Joe and Amanda caught only a glimpse of her as she disappeared on the first landing.
When they walked with almost open mouths into the kitchen, their eyes locked on Adam … who
was fumbling with a couple of pot holders as he removed the loaves from the oven.
"Uhm … does anyone know if I'm supposed to let this cool first or take them out of the pans
now?" he asked, innocently blinking … ignoring the look of shock on their faces.
"So tell me more about Amanda." Beth asked as she put another loaf of cornbread in to cook.
She'd made a pot of vegetable beef soup earlier that day and invited Duncan to bring his friend
over for a casual dinner … along with Richie, Joe and Adam of course.
It was Friday night and the next day was only a half day for the bake shop so Esperanza had
gone out of town to see her sister for the weekend.
"Amanda?" Richie replied. "She's great … different, yes … a little unconventional, absolutely …
but she's nice … you'll like her."
"I gathered from Adam that she's quite the world traveler … with a real sense of style. AND I get
the idea that she's more than just a friend of Duncan's" Beth raised an eyebrow … obviously
asking for confirmation.
"You could say that." Richie laughed. "They've been sort of on again off again for a long time …
and even when they aren't together … there's something between them."
Beth grinned as she checked to make sure there was plenty of ice.
"You seem awfully interested in Amanda … you aren't jealous are you?" Richie teased.
"Jealous? Of course not …" she replied "I'm just interested … I'd ask the same questions about
anyone who was getting close to any of you guys … It matters to me that you are all happy."
"Well if it matters … " Richie moved to stand in front of her … pressing her against the counter by
his closeness. "You know what would make me happy." His voice was low and husky and his
eyes held hers … catching her off guard with their intensity. For several long seconds they
shared the same breath … and when Richie didn't detect a rebuff … he bent his head, capturing
her lips in a gentle kiss.
Beth hadn't expected their banter to take this turn. When he'd moved so close, there was
something inside her that longed to feel alive again … and the way Richie looked at her with such
unbridled heat … she was too weak to resist. It had been so long … and she was so tired of the
emptiness, so she simply let it happen.
Richie couldn't believe he was actually kissing the woman of his dreams … that she hadn't made
some excuse or turned the moment with humor. He'd actually expected it … what he hadn't
expected was to feel his insides turn over at the simple contact. Grasping her hips, he pulled her
closer, and as her soft curves molded against his muscular form … he thought there could be
nothing he'd ever want more than to be loved by her.
Beth heard the low moan that escaped his lips and it was all she could do to resist the urge to let
him deepen the kiss. It would be so easy to just give in … to sieze the moment. But as
pleasurable as it was to be so wanted by this handsome young man, as much as she enjoyed the
feel of his mouth delicately nibbling her lower lip … the feel of his arms so strong as the held her
so tight … somewhere inside, reason managed to rise.
Richie was surprised when he felt her pull away … breaking the kiss by leaning further into the
counter space.
"Is something wrong?" he asked, stroking her cheek with one hand as he moved back slightly …
giving her the space she obviously wanted.
"I'm sorry Richie … I shouldn't have let that happen … I shouldn't have made you think …"
Beth's cheeks were flushed and she knew she'd made a terrible mistake … a mistake that wasn't
fair to him. She'd led him on knowing she would never be able to follow through.
Richie let out a long groan and raised his arms to press his hands against the side of his head as
he turned away from her. When he finally regained some measure of control, he turned back to
her … but left the width of the kitchen between them.
Beth could see the hurt and even a trace of anger in his eyes. She opened her mouth to
apologize again, but he stopped her.
"Don't tell me you're sorry … just … just answer me one question." His voice shook with emotion.
Beth waited.
"Why … if you were just going to push me away … again … why did you let me kiss you? Why
did you kiss me back?"
"That would be two questions." Adam's voice came from the living room area … obviously not
the least bit worried that he was joining a conversation that didn't concern him.
"Stay out of this." Richie ordered, not taking his eyes off Beth's. Adam didn't interfere further, but
he also didn't leave the room.
"I'm not sure." Beth replied quietly, wishing she could find a hole to crawl into.
"You're not sure?" Richie repeated. "You are not sure why you let me kiss you but you are sure
that it was wrong? I'm sorry Beth, but I don't get it. This makes no sense."
Unshed tears started to brim in her dark eyes, but she was determined not to pull the sniveling
female routine to get out of this. Richie deserved more respect than that … he'd been too good a
friend and he deserved an answer … if she could think of one.
"I told you before Richie … I'm not the woman you deserve … I'm not what you need. My life is
… complicated … and I am so tired of fighting to just get through the day." Her eyes were bright
and her voice became stronger as she spoke directly. "You want an answer to why I let that kiss
happen? I'll give you an answer … but it won't make either of us feel any better about it."
This time it was Richie's turn to wait.
"I wasn't expecting to be in this situation … I'd told you before I didn't want that … but you kept
pushing … I wasn't expecting you to move so close or to look at me like I was the most desirable
woman you'd ever seen. Do you have any idea what that look would do to ANY woman?" she
didn't wait for an answer. "And I guess in that brief moment before it happened I just got tired of
fighting. There hasn't been a lot of normal in my life for over a year now, and for one brief
moment it seemed like the most normal thing in the world ... to just let it happen … to be held and
desired." Beth took a deep breath. She knew she was hurting a man she desperately wanted to
keep as a friend, but she knew she couldn't stop until she'd said it all. "I won't lie to you and say I
didn't feel anything, but I didn't feel what I know I should if it was right for both of us. I've been in
love Richie … and a part of me loves you … but not the way you want me to … not the way you
deserve."
"You keep talking about what I deserve … what I need … but what do you deserve? What do
you need Beth?" Richie asked. "I see how much you hurt … and I see how when we're together
you seem to forget … and I damn sure know that when you kissed me, there was something real
that you aren't admitting … so enlighten me … please … tell me what I'm missing here?"
"Richie you need to back off." Adam warned. He understood what the younger man found so
frustrating, and he had to admit he didn't completely understand why Beth was fighting so hard to
keep him at bay when she obviously had some feeling for him. But he could see the strain in her
face and she didn't look well …
"I said to stay out of it Adam." Richie turned and gave him a scathing look.
When he turned back he hoped Beth would have some answers that actually made sense … he
had no idea what she was about to say would rock him to the core.
"You want to know what I need Richie?" Beth asked, her voice strained but very soft. "I need a
place where I can rebuild what's left of my life … I need friends to help me remember why life is
so good … and to help me forget what I can't bear to remember. I need to feel safe, when I know
that I'll never really be completely safe again. And I need people around me who understand why
I only have so much to give … Because anything that isn't all used up when the rest is said and
done, I'll need to try and make a normal home … for myself … and for my baby."
When her last words sunk in, Richie was beyond anger. As he looked down at her still almost flat
middle, he immediately felt like a fool. "You're pregnant?" he could hardly say the words. It
didn't make any sense … she said she was alone … she said she didn't think she'd be able to
love again … so how?
"I hadn't said anything because I wasn't ready to have to explain …"
"What's there to explain?" Richie ignored the hurt in her eyes and the warning he heard from
Adam, who had come into the kitchen. "You said there were things you weren't ready to talk
about … I guess the baby's father was one of those things …"
Richie didn't give her a chance to say anymore. He'd heard enough. Grabbing his jacket he
stormed through the hallway and almost ran into Duncan, Joe and Amanda as they walked up the
front steps.
He didn't stop when Duncan called his name, but kick started the bike and roared away without
looking back.
"Adam … could you take the bread out … so it doesn't burn?" Beth managed to say before she
burst into tears and raced up the stairs to her room.
Duncan, Joe and Amanda caught only a glimpse of her as she disappeared on the first landing.
When they walked with almost open mouths into the kitchen, their eyes locked on Adam … who
was fumbling with a couple of pot holders as he removed the loaves from the oven.
"Uhm … does anyone know if I'm supposed to let this cool first or take them out of the pans
now?" he asked, innocently blinking … ignoring the look of shock on their faces.