…When Pranks Go Bad…

By Zetta Zofia
Disclaimer: Not mine, belong to someone else, yadda-yadda-yadda.
Summary: When Pranks Go Bad, it's never good… Especially when you're dealing with Age Potions!  MWPP have a little accident, and manage to get Lily Evans, Frank Longbottom, and Arabella Figg tangled up in it!
Characters: MWPP, Lily Evans, Frank Longbottom, Arabella Figg, and Severus Snape.
Note: I normally finish the fic, then post it, but I decided to change it up for once to see if I do any better.
And Kyli, this is not the fic that was inspired from yours. :o)

Chapter One
- Sunday

"Okay, add a little bit of water.  Er, about two drops.  And then the Dragon scales."

There was a plop as Sirius tossed the ingredients into the cauldron.  The thick liquid seemed to shiver, and slowly turned to a brownish-grey color.  "Cool," Sirius said, stirring.

Remus frowned at the list.  "Then add the wolvesbane."

"Do we have enough?" James asked.  He was studying the potion in the cauldron with a look of disgust on his face. 

Peter dug through his bag.  "I've got some," he said nervously.  "But it hasn't aged very long."

Sirius took it from him.  "No matter.  How much?"

"A pinch."

Sirius snorted.  "Yes, potions are so bloody exacting, aren't they?"  He tossed it in the cauldron.  "Jimmy, you wanna stir for a bit? Give a chap a rest?"

James sent him a dark look.  "Do not call me Jimmy."  But he stirred.

Remus frowned and squinted his eyes, trying to read the list.  "Hell," he muttered, disgusted.  "Did you have to get the most abused list of ingredients in the entire library?  I think it says two scoops of diced rat spleen, but I'm not sure."

Peter cringed.

"Er, sorry Wormtail," Sirius said, giving him a grin.  He dumped in one of the scoops.  "Hope that wasn't anyone you were close to."

Peter crossed his arms.  "Sure, pick on the poor rat, why don't you?  Oh wait, you already do."

"That makes you an integral part of the group," James said, also grinning at him.  "If you weren't here, who would we pick on?  I mean, we can't pick on Remus, he's too cranky."

"I'm not cranky," Remus muttered.  "You try turning into a werewolf once a month and see how it affects your disposition."

James ignored him.  "We can't pick on Sirius because, well, to be frightfully honest with you, it would be far too easy.  I mean, we'd never be able to get started because we wouldn't be able to figure out where to start."

Peter snickered.  Sirius gave James an offended look.

James continued, oblivious.  "And of course, we can't pick on me, because who in their right mind would want to pick on me?"

Remus gave him a long look.  "You are joking, right?"

"Snape-y and Fire-head and Ding-Dong don't count," James said, shrugging. 

"But they excel at it," Sirius said cheerily.  "I'm sure we could get a few pointers from them, and, there you are!  We could pick on you for the rest of eternity."

"They hate you more than they hate me," James reminded him.  "At least Snape.  Fire-head and Ding-Dong a toss-up."

Sirius snickered.  "Yeah, that's probably true."

"Ding Dong?" Remus wondered, giving them wary looks.

Sirius and James snickered.  "Arabella.  Bella.  Bell.  Ding-Dong."

Remus groaned.  "That's pathetic."

"You should see what she looks like when we call her that," James told him, grinning.  "What's next?"

"Shrivelfig," Remus said.  "Three scoops."

Sirius tossed it in.  James stirred carefully. 

Remus held the book up closer to his nose, trying to read it.  "Wait a sec… Bloody hell, it says three pinches, not scoops."

"How the hell do you get three scoops from three pinches?" Sirius demanded, scowling and taking the book.  He stared at it for a moment and then handed it back.  "Oh.  So, what do we do to fix it?"

"Err…. We can go back and add more of the other ingredients."

"Great," James said, and gave the spoon back to Sirius.  He pulled out the ingredients again.

Peter leaned over the brew.  "It's looking kind of funny," he said uneasily.  "Why's it bubbling?"

The other three joined him in peering over the potion.  "I don't think that's good," Sirius murmured uneasily.

"Brilliant deduction, Sherlock," Remus said, rolling his eyes.

"I think it's going to explode," James said, backing away.

The other three looked again, and then they too started backing out the door.

Peter was the first out, and then Remus.  Sirius and James tried to go through at the same time, and got stuck.  Sirius was not above cheating, however, and elbowed James hard in the side.  James fell back.

But before Sirius could get away, and before James could recover, a tragedy occurred.

The potion exploded.

"Hit the deck!" James cried, and dove for under the table.

He didn't quite make it in time.

Sirius had tried to dive out the door, but tripped.

The potion splattered over both of them.

For a moment, nothing happened.

Then James swore, using a word that he rarely ever used, and began shrinking.  "Ahhhh!"

Sirius gaped.  And then he began shrinking.  He echoed James's curse, and more.  "Help-ahhhhhhhhh!"

Remus and Peter poked their heads through the door, hardly daring to look at what catastrophe would await them.

Where the two sixteen year olds had stood, now two young toddlers sat, looking around the room as if they had no idea what was going on.

Peter gulped.  "This is… This is not good."

*~*~*

"What do we do?" Peter squeaked, panicking. 

Remus swallowed.  "I don't know."

Little James looked at them.  "Mama!" he shouted, and then his eyes began to fill up with tears.

Little Sirius began sucking his thumb.

Remus hurried over to James and picked him up awkwardly.  "There, there," he said, trying to comfort him.  He shot Peter a panicked look.  "We'll have to make the antidote.  An aging potion."

Peter gulped again.  "But neither of us are any good at potions.  And it took us a week to make the youth potion, won't it take just as long?"

Remus shifted James awkwardly.  "Check in the book."

He knew it wasn't a good sign that Peter was thinking more clearly than he was.  Peter was a great kid, but he wasn't really the greatest at much of anything that was usually helpful.

Peter flipped through the pages and began skimming through.  "Er… It has to simmer… for a week!  And then… We have to have aged wolvesbane."

"We can sneak in and get it from the Potions cupboard," Remus said.  Then he winced.  "Well.  Okay, so maybe we won't have to sneak it.  It's going to be kind of obvious when they don't show up for class for a while, and somebody's going to notice two little kids running around."

"We'll be expelled for sure!"

"Remmy."  Sirius gave Remus a big smile and raised his hands.  "Want up."

"Want up!" James repeated, and waved at Sirius.

Peter joined them and picked Sirius up.

Remus stared as Peter easily held him.  Realization dawned on him.  "Hell, you babysit a lot, don't you?"

Peter nodded.  "All my cousins, I have to."

Thank god, Remus thought.  "Good.  Anyway.  So someone will notice them.  So we have to tell someone."

Peter sighed.  "Unless we can get everyone in Gryffindor to cover for them."

Remus tilted his head, considering it.  "Hrmm…"

"Two words: Ding-Dong and Fire-Head."  Peter frowned.  "Okay, so that was more than two."

Remus scowled.  "You're right.  They'd probably rat us out."

"Want blankie!" James demanded.

"Want bubba!" Sirius shouted.

The two toddlers started crying at once.

"Uh-oh," Remus said.  "Come on, James, stop crying, please, stop crying."

"They're probably tired," Peter said, and ticked Sirius under the chin.  "We should-"

"Is somebody crying up here?"

Remus and Peter exchanged wide-eyed looks and then looked at the door, just in time for Frank Longbottom to walk in.

He stared at them, then at the two little kids.  He swallowed.  "Uh… Wow.  Those two look an awful lot like Jim and Si."

"Want blankie!" James screeched.

Sirius started crying even more.

"This is James and Sirius," Remus moaned.

Frank gulped and glanced around the room.  "Youth Potion?"

"It was supposed to be for Snape," Peter said miserably.  "Come on, Sirius, calm down.  I'll go get you a bottle."

Sirius sniffled.  "Bubba."

Remus shifted James again.  "Come on, James, calm down,"

Peter handed Sirius to Frank and took James.  "All right," he cooed.  "You wanna play with Sirius?  We'll set you guys up a little play area, and you can play with… with…"  He looked around the room quickly.  "Uh… Remus, lay a blanket out on the floor, one of the thick ones."  Remus hurried to do so, pulling the comforter off of Sirius's bed.  A lacy bra flew out.

The three boys exchanged looks.  "Tina," Remus said, and gingerly tossed it back up on Sirius's bed.  "Oh, they've got a date tonight…"

"WANT BUBBA!!" Sirius wailed.

Frank nearly dropped him.

Peter sighed and set James on the blanket.  "Set Sirius with him.  Frank, you run down to the kitchen and ask the house-elves for some warm milk.  Remus, you figure out what to do with them.  I'll watch them."

"I think we've got to tell," Remus said.  "Unless we use the Polyjuice Potion…"

"Polyjuice Potion?" Frank repeated.  "But doesn't that take a long time to brew?"

Remus and Peter exchanged worried looks.  "Yeah… But we've got some… We were supposed to use it for… something."

Frank rolled his eyes.  "Great.  But that doesn't really help much."

"McGonagall would get suspicious if they both skipped all week," Remus murmured.  "What if we took turns being James and Sirius.  For… er, something else, we've got the potions all set up to be them."

"For what?" Frank wondered.

Remus gave him a bit of a sheepish grin.  "I was going to stay in the common room with Pete, acting as Sirius and James,and they were gonna go off and play a prank on Lily and Arabella."

Frank smothered a grin.

"But what do we do with them?" Peter asked, not distracted by the explanations.

James and Sirius were babbling in baby-talk and they giggled.

It would have been cute, but Remus was far too worried to think about it.  "We need to get them some clothes."

Right now, the two were wearing their over-large undershirts, and nearly drowning in them.

"And diapers," Peter said, looking at them a little uneasily.  "And toys, and bottles, and all the other baby stuff."

"We need to tell someone else," Remus said slowly.  He glanced at Frank, then sent a meaningful look towards Peter.  "I don't really think we could cover for them all week… I haven't been feeling good, either."  The full moon was Saturday night.

Peter looked even more worried.

"We can't miss two days in one week, or we'll get called down to Pomfrey to get checked out."

"Who else would help?" Frank wondered thoughtfully.

"Too bad Mundungus graduated," Peter muttered unhappily. 

"POTTER! BLACK! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!"

Footsteps pounded up the stairs.

The three boys exchanged horrified looks and rushed to block the doorway.

It flew open, and Lily "Fire-Head" Evans and Arabella "Ding-Dong" Figg stood there, their skin glittering gold, Arabella's hair a mass of green, and Lily's hair silver.  As in the silver metal, not gray.  "Where are they?" Lily demanded.

Frank shot Remus a panicked look.  "They... uh, they…"

Peter jumped in.  "They went to the library!"

The two girls knew better than to believe that.  "Potter, in a library?  Hell has not frozen over yet!"

"And besides, we'd have seen them leaving!"

Not necessarily, Remus thought, thinking of the Invisibility Cloak.  But he couldn't say that any more than he could have said the truth.  "Uh… they left a long time ago."

"Move."

Remus gulped.

Lily Evans, while one of the prettiest girls in the school, could be downright terrifying.  Especially when she glared.

Arabella Figg put her hands on her hips, supporting Lily's demand.

"Uh, we can't," Remus said, casting Frank and Peter a worried look and thinking as fast as he could.  "Uh… they glued our feet to the floor before they left."

Arabella looked suspicious.

But, having experienced their tricks often enough, she would have bought it, had James not started screeching.

Horrified, the three boys watched as the girls stepped in the room, going directly to the two boys on the floor.

Their expressions were comical. 

Remus managed a weak laugh.  "Uh…"

For the life of him, he couldn't come up with an explanation.

"Oh my god," Lily managed to say.  "That's them."

Arabella looked as though she were choking.

"Mummy!" Sirius screeched.  He pulled himself up using the edge of one of the beds and toddled over to Arabella.

She stared.

James's face balled up.  "MOMMY!!" he wailed.

"Oh, crap," Remus muttered.

Lily crouched down and stared at James.  "My god," she said.  She slowly smirked.  "Somebody get a camera."  Surprising all of them, she scooped James up, holding him as if it were the most natural thing in the world for her to do.  "How'd this happen?"

A little less assured, Arabella slowly picked Sirius up.  He was babbling on and on, and reached up to pull on her earrings.  She batted his hand away.

"Potion accident," Remus said, trying to act as though the girls picking up the toddlers weren't the most shocking thing he'd ever seen in his life.  He waved his arm towards the cauldron on the table, which was half full of a thick orange goop now.

Lily was smiling at James.  "He's so adorable," she cooed.  "Too bad he's not like this all the time."

James giggled and reached for her earrings as well.  One handed, she slipped them out and put them in her pockets.  "Aging potion?"

"Er, Youth potion, actually," Remus said.  He pointed his wand at her and removed the spells on her hair, and then did the same for Arabella.

"Same thing," Arabella muttered.

Sirius screeched and reached for the broom that was lying across James's bed.

"Er…" Peter and Remus looked at each other, then Remus hurried over and shoved it under the blankets.  "James would go starkers if some baby was playing with it," Peter declared.  "Even if he's the baby in question."

Remus grabbed a sucker off of the desk and aimed his wand at it.  He transfigured it into a Muggle rattle.  "There," he said.

Sirius screeched and dove forward to try to grab it.  Arabella's eyes widened, but she managed to catch him. She set him down and he toddled over to Remus.  "Amazing.  He's obnoxious even when he's two."

Remus handed him the rattle, amused.  But then he frowned again.  "You aren't going to tell anyone, are you?"

The girls both stared at him.  "How exactly do you expect to keep the fact that they're missing a secret?" Arabella demanded, her hands on her hips.

"Er…" The three boys exchanged looks.

Remus sighed.  "Polyjuice Potion.  We'll take turns covering for them until the Aging Potion is finished."

"But won't they find it odd that you four aren't seen together for a whole week?  And who's going to watch them when you're supposed to be in class?" Lily persisted.

Peter rolled his eyes.  "We're trying here, give us a break.  We haven't even had fifteen minutes to think about it."

"Frank'll be able to cover for us one day," Remus said.  He frowned at James as Lily set him down to play with Sirius.  Then he looked at Lily and Arabella, and smiled slowly.  "I've got an idea…"

The two girls put their hands on their hips and glared.  They looked so much alike at that moment that it was amazing they'd only known each other since first year.  "No way."

"Oh, come on," Remus pleaded.  "If you could do it just once or twice… and maybe baby-sit a few times… You haven't gotten in trouble, and you can make up some story for the teachers.  They'll believe you, they like you."

"Or, I could go down and talk to McGonagall right now," Arabella retorted.

"Come on," Peter begged, giving them his best sad-puppy look.

Remus didn't mention he'd change their memories before that happened.  But aside from that, he was not, at this point, above shamelessly begging.  "Please," he said, giving them a similar look.

Frank just looked away, snickering a bit.

"We get the cloak for a week," Lily said, smiling coolly.  "No, two weeks.  And no pranks on us for the rest of the year, at least."

"Wait a minute!" Arabella said.  "Why is it so important that all four be seen?"

"McGonagall would know something was up if one of us missed every day," Remus said.  He exchanged a quick look with Peter.  "I'll pretend to get sick later in the week, but until then…  The potion should be ready on Friday night."  Thankfully, he changed on Saturday night.  Unless something went wrong, baby James and baby Sirius could be back to their normal selves Saturday, in time for the Quidditch Match, and the full moon.  "Let me think a minute… If one of you girls and Frank could be them Monday, Peter could watch them…  One of you plays, er, Sirius on Tuesday, Frank watches them….  Wednesday, I'll play… no, Peter'll play James, and the one who wasn't Sirius baby-sits.  Thursday, I'll play James, and someone else can watch them, and Friday, one of you plays James and I'll watch them until we can get them to take the potion.  That way we spread it out."

"That way would require us to help you out a lot," Lily said, scowling. "Why don't you do more days?"

"McGonagall'll suspect if there's more than one of us missing on a single given day, especially for as often as we would have to do it," Remus said absently.  "We'll have to tell Mark not to hold practice this week.  They haven't got a game, anyway."

"Yeah they do," Peter said, looking at the calendar.  "It's a scrimmage against Slytherin, too, so the whole school'll be there."

"That settles it," Lily said, relaxing.  "I can't fly and Bella can't either.  You'll have to tell McGonagall."

"We'll just tell Mark that Sirius and James are practicing on their own," Remus said.  "They've done it before, and nobody likes it, but it happens anyway."

"Why not just tell him the truth?" Lily sighed.  "I mean, it'd give you one more person to use."

"Except, he's the biggest rule-abider in Gryffindor," Remus said unhappily.  "He'd tell McGonagall faster than Snape would."

"I changed my mind," Lily said.  "I want the cloak for a month, no pranks, and homework done for two weeks."

Arabella nodded.  "And no more nicknames."

Remus looked uneasy.  "I can get you the cloak, as long as it's before they're back to normal.  I can do your homework.  But I can't guarantee no pranks or the nicknames."

"Where do you think McGonagall's at right now?" Arabella wondered innocently.  "Her office?"

"We'll do it!" Peter squeaked.

"I want the homework part," Frank said, looking eager.

Remus scowled.  "The things I do for those… Fine.  But give us a week to recover after they get back to normal."  And after their big Transfiguration and Potions essays were due.

Lily and Arabella looked satisfied.

Peter just sighed and went to stop Sirius from eating the rug.

*~*~*

Lily, Arabella, and Remus went to the library to do some basic research.  None of them had ever really played 'mummy' or 'daddy' for a whole week before, and Lily had never done it when the kids could use magic.

Arabella and Lily were not exactly fans of the library, so they hurried Remus along.  Each checked out a stack of books that towered perilously high.

They ignored the curious looks they got from the library and started back towards Gryffindor.  They had to pass the Great Hall to get back, and walking out at that moment was Severus Snape.

He stepped directly in front of Lily and grabbed one of the books.  "Raising Your Child.  How charming.  Bun in the oven, Evans?"

She gave him a brilliant smile and lied.  "Actually, yes!  Remus and I decided to have a child together a long time ago.  We're due in June, and we're hoping for a boy.  We'll name him after you, too, Severus, isn't that wonderful?  I meant to invite you to the shower… well, remind me, and I'll send you an invitation.  I'm sure you'll fit in just wonderfully!"

Snape stared at her, then at Remus, and then at Arabella, who was in giggles.

He set the book on top of her stack and turned and stalked away.

Remus gave Lily an impatient look.  "Great.  By tomorrow, everyone will have heard that, and they'll probably believe it."

"Why Remus!" Lily sighed.  "Why wouldn't they believe it? It's the complete and total truth."

"Yeah, Daddy," Arabella snickered.

Remus sighed and led them up to the tower.

By the time they got up to the boys' room, Peter and Frank looked ready to collapse.  Little James and Sirius were screaming and running around in circles.

They both stopped when the threesome entered.

"BUBBA!" Sirius demanded, waving around a slightly disfigured bottle that Peter or Frank had tried to transfigure.  "Bubba."

James screeched and started toddling around in circles, the temporary nappy that Peter had made for him slipping down off of his hips.

"Thank god for soundproofing charms," Remus said, glancing at the closed door.

"They only work when you have the door closed though," Frank said unhappily.  "And they don't like having the door shut."

Lily rolled her eyes and sat down on the floor to play with them.

Remus did his best not to gape.  "All right then.  First off, get me some towels," he said.  "I'll get them some real nappies."

Peter grabbed a stack from the shared closet and handed them to Remus.  Remus flipped through one of the books until he found a picture of what he was looking for, then slowly transfigured the towel into the nappy.  He then went to work on a short stack of others.

Lily screeched suddenly and covered her head.

The rattle was flying around the room and barely missed her.  Sirius was screaming because he wanted it back, and James was screeching because he'd stolen it from Sirius- and Sirius was trying to get it back.

"No!" Peter said, and took a menacing step towards them.  The rattle dropped to the floor and both boys looked at him.  As one, they started bawling.

Lily slowly uncovered her face, wide-eyed.  "Whoa… Is that normal?"

"Uh-huh," Peter said unhappily, trying to cover his ears.  "James told me that one time when he and Si were real little, they destroyed the kitchen when their mom wouldn't let them play with a pot or something.  All the dishes got summoned out of the cupboard, and all the pots and pans ended up in their play room."

Remus handed a second rattle to James and the original to Sirius.  They shut up at once and began shaking them.  "When I was younger, and I got mad, I'd scream and somehow manage to lock all the doors in the house shut, even the ones without locks.  My mum got stuck outside one time.  She had to call my dad home to get help.  So, yeah, it's normal, especially if they've been trained in magic.  And, well, they have.  I think they've still got their magic, they just don't have the knowledge of how to use it.  They're still 16 year olds, but they're just… well, in little kid bodies and they've got the same way of thinking as little kids."

"Great," Peter muttered. 

"It's almost eight," Lily said.  "They should be getting to bed soon, shouldn't they?"

"Er…" Remus flipped through The Encyclopedia of Bouncing Baby Facts.  "Er, yep.  And they should have had a nap earlier today, too."

Arabella made a face at the two boys.  "That explains why they're so… so scream-ish."

"Well," Lily said, something of an evil grin on her face.  "We'll let you boys take care of them for tonight."

Peter swallowed and gave the babies a long look.  They were grinning happily.  "Er…"

Arabella grinned.  "See ya!"

"Sweet dreams," said Lily.

Remus gave them a small wave, and then he, Peter and Frank turned to look at the two little babies.  "Well," Remus said.  "I can't imagine they're going to like this at all.  Pete, do you know how to do the spell that'll put up barriers around the bed? So they can't fall out when they're sleeping?"

Peter nodded.  "Yeah.  We used it on my sister…"  He trailed off.  His sister had passed away in their second year.  She'd been several years younger than he was.  "Sirius will be the easy one, I think.  He just needs a bottle.  James wants his blankie, and, well, I'm not sure we've got anything that'll pass for it."

"Well," Frank said slowly, blushing a little.  "Mary gave me a little teddy bear thing, and one of James's girlfriends gave him a stuffed dragon a while back...  You think that would help?"

Remus managed to hide his smile.  "That would be great."

"You have to get the dragon though," Peter said.  "I think James put more wards up on his trunk after he caught me and Sirius digging through it last week."  He shrugged, a small grin on his face.  "I can't imagine why.  We were just going to charm his underwear to fly after him during the match this weekend."

Rolling his eyes, Remus grabbed his wand and went to work.

Within a few short moments, they had the bear, the dragon, and Remus had transfigured two glasses into bottles and Peter was filling them with milk they'd snatched from the kitchen earlier.

"Isn't it supposed to be warm?" Frank wondered.

Remus looked at the books.  "It didn't say."

"We'll see how they handle it," Peter said.  "I think when you're using formula, it's warm, but regular milk is cold."

"Oh!" Frank exclaimed softly, and pointed.  He grinned.  Sirius was curled up on the floor, sound asleep.  James was still sitting up, but his movements were sluggish, and he seemed to have trouble keeping his head up.

"I'll get Sirius," Frank said eagerly. 

"Get ready to do a soundproofing charm," Remus said.  "One for each of their beds, so that they can't hear what's going on around them, but we can hear them."

"Why that way?" Peter wondered.

"We need to be able to hear them if something bad happens," Remus explained.  "And we need to make sure they can't hear each other."

"That makes sense," Peter said.  He crouched down in front of James.  "Come on," he said, and picked him up.  "Off to bed with you."

James seemed to recognize the word "bed".  His eyes went wide open and he started squirming.  His face balled up.

"Uh-oh," Remus said.

Frank swooped down and picked up Sirius and carried him over to the bed.

Remus barely managed to get the silencing charm placed on the bed before James started to scream and cry.

Suffice to say, it was a very long night, and James didn't shut up until well after eleven.

More to come soon… Please Feed me. :o)