…When Pranks Go Bad…
By Zetta Zofia
Disclaimer: Not mine, belong to someone else, yadda-yadda-yadda.
Summary: When Pranks go bad, it's never good… Especially when you're dealing
with Age Potions.
Characters: MWPP, Lily Evans, Severus Snape, and More!
Who's Who: Lily plays James, Frank plays Sirius, and Peter's stuck babysitting.
Author's Note: If this chapter confuses you, let me know, because I've got
Monday through Friday to write this way… Anyone who's curious, this fic will be
seven to eight chapters (one day per chapter), depending on how well I can wrap
it up, and if I need to go into next Sunday as well.
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(http://www.sphosting.com/chalkboard/)
Everything MWPP!
Chapter Two
- Monday
It would have to be that Sirius was a morning person at this age. He woke the room up at about five thirty.
James was in a similar state. He woke up at about six, and Peter was placed in charge of keeping them entertained.
At a little past seven, Remus and Frank went downstairs. They were going to get breakfast for everyone and get Lily and Arabella, so they could make the plans for the day.
The two girls were on their way in when they got to the portrait hole, each carrying trays. Lily looked very annoyed and shoved the tray into Remus's hands. "I lost the draw," she said angrily. "What are the classes I'm going to?"
"Er…" Remus looked at Frank, and then back at Lily. "One of you is Sirius, one is James. Which would you prefer?"
"Neither."
"I'll be Sirius," Frank said. He gave them a quick, mischievous grin. "That way I can be a big prick."
Peter snickered, and Lily shrugged unhappily. She didn't care. If she were a lesser person, she'd just back out. But she'd promised to help.
She sighed. Why me?
"I think we've got the same schedule as you," Remus said. "Except for Care for Magic Creatures when you've normally got Arithmetic."
"Great," Lily muttered. "I've got to get his books and stuff."
"And take the potion," Frank said. "I don't think you'd pass for James looking like that."
"And change clothes," Remus agreed. "He's a lot, er, taller than you."
And she was wearing a skirt, and while Remus would have loved to mock James in a skirt, it would not due to arouse suspicion like that.
She scowled all the way up the stairs, and Arabella snickered until Lily paused and glared at her. "You're playing Sirius tomorrow. Remember?"
Arabella scowled, and it made Lily feel better.
*~*~*
"Okay," Remus said. "Walk stiffer."
Lily glared at him and adjusted James's glasses. "I can't see even with these bloody things," she hissed.
It didn't sound quite right coming from James's mouth, in his voice.
Arabella giggled.
"He's going to get made fun of for a century," Remus muttered, watching her walk. "Relax more. Posture doesn't count."
Little James was staring at his older self. "Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy!" he screeched.
Lily went over to the mirror and did her best to slouch. "Oh gods," she moaned.
James toddled over and grabbed her leg. "Up!"
"I'm going to curse you," Remus decided. "Actually, it'll be Sirius who did it. You're going to be very out of it for a while. Very spacey. That way you can have an excuse for acting oddly. Do you know where he sits in all his classes?"
"I think so," Lily answered, leaning down to pick up James, and holding him awkwardly. She stared at the mirror and made a face. "Grr, I'm a big-headed Quidditch Player who's obsessed with myself. Grr."
It made Remus laugh, and Frank, who was Sirius at the moment, grinned as well.
"You should make some retort," Arabella said to Frank wisely. "Sirius never shuts up, and that would have been the perfect opportunity."
"Yes, mam," he said, and gave her an exaggerated wink.
Arabella sighed. "The constant flirting works too though."
Lily sighed. "I'm not going to get any better at this," she said. "I just can't be this much of a jerk. Let's get out of here."
"See you later," Peter said, giving them a small wave.
They made their way down the stairs. Remus and Frank walked on either side of her, still giving her advice, and Arabella followed behind. "Good," she murmured. "You look like you're up to something. It's all normal."
"Whose wand are you using?" Remus asked them.
"Mine," Lily answered. "But I've got his just in case."
"Same here," Frank answered.
"Hi, Sirius, hi James, hi Remus."
They all looked up. Tara Macniak was on the couch dressed in her special-ordered robes. They were the trampiest robes at Hogwarts, and she was quite proud of that. She sauntered over to them, and slipped her arm through Frank's, thinking he was Sirius. "I thought we were going to set up a date one night this week."
Frank looked over at the other two, and it was quite humorous to see Sirius Black look nervous. "Er…I, uh… well…"
Arabella bit back a groan and stepped forward to save him. "He's going out with me."
Tara blinked, surprised. "You and Black?"
Arabella shrugged and uncomfortably grabbed his hand. "Well, yeah."
Tara shrugged and looked at James. Lily glared back, then looked over at Remus, who quickly stepped forward. "Are you free tomorrow night?" he offered. "They've got to practice all week."
"Sounds good," Tara said, smiling coyly. "Walk me to class?"
Remus gave them a helpless look and let her pull him off.
Arabella scowled and dropped Frank's hand. "Honestly," she muttered. "Lil-er, James, I don't know why the hell I'm doing this."
"Tell me about it," 'Sirius' and 'James' said at the same time.
They went off to class and took Sirius and James's seats in the back row.
Transfiguration was James's best class, and had the strictest teacher. Lily, who was fairly good at Transfiguration, still had a hard time because McGonagall called on James to demonstrate several times.
It was only because Remus was secretly helping her that she got the duck to transfigure into the rabbit.
Were it only the class that was the problem, everything would have been all right.
Unfortunately, they shared the class with the Slytherins.
The class let out, and Remus, Lily, and Frank moved slowly to gather their things, hoping to avoid a confrontation. Arabella stayed back as well, pretending to be asking 'Sirius' about the notes.
Unfortunately, McGonagall didn't wait around.
Snape and some of his goons were waiting in the hallway for them.
Lily drew upon every bit of nastiness she had in her. She sent them an uninterested look, trying to remember exactly what Potter did when he was facing off against them. All she could think of was that it usually involved points being lost.
Frank was in a bit of a tougher spot, seeing as Sirius was usually a loudmouth, and therefore expected to start jabbering. "Ooh, look, it's the greaseball," he said after throwing a panicked look at Remus, a beg for help.
It didn't sound quite right, but the Slytherins didn't seem to notice.
"Feeling a little sick yet, Lupin?" Severus sneered, ignoring the taunt. "It's about time, isn't it?"
For whatever reason, Remus looked worried. "Sod off, Snape," Lily said, giving him a bored look. She hoped that was what Potter normally did.
Another moment passed and Severus looked at Sirius as though waiting for a snappy comeback from him.
The bickering that went on between the two groups had developed a proper order to it, apparently.
Frank glanced at him, and tried to look disdainful. He sneered as best as he could, and hoped it wouldn't look too weird. "What's the problem, Sevie?"
"Who cares?" Lily said, carefully shifting James's books like he carried them. It was awkward to hold them one handed, but only girls held them with two hands, and it would have looked weirder. "C'mon, let's get the hell out of here. It stinks 'round him."
"We're going to be late," Arabella said impatiently. "Ignore them and let's go."
Severus stared at her. "What the heck are you doing with Black?"
Arabella just sneered at him and grabbed "Sirius's" hand, pulling him along.
Snape wasn't done yet and slowly moved after them. "Better watch out, Lupin," he said, his voice cold. "I'd hate for word to get out about… well, you know what I mean."
Remus grabbed Sirius's arm and made it look as though Sirius was about to attack Snape. Frank caught on quickly and struggled against him. A little slower, Lily grabbed Sirius's arm as well. "Sod off, Snape," Remus said angrily. "Si, ignore him."
"I'm just going to beat the crap out of him," Frank-as-Sirius argued.
"It might be an improvement," Lily-as-James agreed. "Fix the git's face up with one good punch. Though it might make his nose a bit bigger, and that wouldn't be so great, would it Sev?"
Remus nudged her. "Let's go."
Snape snickered. "Uncomfortable talking about it, Lupin?" he sneered. "That's okay. We'll talk about how your piss-poor Quidditch team is going to get an ass kicking this weekend."
Lily knew that a comment like that would piss James off. The boy was more sensitive about Quidditch than he was about his hair! And that was saying something. She decided that she might like being James for a little while- it meant she got to be a bitch. In the most masculine way possible, but nonetheless. "More likely, it'll be your shitty team getting their asses kicked. Especially if you're still playing."
Snape sneered and reached in his pocket. It wasn't the pocket his wand was in, so no one moved to a defensive position.
They regretted it quickly.
Snape brought his hand out and threw a glittering powder over Frank and Lily.
Frank snarled and dove at him, getting an extra dose of the powder, but Lily and Remus caught him by the arms before he could do much damage.
It was really amazing how much stronger James was than her if she could hold back Sirius, Lily thought, and glared at Snape. "What the hell was that?" she demanded.
Snape sneered. "Oh, don't worry about it," he said. "Just a little… special something for you."
"Run," Remus advised him, glaring.
"Don't tell him that, I'm going to kick the bastard's ass," Frank snarled, getting into Sirius-mode.
"What's going on?" McGonagall demanded, sweeping down the hallway towards them.
Frank stilled and 'James' and Remus dropped his arms. "Nothing but the normal," Snape answered, sneering. "Got an itch, Potter?" he sneered.
"Enough," McGonagall snapped. "One more confrontation and I'll put you all in detention. That goes for you too, Mr. Avery. I don't appreciate gestures like that. Ten points from Slytherin for it. Get moving."
They did as she ordered, Lily and Frank dusting the powder off of James and Sirius's bodies. Lily glanced back and Severus and the Slytherins were going away as well. "What was that all about?" she demanded when they'd gotten far enough away.
Remus sighed. "Don't ask questions about it now, I'll tell you about it later. But if he ever comes near you guys again, whoever's Sirius especially, get really pissed off. James usually gets mad too, but he'll help me hold Sirius back until it gets really bad. We can't let it get really bad though, because you won't know how to fight."
After that was Herbology, which consisted of an hour and a half of notes and, thankfully, nothing too difficult to handle.
In the middle of it, they discovered what the powder did.
It was, as Snape had implied, itching powder.
"That's stupid," Lily hissed, scratching the palm of James's hand. "Of all the things he could have done, why stupid itching powder?"
'Sirius' was scratching like mad as well. "I don't know, but I swear I'm going to…to… do something really awful to him."
Remus snickered. "Better you than me."
Lily glared at him. "I'm doing you a favor, Lupin."
He shrugged. "Sorry." But then he frowned. "But it doesn't make sense. "Why would Snape do something as boring as itching powder?"
They looked at each other. "I don't know."
After that was lunch. Lily let the potion wear off long enough so she could use the bathroom, and then went back to being James. There were parts of Mr. Potter that she had absolutely no desire to see, and therefore, it was worth letting the potion wear off first.
History of Magic they were able to sleep through, which was always a blessing but would be especially nice for the rest of the week.
Astrology was only a bit difficult because Remus didn't have it, and neither did Arabella. They went off to Ancient Runes class instead.
Care for Magical Creatures, which Peter normally had with them, was not Lily's favorite class at all.
Kettleburn did not like James or Sirius, and Lily and Frank spent much of the class hanging around towards the back, or worse, being called on to give answers (that they didn't know) to the rest of the class.
Things were made even more uncomfortable when Tina found 'Sirius' and chewed him out for standing her up.
He uncomfortably apologized and offered to go out with her next week. Seeing the look 'James' shot him, he quickly added, "If it fits into my schedule, anyway."
When the class was finally over, Lily and Frank returned to the tower, went up to the boys dorm, and waited for the potions to wear off while visiting with Peter, James, and Sirius.
Peter had apparently had a rather pleasant day, except for naptime.
Apparently, neither boy had liked naps and had thrown things around the room for a good half an hour.
But he'd finally got them settled down. Once they'd awoken again, an hour later, the two boys had played with the blocks that Remus had transfigured the night before, and then Peter had played with them for a bit.
He was well rested and quite relaxed.
It took another forty minutes of sitting in the boys' room before the potion started to wear off, and Lily used the bathroom connected to their room to change in.
She'd never been so happy to see her Hogwarts robes, and took her time putting them on.
By the time she'd finished dressing and putting on her make up, Arabella and Remus had returned from class, and Frank was dressed as himself again.
"Who's up tomorrow?" Arabella asked.
Remus took a seat on the edge of his bed, and Lily leaned against the post of one of the other beds. "I reworked the schedule," Remus said. "I'm going to play Sirius, and then you'll watch them. Is that alright?"
Lily scowled. "Why did I have to be James then?"
Remus winced. "I wasn't really thinking clearly yesterday. I should have had Peter do it since he ended up missing class anyway."
Lily nearly growled. She threw the stack of clothes on the bed and stormed out.
Remus watched her. "Oops."
Arabella giggled. "I better go after her or she'll be pissed. We'll bring you back dinner if you don't come down."
Remus waved and then looked at Frank and Peter. "That wasn't too bad," he said. "I'm still wondering what's going on with Snape."
"Maybe the itching powder is supposed to last until the Quidditch match," Peter said. "And then they're not supposed to be able to fly 'cuz it itches so much or something."
Remus and Frank exchanged looks, Frank scratching his arms. "Actually, that could be it," Remus said. "It certainly is original. I'm not sure if it would work…"
"Slytherins aren't the brightest," Peter said wisely.
James started crying.
Remus sighed and stood up. He picked James up, then flinched and held him back away from him. "Ew… Diaper."
"I changed it last night and today," Peter said, shaking his head. "And Sirius's. One of you two has to do it."
Remus grimaced. "Well, I have to be Sirius tomorrow. Frank, your turn."
Frank protested at once. "Hell no, they're more your friends than mine!"
Remus set James on Frank's bed. "I'm not doing it. I'll do it when it's my turn to watch them."
He grinned and hurried out of the room. The library was usually empty during dinner. And he could use some studying time…
The door opened behind him and Peter ran out. "Hurry," he said. He couldn't hide the grin. "Before he gets back out of the bathroom."
The two boys were out the portrait hole just in time to hear Frank run out the door and start yelling.
More to come soon, whether you like it or not!! (Feel free to let me know if you do or don't.)
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Everything MWPP!