CHAPTER 25
When the ladies arrived back at the table, Joe, Duncan and Adam were deep in a conversation
that died as soon as they were in earshot.
"Anything we should know?" Amanda asked as she waited, thinking Duncan was standing to
help her with her chair.
"Nothing you need to worry your pretty little head about my dear." He replied, offering her his
arm. "Shall we?" he nodded in the direction of the dance floor and smiled.
Beth started to take her seat. "I don't think so …" Adam said, taking her purse from her hand
and laying it on the table.
"But we can't leave Joe here by himself." Beth protested.
"I'm not by myself." Joe raised his glass of brandy. "And I am perfectly capable of finding my
own entertainment."
Adam placed his hand in the small of her back, guiding her to the dance floor.
"I'll have to warn you … this is not my normal style." Beth admitted as he turned to pull her closer
and clasped her free hand in his.
"I could request a square dance … or perhaps clogging?" Adam teased, making Beth laugh as
she looked up at him with amusement.
"I was thinking more of a two-step … or cowboy cha cha … but somehow I don't think that is a
style they are familiar with." She crinkled her nose as she shook her head.
"Cowboy cha cha?" he made a face. "The mental image alone …" his eyes glinted
mischievously.
"It's not like that." Beth laughed even harder.
"Well now you've piqued my curiosity, we are going to have to find some country western dance
hall in this town so I can get the proper mental image." Adam replied, turning her slightly and
moving them further into the flow of dancers. "You've really ruined my image of cowboys … I
think you should know that." He continued to tease her.
Beth was surprised by what a good dancer Adam was. He didn't seem the type … but then
again, he'd been one mystery after another as she'd gotten to know him. She thought they would
stay for only a dance or two, but Adam didn't seem inclined to leave the floor any time soon.
"Thank you." Beth said softly as the music played.
"Thank me for what?" Adam asked, looking down into her face.
"Thank you for protecting me … listening to me … not judging me … being my friend."
"Is that all?" Adam chuckled,
"No … that's not all." Beth replied, her face becoming serious. She slid her hand from his
shoulder to the plane of his chest. "That's not the half of what you've done for me." She
whispered.
Adam was more than aware of how close he had begun to hold her and how her face was only a
few inches beneath his as she looked up … her dark eyes were as deep and luminous as he'd
ever seen.
"I can't do this." Adam said to himself, knowing that if he kept staring into her eyes, he was going
to be in a place he would never return … a place he had sworn he would never go again, or at
least not for a few centuries. Not wanting to let her see how she was affecting him, he smiled and
slid his hand up her back to press lightly against the soft curls, urging her head onto his shoulder
… breaking the eye contact between them.
For several minutes they danced without saying much at all. Beth became more comfortable in
his arms, and Adam was careful not to let his hand stray too low on the smooth, bare skin of her
back.
Moving so slowly to the rhythm of the music, Beth closed her eyes, feeling completely at peace
for the first time in a long time. She hadn't realized how or when it had happened, but now as she
stood in the circle of his arms … being held so close … her head against his shoulder and the
feel of his breath against her hair, Beth realized she'd come to care for this man … to care
deeply.
He seemed to understand her … to anticipate what she needed … to care about her. She'd tried
to tell herself that it was just because Duncan had asked him to help … but now she knew better.
There was something happening between them and unlike the feelings she'd had for Richie that
were more about desire and not feeling so alone, this was more. She thought that there would
never be anyone who could replace the void left when Craig died … and in her heart she knew
that was true. But something was happening … something she hadn't expected. Adam was
honing out his own place in her heart … and she was powerless to stop it.
The realization frightened her and she shivered in his arms.
"Are you cold?" Adam asked, running his hands up and down her arms.
"Maybe just a little …" she covered "It's ok."
Adam realized they had drifted closer to the patio doors and moved them further back into the
room. "Better?" he asked, looking down at her. She nodded and let her head slip back on his
shoulder, inhaling the musky scent of him and wondering if there was any chance he could be
feeling the same thing.
When the song ended, Adam knew he needed to put some distance between himself and this
woman while he could. He eased his hold on her and stepped back a little, and Beth smiled …
thanked him and let him lead her back to the table.
"Having fun?" Amanda asked Beth as she slid in beside her.
"This is great." Beth told her, her face full of light. "Thanks for talking me into coming … and for
the shopping." She added, smiling.
Richie and Claudia appeared at the table, obviously back from the dance floor.
"Someone remind me to find some comfortable shoes next time." Claudia complained. "I've
decided if anyone else wants an interview or to discuss a project … they are going to have to
come to me … because I am not moving." She declared as she sat in her chair and leaned back,
making everyone laugh.
Richie didn't sit down though … instead he came around the table and held his hand out to Beth.
"Will you dance with me?" he asked. Beth looked at his hand and then into his eyes and saw
something was different. He didn't seem angry with her. She wasn't sure what she should do,
and shot a quick glance in Adam's direction, noting him watching the exchange closely. "Please"
Richie asked, noting her hesitation. "I need to talk to you."
Everyone at the table was watching and there really wasn't any way for her to decline without
appearing to be rude.
"Sure." She replied, taking his hand and following him onto the dance floor.
"I'm sorry." They both said simultaneously … as they began to dance.
Richie was careful to not hold her too closely …. He wanted her to know that he would respect
her space … and her decision. "Let me say this … while I can." He asked and Beth nodded.
"I was a jerk …" Richie began, shushing her when she protested that it wasn't true.
"I was a jerk." He repeated. "I didn't listen to what you had been trying to tell me for weeks …
and I pushed. What happened wasn't your fault … it was mine. And I'm sorry."
Beth shook her head. "Richie it wasn't anyone's fault … you feel what you feel … and it's not
your fault I'm such a mess and can't appreciate what's standing right in front of me." She closed
her eyes a second to gather her thoughts. "I care about you Richie. You are my friend. And I
wish I hadn't hurt you … or gotten angry and blurted out the truth like that. You didn't deserve it."
"Does that mean you forgive me?" he asked.
"Do you forgive me?" she replied.
Richie pulled her into a hug in response. "I just want you to be happy Beth … and I don't want to
avoid you … I want to be there for you."
Beth smiled up at him when he released her and they continued dancing.
"You don't know how happy that makes me …" her eyes misted over.
"Hey none of that." Richie looked over her shoulder at the table where several pairs of eyes were
watching closely. "You'll have them over here pounding me if they think I made you cry." He
laughed nervously … knowing part of what he was saying was true.
Beth blinked and smiled. "Ok … ok … I can't help it if I'm a sap."
"Just understand one thing … sap." Richie's face turned serious. "Sometimes I might have to
take a break or keep my distance … because what I feel for you … it hasn't changed and it hasn't
gone away."
Beth listened and wished again it wasn't like this. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable with me
Richie … if it's better not to be around me … I understand."
"That's not what I'm saying." He replied. "I'm just letting you know that I will be there for you …
but I've got to do it on my own terms … "
She nodded.
The rest of the dance they talked a little bit about the baby and about Claudia's request for the
holidays. Richie had to admit that he was looking a little forward to doing the traditional thing … it
sounded like fun.
Across the room, Duncan noticed the scowl on Adam's face as he watched the couple.
"You don't need to worry … Richie talked to me while ago … he's apologizing." Duncan told him,
but that didn't seem to change anything.
"It would be better for her if he left her alone." Adam replied sourly.
Noting that Joe, Amanda and Claudia were deep in discussion and not paying any attention to
them, Duncan moved closer and made an observation.
"If I didn't know better … I'd say you were jealous." Duncan accused with a chuckle.
"You're a real pest you know that Macleod?" Adam was annoyed.
Duncan's face lit up. "I've struck a nerve haven't I?" he walked around to see his friend's face.
"Oh my God … I'm right … you ARE jealous."
Adam didn't reply, but left Duncan standing there while he went out on the patio for air … but
Duncan would not leave it alone.
"It's not the end of the world you know?" Duncan said as he came up behind him.
"Would you just stop?" Methos turned and gave him a scathing look. "I am not jealous … I have
nothing to be jealous about. I watch out for her because she needs protection … and that is all."
"So you say." Duncan muttered as he came to stand beside Methos at the railing, looking out
over the park below.
"You could certainly do worse." He said, not able to keep silent.
"Do worse than what?" Methos replied, his annoyance growing with every second.
"She's beautiful, talented, she has a good heart … and she makes you happy." Duncan noted.
"Do I look happy to you Macleod?" Methos turned and glared at him.
"Well now that you mention it … no … but a few minutes ago on that dance floor .. that's entirely
different …" Duncan continued. "And every time I come over to Beth's, it seems like the two of
you are sharing some joke or confidence or whatever it is the two of you do to pass the time …
and yes … when I see you with her, you look happy."
"Damn you Macleod." Methos muttered.
Neither of them spoke for a few minutes, but continued to look out at the trees moving in the
breeze.
"I can't let it happen again." Methos finally broke the silence. "I can't go through that again … not
now anyway … maybe not ever." He admitted.
"She's not Alexa … she's young and healthy and …"
"You're right … she's not Alexa … Alexa was one of a kind … a fragile, beautiful little bird that
only flew for a short time … but the melody of her song was as intricate and melodic as any song
ever heard."
"Methos … you wouldn't be betraying your love for Alexa by letting yourself move on …"
"The wound is too fresh … I can't …" Methos gritted out, his voice strained with emotion. "And
it's not just Beth … there's the baby … "
"You've had families before …"
"Not like this … not since …" Methos wasn't sure why he was saying all of this to Macleod …
admitting such frailty. "Not since I learned how to really love … not since Alexa taught me what
that meant. Everything before her was a poor imitation at best."
Duncan didn't know what to say. Methos had endured longer than he had by over ten fold. And
he knew so little about the man. He hadn't really thought about just how different Alexa had been
for Methos … and now he understood. Methos had been with centuries of women … and he'd
cared for some … a few more than others … but Alexa had been 'it' for him. She was his true
love … she'd reached his soul … she'd found a heart that had spent thousands of years waiting
to be discovered.
"Just think about it before you throw it away."
"And what would I be throwing away?" Methos shot back. "A chance to have my heart ripped
open again? … a chance to feel that emptiness deep in my gut when in a few short decades she
and the child are dust? … the chance to wonder if I could ever feel whole again?"
"The chance to be happy … If you truly knew the depth of Alexa's love, you know that she'd want
you to be happy … to find love again. It would break her heart to know that after feeling the
warmth .. you'd let your heart go cold again …"
With that, Duncan started back toward the doors to the reception hall … being almost bowled
over by a very out of breath Claudia.
"Claudia? What are you doing? What's the matter?" Duncan gripped her by the arms and
waited for her to catch her breath.
"You need to come quickly … both of you." She said, looking up to find Adam coming toward
them.
"What's happened?"
"Richie and Amanda … they said for you to meet them at the car … that there was trouble."
Adam didn't wait for the rest …he rushed past them and through the reception hall, grabbing the
coat he'd refused to check from the table as he ran. His eyes met Joe's across the room, he was
at the elevator and looked impatient for it to come.
"Meet us back at the house." He called to Joe before disappearing up the staircase.
When the ladies arrived back at the table, Joe, Duncan and Adam were deep in a conversation
that died as soon as they were in earshot.
"Anything we should know?" Amanda asked as she waited, thinking Duncan was standing to
help her with her chair.
"Nothing you need to worry your pretty little head about my dear." He replied, offering her his
arm. "Shall we?" he nodded in the direction of the dance floor and smiled.
Beth started to take her seat. "I don't think so …" Adam said, taking her purse from her hand
and laying it on the table.
"But we can't leave Joe here by himself." Beth protested.
"I'm not by myself." Joe raised his glass of brandy. "And I am perfectly capable of finding my
own entertainment."
Adam placed his hand in the small of her back, guiding her to the dance floor.
"I'll have to warn you … this is not my normal style." Beth admitted as he turned to pull her closer
and clasped her free hand in his.
"I could request a square dance … or perhaps clogging?" Adam teased, making Beth laugh as
she looked up at him with amusement.
"I was thinking more of a two-step … or cowboy cha cha … but somehow I don't think that is a
style they are familiar with." She crinkled her nose as she shook her head.
"Cowboy cha cha?" he made a face. "The mental image alone …" his eyes glinted
mischievously.
"It's not like that." Beth laughed even harder.
"Well now you've piqued my curiosity, we are going to have to find some country western dance
hall in this town so I can get the proper mental image." Adam replied, turning her slightly and
moving them further into the flow of dancers. "You've really ruined my image of cowboys … I
think you should know that." He continued to tease her.
Beth was surprised by what a good dancer Adam was. He didn't seem the type … but then
again, he'd been one mystery after another as she'd gotten to know him. She thought they would
stay for only a dance or two, but Adam didn't seem inclined to leave the floor any time soon.
"Thank you." Beth said softly as the music played.
"Thank me for what?" Adam asked, looking down into her face.
"Thank you for protecting me … listening to me … not judging me … being my friend."
"Is that all?" Adam chuckled,
"No … that's not all." Beth replied, her face becoming serious. She slid her hand from his
shoulder to the plane of his chest. "That's not the half of what you've done for me." She
whispered.
Adam was more than aware of how close he had begun to hold her and how her face was only a
few inches beneath his as she looked up … her dark eyes were as deep and luminous as he'd
ever seen.
"I can't do this." Adam said to himself, knowing that if he kept staring into her eyes, he was going
to be in a place he would never return … a place he had sworn he would never go again, or at
least not for a few centuries. Not wanting to let her see how she was affecting him, he smiled and
slid his hand up her back to press lightly against the soft curls, urging her head onto his shoulder
… breaking the eye contact between them.
For several minutes they danced without saying much at all. Beth became more comfortable in
his arms, and Adam was careful not to let his hand stray too low on the smooth, bare skin of her
back.
Moving so slowly to the rhythm of the music, Beth closed her eyes, feeling completely at peace
for the first time in a long time. She hadn't realized how or when it had happened, but now as she
stood in the circle of his arms … being held so close … her head against his shoulder and the
feel of his breath against her hair, Beth realized she'd come to care for this man … to care
deeply.
He seemed to understand her … to anticipate what she needed … to care about her. She'd tried
to tell herself that it was just because Duncan had asked him to help … but now she knew better.
There was something happening between them and unlike the feelings she'd had for Richie that
were more about desire and not feeling so alone, this was more. She thought that there would
never be anyone who could replace the void left when Craig died … and in her heart she knew
that was true. But something was happening … something she hadn't expected. Adam was
honing out his own place in her heart … and she was powerless to stop it.
The realization frightened her and she shivered in his arms.
"Are you cold?" Adam asked, running his hands up and down her arms.
"Maybe just a little …" she covered "It's ok."
Adam realized they had drifted closer to the patio doors and moved them further back into the
room. "Better?" he asked, looking down at her. She nodded and let her head slip back on his
shoulder, inhaling the musky scent of him and wondering if there was any chance he could be
feeling the same thing.
When the song ended, Adam knew he needed to put some distance between himself and this
woman while he could. He eased his hold on her and stepped back a little, and Beth smiled …
thanked him and let him lead her back to the table.
"Having fun?" Amanda asked Beth as she slid in beside her.
"This is great." Beth told her, her face full of light. "Thanks for talking me into coming … and for
the shopping." She added, smiling.
Richie and Claudia appeared at the table, obviously back from the dance floor.
"Someone remind me to find some comfortable shoes next time." Claudia complained. "I've
decided if anyone else wants an interview or to discuss a project … they are going to have to
come to me … because I am not moving." She declared as she sat in her chair and leaned back,
making everyone laugh.
Richie didn't sit down though … instead he came around the table and held his hand out to Beth.
"Will you dance with me?" he asked. Beth looked at his hand and then into his eyes and saw
something was different. He didn't seem angry with her. She wasn't sure what she should do,
and shot a quick glance in Adam's direction, noting him watching the exchange closely. "Please"
Richie asked, noting her hesitation. "I need to talk to you."
Everyone at the table was watching and there really wasn't any way for her to decline without
appearing to be rude.
"Sure." She replied, taking his hand and following him onto the dance floor.
"I'm sorry." They both said simultaneously … as they began to dance.
Richie was careful to not hold her too closely …. He wanted her to know that he would respect
her space … and her decision. "Let me say this … while I can." He asked and Beth nodded.
"I was a jerk …" Richie began, shushing her when she protested that it wasn't true.
"I was a jerk." He repeated. "I didn't listen to what you had been trying to tell me for weeks …
and I pushed. What happened wasn't your fault … it was mine. And I'm sorry."
Beth shook her head. "Richie it wasn't anyone's fault … you feel what you feel … and it's not
your fault I'm such a mess and can't appreciate what's standing right in front of me." She closed
her eyes a second to gather her thoughts. "I care about you Richie. You are my friend. And I
wish I hadn't hurt you … or gotten angry and blurted out the truth like that. You didn't deserve it."
"Does that mean you forgive me?" he asked.
"Do you forgive me?" she replied.
Richie pulled her into a hug in response. "I just want you to be happy Beth … and I don't want to
avoid you … I want to be there for you."
Beth smiled up at him when he released her and they continued dancing.
"You don't know how happy that makes me …" her eyes misted over.
"Hey none of that." Richie looked over her shoulder at the table where several pairs of eyes were
watching closely. "You'll have them over here pounding me if they think I made you cry." He
laughed nervously … knowing part of what he was saying was true.
Beth blinked and smiled. "Ok … ok … I can't help it if I'm a sap."
"Just understand one thing … sap." Richie's face turned serious. "Sometimes I might have to
take a break or keep my distance … because what I feel for you … it hasn't changed and it hasn't
gone away."
Beth listened and wished again it wasn't like this. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable with me
Richie … if it's better not to be around me … I understand."
"That's not what I'm saying." He replied. "I'm just letting you know that I will be there for you …
but I've got to do it on my own terms … "
She nodded.
The rest of the dance they talked a little bit about the baby and about Claudia's request for the
holidays. Richie had to admit that he was looking a little forward to doing the traditional thing … it
sounded like fun.
Across the room, Duncan noticed the scowl on Adam's face as he watched the couple.
"You don't need to worry … Richie talked to me while ago … he's apologizing." Duncan told him,
but that didn't seem to change anything.
"It would be better for her if he left her alone." Adam replied sourly.
Noting that Joe, Amanda and Claudia were deep in discussion and not paying any attention to
them, Duncan moved closer and made an observation.
"If I didn't know better … I'd say you were jealous." Duncan accused with a chuckle.
"You're a real pest you know that Macleod?" Adam was annoyed.
Duncan's face lit up. "I've struck a nerve haven't I?" he walked around to see his friend's face.
"Oh my God … I'm right … you ARE jealous."
Adam didn't reply, but left Duncan standing there while he went out on the patio for air … but
Duncan would not leave it alone.
"It's not the end of the world you know?" Duncan said as he came up behind him.
"Would you just stop?" Methos turned and gave him a scathing look. "I am not jealous … I have
nothing to be jealous about. I watch out for her because she needs protection … and that is all."
"So you say." Duncan muttered as he came to stand beside Methos at the railing, looking out
over the park below.
"You could certainly do worse." He said, not able to keep silent.
"Do worse than what?" Methos replied, his annoyance growing with every second.
"She's beautiful, talented, she has a good heart … and she makes you happy." Duncan noted.
"Do I look happy to you Macleod?" Methos turned and glared at him.
"Well now that you mention it … no … but a few minutes ago on that dance floor .. that's entirely
different …" Duncan continued. "And every time I come over to Beth's, it seems like the two of
you are sharing some joke or confidence or whatever it is the two of you do to pass the time …
and yes … when I see you with her, you look happy."
"Damn you Macleod." Methos muttered.
Neither of them spoke for a few minutes, but continued to look out at the trees moving in the
breeze.
"I can't let it happen again." Methos finally broke the silence. "I can't go through that again … not
now anyway … maybe not ever." He admitted.
"She's not Alexa … she's young and healthy and …"
"You're right … she's not Alexa … Alexa was one of a kind … a fragile, beautiful little bird that
only flew for a short time … but the melody of her song was as intricate and melodic as any song
ever heard."
"Methos … you wouldn't be betraying your love for Alexa by letting yourself move on …"
"The wound is too fresh … I can't …" Methos gritted out, his voice strained with emotion. "And
it's not just Beth … there's the baby … "
"You've had families before …"
"Not like this … not since …" Methos wasn't sure why he was saying all of this to Macleod …
admitting such frailty. "Not since I learned how to really love … not since Alexa taught me what
that meant. Everything before her was a poor imitation at best."
Duncan didn't know what to say. Methos had endured longer than he had by over ten fold. And
he knew so little about the man. He hadn't really thought about just how different Alexa had been
for Methos … and now he understood. Methos had been with centuries of women … and he'd
cared for some … a few more than others … but Alexa had been 'it' for him. She was his true
love … she'd reached his soul … she'd found a heart that had spent thousands of years waiting
to be discovered.
"Just think about it before you throw it away."
"And what would I be throwing away?" Methos shot back. "A chance to have my heart ripped
open again? … a chance to feel that emptiness deep in my gut when in a few short decades she
and the child are dust? … the chance to wonder if I could ever feel whole again?"
"The chance to be happy … If you truly knew the depth of Alexa's love, you know that she'd want
you to be happy … to find love again. It would break her heart to know that after feeling the
warmth .. you'd let your heart go cold again …"
With that, Duncan started back toward the doors to the reception hall … being almost bowled
over by a very out of breath Claudia.
"Claudia? What are you doing? What's the matter?" Duncan gripped her by the arms and
waited for her to catch her breath.
"You need to come quickly … both of you." She said, looking up to find Adam coming toward
them.
"What's happened?"
"Richie and Amanda … they said for you to meet them at the car … that there was trouble."
Adam didn't wait for the rest …he rushed past them and through the reception hall, grabbing the
coat he'd refused to check from the table as he ran. His eyes met Joe's across the room, he was
at the elevator and looked impatient for it to come.
"Meet us back at the house." He called to Joe before disappearing up the staircase.