…When Pranks Go Bad…

By Zetta Zofia
Disclaimer: Not mine, belong to someone else, yadda-yadda-yadda.
Summary: When Pranks go bad, it's never good… Especially when you're dealing with Age Potions.
Characters: MWPP, Lily Evans, Severus Snape, and More!
Who's Who: Remus plays James and Arabella babysits.
Much thanks to my wonderful reviewers.  Glad you're enjoying it, and hope it continues to "defeat the cliché". (Er, thanks, liz_the_laugh, I've got to say that's one of the best reviews. Hope you don't mind that I'm going to quote you!)

The Chalkboard
(http://www.sphosting.com/chalkboard/)
Everything MWPP!

Chapter Five
- Thursday

"Well," Lily sighed, leaning back on Remus's bed.  "Today sucks."

Frank groaned in agreement.

"It seems to have hit Frank harder," Arabella mused. 

Lily shrugged.  "Fine with me."

"Thanks," Frank muttered.

They were both rather green still.

James screeched loudly and began toddling after Sirius, who was running off with both of the rattles.

Peter sighed and grabbed Sirius from behind.  "Give it here, Sirius."

Sirius began to wail.  "No! No no no no no!"

James sat down on the floor and started crying.

Lily groaned.  "I'm going to kill them," she muttered. 

Arabella sighed and went over to James and picked him up.  "It's alright, Jim," she said in a soothing voice.  "We all know Sirius is a pig."

This didn't mollify the kid, but it made Remus and Peter roll their eyes.  "So who's staying up here with them today?" Peter asked to change the subject.

"I'll do it," Frank said tiredly.  "I'm not going anywhere."

"You never told us what McGonagall wanted," Remus said suddenly.

Lily rolled her eyes.  "She wanted to chew me… er, James out for not attending practice.  But I came close to throwing up on her, so she went away."

Remus grimaced.  "Great."

Lily sighed and forced herself to sit up.  "It's hot in here," she grumbled, and slipped off her robes.  "Let's get to class."

"We'll check back as soon as we can," Remus said.  "Uh, I guess I'll play James." He hesitated.   "I'm not feeling too well, and I have a feeling I'm not going to make it to class tomorrow."

Lily frowned and studied him worriedly.  "You do look pretty bad."

"This from you," Arabella muttered humorously.  She'd taken the rattle from Peter, and now James cooed happily with it.

Lily rolled her eyes.  "Let's go," she said, standing.  She forced herself to put her robe back on, just as someone knocked on the door. 

It was Rosie.  "Hi all," she said, but her eyes fell on Sirius, who was still outing, and James, who was shaking his rattle and giggling as though he were enjoying teasing Sirius.  "I came to see if you wanted help watching the boys today," she said.

Frank looked interested.  "That'd be cool," he said.  "I'm gonna be here though, so you don't have to."

Rose looked even more interested, though she quickly tried to hide it, shoving her hands deep in her pockets.

Lily and Arabella exchanged amused looks.  "We're gonna get going," Arabella said.  "We'll bring you guys lunch."

"And visit during History of Magic," Lily said.  She grabbed her books.  "See you later."

Frank gave them a wave, and Rosie stepped further into the room.

Arabella and Lily grinned at each other and led the way downstairs.

"They'll be a couple by noon," Arabella declared.

Remus and Peter looked puzzled.  "Huh?"

Neither Lily nor Arabella explained.

*~*~*

"One more day," Remus said out loud as he sank into his seat in the back of the classroom.   "One more day."

McGonagall glared at him, but continued on with the lesson.

Lily gave him a worried look and leaned over to whisper to him, though she made it look as though she were still paying attention. "Are you okay?" she asked.

He gave her a tired grin.  "I'll just be glad when this is over.  I just got attacked by a bunch of girls who wanted to go out with Jam-er, me sometime this weekend."

An odd twinkle came into her eyes, and he felt better.  It was good to see that she wasn't so sick that she couldn't plot and laugh.  "I wonder…"

"What's that?" Remus asked warily.

"Oh, never mind," she said, looking away.

He studied her.  She was up to something.  She had to know that he would just be even more curious now.  "What?"

She sent him a long look.  "You ever wondered what would happen if, uh, Sirius and J-er, you, stopped getting all the female attention?"

Remus frowned.  "What do you mean?"

She fought back a giggle and leaned in a little closer.  "What if, say, Sirius and James were to announce that they were more involved than they'd previously let on?"

Remus rolled his eyes.  "Honestly, Lily, they're my best friends.  I wouldn't do that to them."  He snickered though.  "But it would be hilarious.

"Mr. Potter!  Ms. Evans!"

They turned towards the front of the room and found McGonagall scowling at them.  "While I am quite pleased to find that you are no longer at each others throats, I would appreciate it if you waited until after class to talk and show affection."

True horror crossed Lily's face.  "Affection?" she spluttered out.  "Eeww!"

McGonagall's lips pursed.  "Five points from Gryffindor."

Remus decided he'd better speak up as well, and adopted a disgusted expression.  "Make it ten and let me change my seat!"  To add a finishing touch, because he was supposed to be sick, he coughed long and hard after making that announcement. 

McGonagall scowled and went back to the chalkboard.

Snape sat a few rows ahead and turned and smirked.  "First Lupin, now Potter.  Quite the little tramp, aren't we, mudblood?"

"Sod off," Lily said lazily, and leaned back in her chair.

The rest of the class, she and Remus did not talk to each other.

However, Snape and his friends hung around after class again, just after Arabella and Peter had gone off to check on Frank, Rosie, and the two kids.  "Mudblood, mudblood," Severus sang under his breath. 

McGonagall did not hear him, her attention on the stack of parchments on her desk.

Remus thought for a moment about what James would do.  He always got angry when someone said 'mudblood'.   "Slimy git, slimy git."

"Defending her, Potter," Severus wondered.  "A bit of a thing for her?"

"Oh, didn't you know?" Lily sneered.  "Jimmy and I have been screwing since Christmas.  Are you jealous, Severus?"

"Is Potter really a female then?" Severus returned.  "Because I've been hearing stories about you and your friend Arabella…"

"Wow," Lily said, amused.  "Is that your idea of something to upset me?  Honestly, you boys are so immature about everything.  Yes, that's it, I snog with Remus, and Potter, and Bella.  And you're all sad because I won't take a night off and go off with you."

Remus sighed.  "Come on, Lily," he said.  "Sad, but the air smells better around you than it does around him."

She sniffed at both of them, and nodded a little.  "Same goes for you."

Severus and his friends followed them out of the room.

"How's Lupin doing?" Severus sneered.

Remus tensed and didn't look back.  Severus was, apparently, looking to fight.  He brought that up every time he was hoping to get James and Sirius in trouble.

Lily looked at him curiously, but didn't ask.  "There's Megan," Lily said, pleased. 

Remus was pleased as well.  Not only did he have an interest in Megan, she would also be enough protection so that Severus would back off.

Sure enough, Severus figured out he wasn't going to get a fight and stormed off.

Megan rushed up to him and placed a long kiss on his cheek, her lips lingering far longer than necessary.  Remus had to fight back a blush that would have been very unnatural on James.  "Hi, Meg," he said, and hoped James's voice didn't sound odd. 

She frowned suddenly.  "Oh, I'm such a dunce," she sighed.  "I forgot that you're not really… Well, who are you?  I hope I didn't just kiss Arabella or something."

"Shh," Lily murmured.  "Remus."

Meg smiled.  "Well then," she said.  "I don't feel bad about that kiss at all."

Another blush was fought back.  Remus was grateful they were going through a darker portion of the castle.  "Charms is next," he said.

Meg smirked.  "Oh, you don't need any more charm.  You're perfect just like this.  Though I think you're cuter the other way."

Lily stopped and gave them both an amused look.  "Should I leave now?"

Meg grabbed Remus/James's arm.  "Actually, yes.  See you in class."

Rolling her eyes, Lily turned away.

Remus looked back down at Meg.  "I think you're a bit confused," he said.  "I'm not Jim.  I'm Remus."

She smirked.  "Oh, trust me, babe.  I know exactly who you are."  She placed another kiss on his cheek.  "Why don't you save me a seat at dinner tonight, alright?  You, not James."

He wanted to, very badly.  But… "How about some time next week," he offered.  "I'm going to be watching the kids.  And we'll have the potion ready for them tomorrow."

"Great," she said, smiling. 

They reached the Charms classroom.  "Next time you're back to you?  Lemme know.  I just found a new broom closet…"

Smirking, she left him standing in the doorway.

*~*~*

Remus was on cloud nine because of Megan.  Or he would have been, had he not been in pain.  The full moon was two nights away, and he could feel it.  He skipped History of Magic and lunch, and took over watching the kids so Frank and Rosie could get out for a bit.  Frank was still too sick to go anywhere but the Common Room, but he wanted out of the bedroom.

When they returned, Remus unhappily drank the Polyjuice Potion and set off to the Divination class room again.

It was even worse this time.  They were working on crystal balls, and every time he looked at one, he was reminded of Boggart lessons from the start of the year…  His had turned into the full moon, and it had looked just like a crystal ball.

Lily knew that, and watched him worriedly, even as she nearly slumped down on the table, her face a little green tinged.

They both skipped Care for Magical Creatures.

Remus crawled into bed, grateful that Sirius and James were napping still.  He'd just about fallen asleep when James sat up and began looking around, and reaching for things on the nightstand that were not suitable toys.

The others were down in the Common Room or in the kitchens.  Remus sighed and got up.  "Alright, Jim, what do you want?"

James reached out and Remus picked him up.  He grabbed the Marauders Map off a desk and checked to be sure it was all clear downstairs.  "We'll go find Peter for you, alright? Or Lily or Bella."

"Il la."

"Illa?"

James beamed and then started babbling.

Remus sighed.  "I'll give you a bottle if you shut up."

James obviously did not understand, as his babbling continued.

Remus grabbed the blanket off the ground and carried it and James down the stairs. 

No one looked surprised by the sight of Little James, but at once, a large group of people- mostly girls, but a few guys- rushed over to look at the kid.

James was clearly quite pleased, and let one of the girls take him.  "Do you mind watching him for a bit?" he asked.  "I'm not feeling real well."

Amanda Stern grinned.  "Not a problem, Remus.  He's in good hands."

Remus gave her a grateful smile.  "Er, if McGonagall comes, well, she's not supposed to know…"

"We've got it covered," Amanda assured him.  "Where's Sirius?"

"He'll be up soon," Remus said grimly.

Sure enough, Sirius was sitting up and crying when Remus returned to the room.  Remus carried him downstairs as well, and then happily went back to take a nap.

He was asleep within minutes, dreaming of a blonde witch who went by Megan...

 *~*~*

Minerva McGonagall was not a stupid woman, contrary to the apparent beliefs of all of her students.

She knew that something was going on with James Potter and Sirius Black, and she was going to find out, come hell, high water, or whatever else there might have been.

Over the past few days, she'd seen more suspicious activity from the troublemaking Gryffindors than she had seen in the entire year.  All four boys, claiming to be sick… Potter and Evans getting along… Figg and Black standing next to each other and holding a whispered conversation as though they were the best of friends… And what was the explanation for not a single prank having been pulled during the week?

Minerva was not one to condone pranks.  Certainly not! She abhorred them!  But she'd grown used to the idea of Black, Potter, Lupin, and Pettigrew teaming up to pull some ridiculous, but very often fantastic, prank on someone in the school.

Something was most certainly up, and Potter's fumbling explanations from the previous day had done nothing to assure her.

Arabella Figg and Lily Evans were on their way down to the Common Room as well, and both looked surprised to see her.  "Professor," Lily said, and Minerva was certain she detected worry in her voice.  "Where are you off to?"

Minerva pursed her lips and paused, as good manners dictated.  "I'm off to visit Mr. Black and Mr. Potter."

The two girls exchanged looks that McGonagall didn't quite understand, and Arabella started backing away.

"I'll see you in a bit," Arabella said, her eyes wide.  "Er, excuse me professor."

She hurried off down the hall.

McGonagall frowned after her.

Lily laughed nervously.  "She, uh, she… I was meaning to ask you, Professor, if you had done something with your hair.  A hair cut perhaps?  It looks quite nice."

Minerva patted her hair self consciously, then dropped her hand.  "No, Ms. Evans.  I've not had time for such nonsense.  Thank you for inquiring, but I must be off."

If she didn't know better, she would have sworn that Evans was stalling her.

But why would Lily do that when she was on her way to lecture Potter and Black?  Everyone, even Dumbledore, knew that Evans and the two Gryffindor boys in question did not get along, the earlier Transfiguration lesson aside.

Minerva shrugged it off and started walking again. The redhead prefect kept up with her, chattering on.  "Uh, professor, do you know the date of the next Prefect meeting?  Oh, and have you started thinking about who might be good?  I made a list…" Lily paused right in front of her, digging through her bag.

Minerva scowled.  "Ms. Evans.  If you would like to talk with me about Prefect business, than I shall be happy to do so.  Later.  If you'll excuse me, I must be going."

She stepped around Lily and rounded the corner to the Common Room.

It seemed like nearly everyone was in the Common Room, and they were all acting rather suspicious.

No one was playing Exploding Snap, though there were cards set up. 

Homework was spread across the tables, but no one was sitting down to do it. 

Everyone was talking.  Everyone.  Even those who were normally incredibly studious were standing and chatting.

Minerva scowled.  "Where are Black and Potter?"

Lily came in behind her and shut the portrait hole.  McGonagall looked at her, frowning, and Lily gave her an innocent smile.

Megan Pierson gave her a charming smile.  She stood at the end of the couch, her arms crossed behind her, looking as innocent as Potter and Black did after they pulled a prank. McGonagall scowled more.  "They're, ah, up in their room.  They weren't feeling too well, so last I checked, they were resting."

"Where are Lupin, Pettigrew, and Longbottom?"

Megan looked slightly nervous.  "I think they said they were going off somewhere.  You know, a walk to get rid of their energy or something.  You know how those boys are." She laughed, and McGonagall detected nervousness in the laugh.

McGonagall scowled as she realized something else.  Why would Lupin be off on a walk to 'get rid of excess energy' when he was this close to the Full Moon?  She made her way over to the stair case that led up to the boys section.

Behind her, the students were still suspiciously quiet.

But someone giggled, and sounded so happy, McGonagall turned around.

*~*~*

Lily heard one of the kids start giggling, and her eyes flew open.

McGonagall turned around on the steps.

She and Megan exchanged panicked looks, and then did the only thing they could think of. 

They giggled as well, hoping to cover it up.

Their classmates caught on quickly, and soon everyone was giggling nervously- and in many cases, very obviously pretending.

McGonagall gave them a worried look, and continued up the stairs.

One of the boys snuck around and watched her go up.

No one dared move.  The boy gave them thumbs up, and a loud sigh of relief went through the Common Room.

"Where are they?" Lily hissed, not daring to speak too loudly.

Tina held up little Sirius, who looked around curiously, and Rosie held up little James, who had been the giggle culprit.

Lily sighed and hurried over to them.  "Here's some candy for them," she said.  "Take them upstairs.  The rest of you just go back to doing your homework.  Honestly, no wonder Gryffindor always loses points.  You can't hide anything."

A little offended by her words, a little amused by the fact that she was covering for her enemies, the rest of the house went back to work.  Tina and Megan carried Sirius and James upstairs to the girls' rooms, disappearing just in time.

McGonagall came down the stairs, frowning even more.  "I'd like to see the rest of the Quidditch team."

Lily winced.  "Er, Rosie just went off.  I think she said she was going to the library."

McGonagall scowled. 

The other four players hurried over to her, including the rule-abiding captain, who still looked upset about having to lie.  McGonagall gave them each long looks.  "Potter and Black are ill," she said stiffly.  "They are unlikely to be playing at their best on Saturday.  I would be very pleased to see the rest of you at extra practice tonight and tomorrow, and find someone who could possibly sub.  I have no desire to see Slytherin beat us again, scrimmage match or not."

"Yes, mam," Mark said.  "We will do that.  We've got time at the pitch right after dinner already."

McGonagall looked faintly appeased.  "Well.  Good.  I'll expect to see you before the match on Saturday then."

Still looking a bit annoyed, she left the Common Room.

No one said anything until she'd closed the portrait hole behind her, and then they all spoke at once.

"I'm gonna kill them," Mark growled.

"What do we do if they're not back by then?"

"Oh, what else could go wrong?"

"If they're not back, can I take Jim's broom?"

"Ooh, I want Sirius's!"

Lily rolled her eyes and went up to find out what had happened.

*~*~*

"What a sickly lot," Peter muttered.

Frank moaned.  He was Sirius.  "Sod off, Pettigrew."

Remus held his hand to his head. He was acting as James.  "Pete, go make sure everything's okay downstairs."

He had his eyes open enough that he saw Lily come in.  "It is," she said.  "What did McGonagall want with you?"

Peter made a face.  "I have to go to class tomorrow.  As me.  Or else she's gonna get mad."

"What did she do downstairs?" Remus asked.

Lily shrugged.  "McGonagall's told them to do extra Quidditch practice, that Sirius and James are pretty sick."

"You don't look sick any more," Frank accused.

Lily shrugged.  "I don't feel sick, either.  I guess I didn't get hit as bad as you."  She turned her green eyes on Remus, and he quickly looked away.  "What's wrong with you?" she demanded.  "Did you get sick from Frank?"

Frank scowled.  "Probably.  He's the sickliest chap I've ever met.  Gets sick more often than the rest of the school together."

Lily was more sympathetic than Frank and went to the side of his bed.  She reached over to feel his forehead, but Remus batted her hands away.  He didn't like people around him when he was like this.  Aside from the fact that they were noisy, he couldn't help himself, and usually snapped at them, whether they deserved it or not.  Usually, James, Sirius, Peter, and Frank deserved it, but Lily had been a lifesaver for them over the past few days, and he didn't want to hurt her feelings.

She rolled her eyes.  "Boys."

She disappeared into the bathroom, and when she returned, she looked much happier.  "I think the Potion should be ready on time, don't you?  I'm getting rather sick of rushing about and protecting those gits from McGonagall."

Remus wondered if that was the complete truth about why she wanted them back, but didn't comment.  "I think it's good.  Tomorrow night we'll finish it up and feed it to them."

Lily nodded, apparently pleased.  "Anyway.  We're off to get supper.  Would you like anything?"

"No."

"No."

"I'll go with you."

The last was, of course, from Peter, who jumped up, looking quite relived.  "I'm hungry, and they're awful right now."

Lily grinned.  "Right-o, Peter."

Cheerfully, the two went back downstairs and left Remus and Frank to their unhappy sickness.

The Chalkboard
(http://www.sphosting.com/chalkboard/)
Everything MWPP!

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