Author's Note: Well, this chapter is a little longer than my other ones. I
apologize if it's a little boring, but I felt I needed to get Shani and
Jack's thoughts in. Anyway, thanks to those of you who have reviewed. Enjoy
this chapter!
Chapter 6: Father, Daughter
Shani's POV
I heard someone come through the door behind me. Without even turning around I knew it was him. The man my mom had told me so little about. The man she had known so little about, but still for some reason had married. When I was younger I had always asked mom about my father. I remember I was always so mad that there was so little she could tell me. I had always said that one day I would go through the Stargate and find him myself. And now here I am on Earth, with the man who is my father standing right behind me.
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. There's a part of me that wants to turn around and throw myself at him and tell him how glad I am to finally meet him. To tell him how much I'd always wanted to know him. And there is another part of me that wants to turn around and yell and scream at him for not staying on Arago when he found out he had married my mom. To blame him for all the bad things that had ever happened to me.
And finally there is one last part of me. The part that most of the time I deny exists. The part of me that is still a scared little girl who just wants her daddy. A little girl who has been hurt so badly by the names and insults that have been hurled at her by her peers. My whole life I had been trained as a warrior. This part of me wasn't supposed to exist. I was supposed to be brave and tough and set myself apart from others so that I wouldn't be hurt if they were killed or went away. And usually I succeed in convincing myself that that is who I am. But sometimes at night I find myself thinking about the father I've never known or met (until now). And I find myself wishing I could talk to him and have him there to protect me.
Violently I wiped my hand across my eyes, clearing them of the tears that had appeared. I took a few deep breaths, willing myself to calm down. Then I slowly stood up and turned around.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Jack's POV
I've been standing here for a few minutes now. So far neither of us has said anything. I don't think either of us knows what to say. It's kind of strange. I've been a solider most of my life. I've been in more intense, strange, or just plain confusing situations than most people ever should be. And normally I know just what it is I should do. I can push aside any fear or doubt I have, and do or say exactly what I'm supposed to.
But right now I have no clue what it is I'm supposed to say. And quite honestly I'm scared. Not scared of being hurt or scared that I might be in danger, but scared that I might hurt the girl who is sitting in front of me, her back still turned at me. I remember feeling like this when Charlie was born. For months I had been afraid that I would drop him or hit him too hard when I was burping him. And at the same time I had felt this incredible, intense love for the tiny creature I could hold or just watch as he slept. The tiny creature I had helped create. It was the same feeling I felt right now, watching my daughter sit in front of me.
I opened my mouth to say something to her, but at the same time she stood up and turned around to face me. "Hi," I said. And then I watched a transformation.
Just seconds ago, Shani had been watching me with carefully guarded eyes. Though she hadn't been frowning, she definitely hadn't been smiling. And now, that one word having just left my mouth, her guarded expression lifted away and her lips formed a small, though hesitant, smile. "Hi," she said.
"So," I started and then stopped and sighed. "This is a little awkward, huh?" Really it was more of a statement than a question.
"No," I stared at her. This wasn't awkward? "This is a lot awkward," I grinned at her correction.
"Why don't we sit?" I suggested. After we were both seated (her on the bed, me on a chair in front of her) I asked her the question I had been wondering since Hammond had brought her to the briefing room. "I don't mean to sound total rude, but.what are you doing here?"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Shani's POV
What was I doing here? Of all the questions I had expected, that one had been on the bottom of my list. But I guess we should at least get it out of the way. "My mother died," I said bluntly. I watched as first shock, then sympathy past across his face.
"I'm so sorry. That must have been terrible for you," I felt my eyes fill with tears. No one had really offered me compassion while I was dealing with her death. We sat quietly for a few moments and then he asked, "But why did you choose to come here?"
I thought for a minute and then answered carefully. "My whole life I wanted to know about my father. There was so little mom could tell me about you. I suppose I could have stayed on Arago when she died, but I really wasn't happy there. So I decided to go through the Stargate and come find you." I watched him carefully, waiting for a reaction.
Slowly he smiled. "I'm glad you came." I studied him cautiously, watching to see if he was being honest. When I realized he was, I smiled back.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Jack's POV
~ 2 hours later ~
"See you later, Shani," I called over my shoulder. We had spent the last two hours talking, and now I was leaving her with a promise that I'll be back later to take her home. We had figured something's out. She would live with me at our house off base when I was on world, and when SG1 was off world she would stay on base. We weren't going to worry about school for now, but in a few weeks she would either go with Cassie or do computer school.
I sighed as the topic of the last few minutes of our conversation came to mind. What Shani would call me. Neither of us was all that comfortable with her calling me dad. In the end we had decided she would just call me Jack until we both felt comfortable. Well, I thought, no matter what she calls me, things are going to get interesting.
Chapter 6: Father, Daughter
Shani's POV
I heard someone come through the door behind me. Without even turning around I knew it was him. The man my mom had told me so little about. The man she had known so little about, but still for some reason had married. When I was younger I had always asked mom about my father. I remember I was always so mad that there was so little she could tell me. I had always said that one day I would go through the Stargate and find him myself. And now here I am on Earth, with the man who is my father standing right behind me.
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. There's a part of me that wants to turn around and throw myself at him and tell him how glad I am to finally meet him. To tell him how much I'd always wanted to know him. And there is another part of me that wants to turn around and yell and scream at him for not staying on Arago when he found out he had married my mom. To blame him for all the bad things that had ever happened to me.
And finally there is one last part of me. The part that most of the time I deny exists. The part of me that is still a scared little girl who just wants her daddy. A little girl who has been hurt so badly by the names and insults that have been hurled at her by her peers. My whole life I had been trained as a warrior. This part of me wasn't supposed to exist. I was supposed to be brave and tough and set myself apart from others so that I wouldn't be hurt if they were killed or went away. And usually I succeed in convincing myself that that is who I am. But sometimes at night I find myself thinking about the father I've never known or met (until now). And I find myself wishing I could talk to him and have him there to protect me.
Violently I wiped my hand across my eyes, clearing them of the tears that had appeared. I took a few deep breaths, willing myself to calm down. Then I slowly stood up and turned around.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Jack's POV
I've been standing here for a few minutes now. So far neither of us has said anything. I don't think either of us knows what to say. It's kind of strange. I've been a solider most of my life. I've been in more intense, strange, or just plain confusing situations than most people ever should be. And normally I know just what it is I should do. I can push aside any fear or doubt I have, and do or say exactly what I'm supposed to.
But right now I have no clue what it is I'm supposed to say. And quite honestly I'm scared. Not scared of being hurt or scared that I might be in danger, but scared that I might hurt the girl who is sitting in front of me, her back still turned at me. I remember feeling like this when Charlie was born. For months I had been afraid that I would drop him or hit him too hard when I was burping him. And at the same time I had felt this incredible, intense love for the tiny creature I could hold or just watch as he slept. The tiny creature I had helped create. It was the same feeling I felt right now, watching my daughter sit in front of me.
I opened my mouth to say something to her, but at the same time she stood up and turned around to face me. "Hi," I said. And then I watched a transformation.
Just seconds ago, Shani had been watching me with carefully guarded eyes. Though she hadn't been frowning, she definitely hadn't been smiling. And now, that one word having just left my mouth, her guarded expression lifted away and her lips formed a small, though hesitant, smile. "Hi," she said.
"So," I started and then stopped and sighed. "This is a little awkward, huh?" Really it was more of a statement than a question.
"No," I stared at her. This wasn't awkward? "This is a lot awkward," I grinned at her correction.
"Why don't we sit?" I suggested. After we were both seated (her on the bed, me on a chair in front of her) I asked her the question I had been wondering since Hammond had brought her to the briefing room. "I don't mean to sound total rude, but.what are you doing here?"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Shani's POV
What was I doing here? Of all the questions I had expected, that one had been on the bottom of my list. But I guess we should at least get it out of the way. "My mother died," I said bluntly. I watched as first shock, then sympathy past across his face.
"I'm so sorry. That must have been terrible for you," I felt my eyes fill with tears. No one had really offered me compassion while I was dealing with her death. We sat quietly for a few moments and then he asked, "But why did you choose to come here?"
I thought for a minute and then answered carefully. "My whole life I wanted to know about my father. There was so little mom could tell me about you. I suppose I could have stayed on Arago when she died, but I really wasn't happy there. So I decided to go through the Stargate and come find you." I watched him carefully, waiting for a reaction.
Slowly he smiled. "I'm glad you came." I studied him cautiously, watching to see if he was being honest. When I realized he was, I smiled back.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Jack's POV
~ 2 hours later ~
"See you later, Shani," I called over my shoulder. We had spent the last two hours talking, and now I was leaving her with a promise that I'll be back later to take her home. We had figured something's out. She would live with me at our house off base when I was on world, and when SG1 was off world she would stay on base. We weren't going to worry about school for now, but in a few weeks she would either go with Cassie or do computer school.
I sighed as the topic of the last few minutes of our conversation came to mind. What Shani would call me. Neither of us was all that comfortable with her calling me dad. In the end we had decided she would just call me Jack until we both felt comfortable. Well, I thought, no matter what she calls me, things are going to get interesting.