A/N: Okay, finally this chapter is up. School is crazy and has been keeping
me way too busy. Anyway, there will be one more chapter after this and the
fic will be over. Hopefully you've enjoyed it. Thanks again for the
reviews. Two more things, the second to last section of this fic is written
(I think) slightly different than the rest of this chapter. Hopefully,
you'll like it. And finally, because someone was wondering, the mass in
Shani is some kind of tumor. Sorry I can't really explain too much more
because I have no medical knowledge, except what I get from ER. (
Chapter 8: Fighting to Live
Sam's POV ~ Where ch. 7 left off ~
I motioned for Janet to follow me and then moved towards the door. We stood quietly for a moment as I watched the others. Daniel and Teal'c had moved off to the side and were talking in whispers. Jack and Shani were still sitting where they had been the whole time. As Shani cried onto his shoulder Jack rubbed her back and I could hear soft murmurs as he tried to sooth her. Finally I turned back to Janet, "What are you going to do?"
"I'm not completely sure what can be done, Sam. I think her best option would be to operate, but even then I'm not sure she would make it. She's very sick," Janet sighed, "It's my fault. I should have checked her results no matter how busy I was. Maybe if I had Shani's chances would be better."
I shook my head. "It's not your fault, Janet. This would have happened no matter what you did."
"Maybe," she said softly.
I sighed, "Well, if you do the operation, how soon would you do it?"
"I would want to do it right away. Hopefully by tomorrow morning. I'd better go talk to the colonel."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Shani's POV ~15 minutes later ~
How can this be happening? Less than an hour ago everything had been fine. Jack and I had been getting along great. We'd even been planning a fishing trip for in a few weeks. I'd tried to convince him to invite Sam. I can tell that they care about each other. But Jack had said no, that it wouldn't be "appropriate". And now this was happening. It figured. Things always go wrong in my life.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Jack's POV ~ Same time ~
"So you think this operation would be Shani's best chance?" I questioned. If I was going to agree to the Doc cutting open my kid it had damn well better be her best chance.
"To be honest, sir, I'm not sure if there is a 'best chance' for Shani. However," the Doc continued quickly, "if it were Cassie, I would do the operation."
I ran my hand down my face, and turned to Carter. "What do you think?"
"Sir?" She looked surprised that I would ask her.
"I want your opinion, Carter. Can you give it to me or not?" Crap, that came out harsher than intended.
"I think that you should do the operation, sir. I think it's her best shot," I nodded, and then turned to Daniel.
"I don't know, Jack. If Sam and Janet think it will work, I suppose you should go for it," I wasn't surprised by his answer. I'd figured he would agree with Carter and the Doc.
"What about you, Teal'c? If something like this ever happened to Rya'c would you go with the operation?"
" I am unsure, O'Neill. I don't believe such a thing ever would happen to my son. However, I would do what I thought best."
I sighed. I know what I think is best. But it isn't my body. "Shani, what do you think? Do you want to have the operation, or should we try something else?"
I watched her take a quiet breath and then slowly massage her temples. Then she turned to me. "I don't know, Jack. Do you think I should do it?"
I don't want to lose you, kiddo. I think this operation could save you, " I felt helpless as I watched her struggle with the decision.
"Then I think I should do it," Shani whispered. The tears in her eyes broke my heart.
"Alright, Doc. Let's do it," I said, hoping that my fear wasn't coming through in my voice.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Daniel's POV ~ 12am, in the cafeteria ~
"It's not fair, " I jumped as Sam spoke. The two of us were sitting in the cafeteria with Teal'c. We hadn't wanted to go anywhere so we'd ended up here, where we'd been sitting silently for the last hour.
"Indeed, it is not," Teal'c agreed.
"Nothing in life is fair you guys. Was it fair when your mom died, Sam, or when Charlie died, or when my wife was taken from me? Nothing is ever fair," I glared at nobody in particular.
"But Shani's so young. It just doesn't seem right," Sam sighed.
"You're making it sound like she's already dead. She still has a chance. Wait until after the operation before you start to bury her," and then I stood up and left, leaving Sam and Teal'c in a stunned silence.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Shani's POV ~ 6:30am, in the infirmary, a ½ hr. before surgery ~
"What are you thinking about, Jack?" I whispered, careful not to disturb the other patients.
"I was thinking about Charlie. You two would'a loved each other. I wish you could have known him. He was a great kid. The day he was born was incredible. From the first moment I saw him I loved him so much. I wish I could have been there when you were born," I could see tears in Jack's eyes. This sucked so much.
"I wish you had been there, too," I sniffed back my own tears. "But hey! Don't give up on me yet. We'll have lots of time to hang out when this operation is over. We'll go to the lake like we planned," I forced myself to smile, "and you can invite Sam."
Jack chuckled. "Give it a rest. Not going to happen." I smiled for real this time as the light returned to Jack's eyes. Please God, don't let me die.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Jack's POV ~ 7:00am, in the operation room ~
"Sir, you can stay until she's asleep. We're administering the anesthetic by IV and it will only take a few minutes," I nodded at the Doc, then smiled down at Shani.
"How are you feeling, Shani?" I asked softly.
"Just great, Jack. Never better. In fact I'm thinking about forgetting this whole operation business and going for a quick jog instead," Shani's voice dripped with sarcasm as she glared up at me.
"You're going to be fine, kiddo. And as soon as you feel up to it we'll go to the lake and catch us some fish," I squeezed her hand reassuringly.
"Promise?" she whispered as her eyes started to droop.
"Promise," I whispered back.
"It will just be another minute or so, sir," the Doc murmured. I nodded in acknowledgement.
"Hey," I looked down as I heard a soft whisper.
"Yeah?" I whispered back.
"I love you, dad." My breath caught.
"I love you, too, daughter," I replied as she drifted to sleep. Please God, don't let her die.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Janet's POV ~ 8:00am, in the operation room ~
"Alright folks, we're almost done. Let's get this finished," I moved my hands without hesitation, clamping this and cutting that. I worked for another five minutes and then a nurse spoke.
"Ma'am? We're losing her!"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Shani's POV ~ 8:05am ~
This can't be happening. I can see Janet and the other doctors and nurses working over my body. "We're losing her!" I hear one of the nurses' say. Janet glances at the monitor, then orders someone to get the paddles, as she starts internal compressions.
I can see Teal'c and Daniel sitting in the observation room. Daniel has his hand over his mouth, like he's trying to stop himself from speaking. Teal'c is just sitting there, watching the doctors and nurses work.
I hear Janet yell "Clear!" and everyone moves back from my body. I watch my body jump and I suck in my breath as I feel the shock.
I can see Sam and the General sitting by Daniel and Teal'c. The General looks worried and I see him look upward. Sam has both her hands over her mouth. I can see tears in her eyes.
I hear Janet yell "Clear!" again and as everyone moves away she shocks me for a second time. I gasp. It hurts.
I can see my dad. He's standing with both hands pressed against the window and I can see the fear in his eyes. His lips are moving and I think he's saying my name. Oh dad, please don't cry.
Janet is shaking her head. Then she yells "Clear!" one more time.
I know I should fight to live, but it hurts so much. I don't want to leave dad, but I think I see mom holding her arms out for me. God I'm going to die, aren't I? Please dad, don't cry.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Janet's POV ~ 8:30am ~
"Time of death 8:30 in the am."
Chapter 8: Fighting to Live
Sam's POV ~ Where ch. 7 left off ~
I motioned for Janet to follow me and then moved towards the door. We stood quietly for a moment as I watched the others. Daniel and Teal'c had moved off to the side and were talking in whispers. Jack and Shani were still sitting where they had been the whole time. As Shani cried onto his shoulder Jack rubbed her back and I could hear soft murmurs as he tried to sooth her. Finally I turned back to Janet, "What are you going to do?"
"I'm not completely sure what can be done, Sam. I think her best option would be to operate, but even then I'm not sure she would make it. She's very sick," Janet sighed, "It's my fault. I should have checked her results no matter how busy I was. Maybe if I had Shani's chances would be better."
I shook my head. "It's not your fault, Janet. This would have happened no matter what you did."
"Maybe," she said softly.
I sighed, "Well, if you do the operation, how soon would you do it?"
"I would want to do it right away. Hopefully by tomorrow morning. I'd better go talk to the colonel."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Shani's POV ~15 minutes later ~
How can this be happening? Less than an hour ago everything had been fine. Jack and I had been getting along great. We'd even been planning a fishing trip for in a few weeks. I'd tried to convince him to invite Sam. I can tell that they care about each other. But Jack had said no, that it wouldn't be "appropriate". And now this was happening. It figured. Things always go wrong in my life.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Jack's POV ~ Same time ~
"So you think this operation would be Shani's best chance?" I questioned. If I was going to agree to the Doc cutting open my kid it had damn well better be her best chance.
"To be honest, sir, I'm not sure if there is a 'best chance' for Shani. However," the Doc continued quickly, "if it were Cassie, I would do the operation."
I ran my hand down my face, and turned to Carter. "What do you think?"
"Sir?" She looked surprised that I would ask her.
"I want your opinion, Carter. Can you give it to me or not?" Crap, that came out harsher than intended.
"I think that you should do the operation, sir. I think it's her best shot," I nodded, and then turned to Daniel.
"I don't know, Jack. If Sam and Janet think it will work, I suppose you should go for it," I wasn't surprised by his answer. I'd figured he would agree with Carter and the Doc.
"What about you, Teal'c? If something like this ever happened to Rya'c would you go with the operation?"
" I am unsure, O'Neill. I don't believe such a thing ever would happen to my son. However, I would do what I thought best."
I sighed. I know what I think is best. But it isn't my body. "Shani, what do you think? Do you want to have the operation, or should we try something else?"
I watched her take a quiet breath and then slowly massage her temples. Then she turned to me. "I don't know, Jack. Do you think I should do it?"
I don't want to lose you, kiddo. I think this operation could save you, " I felt helpless as I watched her struggle with the decision.
"Then I think I should do it," Shani whispered. The tears in her eyes broke my heart.
"Alright, Doc. Let's do it," I said, hoping that my fear wasn't coming through in my voice.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Daniel's POV ~ 12am, in the cafeteria ~
"It's not fair, " I jumped as Sam spoke. The two of us were sitting in the cafeteria with Teal'c. We hadn't wanted to go anywhere so we'd ended up here, where we'd been sitting silently for the last hour.
"Indeed, it is not," Teal'c agreed.
"Nothing in life is fair you guys. Was it fair when your mom died, Sam, or when Charlie died, or when my wife was taken from me? Nothing is ever fair," I glared at nobody in particular.
"But Shani's so young. It just doesn't seem right," Sam sighed.
"You're making it sound like she's already dead. She still has a chance. Wait until after the operation before you start to bury her," and then I stood up and left, leaving Sam and Teal'c in a stunned silence.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Shani's POV ~ 6:30am, in the infirmary, a ½ hr. before surgery ~
"What are you thinking about, Jack?" I whispered, careful not to disturb the other patients.
"I was thinking about Charlie. You two would'a loved each other. I wish you could have known him. He was a great kid. The day he was born was incredible. From the first moment I saw him I loved him so much. I wish I could have been there when you were born," I could see tears in Jack's eyes. This sucked so much.
"I wish you had been there, too," I sniffed back my own tears. "But hey! Don't give up on me yet. We'll have lots of time to hang out when this operation is over. We'll go to the lake like we planned," I forced myself to smile, "and you can invite Sam."
Jack chuckled. "Give it a rest. Not going to happen." I smiled for real this time as the light returned to Jack's eyes. Please God, don't let me die.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Jack's POV ~ 7:00am, in the operation room ~
"Sir, you can stay until she's asleep. We're administering the anesthetic by IV and it will only take a few minutes," I nodded at the Doc, then smiled down at Shani.
"How are you feeling, Shani?" I asked softly.
"Just great, Jack. Never better. In fact I'm thinking about forgetting this whole operation business and going for a quick jog instead," Shani's voice dripped with sarcasm as she glared up at me.
"You're going to be fine, kiddo. And as soon as you feel up to it we'll go to the lake and catch us some fish," I squeezed her hand reassuringly.
"Promise?" she whispered as her eyes started to droop.
"Promise," I whispered back.
"It will just be another minute or so, sir," the Doc murmured. I nodded in acknowledgement.
"Hey," I looked down as I heard a soft whisper.
"Yeah?" I whispered back.
"I love you, dad." My breath caught.
"I love you, too, daughter," I replied as she drifted to sleep. Please God, don't let her die.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Janet's POV ~ 8:00am, in the operation room ~
"Alright folks, we're almost done. Let's get this finished," I moved my hands without hesitation, clamping this and cutting that. I worked for another five minutes and then a nurse spoke.
"Ma'am? We're losing her!"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Shani's POV ~ 8:05am ~
This can't be happening. I can see Janet and the other doctors and nurses working over my body. "We're losing her!" I hear one of the nurses' say. Janet glances at the monitor, then orders someone to get the paddles, as she starts internal compressions.
I can see Teal'c and Daniel sitting in the observation room. Daniel has his hand over his mouth, like he's trying to stop himself from speaking. Teal'c is just sitting there, watching the doctors and nurses work.
I hear Janet yell "Clear!" and everyone moves back from my body. I watch my body jump and I suck in my breath as I feel the shock.
I can see Sam and the General sitting by Daniel and Teal'c. The General looks worried and I see him look upward. Sam has both her hands over her mouth. I can see tears in her eyes.
I hear Janet yell "Clear!" again and as everyone moves away she shocks me for a second time. I gasp. It hurts.
I can see my dad. He's standing with both hands pressed against the window and I can see the fear in his eyes. His lips are moving and I think he's saying my name. Oh dad, please don't cry.
Janet is shaking her head. Then she yells "Clear!" one more time.
I know I should fight to live, but it hurts so much. I don't want to leave dad, but I think I see mom holding her arms out for me. God I'm going to die, aren't I? Please dad, don't cry.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Janet's POV ~ 8:30am ~
"Time of death 8:30 in the am."