Anata wa Watashi no Hansha
By Ryuuen
Warnings: Shounen-ai, language, angst, sap, drama, SPOILERS (for the whole series after ep. 30)... yanno the drill.
Disclaimer: I own my hair!! But no, I don't own Fushigi Yuugi. Or Enya, for that matter. Or the song "May It Be" from the Lord of the Rings soundtrack. Go figure.
Timeline Note: Takes place one year after the end of the series, making Tasuki eighteen.
Continuity Note: This fic will become a reincarnation fic, I think after chapter two. Chapters one and two deal with the aftermath of the seishi's duties and provide some insight on the direction chapters three and beyond may take us.
Pairings: Tasuki/Nuriko, Tamahome/Miaka, and later on Nuriko/Hotohori, Chichiri/Koran, and Hotohori/Kourin.
A/N: Well, well, well, another sonfic from Ryuuen.. yup. This is my fic, Anata wa Watashi no Hansha (which means "you are my reflection" by the way), to the tunes of "May It Be." Why? I dunno. The chapter title, "ka mo shirenai sore wa de aru" means "May It Be" (kinda long, huh?).
Note on the Quenya: In the song, there are a couple of lines in Quenya. They are: "Mornie utulie" which means "Darkness has come" and "Mornie alantie" which means "Darkness has fallen"... go figure, ne?
ANATA wa WATASHI no HANSHA
I
KA MO SHIRENAI SORE WA DE ARU
[May it be an evening star
Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh! How far you are from home]
He felt eyes on him, a stare that penetrated him, making him feel a chill up his spine. It felt like someone was staring into his soul.
He looked around but saw no one. But that was small consolation. There were many who could conceal their prescence if they so wished.
The light was fading into darkness as his steps took him farther from his small camp, his path a silent and narrow one. He could hardly see in front of his face, but it did not matter to him. Not anymore. He followed the fading light, the colors that streaked the sky like a painting, compelling some artist to sketch it, make it a beautiful image for all of time. He was not that artist, though, and while he appreciated the array of colors on the darkening sky, that was not the reason he was here. His purpose was.. entirely different.
He gazed halfheartedly at the reds and pinks of the sky, as they faded to reveal tiny, twinkling golden stars. He sketched the familiar constellations in his mind, by now so used to them that he did not need a star map.
He remembered, again, a night such as this...
~*Flashback*~
Someone grabbed his arm, a tight grip of pale fingers on the dark cloth.
"Tasuki!" The enthusiastic, completely androgynous voice called. "Come watch the stars with me, onegai?"
There was such innocent joy in those eyes, he gave in completely. He never had been able to say no to Nuriko. Now was no different.
When they walked to the balcony, the stars were just coming back. There was still a fading red on the carpet of blue, the stars just beginning to poke tiny light-holes in the canopy of the night sky.
"Ne, Tasuki-chan, it's beautiful from here, isn't it?" Nuriko asked, his voice soft, as though to speak to loudly would cause the dreamlike quality of their time here to shatter.
"Hai," He replied, then turned to Nuriko. "But... I don't think they're as beautiful as you are."
"If you're teasing me, it's not nice." Nuriko replied, frowning slightly.
"Nuriko, I'm not teasing." He said, leaning down to the smaller seishi.
When their lips met, all seemed perfect and right with the world.
~*End Flashback*~
He stood in a clearing in the deep woods, finally having reached his destination. There was a simple wooden grave marker in the center of this magical place, a place you could not reach if you were not intended to. The darkness formed a stark contrast with the pale wood of the willow marker, on which only the name, Nuriko, had been etched. It was not his true grave- that lay atop a mountain in far-off Hokkan- but it was the place where his soul lay. Here, in this clearing..
Tasuki looked around, stricken suddenly by a sense of not being entirely alone.
The high sound of a boy's laughter filled the clearing, and Tasuki froze.
[Mornie utulie
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantie
A promise lives within you now]
"You always came back to me, Tasuki-chan." A voice teased from the darkness. "Anou.. I didn't come back to you, did I?"
He turned sharply, and his eyes fell upon a pale form standing in front of a tree, directly behind where he had been standing a moment ago. The figure was pale all over, not just in skin tone. Pale like a thing still living could not be. Yet, strangely, the scent of the lavender perfume he always used drifted in the air like a song.
"I'm sorry, Tasuki-chan. But I couldn't come back." The ghost said softly, his rose-violet eyes holding sadness, and even in death his eyes seemed alive. "If I hadn't died, then Miaka would have.. or you would have.. or someone else. Either way, I didn't have a choice. I wanted to be the first, Tasuki-chan."
"You weren't the only." Tasuki said. "But you knew you wouldn't be, didn't you?
"It was war, Tasuki." The beautiful spirit replied. "People die in war. I didn't want to.. didn't want to be there.. when anyone else died. I was.. afraid of losing anyone else."
"You were always too damn selfless, Nuriko." Tasuki muttered. "But.. I guess that's one of the things that made me love you.."
He felt tears well up in his eyes, felt them trail down his cheeks in a smooth, practiced pattern, hot and salty.
"Don't cry, Tasuki-chan," Nuriko rebuked gently. "Don't cry when I can't kiss the tears away.. it hurts when you do that."
This only caused Tasuki to cry harder, and he knelt down on the cold earth, letting the weakness in his knees and gravity's force pull him. The ghost of his beloved knelt before him, the rose-violet eyes he loved filling with spirit-tears that fell to the ground and dissappeared.
"You.. shouldn't have left, Nuriko.. you shouldn't have left.." Tasuki muttered between sobs, his voice choked with emotion.
"Shhh.. Tasuki.. I didn't have a choice.. I didn't want to be alive.. to see you die."
[May it be the shadow's call
Will fly away
May it be your journey on
To light the day
When the night is overcome
You may rise to find the sun]
"To see.. me die?" Tasuki questioned, looking up to meet his deceased lover's eyes. Nuriko nodded.
"Eventually you will die too, Tasuki.." Nuriko said, "and I know that, if I had been alive... I would have been there. I didn't want to see that.. it would have broken me. I'm sure I would have gone mad."
"Oh.."
Nuriko smiled very sadly at him, his eyes shining with love and sadness and regret and tears and joy, all at the same time. The dark-green eyes of his love met with them.
"Tasuki-chan... I have to go." The dark-haired spirit said quietly. "I shouldn't.. shouldn't stay too long.."
Tasuki knew why. Because as much as it made him happy to see Tasuki, it also hurt him.
Once again, a memory struck the bandit.
~*Flashback*~
It was the day after the failed ceremony. Nuriko had been avoiding everyone, even him, since he had bowed out of the dining hall only shortly after the ceremony itself. Even Hotohori, the emperor himself, had not heard from Nuriko since then.
When Tasuki finally found Nuriko, it was nearly sunset. The sky had turned pretty pastel shades, and the sun was beginning to go down. He found the older boy by the pond, sitting by the water's edge and looking at the sky, his knees held close to his chest. He looked so fragile that for a moment Tasuki thought that if he touched him, he would break.
The young bandit sat down on the grass next to Nuriko, and they shared silence for a long while before either of them spoke.
"Nuriko.. what's wrong?" Tasuki asked finally, watching his love with keen jade eyes.
Nuriko sighed audibly, looking at the grass for a while before replying. "Everything, I suppose."
"Why everything?" Tasuki wanted to know.
"You wouldn't..." He started to say, but Tasuki cut him off.
"Don't you dare say I wouldn't understand," The bandit said. "'Cuz you know I would."
"It's just.. Tasuki.. I have a bad feeling about this next trip. I really do. And I don't know what to do about it." Nuriko admitted finally, watching Tasuki carefully for his reaction.
"Have you talked to anyone about it?" Tasuki asked, a rare, thoughtful look passing over his features.
"No, not except for you." Nuriko replied. Tasuki put his arms around him.
"Nuriko.. nothing bad is going to happen." Tasuki said after a moment. "I'll make sure of it."
"Promise?"
"Mmhmm."
But something had happened.. and while it wasn't Tasuki's fault, he still remembered his promise, and wished that he had encouraged Nuriko not to go.
~*End Flashback*~
"I'll... I'll see you again sometime, ne, Tasuki-chan?" Nuriko asked softly, his voice jerking Tasuki out of his memories.
"Sure, Nuri." He replied, forcing a small smile. Nuriko leaned forward and kissed him, as best he could. A feeling like a small breeze on his lips was what Tasuki felt.
"Just... just.. promise that.. when you die, you'll find me, okay?" Nuriko asked hesitantly as he stood. Tasuki nodded.
"I'll find you, Nuriko. We'll always be together, I promise."
"Farewell, then.. watashi koibito." Nuriko said with a little smile...
...and was gone.
[Mornie utulie
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantie
A promise lives within you now]
Tasuki stared at the place where his love had stood for a long while before he stood, fresh tears streaking his tanned face.
"Farewell, watashi koibito."
And his words echoed throughout that place.
[A promise lives within you now]
~*Owari*~
By Ryuuen
Warnings: Shounen-ai, language, angst, sap, drama, SPOILERS (for the whole series after ep. 30)... yanno the drill.
Disclaimer: I own my hair!! But no, I don't own Fushigi Yuugi. Or Enya, for that matter. Or the song "May It Be" from the Lord of the Rings soundtrack. Go figure.
Timeline Note: Takes place one year after the end of the series, making Tasuki eighteen.
Continuity Note: This fic will become a reincarnation fic, I think after chapter two. Chapters one and two deal with the aftermath of the seishi's duties and provide some insight on the direction chapters three and beyond may take us.
Pairings: Tasuki/Nuriko, Tamahome/Miaka, and later on Nuriko/Hotohori, Chichiri/Koran, and Hotohori/Kourin.
A/N: Well, well, well, another sonfic from Ryuuen.. yup. This is my fic, Anata wa Watashi no Hansha (which means "you are my reflection" by the way), to the tunes of "May It Be." Why? I dunno. The chapter title, "ka mo shirenai sore wa de aru" means "May It Be" (kinda long, huh?).
Note on the Quenya: In the song, there are a couple of lines in Quenya. They are: "Mornie utulie" which means "Darkness has come" and "Mornie alantie" which means "Darkness has fallen"... go figure, ne?
ANATA wa WATASHI no HANSHA
I
KA MO SHIRENAI SORE WA DE ARU
[May it be an evening star
Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh! How far you are from home]
He felt eyes on him, a stare that penetrated him, making him feel a chill up his spine. It felt like someone was staring into his soul.
He looked around but saw no one. But that was small consolation. There were many who could conceal their prescence if they so wished.
The light was fading into darkness as his steps took him farther from his small camp, his path a silent and narrow one. He could hardly see in front of his face, but it did not matter to him. Not anymore. He followed the fading light, the colors that streaked the sky like a painting, compelling some artist to sketch it, make it a beautiful image for all of time. He was not that artist, though, and while he appreciated the array of colors on the darkening sky, that was not the reason he was here. His purpose was.. entirely different.
He gazed halfheartedly at the reds and pinks of the sky, as they faded to reveal tiny, twinkling golden stars. He sketched the familiar constellations in his mind, by now so used to them that he did not need a star map.
He remembered, again, a night such as this...
~*Flashback*~
Someone grabbed his arm, a tight grip of pale fingers on the dark cloth.
"Tasuki!" The enthusiastic, completely androgynous voice called. "Come watch the stars with me, onegai?"
There was such innocent joy in those eyes, he gave in completely. He never had been able to say no to Nuriko. Now was no different.
When they walked to the balcony, the stars were just coming back. There was still a fading red on the carpet of blue, the stars just beginning to poke tiny light-holes in the canopy of the night sky.
"Ne, Tasuki-chan, it's beautiful from here, isn't it?" Nuriko asked, his voice soft, as though to speak to loudly would cause the dreamlike quality of their time here to shatter.
"Hai," He replied, then turned to Nuriko. "But... I don't think they're as beautiful as you are."
"If you're teasing me, it's not nice." Nuriko replied, frowning slightly.
"Nuriko, I'm not teasing." He said, leaning down to the smaller seishi.
When their lips met, all seemed perfect and right with the world.
~*End Flashback*~
He stood in a clearing in the deep woods, finally having reached his destination. There was a simple wooden grave marker in the center of this magical place, a place you could not reach if you were not intended to. The darkness formed a stark contrast with the pale wood of the willow marker, on which only the name, Nuriko, had been etched. It was not his true grave- that lay atop a mountain in far-off Hokkan- but it was the place where his soul lay. Here, in this clearing..
Tasuki looked around, stricken suddenly by a sense of not being entirely alone.
The high sound of a boy's laughter filled the clearing, and Tasuki froze.
[Mornie utulie
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantie
A promise lives within you now]
"You always came back to me, Tasuki-chan." A voice teased from the darkness. "Anou.. I didn't come back to you, did I?"
He turned sharply, and his eyes fell upon a pale form standing in front of a tree, directly behind where he had been standing a moment ago. The figure was pale all over, not just in skin tone. Pale like a thing still living could not be. Yet, strangely, the scent of the lavender perfume he always used drifted in the air like a song.
"I'm sorry, Tasuki-chan. But I couldn't come back." The ghost said softly, his rose-violet eyes holding sadness, and even in death his eyes seemed alive. "If I hadn't died, then Miaka would have.. or you would have.. or someone else. Either way, I didn't have a choice. I wanted to be the first, Tasuki-chan."
"You weren't the only." Tasuki said. "But you knew you wouldn't be, didn't you?
"It was war, Tasuki." The beautiful spirit replied. "People die in war. I didn't want to.. didn't want to be there.. when anyone else died. I was.. afraid of losing anyone else."
"You were always too damn selfless, Nuriko." Tasuki muttered. "But.. I guess that's one of the things that made me love you.."
He felt tears well up in his eyes, felt them trail down his cheeks in a smooth, practiced pattern, hot and salty.
"Don't cry, Tasuki-chan," Nuriko rebuked gently. "Don't cry when I can't kiss the tears away.. it hurts when you do that."
This only caused Tasuki to cry harder, and he knelt down on the cold earth, letting the weakness in his knees and gravity's force pull him. The ghost of his beloved knelt before him, the rose-violet eyes he loved filling with spirit-tears that fell to the ground and dissappeared.
"You.. shouldn't have left, Nuriko.. you shouldn't have left.." Tasuki muttered between sobs, his voice choked with emotion.
"Shhh.. Tasuki.. I didn't have a choice.. I didn't want to be alive.. to see you die."
[May it be the shadow's call
Will fly away
May it be your journey on
To light the day
When the night is overcome
You may rise to find the sun]
"To see.. me die?" Tasuki questioned, looking up to meet his deceased lover's eyes. Nuriko nodded.
"Eventually you will die too, Tasuki.." Nuriko said, "and I know that, if I had been alive... I would have been there. I didn't want to see that.. it would have broken me. I'm sure I would have gone mad."
"Oh.."
Nuriko smiled very sadly at him, his eyes shining with love and sadness and regret and tears and joy, all at the same time. The dark-green eyes of his love met with them.
"Tasuki-chan... I have to go." The dark-haired spirit said quietly. "I shouldn't.. shouldn't stay too long.."
Tasuki knew why. Because as much as it made him happy to see Tasuki, it also hurt him.
Once again, a memory struck the bandit.
~*Flashback*~
It was the day after the failed ceremony. Nuriko had been avoiding everyone, even him, since he had bowed out of the dining hall only shortly after the ceremony itself. Even Hotohori, the emperor himself, had not heard from Nuriko since then.
When Tasuki finally found Nuriko, it was nearly sunset. The sky had turned pretty pastel shades, and the sun was beginning to go down. He found the older boy by the pond, sitting by the water's edge and looking at the sky, his knees held close to his chest. He looked so fragile that for a moment Tasuki thought that if he touched him, he would break.
The young bandit sat down on the grass next to Nuriko, and they shared silence for a long while before either of them spoke.
"Nuriko.. what's wrong?" Tasuki asked finally, watching his love with keen jade eyes.
Nuriko sighed audibly, looking at the grass for a while before replying. "Everything, I suppose."
"Why everything?" Tasuki wanted to know.
"You wouldn't..." He started to say, but Tasuki cut him off.
"Don't you dare say I wouldn't understand," The bandit said. "'Cuz you know I would."
"It's just.. Tasuki.. I have a bad feeling about this next trip. I really do. And I don't know what to do about it." Nuriko admitted finally, watching Tasuki carefully for his reaction.
"Have you talked to anyone about it?" Tasuki asked, a rare, thoughtful look passing over his features.
"No, not except for you." Nuriko replied. Tasuki put his arms around him.
"Nuriko.. nothing bad is going to happen." Tasuki said after a moment. "I'll make sure of it."
"Promise?"
"Mmhmm."
But something had happened.. and while it wasn't Tasuki's fault, he still remembered his promise, and wished that he had encouraged Nuriko not to go.
~*End Flashback*~
"I'll... I'll see you again sometime, ne, Tasuki-chan?" Nuriko asked softly, his voice jerking Tasuki out of his memories.
"Sure, Nuri." He replied, forcing a small smile. Nuriko leaned forward and kissed him, as best he could. A feeling like a small breeze on his lips was what Tasuki felt.
"Just... just.. promise that.. when you die, you'll find me, okay?" Nuriko asked hesitantly as he stood. Tasuki nodded.
"I'll find you, Nuriko. We'll always be together, I promise."
"Farewell, then.. watashi koibito." Nuriko said with a little smile...
...and was gone.
[Mornie utulie
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantie
A promise lives within you now]
Tasuki stared at the place where his love had stood for a long while before he stood, fresh tears streaking his tanned face.
"Farewell, watashi koibito."
And his words echoed throughout that place.
[A promise lives within you now]
~*Owari*~