CHAPTER 51
Joe shook his head, but said nothing as MacLeod explained what Methos had in mind.
"All he can see is how this will affect him. He's not thinking about her … he thinks he is, but he's
not. He's prepared to risk her life and the life of that child for something that she may not even
want …" Duncan took his frustration out on the counter of the bar.
"I don't know Mac … neither of us has known the kind of loss he's accumulated in his lifetime."
Joe said as he wiped off the beer tap. "After 5,000 years of knowing that nothing lasts … that
everything you care about will one day be dust, and to see the evidence of that over and over... I
can see why he would be so drawn to the idea of having something that didn't slip through his
fingers like sand. To him, this is a way to hold onto something precious for a little longer."
"Don't tell me you support this?" Duncan looked at him incredulously.
"I didn't say that." Joe replied, coming around the bar slowly. "But I do have this theory."
He walked to one of the tables and sat down. "I know Methos claims that Alexa was his first real
love … but I'm not completely convinced of it."
Duncan sat down across from him in a chair that was turned backwards, crossing his arms over
the frame as he listened.
"He doesn't remember his mortal life … he doesn't remember becoming immortal, or anything
until he took his first head." Joe continued. "The mind is a tricky thing Mac. What if all of those
things have been blocked out because it's just too painful to remember … blocked out along with
any memory he can't allow himself to have of anyone else he may have truly loved? What if for
centuries he's built this wall … as a defense mechanism to keep from being overwhelmed by the
intense feelings fifty centuries of loss would weigh on him?"
Joe let his words settle a minute. "And what if Alexa broke through that wall … rendering him
vulnerable once again? This may be the only way in his mind he can deal … to have something
that he can hold onto for more than one small lifetime."
Duncan rested his forehead against his crossed arms as he tried to hear what Joe was saying,
but all he could really see was the risk to a woman who may not want anything to do with Methos'
plan for her life.
"Do you think she loves him enough to do this?" Joe asked.
"Awww hell I don't know." Duncan got up from the chair, rocking it a little in his frustration. "She
cares about him … but enough to risk this? And from what he told me … he can't tell her
everything …"
"That's what's really bothering you isn't it? She won't know what she's getting into until it
happens."
Duncan nodded. "And what if he's wrong? What if it really is only a legend … and the shock of it
causes her to lose the baby … or worse?"
Neither man wanted to think about that. Methos wouldn't be the only one to feel the loss. They
had all come to really care for this young woman who showed amazing courage in the face of so
much.
"You know he's going to find a way to do this don't you? Unless you can prove to him it's not
real." Joe stated.
Duncan shared his opinion. Methos was as stubborn as they come. "And there is only one thing
I can do to stop him … one thing that is an option anyway."
"Want me to find out where Cassandra is these days?" Joe asked.
Duncan nodded and then walked out of the bar.
"Oh my God!" Beth exclaimed as she looked up from the computer.
"What?" Adam asked, wondering what had her so excited.
"My sister knows me so well …" she replied, starting to print the page.
"My sister Chris … she's been posting online for years … but Lt. Taylor said it wasn't safe for me
to reply … or even visit her website … " she explained. "But I figured since Devan knows where
I am … it couldn't hurt to at least let myself take a look …"
Adam scanned the page … it was full of recipes. "Recipes?"
"Recipes" she smiled. "All my grandmother and great grandmother's holiday recipes. She's
posted them here online … because she knew somehow … I'd want to find them."
"Do you want to call her?" Adam asked, putting his hands on her shoulders as he knelt behind
her.
"I want to … but I can't." she replied. "You don't know my family … but they are fiercely
protective and I'm sure they would find a way to trace the call … and then they would be here
without a second thought."
"And you want to keep them out of this." He understood.
"I have to … It would kill me if one of them got hurt because they got between me and Devan."
She said sadly. "Ordinarily, I'd put money on my uncles and brothers to face down anything …
but I've known from the beginning Devan wasn't ordinary … "
"I'm sorry."
"When this is all over … if it's ever over … I want to be on the first plane home …" she told him.
"They don't even know about the baby." She put her hand over her middle. "They'll be so happy
…"
She saw Adam's face fall a little and realized how what she'd said had sounded.
"You'll come with me won't you?" she asked.
"If that's what you want … "
"It's what I want." She replied, caressing his cheek and leaning her forehead against his.
"There's something we should probably talk about." Adam said, pulling away from her. "Things
you need to decide if we are going to be together." No one else was at the house, so she
followed him out into the living room and sat in one of the overstuffed chairs … her face reflecting
the fact that she was a little hesitant to hear what he had to say.
Adam decided the best way to say what he had to was to be direct. Pulling the ottoman in front of
her, he sat down and took her hand. "I don't age Beth, you know that … so I can't really put down
roots the way that mortals can. I move around a lot … I have houses in a dozen different
countries under a dozen different names … some of them I've owned for centuries … but all of
them can only be home for me for a few decades and then I must move again, until anyone who
knew me is gone …"
Beth listened, willing herself to understand what this would mean for her … for them … for the
baby.
"It's the way our life is … MacLeod …. Amanda … they have had to relocate dozens of times.
Richie will have to leave Seacouver before too many more years pass. He has too many roots …
too many people who have known him since he was a kid. And Claudia will have to find a way to
live outside the spotlight for awhile … until she can resume her career under a different name, to
an audience that only knows Claudia Jardine as a great talent who their grandparents raved
about …"
"That's got to be so hard … leaving your friends … family …"
"We don't have family … they're all gone …" Adam stated flatly. "But yes … it's hard. You know
that from what you've had to do to stay safe."
"Is this your way of asking me not to get too attached?" she asked, her voice breaking. "Because
it's way too late for that … "
Adam pulled her into his arms. "I don't want to lose you Beth … that's not what I'm saying. I love
you … But I can't ask you to be a part of my life without letting you see what that really means …"
She pulled back and looked up at him. "Are you saying that when the time came … time for you
to move on … you would have to leave us?"
"I would ask you to come with me …" he replied. "We would start over … together …"
He watched as a range of thoughts and questions flashed through her mind.
"Maybe when the time came … it would be easier for all of us … if I stayed behind … " she
replied soberly. "I mean how are you going to feel about me when I'm forty … or fifty … or … I
don't want you to feel tied down to an old woman …"
"I'd never think of myself as being tied down to you Beth … I love you … that's not going to
change …I may look young, but I'm not … and I don't think that way … I'd want to be with you
forever if that were possible."
"But it's not possible …" Beth replied. "I'm going to grow old and you're going to go on living …
and I don't want the last thing you remember of me to be a broken old woman."
"If I were mortal would you love me less as a broken old man?" he asked pointedly.
He had an answer for everything … but Beth wasn't ready to accept it.
"Can we talk about this later?" she asked. "I really need some time to think … "
He understood. "You look tired … why don't you go lie down?"
Beth nodded and went upstairs, closing her door … knowing she wouldn't be able to sleep. Her
mind was filled with too many thoughts … too many decisions.
"I don't know what to do little one." She said, stroking her middle. "I love him … and if it was just
me, I don't think I could let him go … but I've got to think about you …
Joe shook his head, but said nothing as MacLeod explained what Methos had in mind.
"All he can see is how this will affect him. He's not thinking about her … he thinks he is, but he's
not. He's prepared to risk her life and the life of that child for something that she may not even
want …" Duncan took his frustration out on the counter of the bar.
"I don't know Mac … neither of us has known the kind of loss he's accumulated in his lifetime."
Joe said as he wiped off the beer tap. "After 5,000 years of knowing that nothing lasts … that
everything you care about will one day be dust, and to see the evidence of that over and over... I
can see why he would be so drawn to the idea of having something that didn't slip through his
fingers like sand. To him, this is a way to hold onto something precious for a little longer."
"Don't tell me you support this?" Duncan looked at him incredulously.
"I didn't say that." Joe replied, coming around the bar slowly. "But I do have this theory."
He walked to one of the tables and sat down. "I know Methos claims that Alexa was his first real
love … but I'm not completely convinced of it."
Duncan sat down across from him in a chair that was turned backwards, crossing his arms over
the frame as he listened.
"He doesn't remember his mortal life … he doesn't remember becoming immortal, or anything
until he took his first head." Joe continued. "The mind is a tricky thing Mac. What if all of those
things have been blocked out because it's just too painful to remember … blocked out along with
any memory he can't allow himself to have of anyone else he may have truly loved? What if for
centuries he's built this wall … as a defense mechanism to keep from being overwhelmed by the
intense feelings fifty centuries of loss would weigh on him?"
Joe let his words settle a minute. "And what if Alexa broke through that wall … rendering him
vulnerable once again? This may be the only way in his mind he can deal … to have something
that he can hold onto for more than one small lifetime."
Duncan rested his forehead against his crossed arms as he tried to hear what Joe was saying,
but all he could really see was the risk to a woman who may not want anything to do with Methos'
plan for her life.
"Do you think she loves him enough to do this?" Joe asked.
"Awww hell I don't know." Duncan got up from the chair, rocking it a little in his frustration. "She
cares about him … but enough to risk this? And from what he told me … he can't tell her
everything …"
"That's what's really bothering you isn't it? She won't know what she's getting into until it
happens."
Duncan nodded. "And what if he's wrong? What if it really is only a legend … and the shock of it
causes her to lose the baby … or worse?"
Neither man wanted to think about that. Methos wouldn't be the only one to feel the loss. They
had all come to really care for this young woman who showed amazing courage in the face of so
much.
"You know he's going to find a way to do this don't you? Unless you can prove to him it's not
real." Joe stated.
Duncan shared his opinion. Methos was as stubborn as they come. "And there is only one thing
I can do to stop him … one thing that is an option anyway."
"Want me to find out where Cassandra is these days?" Joe asked.
Duncan nodded and then walked out of the bar.
"Oh my God!" Beth exclaimed as she looked up from the computer.
"What?" Adam asked, wondering what had her so excited.
"My sister knows me so well …" she replied, starting to print the page.
"My sister Chris … she's been posting online for years … but Lt. Taylor said it wasn't safe for me
to reply … or even visit her website … " she explained. "But I figured since Devan knows where
I am … it couldn't hurt to at least let myself take a look …"
Adam scanned the page … it was full of recipes. "Recipes?"
"Recipes" she smiled. "All my grandmother and great grandmother's holiday recipes. She's
posted them here online … because she knew somehow … I'd want to find them."
"Do you want to call her?" Adam asked, putting his hands on her shoulders as he knelt behind
her.
"I want to … but I can't." she replied. "You don't know my family … but they are fiercely
protective and I'm sure they would find a way to trace the call … and then they would be here
without a second thought."
"And you want to keep them out of this." He understood.
"I have to … It would kill me if one of them got hurt because they got between me and Devan."
She said sadly. "Ordinarily, I'd put money on my uncles and brothers to face down anything …
but I've known from the beginning Devan wasn't ordinary … "
"I'm sorry."
"When this is all over … if it's ever over … I want to be on the first plane home …" she told him.
"They don't even know about the baby." She put her hand over her middle. "They'll be so happy
…"
She saw Adam's face fall a little and realized how what she'd said had sounded.
"You'll come with me won't you?" she asked.
"If that's what you want … "
"It's what I want." She replied, caressing his cheek and leaning her forehead against his.
"There's something we should probably talk about." Adam said, pulling away from her. "Things
you need to decide if we are going to be together." No one else was at the house, so she
followed him out into the living room and sat in one of the overstuffed chairs … her face reflecting
the fact that she was a little hesitant to hear what he had to say.
Adam decided the best way to say what he had to was to be direct. Pulling the ottoman in front of
her, he sat down and took her hand. "I don't age Beth, you know that … so I can't really put down
roots the way that mortals can. I move around a lot … I have houses in a dozen different
countries under a dozen different names … some of them I've owned for centuries … but all of
them can only be home for me for a few decades and then I must move again, until anyone who
knew me is gone …"
Beth listened, willing herself to understand what this would mean for her … for them … for the
baby.
"It's the way our life is … MacLeod …. Amanda … they have had to relocate dozens of times.
Richie will have to leave Seacouver before too many more years pass. He has too many roots …
too many people who have known him since he was a kid. And Claudia will have to find a way to
live outside the spotlight for awhile … until she can resume her career under a different name, to
an audience that only knows Claudia Jardine as a great talent who their grandparents raved
about …"
"That's got to be so hard … leaving your friends … family …"
"We don't have family … they're all gone …" Adam stated flatly. "But yes … it's hard. You know
that from what you've had to do to stay safe."
"Is this your way of asking me not to get too attached?" she asked, her voice breaking. "Because
it's way too late for that … "
Adam pulled her into his arms. "I don't want to lose you Beth … that's not what I'm saying. I love
you … But I can't ask you to be a part of my life without letting you see what that really means …"
She pulled back and looked up at him. "Are you saying that when the time came … time for you
to move on … you would have to leave us?"
"I would ask you to come with me …" he replied. "We would start over … together …"
He watched as a range of thoughts and questions flashed through her mind.
"Maybe when the time came … it would be easier for all of us … if I stayed behind … " she
replied soberly. "I mean how are you going to feel about me when I'm forty … or fifty … or … I
don't want you to feel tied down to an old woman …"
"I'd never think of myself as being tied down to you Beth … I love you … that's not going to
change …I may look young, but I'm not … and I don't think that way … I'd want to be with you
forever if that were possible."
"But it's not possible …" Beth replied. "I'm going to grow old and you're going to go on living …
and I don't want the last thing you remember of me to be a broken old woman."
"If I were mortal would you love me less as a broken old man?" he asked pointedly.
He had an answer for everything … but Beth wasn't ready to accept it.
"Can we talk about this later?" she asked. "I really need some time to think … "
He understood. "You look tired … why don't you go lie down?"
Beth nodded and went upstairs, closing her door … knowing she wouldn't be able to sleep. Her
mind was filled with too many thoughts … too many decisions.
"I don't know what to do little one." She said, stroking her middle. "I love him … and if it was just
me, I don't think I could let him go … but I've got to think about you …