The Light in the Darkness
By Ryuuen
Warnings: Shounen-ai, touchy themes, language, possible spoilers later on, reincarnation fic.
Disclaimer: I own a bag full of candy from Tasuki-chan's birthday party, and purple braided Nuriko hair, but I don't own Nuriko and I sure as heck don't own Fushigi Yuugi. Not that it would be a BAD thing if I did...
I do, however, own the song for this chapter, "His Eyes (I can't live with the pain)".
A/N: Well! Ryuuen! Another new fic, eh?? Yeah. Umm.. okay, this idea came to me while reading Ryuuen (not me, another Ryuuen)'s fic (but I can't remember the name) and hanging out with Tasuki-chan and Jason-chan (she knows who she is) last night at Tasuki-chan's birthday party (happy 16th, Tasuki-chan!! Whoo!!). I am also on a sugar rush.. so this is kinda offbeat and weird. Ages and such are as follows:
Name=Age=year in college
Taka= 20= second year
Saihitei= 20= second year
Ryuuen= 19= second year
Genrou= 20= second year
Houjun= 21= third year
Juan= 22= fourth year
Doukun= 17= first year
Miaka= 19= first year
Yui= 19= first year
(other characters will be told when they appear)
Well, here goes!!
THE LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS I
HIS EYES
[I can see in his eyes
the love I had to leave behind
it hurt to leave- I knew it would
but I just couldn't live with that pain]
"Takaaaaa," I called as I walked into the apartment, my mind spinning in tiny little circles as I tried to figure out who it could possibly be that Taka wanted me to meet. I mean, I thought I KNEW all of his friends already. Whatever. He'd've killed me if I hadn't shown up, so here I am. Here. Walking into his (predictably unlocked) apartment, my bag from last class still slung over my shoulder. "Taka, who is that you want me to.."
I stopped. Dead. Cold.
No. No. It's not him. It's some lookalike, a terrible joke. Didn't I tell Taka about him? No, I didn't. I couldn't. But it's not him so it's okay. It's not him.
But it was. I could see the recognition in those deep-green eyes, the eyes that I used to love so dearly. The eyes of someone who could cause so much happiness.. and yet so much pain.
It's not him please PLEASE it's not him.. it's not. This is some horrible, horrible joke. Only I never told anybody about Genrou.
Taka entered then, but his smile faltered soon after. I knew I was white as a ghost. I was shaking. I wanted to faint, just pass out and not have to deal with this moment.
Sadly, I never faint.
[Now I see him on the street
and I almost call his name
when we're together with friends
it's almost like nothing has changed]
"Oh, do you two know each other?" Taka asked, his eyes on me as he asked, trying to remain neutral although I was relatively sure that if there was an argument (which there probably wouldn't be) he would side with me. Or at least make him leave me alone.
"Yes." I said stiffly, knowing that he knew that I was trying not to remember that I was in the room with him. That he was here. That he was *alive*. "Yes, I know Genrou."
I had to work hard to get his name out since I most definately did NOT want to say it. Nope. Not.
But I had to. I don't know why, but something in me.. I hadn't said his name in so long.. it was like freeing some of myself, you know? A part of myself that I really didn't know existed. The "confused and really weird hurt" part of me, I guess. Don't ask. It comes from way back.
But now he'll say that there's been a mistake, he's not Genrou, sorry, his name is really.. uh.. Kuwabara! Okay, nevermind. I've been watching too much Yu Yu Hakusho. And he's too good-looking to be Kuwabara, even if he *does* have red hair, and... Oh, shut up, mind!
Taka was watching me for some kind of big reaction. Just because I am a self-proclaimed attention slut does NOT mean that I burst into tears at stuff like this.. even if I kind of want to.
"Yeah. I've known Ryuuen for.. a long time." Genrou says. Ah, yes. Very tactful. Mr. Tact. Of course he wouldn't mention to Taka that we used to date. That Miaka used to call me "the boy-toy" as a joke. That I was hopelessly, completely, and utterly in love with him. That it took me almost two years to finally break up with him. That I'm still not over it. That I still... oh, nevermind. I won't start.
"Houjun didn't think you two had met," Taka said conversationally (oh yes, Mr. Tact #2). "He told me you had never mentioned Genrou, Ryuuen."
Thank you ever so much, Taka Sukunami, for bringing *me* into this when I so *clearly* do not want *anything* to do with this.
"I didn't." I replied, biting the inside of my lip to hold back any tears my emotional brain might decide to send. Sadly, I am also a very emotional person.
"Oh.. why not?" Taka asked.
That did it. I burst out in tears.
[When I saw him the other day
he didn't mention a single meaningful thing
now I can think again
that I'm kinda glad for that]
"R.. Ryuuen?" Taka stared at me. I felt the warm, salty tears streaking down my face, the hot, irrational anger building inside of me.
I didn't want this to be happening. I didn't want this to be going on now. I didn't want to see him *ever again*, period. But now here he is.
Genrou was watching me, and I could swear I saw a glimmer of something like.. sadness? regret?.. in his eyes.
I don't want your pity, I told him in my mind. I don't want your pity and I don't *need* you anymore.
"Ryuuen.. please.. are you alright? What's wrong?" Taka asked, his hand on my shoulder. I wanted none of this. None.
"I'm fine." I said through tears. "I'm just fine."
And then I walked up to Genrou.
And punched him.
[But in his eyes
I see the kind of dreams
that I let go of long ago
a place where I can never again go]
Taka stared at me again. Genrou put a hand reflexivly to his cheek (but I probably didn't hit him too hard.. I'm not very big or anything). There was silence except for my heavy breathing, coming in little gasps through tears.
Oh. my. GODS. What did you just DO!?! I asked myself. What if he gets mad and hits you or something? What if you lose Taka for a friend because you punched him? I couldn't stand that. I have never actually *punched* anyone in my ENTIRE life. Never. And now I did. And it had to be the one person I know who is actually capable of physically harming me who actually *would*. And does anyone else have these weird inner conversations or is it just me?
"Ryuuen.." Taka had his arm around me, let me cry into his shoulder. I held on to him for a long time, heard the door slam. I was vaguely aware that Genrou had left the apartment. But my world, at least for the moment, was the soft comfort of the cloth of Taka's shirt. He then led me to the couch, let me sit down and calm myself, before asking, "What was that all about?"
"I.. we..." I began, stuttering already, but I had to get it out. Had to. Taka is one of my *best friends*, and he should know. "Genrou and I.. ahh.. used to go out.. I broke up with him about a half a year ago.. he used to.. you know.. he used to.."
I trailed off into tears and Taka seemed to draw conclusions.
"He used to hurt you?" He asked. I nodded a few times, then found my voice.
"Yes. That's why I left him.. under Miaka's insistance." I said, making sure he realized what a coward I had been. I hadn't had the strength to leave him on my own, or else I would have a year and a half before then. Then I just started to explain the whole thing. How much I loved him, despite how much he hurt me. How I met Miaka and she saw the bruises one day when she was riding the bus, sitting next to me, and wanted food. She had grabbed my arm and I had cried out. She looked and that was it.. I had told her. She encouraged me to get away from him, something I gladly did as soon as I could. After that I moved out of his apartment and moved in with my friend since forever, Yui. How I hid in my room there for days, just crying, until Miaka had me forcefully removed via Juan and Houjun. Because no matter all I had been through, I had still loved him. It hurt to lose something like that, and even though I was angry at him, wanted to kill him, there was still a part of me that wanted to run back to him crying and apologizing. When I finished my story, Taka was looking at me with such sadness in his eyes that I started crying again. He pulled me into a hug and let me cry, whispering into my ear.
What he seemed to be whispering, if I heard correctly, was, "You always get so hurt.. (he said a name here but I didn't hear it) but it won't be that way anymore (the name again).. I promise.."
[In his eyes
I see the creature I despise
and in his eyes
I see pain
in his eyes
I have found..
the truth]
By Ryuuen
Warnings: Shounen-ai, touchy themes, language, possible spoilers later on, reincarnation fic.
Disclaimer: I own a bag full of candy from Tasuki-chan's birthday party, and purple braided Nuriko hair, but I don't own Nuriko and I sure as heck don't own Fushigi Yuugi. Not that it would be a BAD thing if I did...
I do, however, own the song for this chapter, "His Eyes (I can't live with the pain)".
A/N: Well! Ryuuen! Another new fic, eh?? Yeah. Umm.. okay, this idea came to me while reading Ryuuen (not me, another Ryuuen)'s fic (but I can't remember the name) and hanging out with Tasuki-chan and Jason-chan (she knows who she is) last night at Tasuki-chan's birthday party (happy 16th, Tasuki-chan!! Whoo!!). I am also on a sugar rush.. so this is kinda offbeat and weird. Ages and such are as follows:
Name=Age=year in college
Taka= 20= second year
Saihitei= 20= second year
Ryuuen= 19= second year
Genrou= 20= second year
Houjun= 21= third year
Juan= 22= fourth year
Doukun= 17= first year
Miaka= 19= first year
Yui= 19= first year
(other characters will be told when they appear)
Well, here goes!!
THE LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS I
HIS EYES
[I can see in his eyes
the love I had to leave behind
it hurt to leave- I knew it would
but I just couldn't live with that pain]
"Takaaaaa," I called as I walked into the apartment, my mind spinning in tiny little circles as I tried to figure out who it could possibly be that Taka wanted me to meet. I mean, I thought I KNEW all of his friends already. Whatever. He'd've killed me if I hadn't shown up, so here I am. Here. Walking into his (predictably unlocked) apartment, my bag from last class still slung over my shoulder. "Taka, who is that you want me to.."
I stopped. Dead. Cold.
No. No. It's not him. It's some lookalike, a terrible joke. Didn't I tell Taka about him? No, I didn't. I couldn't. But it's not him so it's okay. It's not him.
But it was. I could see the recognition in those deep-green eyes, the eyes that I used to love so dearly. The eyes of someone who could cause so much happiness.. and yet so much pain.
It's not him please PLEASE it's not him.. it's not. This is some horrible, horrible joke. Only I never told anybody about Genrou.
Taka entered then, but his smile faltered soon after. I knew I was white as a ghost. I was shaking. I wanted to faint, just pass out and not have to deal with this moment.
Sadly, I never faint.
[Now I see him on the street
and I almost call his name
when we're together with friends
it's almost like nothing has changed]
"Oh, do you two know each other?" Taka asked, his eyes on me as he asked, trying to remain neutral although I was relatively sure that if there was an argument (which there probably wouldn't be) he would side with me. Or at least make him leave me alone.
"Yes." I said stiffly, knowing that he knew that I was trying not to remember that I was in the room with him. That he was here. That he was *alive*. "Yes, I know Genrou."
I had to work hard to get his name out since I most definately did NOT want to say it. Nope. Not.
But I had to. I don't know why, but something in me.. I hadn't said his name in so long.. it was like freeing some of myself, you know? A part of myself that I really didn't know existed. The "confused and really weird hurt" part of me, I guess. Don't ask. It comes from way back.
But now he'll say that there's been a mistake, he's not Genrou, sorry, his name is really.. uh.. Kuwabara! Okay, nevermind. I've been watching too much Yu Yu Hakusho. And he's too good-looking to be Kuwabara, even if he *does* have red hair, and... Oh, shut up, mind!
Taka was watching me for some kind of big reaction. Just because I am a self-proclaimed attention slut does NOT mean that I burst into tears at stuff like this.. even if I kind of want to.
"Yeah. I've known Ryuuen for.. a long time." Genrou says. Ah, yes. Very tactful. Mr. Tact. Of course he wouldn't mention to Taka that we used to date. That Miaka used to call me "the boy-toy" as a joke. That I was hopelessly, completely, and utterly in love with him. That it took me almost two years to finally break up with him. That I'm still not over it. That I still... oh, nevermind. I won't start.
"Houjun didn't think you two had met," Taka said conversationally (oh yes, Mr. Tact #2). "He told me you had never mentioned Genrou, Ryuuen."
Thank you ever so much, Taka Sukunami, for bringing *me* into this when I so *clearly* do not want *anything* to do with this.
"I didn't." I replied, biting the inside of my lip to hold back any tears my emotional brain might decide to send. Sadly, I am also a very emotional person.
"Oh.. why not?" Taka asked.
That did it. I burst out in tears.
[When I saw him the other day
he didn't mention a single meaningful thing
now I can think again
that I'm kinda glad for that]
"R.. Ryuuen?" Taka stared at me. I felt the warm, salty tears streaking down my face, the hot, irrational anger building inside of me.
I didn't want this to be happening. I didn't want this to be going on now. I didn't want to see him *ever again*, period. But now here he is.
Genrou was watching me, and I could swear I saw a glimmer of something like.. sadness? regret?.. in his eyes.
I don't want your pity, I told him in my mind. I don't want your pity and I don't *need* you anymore.
"Ryuuen.. please.. are you alright? What's wrong?" Taka asked, his hand on my shoulder. I wanted none of this. None.
"I'm fine." I said through tears. "I'm just fine."
And then I walked up to Genrou.
And punched him.
[But in his eyes
I see the kind of dreams
that I let go of long ago
a place where I can never again go]
Taka stared at me again. Genrou put a hand reflexivly to his cheek (but I probably didn't hit him too hard.. I'm not very big or anything). There was silence except for my heavy breathing, coming in little gasps through tears.
Oh. my. GODS. What did you just DO!?! I asked myself. What if he gets mad and hits you or something? What if you lose Taka for a friend because you punched him? I couldn't stand that. I have never actually *punched* anyone in my ENTIRE life. Never. And now I did. And it had to be the one person I know who is actually capable of physically harming me who actually *would*. And does anyone else have these weird inner conversations or is it just me?
"Ryuuen.." Taka had his arm around me, let me cry into his shoulder. I held on to him for a long time, heard the door slam. I was vaguely aware that Genrou had left the apartment. But my world, at least for the moment, was the soft comfort of the cloth of Taka's shirt. He then led me to the couch, let me sit down and calm myself, before asking, "What was that all about?"
"I.. we..." I began, stuttering already, but I had to get it out. Had to. Taka is one of my *best friends*, and he should know. "Genrou and I.. ahh.. used to go out.. I broke up with him about a half a year ago.. he used to.. you know.. he used to.."
I trailed off into tears and Taka seemed to draw conclusions.
"He used to hurt you?" He asked. I nodded a few times, then found my voice.
"Yes. That's why I left him.. under Miaka's insistance." I said, making sure he realized what a coward I had been. I hadn't had the strength to leave him on my own, or else I would have a year and a half before then. Then I just started to explain the whole thing. How much I loved him, despite how much he hurt me. How I met Miaka and she saw the bruises one day when she was riding the bus, sitting next to me, and wanted food. She had grabbed my arm and I had cried out. She looked and that was it.. I had told her. She encouraged me to get away from him, something I gladly did as soon as I could. After that I moved out of his apartment and moved in with my friend since forever, Yui. How I hid in my room there for days, just crying, until Miaka had me forcefully removed via Juan and Houjun. Because no matter all I had been through, I had still loved him. It hurt to lose something like that, and even though I was angry at him, wanted to kill him, there was still a part of me that wanted to run back to him crying and apologizing. When I finished my story, Taka was looking at me with such sadness in his eyes that I started crying again. He pulled me into a hug and let me cry, whispering into my ear.
What he seemed to be whispering, if I heard correctly, was, "You always get so hurt.. (he said a name here but I didn't hear it) but it won't be that way anymore (the name again).. I promise.."
[In his eyes
I see the creature I despise
and in his eyes
I see pain
in his eyes
I have found..
the truth]