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Uploaded in a different format so now you can all see pretty bold text and italics! Oh, and I got rid of all that nastily abnormally large paragraph spacing too! (I love HTML, and hate Word)
Sorry again, and enjoy!
Harder to Break, Harder to Fix
Consciousness
A blissful silence. The serenity of the force, so comforting, so nursing, so healing, but it doesn't always heal enough.
* those eyes ever boring deeper and deeper into your soul like they're never going to stop they make you feel so vulnerable so exposed like they're going to see everything that's inside you and rip it all out so you're left with just a shell unable to think breathe feel what is life if you can't feel emotions they are what we are can't deny it but I just wish those eyes would go away leave me in peace I need peace I need to be alone never alone so crowded I'm lost and I need to find myself I need space I need to think I need to breathe I need to feel *
Qui-Gon moaned quietly as it returned.
Again.
* not just the eyes but everything I want it all to go just want to go home back to the temple back to normality I can't I won't see outside again he's too strong just too strong why is he doing this what's this person doing to me why is he twisting and torturing my mentality why just why can't take it no more won't take it no more *
He didn't. He swung the lightsaber and ended the battle for the thousandth time in his mind. The figures fled and faded like ghosts into the depths of his subconscious memory, but they would be back to haunt him again. Pity that saber swing didn't stop the mental struggle within him. He resented having to go through the same thoughts and feelings every time he remembered. So strongly too. He knew Jedi were particularly sensitive but surely…
Before he could return to wallowing in self pity again, he paused. An unusual dull like pain had hammered into a tiny part of his brain, throbbing and refusing to go away. It was so subtle it had hardly distracted Qui-Gon for more than a millisecond. But that was before he realised what the pain signified. The part of his mind hurting was the bond he (used) to share with Obi-Wan. If he could feel pain, then Obi-Wan was in pain. If Obi-Wan was in pain, then something had happened…
It took an alarming few seconds for Qui-Gon to realise his Padawan had slammed up strong shields consequently jamming the bond shut. This made the situation even worse. If pain had managed to seep through such strong shields, it was a pretty big thing that had happened to him. And also, a shut bond was useless in telling how Obi-Wan was.
Suddenly the fateful Tatooine mission was all but forgotten, buried in the torrent of concern and surprise that flooded Qui-Gon's attention. Getting up for the first time in ages, he grabbed his cloak and force checked the room. Obi-Wan was gone, and had probably been gone a while. Qui-Gon groaned. This was all he needed. Obi-Wan missing and possibly seriously injured whilst he was having a soul searching moment with memory, guilt and hatred in attendance.
He did need this though. It started to rouse him from the zombie like state he had resided in for the past six months. Only some massive shock would pull him right out of it and realign him with reality and the real world but at least this was a start.
Oh force, what a fool I've been. I've driven the poor boy away.
Realising the stupidity of his actions, Qui-Gon growled angrily at himself.
It's all very well for me be trying to sort my head out but I can't spend half a year doing it and ignore my commitments.
Another angry snarl.
Ugh, I should never have taken another Padawan.
***
Obi-Wan groaned and opened his eyes. The blackness faded and he found himself looking at the now cloudy sky of Coruscant.
"Oh my god he just ran out!"
"I know but is he hurt?"
"Just leave him there."
"What?! We can't do that!"
Obi-Wan turned his head slightly to see where the voices were coming from. Two female Twi'leks were sitting in a grubby blue speeder arguing about whether to help the person they'd just run over.
Charming, thought Obi-Wan. His instincts told him that he couldn't have blacked out for than 20 seconds because there wasn't a crowd of people mobbing him. Yet. His head throbbed as he sat up, scanning around for a place he could rest temporarily. His best bet seemed to be a small alleyway which was just over the road. Reaching out with the force, he found that nobody was there. Easing himself up, he hobbled to the alley leaving the Twi'leks in their heated debate.
"But what if someone finds out? What if he dies? Oh god…"
"Look if we get away quick nobody will know it was us."
"Bit late for that huh?"
"Fine. Go and check if the guy's alright. I couldn't care less."
Scowling, the smaller of the two looked at the road and the empty space where Obi-Wan was.
"What the - he's gone!"
"Whadya mean gone?"
"Look, he's gone!"
"He can't have just vanished into thin air. Not even the almighty Jedi can do that…"
Obi-Wan heard the raised voices melt into the background as he slumped down, supporting himself haphazardly against a rickety old fence. Lifting his shirt, he saw an large, angry bruise forming just above his left hip, but nothing worse. A quick force check told him that he was fine otherwise. That's ignoring the shock of the whole accident, of course. Oh, and the fact that every other muscle and bone in his body screamed pain at him.
"Mental note: never get run over by a speeder again," he muttered. Wincing slightly, he managed to stand up and began to walk to the nearest hostel.
***
Qui-Gon immediately regretted thinking that last comment. He regarded Obi-Wan as a light in his life, shining joy and hope into and forward from a past, present and future which would have otherwise been dark and bleak. For instance, the scars for Xanatos' turning to the dark side had only healed because of the constant content and happiness he got from Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan was also another chance for Qui-Gon, and one he didn't want to mess up. That's why he grabbed his lightsaber from a drawer and left to scour the streets of Coruscant.
***
Still puzzled about what's going on? There's some explanation coming… honestly! Anyways, like I said, next chapter has been uploaded too!