CHAPTER 59
Adam leaned his back against the closed door and watched Beth as she wrapped her arms
around herself and walked to the window. She didn't say anything, and to be honest, he wasn't
sure what he should say.
He was still trying to put together what had just happened. She had been magnificent as she
stood up to Cassandra. He knew she had a fire in her, but the kind of courage and control she'd
just displayed was remarkable. He'd rarely seen that kind of spirit in a woman. The way she'd
stood up for herself … for their love … for him. He was completely dumbstruck.
But as the silence lengthened, he began to worry that maybe she'd been carried away by her
anger, and she might be rethinking the things she'd said to Cassandra about him.
He was almost afraid to move … to remind her that he was there. He shrugged off his coat and
laid it carefully over one of the chairs, but did not move further into the room.
Beth leaned her head against the cool glass of the window, trying to slow down all the thoughts
running through her head.
Finally when he could stand it no longer, Adam broke the silence. "Do you want to talk about it?"
She took a long breath and turned to face him. "No." she replied. "I don't want to talk about it. I
don't want to ever talk about it or ask you to tell me anymore than what I've already heard. I don't
want to know why and I don't want to know for how long, and I don't want to understand why
when I look into your eyes I can't see a trace of what she said you were. Maybe I'm a coward, or
maybe just a fool, but right now it's not real for me. And I don't want it to be. Hearing her say it
hurt, but it mainly made me angry because of how and why she did it. Hearing you say it would
make it real." Her eyes filled with tears as she shook her head. "And it can't be real Adam."
"I don't know how you can stand to even look at me," Adam replied "much less offer to forget it
ever happened … to deny …"
He didn't get a chance to finish. As soon as he opened his mouth, Beth was moving toward him,
placing her fingers to his lips and willing him not to say any more."
"How can I not look at you? Adam, don't you understand?" she began. "I love you so much that
all I can think about when I get up in the morning is seeing your face, and at night I don't want to
sleep if it's not in your arms. You walk through the room when I'm working in the kitchen, and all
it takes is one glance and my heart stops. And when you aren't here, I miss you like a school girl,
and hang on your every word when you call to say you will be back in half an hour or that you had
a few more errands to run."
She framed his face in her soft hands and Adam closed his eyes briefly, soaking in the sweet
contact as if he'd never feel it again. She waited until he'd opened the probing eyes that she
couldn't get enough of looking into before she continued.
"I can look at you because all I can see right here, right now, is how much you love me. I could
look into your eyes for ages, and I know I'd never see a trace of what was. That's not who you
are to me, and that is obviously not who you are to Duncan or Amanda or any of the others
because they value your friendship and know you are not who you were. If they didn't, they
wouldn't be here." She paused and stared at the tortured features, and knew he was having a
hard time accepting her acceptance. It didn't make sense to him. "2,500 years Adam … My God,
even I know that hundreds of civilizations have come and gone in that time, probably more. And
the man you were then is not the man who I trust to be a father to this child now. I know I'll never
be able to justify any of it, but I don't have to. As long as you and I know what we are to each
other, I don't care who understands and who doesn't. It's not a part of who we are, and it never
will be because I won't let it."
With her last words, Adam broke. Falling to his knees, he wrapped his arms around her and
buried his face in the folds of her skirt as he wept. Beth tenderly cradled his head against her
body and held him, ignoring the tears that streamed down her own cheeks as she repeated over
and over how much she loved him.
Methos had never known this kind of love … this kind of forgiveness … this kind of courageous
loyalty in all the centuries of his life. And he was overwhelmed by it. He had been so sure that
he had lost Beth forever when Cassandra had announced her revenge on him. And now he
clung to her like a drowning man would cling to the last buoyant object in a vast ocean. All of his
fears, his relief and his love for this woman pouring out like a river.
For several long minutes she stood holding him, and then as he began to regain control, she
lowered herself onto the seat of the chair and continued to cradle his head on her lap. Her
fingers sifted gently through his hair as he wrapped his arms more tightly around her.
Adam wiped his face on the tail of his shirt before looking up at her. He had never been the type
to break down like this, and the last thing he wanted was for her to see him as less than the man
she could lean on and stand behind when trouble came.
He ran his hands up her arms and captured her beautiful face between them. "I love you more
than I love living … Do you understand? I love you more than living." He repeated. His eyes,
framed by the damp spikes of his lashes, gazed at her with an honesty he wasn't certain he had
ever known before.
Beth choked out a little cry and slid from the chair onto her knees, meeting his kiss with
everything that was in her.
Desperately they clung to one another. Their hands caressing and clutching, their bodies
pressed so tightly together, their mouths tasting and exploring until Beth found herself lying
beneath Adam on the thick rug. Breaking the kiss, he lifted his face to stare down at her, their
shallow breathing coming in quick pants from the frenzy of emotion and need.
Searching one another's eyes, they both knew what they wanted. But Adam, always worried
about hurting her, started to lift himself so they could move to the bed.
"No" Beth whispered, clutching the fabric of his shirt by the collar and pulling him back down.
Impatiently, she began to work the buttons on the front of his shirt even as his hands moved all
over her body. The last buttons ripped away in her haste to slip the garment from the body she
wanted to feel beneath her hands. Adam pulled the sleeves from his arms and tossed the shirt
aside without breaking contact with the mouth he couldn't get enough of.
"Do you know what you do to me?" He ground out before tugging her bottom lip gently between
his teeth and moving to nuzzle her ear. "You're so beautiful … so soft … so damned
intoxicating." The little whimpering noises she made sent him over the edge.
His hands found the folds of her skirt, pulling and sliding it up until they were skimming the
smooth bare skin of her legs. Their eyes met as his fingers twined in the light satin fabric above
her thighs and she gasped when in one quick motion he ripped it away.
She shifted beneath him, urging him closer … urging him to take her. And when he did, her body
seemed to ignite as he pressed her deeper and deeper into the soft rug.
Adam leaned his back against the closed door and watched Beth as she wrapped her arms
around herself and walked to the window. She didn't say anything, and to be honest, he wasn't
sure what he should say.
He was still trying to put together what had just happened. She had been magnificent as she
stood up to Cassandra. He knew she had a fire in her, but the kind of courage and control she'd
just displayed was remarkable. He'd rarely seen that kind of spirit in a woman. The way she'd
stood up for herself … for their love … for him. He was completely dumbstruck.
But as the silence lengthened, he began to worry that maybe she'd been carried away by her
anger, and she might be rethinking the things she'd said to Cassandra about him.
He was almost afraid to move … to remind her that he was there. He shrugged off his coat and
laid it carefully over one of the chairs, but did not move further into the room.
Beth leaned her head against the cool glass of the window, trying to slow down all the thoughts
running through her head.
Finally when he could stand it no longer, Adam broke the silence. "Do you want to talk about it?"
She took a long breath and turned to face him. "No." she replied. "I don't want to talk about it. I
don't want to ever talk about it or ask you to tell me anymore than what I've already heard. I don't
want to know why and I don't want to know for how long, and I don't want to understand why
when I look into your eyes I can't see a trace of what she said you were. Maybe I'm a coward, or
maybe just a fool, but right now it's not real for me. And I don't want it to be. Hearing her say it
hurt, but it mainly made me angry because of how and why she did it. Hearing you say it would
make it real." Her eyes filled with tears as she shook her head. "And it can't be real Adam."
"I don't know how you can stand to even look at me," Adam replied "much less offer to forget it
ever happened … to deny …"
He didn't get a chance to finish. As soon as he opened his mouth, Beth was moving toward him,
placing her fingers to his lips and willing him not to say any more."
"How can I not look at you? Adam, don't you understand?" she began. "I love you so much that
all I can think about when I get up in the morning is seeing your face, and at night I don't want to
sleep if it's not in your arms. You walk through the room when I'm working in the kitchen, and all
it takes is one glance and my heart stops. And when you aren't here, I miss you like a school girl,
and hang on your every word when you call to say you will be back in half an hour or that you had
a few more errands to run."
She framed his face in her soft hands and Adam closed his eyes briefly, soaking in the sweet
contact as if he'd never feel it again. She waited until he'd opened the probing eyes that she
couldn't get enough of looking into before she continued.
"I can look at you because all I can see right here, right now, is how much you love me. I could
look into your eyes for ages, and I know I'd never see a trace of what was. That's not who you
are to me, and that is obviously not who you are to Duncan or Amanda or any of the others
because they value your friendship and know you are not who you were. If they didn't, they
wouldn't be here." She paused and stared at the tortured features, and knew he was having a
hard time accepting her acceptance. It didn't make sense to him. "2,500 years Adam … My God,
even I know that hundreds of civilizations have come and gone in that time, probably more. And
the man you were then is not the man who I trust to be a father to this child now. I know I'll never
be able to justify any of it, but I don't have to. As long as you and I know what we are to each
other, I don't care who understands and who doesn't. It's not a part of who we are, and it never
will be because I won't let it."
With her last words, Adam broke. Falling to his knees, he wrapped his arms around her and
buried his face in the folds of her skirt as he wept. Beth tenderly cradled his head against her
body and held him, ignoring the tears that streamed down her own cheeks as she repeated over
and over how much she loved him.
Methos had never known this kind of love … this kind of forgiveness … this kind of courageous
loyalty in all the centuries of his life. And he was overwhelmed by it. He had been so sure that
he had lost Beth forever when Cassandra had announced her revenge on him. And now he
clung to her like a drowning man would cling to the last buoyant object in a vast ocean. All of his
fears, his relief and his love for this woman pouring out like a river.
For several long minutes she stood holding him, and then as he began to regain control, she
lowered herself onto the seat of the chair and continued to cradle his head on her lap. Her
fingers sifted gently through his hair as he wrapped his arms more tightly around her.
Adam wiped his face on the tail of his shirt before looking up at her. He had never been the type
to break down like this, and the last thing he wanted was for her to see him as less than the man
she could lean on and stand behind when trouble came.
He ran his hands up her arms and captured her beautiful face between them. "I love you more
than I love living … Do you understand? I love you more than living." He repeated. His eyes,
framed by the damp spikes of his lashes, gazed at her with an honesty he wasn't certain he had
ever known before.
Beth choked out a little cry and slid from the chair onto her knees, meeting his kiss with
everything that was in her.
Desperately they clung to one another. Their hands caressing and clutching, their bodies
pressed so tightly together, their mouths tasting and exploring until Beth found herself lying
beneath Adam on the thick rug. Breaking the kiss, he lifted his face to stare down at her, their
shallow breathing coming in quick pants from the frenzy of emotion and need.
Searching one another's eyes, they both knew what they wanted. But Adam, always worried
about hurting her, started to lift himself so they could move to the bed.
"No" Beth whispered, clutching the fabric of his shirt by the collar and pulling him back down.
Impatiently, she began to work the buttons on the front of his shirt even as his hands moved all
over her body. The last buttons ripped away in her haste to slip the garment from the body she
wanted to feel beneath her hands. Adam pulled the sleeves from his arms and tossed the shirt
aside without breaking contact with the mouth he couldn't get enough of.
"Do you know what you do to me?" He ground out before tugging her bottom lip gently between
his teeth and moving to nuzzle her ear. "You're so beautiful … so soft … so damned
intoxicating." The little whimpering noises she made sent him over the edge.
His hands found the folds of her skirt, pulling and sliding it up until they were skimming the
smooth bare skin of her legs. Their eyes met as his fingers twined in the light satin fabric above
her thighs and she gasped when in one quick motion he ripped it away.
She shifted beneath him, urging him closer … urging him to take her. And when he did, her body
seemed to ignite as he pressed her deeper and deeper into the soft rug.