"Rock Bottom"

Part 2

Disclaimer: ER and all its characters belong to NBC etc and no infringement of their copyright is intended.

----------------------------------------------------

Peter Benton wearily leaned his head in his hands as he quietly sat undisturbed on the wooden bench outside the hospital. It had been close to half an hour since Carter had left and the surgeon still couldn't face going back inside. Stepping into that building alone meant admitting defeat, and that was something that Benton wasn't used to.

As he bent back to run his hands over his head he painfully felt the bruise starting to appear on his cheekbone, and shock ran through his veins. He could not believe that Carter had hit him. In all the years that he had worked with the young doctor, teaching him and helping him grow as a physician, the surgeon never thought the day would come that Carter would turn around to him in anger and punch him, not Carter. He was one of the kindest and most amicable people going and had such a friendly personality.

Yet as Benton thought about his friend a hint of doubt suddenly appeared in his mind and he sighed with contemplation. In his heart Peter knew that Carter had been a shell of himself since Valentine's Day, he had just never done anything about it.

The older doctor had always believed that if Carter had had a problem of some sort then he would have confided in someone about it, maybe not himself but possibly Kerry or Chen. It worried him that Carter had been dealing with all this alone, just letting it build up inside without dealing with it.

Mark had told him earlier that Carter had not seen any therapists since the attack, so how the hell had no one noticed the anguish that was effecting one of their own?

Benton tenderly ran his hand over his sore face again hoping that none of the hospital staff would notice anything wrong. He didn't want Carter in any more trouble or have to explain the circumstances surrounding it.

Looking at his watch he decided with reluctance to make a move, knowing that the others would be anxiously waiting inside to hear from him. The surgeon knew what it was like to be left in the dark and he didn't wasn't to inflict that on the others.

Rising to his feet, he tiredly made his way inside the hospital. He had been keeping them waiting too long already.

--------------------------------------------------------

Staring at the phone at the admit desk, willing it to ring was Kerry Weaver. She had been sitting there for a while now, using the excuse of chart review as her reason for staying there so long.

She had bypassed all her patients onto a confused Luka for fear of missing a phone call from Peter, and was now idly tapping her pen against the desk.

When she had left Curtain Three earlier that evening she didn't know what to do; she had just been in complete turmoil. Saying such things to a person she admired and respected had just about destroyed her inside. She could only hope that Peter would be able to make John see the sense he needed. But what if he refused to see? A quote just kept grating in her head ever since Mark had told her what Abby had seen.

"If you don't look, you won't see."

How had no one seen? When she looked back she realised that John had shown all the signs for months yet no one had taken the time to help him. Whenever they asked how he was he always replied with a blunt "Fine" and they had taken that on face value, just accepted that he was indeed fine and moved on. She cursed herself again for that poor display of friendship.

If she had only realised earlier than John was still in a lot of pain and had taken the time to talk him, really talk to him, then perhaps he would have confided in her. After all she thought staring at her crutch, she dealt with pain on a daily basis and had developed various treatments and therapies to help her, maybe she could have helped John and supported him through his crisis so that he wouldn't have turned to his medication as a form of comfort.

They had lived together in the past for quite a while and built up what she would like to think of as a solid friendship so how had they arrived at this point tonight?

If someone had said this morning that by the end of the day she would have accused a trusted friend and colleague of drug abuse and theft she would have practically killed herself laughing. She kept looking back to the day's events to convince herself that it really was true.

"Show us your wrists!"

"Are we looking for track marks?"

"Yeah."

She inwardly shivered remembering the heated exchange. Was she right to have organised the intervention? Even with the small group of his friends John still thought they had ganged up on him, so would it have been better done on a one to one basis?

*Stop playing the what if game Kerry. It won't achieve anything. *

The familiar whoosh of the ambulance bay doors made her raise her head with optimism and she was delighted when she saw Peter stomping into the hospital.

"Peter?"

Benton reluctantly turned his head at the sound of Kerry's voice and inwardly cringed. That one word filled with so much hope. He hated being the one to disappoint.

The surgeon sadly shook his head at her and then trudged into the doctor's lounge. He was filled with relief when he observed that it was empty. Crossing the small room quickly he paused at the coffee machine. He took a plastic cup from the small pile and poured himself a cup before sitting down heavily at the table in the middle of the room.

His mind raced with everything that had happened tonight and he let his dark eyes wander the room. When they rested on Carter's locker he started glaring at it.

* Carter man what were you thinking? *

Hearing the door quietly creek open he knew without turning around that it was Kerry.

"Kerry look I know you want to find out what happened, but can we just leave it for now? I really don't feel like having this conversation at the moment."

He slowly turned his body round to face her and was overcome with surprise and guilt at seeing her eyes welled with tears, her face drawn and pale. Benton swallowed hard. How could he not tell her?

The surgeon looked down at his feet before taking a deep breath. He waited for her to sit down then leaned back in his chair and started.

"He wasn't ready, Kerry, just wasn't ready." He mumbled, "He's in such denial that he can't see what he is doing to himself."

The surgeon quickly took a sip of his coffee, savouring the bitterness.

"I tried everything I could think of to get through to him but he just wouldn't listen. I even tried using his cousin as a reason for help," he admitted guiltily. "I thought that maybe one of Carter's biggest fears was knowing that he could be travelling head first towards the same fate of his cousin and if I mentioned Chase then perhaps Carter would react to it."

"And did he?"

"Not in the way that I hoped."

Kerry took in what he was saying then glanced up to meet her colleague's gaze, gasping when she saw the swelling of his cheek.

"What happened?" She asked staring at Benton's face in concern.

Benton quickly stood up and faced the window, keeping his back to Kerry. He paused for a moment staring at the continuous hustle of everyday hospital life through the window before grudgingly admitting the truth.

"I thought that it would help him realise what he was becoming. But he turned around and punched me for it instead. And you know what?" he asked, his voice rising. " Part of me is glad that he did. Because perhaps he will comprehend that if he could do that to me," he yelled pointing at himself. "A colleague, a friend, a person he respects then what could he do to himself?"

A horrifying flood of images suddenly invaded Benton's thoughts and he shook his head in a feverish attempt to get rid of them. Rubbing his temples he decided just to go home and get the hell out of this place.

He quickly drank the rest of his coffee and placed the empty cup in the bin.

"I'm gonna go, call it a night. Maybe after a good nights sleep he'll see sense."

"What if he doesn't?" Kerry asked, trying to keep the fearful edge out of her voice.

Benton shrugged his shoulders and replied without a moment's hesitation, "Try again. And again until we get through. We can't…won't give up on him."