"Rock Bottom"

Part 5

Claire Leyland

Disclaimer: ER and all it's characters belong to NBC, etc and no infringement of their copyright is intended.

--------------------------------------------------

The electric glass doors shimmered in the sunlight as they glided apart to reveal the chaos that was County's emergency room at the present.

Carter paused just inside the crowded waiting area as, with a deep breath, he surveyed the variety of patients waiting to be attended to. He ran his hand through his hair as he observed the view around him. There were people with deep lacerations, people with painful ailments, and one person being violently sick into a nearby litter bin – a lovely sight to greet the young doctor on his arrival back.

Randy was overrun at the admit desk, throwing charts at passing doctors, screaming to people on various telephones, and trying to deal with the influx of patients demanding attention.

With all this commotion Carter just thought it best to head straight towards the safety of the doctors lounge and hang up his coat and belongings before heading out into the onslaught – just like any other day.

As he opened his locker he realised that he hadn't seen Kerry or Mark yet, which seemed rather strange considering the effort they had put into releasing him from his duties so that he could fly to Atlanta. He honestly thought they would have cornered him the moment his foot entered the hospital. Making it alone to the lounge had been a big surprise.

Shrugging his shoulders at his confusion, the resident hung his stethoscope around his shoulders and made a move back towards the patients that waited for him at reception. Kerry was bound to catch up with him eventually, he would just let her find him.

After finding a quiet area towards the right end of the cluttered desk Carter sighed and started flicking through the various charts of offer in the rack until his eyes landed on an interesting case. He was just about to leave when Randy finally got off the phone and noticed him.

"Hey Dr Carter! What are you doing here?" She asked with a look of puzzlement on her face.

Carter just smiled smugly without looking up. "I work here Randy."

"Duh. But Dr Weaver informed us all that you were going on hiatus for a few months for some R and R."

"What?" Shooting his head up from his chart. Just how much had Kerry been telling everyone?

"Uh…yeah." Randy paused for a beat, flustered. Should she continue with what she had been saying or just shut the hell up. It was obvious that Carter didn't know what she was talking about and seemed rather angry at what she had said. "You were supposed to have left a few days ago according to Dr Weaver."

"Well Dr Weaver had made a mistake. I'm not leaving any time in the near future and you can tell that to anyone else who asks ok?" And with that he stormed over to Curtain 1 to see his patient.

However just as he was about to enter the room Kerry Weaver suddenly exited Trauma 1 and her perceptive eyes landed straight on him.

"Carter?" She exclaimed in surprise. "I didn't think you would be in until later on today."

"Yeah well according to this week's schedule I was supposed to start at ten so I thought I would stick to that." Carter replied.

"The schedule was changed yesterday to accommodate your situation."

"I know. Randy has already informed me that I'm supposed to be on hiatus for a couple of months. She knows my schedule better than me."

"Why don't we take this into the lounge?" Kerry asked quietly looking around the crowded corridor. "We can discuss this more privately."

"Well if you're sure Kerry. I mean it does seem that everyone in this ER knows about me already so we could stay out here if you want." The resident questioned sarcastically.

"John…"

"Fine," he replied holding his right arm out. "Lead the way."

----------------------------------------------------------

Slowly stepping down her long staircase Millicent Carter again rubbed her temples in pain. Ever since yesterday her head had been pounding relentlessly and painkillers only seemed to quench it for a while before it flared up again with a vengeance.

When she finally reached the bottom stair she hesitantly made her way into her large kitchen and started making a search for her bottle of Tylenol. She usually kept it in her medicine cabinet upstairs but she distinctly remembered bringing it downstairs with her yesterday afternoon before she left for lunch with her grandson. If only she could remember where she had put them.

In a few minutes she would have to leave if she was going to make it in time for her charity lunch at the town hall. It didn't start for another couple of hours but Millicent wanted to arrive early to verify that everything was prepared for the event.

Racing through all the wooden drawers around the kitchen, she searched frantically for the familiar bottle but it seemed to have completely disappeared.

She glanced again at the clock on the kitchen wall and she realised she would have to leave now. Her only alternative was to see if John had any Tylenol in his medicine cabinet, even though she didn't like to root though his personal belongings. But unless she wanted to suffer in silence it would have to be done; she wasn't prepared to miss such an important event and John would understand.

After a few moments hastily walking she arrived at her grandson's bathroom and proceeded to open the medicine cabinet above the sink. Fortunately the Tylenol bottle was staring out at her from the top shelf and Millicent quickly opened the bottle and swallowed two tablets with some water.

Before leaving she picked up the bottle of pills and placed them in her purse in case her headache returned whilst she was at the hall.

-------------------------------------------------------

Kerry sighed before pushing the lounge door open and politely allowed Carter to enter the empty room first. Once he was in she followed the resident inside and sat down at the round table and waited for Carter to do the same. When they both were seated, if somewhat uncomfortably, Kerry took a moment to compose herself before breaking the silence.

"How are you John?" She asked quietly, staring at him.

Carter shrugged his shoulders. "I'm fine. A little upset obviously over what happened. But on the whole I'm glad to be back."

Kerry sighed at Carter's curt reply. It was obvious that Carter still didn't think he had a problem.

"John come on, admit it." Kerry practically begged.

Carter looked back at her confused. "Admit what?"

"You've got a problem Carter that's pretty clear."

"God here we go again." He sighed rubbing his face with his hands. "How many times do I have to say it before you realise that you are completely wrong. I'm taking pain medication for my back but that doesn't mean that I have a problem."

"Ok if we are so wrong then why did you walk out on us the other day in Curtain Three? Why didn't you stay and explain yourself?"

Carter laughed bitterly. "You have to ask? My closest friends were falsely accusing me of being a drug addict. I wasn't going to stick around to listen to it."

"Carter look at yourself, this attitude of yours. You've been a different person since February."

"Not this again…." He cried angrily and stood up and threw his hands widely in the air.

"John listen…."

"No you listen! Look I'm sorry if I'm not all cheerful, cracking jokes and smiling twenty four hours a day, but I was stabbed in the back Kerry, twice. A lot has happened since February." He paused just before the lockers and sadly gazed at what was once Lucy's locker.

"Do you have any idea how hard it has been for me to come back here after that night? I used to love it here, walking around these corridors helping people and feeling as safe as can be. But now it's like I'm constantly looking over my shoulder, checking behind doors when I enter a room to see if there is anyone behind them.

Do you know what that's like?"

Kerry just silently shook her head as he sat down on the couch next to the window. She knew it would do him good to get everything out so she decided just to let him continue.

"When I have to see a patient that appears to be mentally unstable or if I have to perform a lumbar tap it's always running through my mind, is this the one…is this the one that's going to finish me off? He turned back to face her and Kerry's heart almost broke in two as she took in his haunted gaze.

And that room…" He extended his arm and scrunched his fist tightly as if pointing to it. "…That one room. When you took me into Curtain Three that day it was like it brought it all back to me; somebody was waiting in there for me, ready to hurt me. God when I walked into that room with you behind me I felt like all this started in that room and now it was going to end in there as well."

Kerry gazed at the resident with tears shining in her eyes. "John we didn't mean to hurt you or betray you in any way…"

Carter chuckled and glared back at her, his eyes burning bright with anger. "Betray me? You did more than betray me Kerry. But don't worry about it, I'm getting used to being stabbed in the back."

Kerry just looked like she had been slapped in the face. She had been so close! She honestly believed that Carter was going to break down and finally admit to her and himself how dependent he had become on his meds.

Suddenly the lounge door burst open and a flustered Mark stormed in.

"I'm sorry to interrupt but we've got a trauma coming in." He turned to face Carter. "Carter I'm so sorry but it's your grandmother.