_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Chapter 7: Painful Realizations
I checked the bathroom, because, after all, the guy did drink 17 glasses of
water, but with no prevail. I also asked the guys if any of them had seen
Heero, but none of them had. It wasn't just my feelings he was messing with
now, it was the mission. More than anything, his disappearance had him
failing me as a partner, regardless of weather or not he had hurt me as a
friend. Heero was jeopardizing the mission, but something in my head
reminded me that this wasn't what I was really thinking about.
Finally, I asked the manager about him, and the nice old man told me that Heero had paid his bill and left the club.
I knew it was too much to ask that Heero feel something for me back, but nevertheless, I felt something in the back of my throat get caught there. I mumbled thanks to the manager and headed out. I never knew heartbreak could hurt so bad. I felt like I could cry, and I felt my eyes get all watery. I, then, looked at my reflection in a shop window. Just like Zechs had said, my wings were present, as well as my halo. I was almost translucent in my reflection, and that's when I realized that I wasn't real, Heero wasn't real. We were living a lie. How could we love, life had already been taken from us. It wasn't fair to the living that someone could feel in the afterlife. Wasn't that the purpose of living? But I am Shinigami, I tell you I love this angel, and I never lie.
I found the tousled dark hair waiting on a bench outside the club cut off from the rest of the world by a concealing black leather jacket. I saw his breath whiten as it emerged from his lips, as did mine. I was cold.
My violet eyes met the cobalt blue, and he continued to display a physiognomy completely devoid of all feeling, or so I thought. He stood cautiously, keeping his distance as if I was some sort of glass figurine, and if he came to close he might shatter me into a million pieces. I would have broken a million times over if he just would have come a little closer.
"Let's go" he proclaimed as he began walking in the direction from which we came. I nodded in accent and followed next to him. I looked up into his face. He was taller than I. I wondered how eyes that were so empty could make my heart beat so fast.
"You're too quiet," The stone face turned to tell me.
"Trying to conserve heat, ya know?" I pulled my hand away from his and rubbed both of mine fiercely in front of my face. My voice was a little horse because of all the singing, so I had to struggle to keep my voice from cracking, and even more so because I was nervous, really nervous. I could feel my heart speed up just by walking next to him.
I was cold, but it wasn't that cold. I only told him that because I knew that he'd assume I was lying. In this way, I justified the deception. He looked at me puzzlingly, and this I expected, because Heero would know that if I lied, it was not for the purpose of deception, but rather to help me tell the truth.
"Hn." Heero had a glint in his eye as he did something completely out of character; he put his hand in mine and interlocked our fingertips. I couldn't believe that he was actually touching someone.touching me no less, in an affectionate sense. It was almost laughable. But on the other hand, the warmth of his hand was much appreciated. I could tell that Heero Yuy was a real romantic at heart. He pulled me closer.
"Better?" he questioned in his usual entrancing monotone. Geez, how could he have such a nice voice? I could just listen to it forever, if and when he decided to speak in full sentences. God, don't get any closer, I might loose composure, if I haven't already, that is.
"Huh, Better?" I asked back.
He was actually making me speechless, and for those of you who know me, that is quite unusual. I always have to put my two cents in on everything, but I was at a loss for words. It was positively cruel to make me feel so good, because all the while I knew Heero could never return those feelings, could he.maybe there's hope after all. Ok, just because I zoned out about his nice voice doesn't mean I loose the game right, but loss of concentration? That's definitely Heero's point.
"I mean," Heero smirked slightly, "are you warmer now?" He let go of my hand, letting it fall to my side, and then, as a replacement, took my waist around his arm and held me tight as we walked closer to the house. I wished it were a mile away. My palms were getting sweaty.another point for team Heero.
"Yeah, Hee-chan." I replied, very pleasantly surprised, "Thanks." I smiled brightly. I didn't know what else to do. He seemed to enjoy my company, and I enjoyed his as well. I wished I could tell him how much, but I couldn't.
So, as a substitute, I leaned in closer so his hand didn't have to reach very far at all to wrap around my thin figure, and I noticed that he was just slightly taller than I. His shoulder practically begged to be leaned on, so I gently placed my head there, and it felt like that's where it always should be.
The leather was cold against my cheek, and Heero twitched slightly at the added pressure, but loosened farther down the path. He even looked at me once and his eyes kind of got all weird, like he was fighting with his sadness, but I knew he wouldn't cry. Was I making him sad, oh God, I didn't mean to bring him pain. I wasn't thinking. I felt so selfish, how could I have forgotten his feelings. Maybe he didn't even like me, and didn't know how to break it to me! Why else would I have seen tears in his eyes? God, I was hurting him! Forgive me, Heero.
I felt tears start welling up in my eyes for him, and started to choke on them. Heero stopped walking when he felt the weight being taken off his shoulder, and watched as a tear slid out of my watery violet eyes, but I kept walking, leaving Heero behind. His eyes grew wide with concern, something I hadn't expected at all, and ran up to catch me. I stopped.
".what's wrong?" I looked down and choked a sob, unable to look into those beautiful eyes. It would have made it even worse. Why did Heero tease me so? There's too much time for prayers of the unrequited.
"Duo.?"
"Gomen, Heero." I mumbled as more tears slid out of my eyes.
I felt a gentle hand wipe my eyes and I looked up at the face the hand belonged to. I found myself staring and smiling meekly at him, I must have looked so stupid. I don't think I cried so much ever since Solo died, I was so selfish, and I did the only thing that I could think of at the moment, I swung my arms around his neck and hugged him tight.
Then, I noticed that I had practically knocked the cobalt-eyed boy over, but he was still on his feet, so I nuzzled my head on his shoulder and allowed the tears to flow freely onto the black, cold of his jacket. Memories of all the people I had loved who died for me so many years ago flashed before my eyes and cascaded down my cheeks till they were no more. I couldn't bear to loose anyone else, especially not Heero. I couldn't hurt him. I promised myself that I wouldn't.
I felt as the taller boy wrapped his arms around me as well, against the braid that hung down my back. He rubbed my back gently as I cried silently on his shoulder, and brought me into the apartment, and I agreed that the middle of a public sidewalk was not a respectable place for a breakdown.
Well, maybe he wasn't in love with me, but at least he cared, and I couldn't ask for anything more than that.
Finally, I asked the manager about him, and the nice old man told me that Heero had paid his bill and left the club.
I knew it was too much to ask that Heero feel something for me back, but nevertheless, I felt something in the back of my throat get caught there. I mumbled thanks to the manager and headed out. I never knew heartbreak could hurt so bad. I felt like I could cry, and I felt my eyes get all watery. I, then, looked at my reflection in a shop window. Just like Zechs had said, my wings were present, as well as my halo. I was almost translucent in my reflection, and that's when I realized that I wasn't real, Heero wasn't real. We were living a lie. How could we love, life had already been taken from us. It wasn't fair to the living that someone could feel in the afterlife. Wasn't that the purpose of living? But I am Shinigami, I tell you I love this angel, and I never lie.
I found the tousled dark hair waiting on a bench outside the club cut off from the rest of the world by a concealing black leather jacket. I saw his breath whiten as it emerged from his lips, as did mine. I was cold.
My violet eyes met the cobalt blue, and he continued to display a physiognomy completely devoid of all feeling, or so I thought. He stood cautiously, keeping his distance as if I was some sort of glass figurine, and if he came to close he might shatter me into a million pieces. I would have broken a million times over if he just would have come a little closer.
"Let's go" he proclaimed as he began walking in the direction from which we came. I nodded in accent and followed next to him. I looked up into his face. He was taller than I. I wondered how eyes that were so empty could make my heart beat so fast.
"You're too quiet," The stone face turned to tell me.
"Trying to conserve heat, ya know?" I pulled my hand away from his and rubbed both of mine fiercely in front of my face. My voice was a little horse because of all the singing, so I had to struggle to keep my voice from cracking, and even more so because I was nervous, really nervous. I could feel my heart speed up just by walking next to him.
I was cold, but it wasn't that cold. I only told him that because I knew that he'd assume I was lying. In this way, I justified the deception. He looked at me puzzlingly, and this I expected, because Heero would know that if I lied, it was not for the purpose of deception, but rather to help me tell the truth.
"Hn." Heero had a glint in his eye as he did something completely out of character; he put his hand in mine and interlocked our fingertips. I couldn't believe that he was actually touching someone.touching me no less, in an affectionate sense. It was almost laughable. But on the other hand, the warmth of his hand was much appreciated. I could tell that Heero Yuy was a real romantic at heart. He pulled me closer.
"Better?" he questioned in his usual entrancing monotone. Geez, how could he have such a nice voice? I could just listen to it forever, if and when he decided to speak in full sentences. God, don't get any closer, I might loose composure, if I haven't already, that is.
"Huh, Better?" I asked back.
He was actually making me speechless, and for those of you who know me, that is quite unusual. I always have to put my two cents in on everything, but I was at a loss for words. It was positively cruel to make me feel so good, because all the while I knew Heero could never return those feelings, could he.maybe there's hope after all. Ok, just because I zoned out about his nice voice doesn't mean I loose the game right, but loss of concentration? That's definitely Heero's point.
"I mean," Heero smirked slightly, "are you warmer now?" He let go of my hand, letting it fall to my side, and then, as a replacement, took my waist around his arm and held me tight as we walked closer to the house. I wished it were a mile away. My palms were getting sweaty.another point for team Heero.
"Yeah, Hee-chan." I replied, very pleasantly surprised, "Thanks." I smiled brightly. I didn't know what else to do. He seemed to enjoy my company, and I enjoyed his as well. I wished I could tell him how much, but I couldn't.
So, as a substitute, I leaned in closer so his hand didn't have to reach very far at all to wrap around my thin figure, and I noticed that he was just slightly taller than I. His shoulder practically begged to be leaned on, so I gently placed my head there, and it felt like that's where it always should be.
The leather was cold against my cheek, and Heero twitched slightly at the added pressure, but loosened farther down the path. He even looked at me once and his eyes kind of got all weird, like he was fighting with his sadness, but I knew he wouldn't cry. Was I making him sad, oh God, I didn't mean to bring him pain. I wasn't thinking. I felt so selfish, how could I have forgotten his feelings. Maybe he didn't even like me, and didn't know how to break it to me! Why else would I have seen tears in his eyes? God, I was hurting him! Forgive me, Heero.
I felt tears start welling up in my eyes for him, and started to choke on them. Heero stopped walking when he felt the weight being taken off his shoulder, and watched as a tear slid out of my watery violet eyes, but I kept walking, leaving Heero behind. His eyes grew wide with concern, something I hadn't expected at all, and ran up to catch me. I stopped.
".what's wrong?" I looked down and choked a sob, unable to look into those beautiful eyes. It would have made it even worse. Why did Heero tease me so? There's too much time for prayers of the unrequited.
"Duo.?"
"Gomen, Heero." I mumbled as more tears slid out of my eyes.
I felt a gentle hand wipe my eyes and I looked up at the face the hand belonged to. I found myself staring and smiling meekly at him, I must have looked so stupid. I don't think I cried so much ever since Solo died, I was so selfish, and I did the only thing that I could think of at the moment, I swung my arms around his neck and hugged him tight.
Then, I noticed that I had practically knocked the cobalt-eyed boy over, but he was still on his feet, so I nuzzled my head on his shoulder and allowed the tears to flow freely onto the black, cold of his jacket. Memories of all the people I had loved who died for me so many years ago flashed before my eyes and cascaded down my cheeks till they were no more. I couldn't bear to loose anyone else, especially not Heero. I couldn't hurt him. I promised myself that I wouldn't.
I felt as the taller boy wrapped his arms around me as well, against the braid that hung down my back. He rubbed my back gently as I cried silently on his shoulder, and brought me into the apartment, and I agreed that the middle of a public sidewalk was not a respectable place for a breakdown.
Well, maybe he wasn't in love with me, but at least he cared, and I couldn't ask for anything more than that.