McGonagall crawled through the castle. The bacon had weakened her, and she
was searching for water. You are a fish, the bacon said over and over.
"Fish, fish, fish, fish," McGonagall sang to the tune of the meowmix
commercial (the Code of Evil Bacon). You know the one, "I love bacon,
liver and chicken, ocean flavors keep me lickin'" except there's a cat
going meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow
meow. This is the Code of Evil Bacon. The bacon must search for the
liver, chicken, and ocean flavors. But, at the moment, it was being
scientifically spontaneous, and wanted to see what the insolently weak
human would do as a fish. The Evil Bacon laughed. (a/n: bacon can laugh
*looks around nervously* if only u can hear).
McGonagall crawled, because the bacon wanted her to, towards the lake. She threw herself in, flopping like a fish, the bacon laughing all the while. Te giant squid kept lifting her out of the water, though. This angered the bacon, who was having fun. He "threw" McGonagall back in the water several times, only to have her repeatedly saved by the giant squid. After three hours, the bacon grew bored. "Dragging" McGonagall out of the water, he made her walk back to the castle. "Now to find the liver," "she" uttered evilly. ************************************* Dirk Gently gaped at the rats and cheese invading his office. He couldn't believe it. He had had a theory about the existence of animate cheese and slightly more intelligent rats for years, but no one had ever believed him. He vaguely wondered who he had called earlier.
"Kill him, my minions! No survivors!" Snape emerged into the office through the window, still stroking Crookshanks, and screaming.
"Umm, excuse me, I don't mean to be rude, but I think that I'm the only person in here besides you. So, technically, it should be 'He shall not survive!'," Dirk Gently said gently (a/n: ha that's funny lol).
Snape paused to think about this, meanwhile halting his minions' attack. While Snape was busy thinking, which, I might add, took him a considerable amount of effort, Dirk Gently escaped to go see if he could find Harry Potter, who had called him about some strange happenings at a wizarding school. May I put out there, into the world of people who read my fics, that it is very easy to talk all the time, without processing a single thought. Your mouth just flaps about constantly, and if anyone bothers to listen to what you're saying, every once in a while you might just actually say something semi-intelligent. Such was the case with Snape, not because he was a brainless idiot, as most people are, but because he had been consumed in the glory of his own power. Total power is totally corrupting (a/n: or something like that). (a/n: i just realized what i wrote, and its semi-serious! wow)
Anyhoozles, Dirk Gently had just escaped through the very window that his would-be attackers had entered through with the intent to kill. As this happened very often to him, he was not overly concerned, as most people would be, because he was not like most people. What a shocking conclusion!
Dirk Gently had been searching for Harry Potter (remember he's a Squib, he knows about wizards), when he was overcome by a sudden need for sugar. Being too lazy to walk across the street to a grocery store/supermarket/whatever/place that sells food, he went into the Eckerd (a drug store). He was wandering through the isles, looking for the candy that would just suit his mood. It's amazing that there are so many kinds of candy out there! So many, in fact, that it is nearly, very nearly, but not quite, impossible to not find a kind of candy that exactly suits the mood you are in.
So there was the detective, wandering innocently around the isles, when he stumbled across Ron and Harry. Literally, he stumbled across them. They had been there so long, during which time Ron tried to comfort Harry after his emotional trauma, that they had fallen asleep on the floor. This is an utterly gross thing to do, because if you have ever taken the time to look incredibly stupid and study the floor of a public place, you will find that it is probably more sanitary to live in a dumpster than touch the floor.
Dirk recognized Harry, and sat their prodding them with a stick, which appeared out of nowhere, trying to wake them up. Since the author failed to do this herself, I very much doubt the ability of Dirk Gently to do it. However, we shall let him try, his candy forgotten as he was laughing too hard.
***************************************************
Snape is still thinking. He had lost a lot of his mind-power during his short time as "Pharaoh" for the rats and the cheese down at the bottom of the hole that leads to the center of the universe where the rats and cheese were having a war but stopped to worship Snape and Crookshanks appeared out of nowhere and they do have phones.
****************************************************
McGonagall is still struggling to get to the castle. The bacon is having too much fun making her act like a fish again. For the bacon, the temptation was too great. The squid is getting tired of saving McGonagall. Now, it won't even let her in the water. I wonder what that could mean. (hehehe)
****************************************************
Remus Lupin was stumbling around in Hogwarts. He felt weak, so weak. What could it be? He had been sure to stay away from bacon, so it wasn't that. He had checked the calendar again today, and the full moon wasn't for 3 weeks. But this weakness, this sense of being too tired to move felt so familiar, and yet so new.
The others watched him closely. It seemed that.
a/n: wow, i really do have too much fun writing this too much fun lol anyhoozles, don't give up on the coffee oh yeah, and read and review I personally think that this was one of the strangest chappies i have written yet
McGonagall crawled, because the bacon wanted her to, towards the lake. She threw herself in, flopping like a fish, the bacon laughing all the while. Te giant squid kept lifting her out of the water, though. This angered the bacon, who was having fun. He "threw" McGonagall back in the water several times, only to have her repeatedly saved by the giant squid. After three hours, the bacon grew bored. "Dragging" McGonagall out of the water, he made her walk back to the castle. "Now to find the liver," "she" uttered evilly. ************************************* Dirk Gently gaped at the rats and cheese invading his office. He couldn't believe it. He had had a theory about the existence of animate cheese and slightly more intelligent rats for years, but no one had ever believed him. He vaguely wondered who he had called earlier.
"Kill him, my minions! No survivors!" Snape emerged into the office through the window, still stroking Crookshanks, and screaming.
"Umm, excuse me, I don't mean to be rude, but I think that I'm the only person in here besides you. So, technically, it should be 'He shall not survive!'," Dirk Gently said gently (a/n: ha that's funny lol).
Snape paused to think about this, meanwhile halting his minions' attack. While Snape was busy thinking, which, I might add, took him a considerable amount of effort, Dirk Gently escaped to go see if he could find Harry Potter, who had called him about some strange happenings at a wizarding school. May I put out there, into the world of people who read my fics, that it is very easy to talk all the time, without processing a single thought. Your mouth just flaps about constantly, and if anyone bothers to listen to what you're saying, every once in a while you might just actually say something semi-intelligent. Such was the case with Snape, not because he was a brainless idiot, as most people are, but because he had been consumed in the glory of his own power. Total power is totally corrupting (a/n: or something like that). (a/n: i just realized what i wrote, and its semi-serious! wow)
Anyhoozles, Dirk Gently had just escaped through the very window that his would-be attackers had entered through with the intent to kill. As this happened very often to him, he was not overly concerned, as most people would be, because he was not like most people. What a shocking conclusion!
Dirk Gently had been searching for Harry Potter (remember he's a Squib, he knows about wizards), when he was overcome by a sudden need for sugar. Being too lazy to walk across the street to a grocery store/supermarket/whatever/place that sells food, he went into the Eckerd (a drug store). He was wandering through the isles, looking for the candy that would just suit his mood. It's amazing that there are so many kinds of candy out there! So many, in fact, that it is nearly, very nearly, but not quite, impossible to not find a kind of candy that exactly suits the mood you are in.
So there was the detective, wandering innocently around the isles, when he stumbled across Ron and Harry. Literally, he stumbled across them. They had been there so long, during which time Ron tried to comfort Harry after his emotional trauma, that they had fallen asleep on the floor. This is an utterly gross thing to do, because if you have ever taken the time to look incredibly stupid and study the floor of a public place, you will find that it is probably more sanitary to live in a dumpster than touch the floor.
Dirk recognized Harry, and sat their prodding them with a stick, which appeared out of nowhere, trying to wake them up. Since the author failed to do this herself, I very much doubt the ability of Dirk Gently to do it. However, we shall let him try, his candy forgotten as he was laughing too hard.
***************************************************
Snape is still thinking. He had lost a lot of his mind-power during his short time as "Pharaoh" for the rats and the cheese down at the bottom of the hole that leads to the center of the universe where the rats and cheese were having a war but stopped to worship Snape and Crookshanks appeared out of nowhere and they do have phones.
****************************************************
McGonagall is still struggling to get to the castle. The bacon is having too much fun making her act like a fish again. For the bacon, the temptation was too great. The squid is getting tired of saving McGonagall. Now, it won't even let her in the water. I wonder what that could mean. (hehehe)
****************************************************
Remus Lupin was stumbling around in Hogwarts. He felt weak, so weak. What could it be? He had been sure to stay away from bacon, so it wasn't that. He had checked the calendar again today, and the full moon wasn't for 3 weeks. But this weakness, this sense of being too tired to move felt so familiar, and yet so new.
The others watched him closely. It seemed that.
a/n: wow, i really do have too much fun writing this too much fun lol anyhoozles, don't give up on the coffee oh yeah, and read and review I personally think that this was one of the strangest chappies i have written yet