Beth paced all around the house, all the while praying out loud. Up
the stairs, down the hall, around her room, back downstairs, and around the
kitchen. It was like she was caged inside her own house. Stuck. It was
like it was taunting her, saying that she'd never be able to move from it.
Never able to get out.
The battle inside her head was even worse though. She moved around the room muttering out loud all the while. Near to crying it seemed like she would never figure it out. She kept seeing those people she knew in her mind, the one's who gave God their life completely. She'd always admired them, always wanted to be like them. She never knew it'd be this hard.
Beth looked around realizing that she was stuck. She wasn't moving. Trapped in her own sin and habits. Would she ever get out of it? Could she ever really trust God with everything?
Trust had always been a hard thing for her to give other people. It took a long time for them to gain her trust. People were always changing, never the same. God was though. So why was this so hard for her?
After grabbing shoes and a jacket and scribbling a note to her mom Beth ran outside her house, the door slamming shut after her. As she zipped up her jacket and shoved her hands in her pockets she headed for the trail behind her house. It had always been a special place for her.
When Beth was little it was the neighborhood hangout for her and the other kids. Now they were all grown up. So busy with school, driving, work, parties, boyfriends and girlfriends it seemed like she was the only one who ever went back there anymore. She hadn't even make it back there much in the past few months. She'd been so caught up in her own life she'd almost forgotten about it.
Beth took a deep breath of cool air. It was always amazing out here. She could see nature at some of it's best. The afternoon sun was hidden behind dark clouds but it was still breathtaking. The leaves had changed colors and more were falling daily. Her feet crunched on them as she walked farther and farther away from her house.
With no other people in sight she felt free to talk honestly with God out loud. "Lord," she began. "It's like I can't move forward anymore. I felt like I was making progress but now it's like I can't move any further forward and I keep falling backwards. I don't feel like I can improve anymore and I want to so much. I want to experience life to the fullest, the way I only can with you but to do that I need to trust you. I should be able to trust you with everything but it feels like I can't. I know you understand how I feel and I thank you for that because sometimes it feels like no one else does. My parents try but they don't understand.
"I've never doubted you, Lord. Not for more than a second, if that. It always amazed me that people could look around at the world and think it was just an accident, that you weren't real.
"I always understood how I didn't deserve anything you gave me- but you gave it to me anyway. You've blessed my life in so many ways that if I started listing them I'd probably never stop. Oh, well, I doubt you're going to mind.
"First and foremost Lord, my salvation. That's something I'll never stop thanking you for. It's still a hard concept for me to grasp sometimes. The fact that you loved me so much that you died for me? That's amazing!
"My family, what a gift they are! All of them, my parents, grandparents, cousins, and uncles. I almost always feel better after spending time with them.
"My friends, even if they bug me and act crazy sometimes. I love them for being who they are," and Beth continued until she felt like she had hit all the major points.
She glanced around before turning off the main path to a smaller one. "It's like I'm stuck in my old life. In my old nature, Lord. Just like I was in the house. I felt like I couldn't move out of there but once I did it was so much better." A thought hit her and she stopped in her tracks.
Taking a shaky breath she continued, "Is that what following you is like, Lord?"
Walking faster she continued. "What I mean is what I'm going through now like what it was like in the house? And once I take a chance and move, once I take a risk and trust you thing will be scary at first but it will be better than ever? Once I break out of my sin it'll be better than ever? Once I trust you things will get better?"
Breaking out into a run she continued, just whispering now. "Is that why I came on this walk? Is that why I'm doing this? Was this part of your plan all along to show me what following you is really like?"
Taking a deep breath she slowed back to a walk before turning around to go home. "Lord, you amaze me more every day. Like I can be feeling horible and after praying for a few minutes I feel so much better."
Beth smiled to herself as she walked back home. A song she heard one time kept running through her head. She hummed it to herself as she walked up the hill. It seemed to fit the situation she'd been going through pretty well. Certain parts in particular. She stopped before going into her house. "Lord? Thanks. Now I know everthing's going to be okay. I guess I knew all along I just didn't feel like it would."
She sang the lyrics to the song under her breath, "Dare you to move, I dare you to move. I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor. I dare you to move, I dare you to live like today never happened before."
Beth walked inside and sat down on the couch. She picked up the book she had been reading before the walk and lost herself in the story once again. She completely lost track of time.
She didn't know how much later it was when her mom came home.
"Hey, what have you been up to?"
Beth shrughed. "Not much. Took a walk. Did some thinking."
Her mom raised an eyebrow. "Something wrong?"
Beth smiled. "Not anymore."
A.N. Oh, and if anyone was wondering what song it was it's "Dare You To Move" by Switchfoot. Totally awesome song, if you haven't heard it. Of course they're an awesome band so almost anything they do is great but it's my favorite song of theirs. Please review, I'd really like to hear what others think! :)
The battle inside her head was even worse though. She moved around the room muttering out loud all the while. Near to crying it seemed like she would never figure it out. She kept seeing those people she knew in her mind, the one's who gave God their life completely. She'd always admired them, always wanted to be like them. She never knew it'd be this hard.
Beth looked around realizing that she was stuck. She wasn't moving. Trapped in her own sin and habits. Would she ever get out of it? Could she ever really trust God with everything?
Trust had always been a hard thing for her to give other people. It took a long time for them to gain her trust. People were always changing, never the same. God was though. So why was this so hard for her?
After grabbing shoes and a jacket and scribbling a note to her mom Beth ran outside her house, the door slamming shut after her. As she zipped up her jacket and shoved her hands in her pockets she headed for the trail behind her house. It had always been a special place for her.
When Beth was little it was the neighborhood hangout for her and the other kids. Now they were all grown up. So busy with school, driving, work, parties, boyfriends and girlfriends it seemed like she was the only one who ever went back there anymore. She hadn't even make it back there much in the past few months. She'd been so caught up in her own life she'd almost forgotten about it.
Beth took a deep breath of cool air. It was always amazing out here. She could see nature at some of it's best. The afternoon sun was hidden behind dark clouds but it was still breathtaking. The leaves had changed colors and more were falling daily. Her feet crunched on them as she walked farther and farther away from her house.
With no other people in sight she felt free to talk honestly with God out loud. "Lord," she began. "It's like I can't move forward anymore. I felt like I was making progress but now it's like I can't move any further forward and I keep falling backwards. I don't feel like I can improve anymore and I want to so much. I want to experience life to the fullest, the way I only can with you but to do that I need to trust you. I should be able to trust you with everything but it feels like I can't. I know you understand how I feel and I thank you for that because sometimes it feels like no one else does. My parents try but they don't understand.
"I've never doubted you, Lord. Not for more than a second, if that. It always amazed me that people could look around at the world and think it was just an accident, that you weren't real.
"I always understood how I didn't deserve anything you gave me- but you gave it to me anyway. You've blessed my life in so many ways that if I started listing them I'd probably never stop. Oh, well, I doubt you're going to mind.
"First and foremost Lord, my salvation. That's something I'll never stop thanking you for. It's still a hard concept for me to grasp sometimes. The fact that you loved me so much that you died for me? That's amazing!
"My family, what a gift they are! All of them, my parents, grandparents, cousins, and uncles. I almost always feel better after spending time with them.
"My friends, even if they bug me and act crazy sometimes. I love them for being who they are," and Beth continued until she felt like she had hit all the major points.
She glanced around before turning off the main path to a smaller one. "It's like I'm stuck in my old life. In my old nature, Lord. Just like I was in the house. I felt like I couldn't move out of there but once I did it was so much better." A thought hit her and she stopped in her tracks.
Taking a shaky breath she continued, "Is that what following you is like, Lord?"
Walking faster she continued. "What I mean is what I'm going through now like what it was like in the house? And once I take a chance and move, once I take a risk and trust you thing will be scary at first but it will be better than ever? Once I break out of my sin it'll be better than ever? Once I trust you things will get better?"
Breaking out into a run she continued, just whispering now. "Is that why I came on this walk? Is that why I'm doing this? Was this part of your plan all along to show me what following you is really like?"
Taking a deep breath she slowed back to a walk before turning around to go home. "Lord, you amaze me more every day. Like I can be feeling horible and after praying for a few minutes I feel so much better."
Beth smiled to herself as she walked back home. A song she heard one time kept running through her head. She hummed it to herself as she walked up the hill. It seemed to fit the situation she'd been going through pretty well. Certain parts in particular. She stopped before going into her house. "Lord? Thanks. Now I know everthing's going to be okay. I guess I knew all along I just didn't feel like it would."
She sang the lyrics to the song under her breath, "Dare you to move, I dare you to move. I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor. I dare you to move, I dare you to live like today never happened before."
Beth walked inside and sat down on the couch. She picked up the book she had been reading before the walk and lost herself in the story once again. She completely lost track of time.
She didn't know how much later it was when her mom came home.
"Hey, what have you been up to?"
Beth shrughed. "Not much. Took a walk. Did some thinking."
Her mom raised an eyebrow. "Something wrong?"
Beth smiled. "Not anymore."
A.N. Oh, and if anyone was wondering what song it was it's "Dare You To Move" by Switchfoot. Totally awesome song, if you haven't heard it. Of course they're an awesome band so almost anything they do is great but it's my favorite song of theirs. Please review, I'd really like to hear what others think! :)