That Was Me

By Adalanta

Disclaimer: see Part One for disclaimer.

Author's Note: Special thanks to Andorian Ice Princess, tycarlosluva, and piaffe417 for the inspiring reviews!

Part Two: Sully

That was me.

That man standing in front of Craig's widow and young son - that was me.

The years disappear in an instant, and I'm once again standing in front of Ty and his mother, tears streaming down my cheeks, filled with a pain that cannot be expressed.

There's nothing in the world like loosing your partner. Loosing a spouse or child is not quite the same thing but that's about as close as it would be. I know, I know - I don't have either, so I can't really say for sure, but…yeah, I think it'd be pretty close.

Close, but not the same thing. You don't go to work every day with your wife or child. You don't sit every day for hours on end, talking about what's going on at home or what you think about this or that. You don't face dangerous situations together every day. And you don't depend upon your wife or child to guard your back, to be there no matter what happens to save your life.

It's a brotherly bond - one that is voluntary. It goes beyond blood. It goes beyond duty. When you're out on the streets patrolling, it's just him and you against everyone else. When the shooting starts, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he will be there to back you up and protect you.

That's where I failed.

I didn't see him - the man that killed my partner. I still blame myself for that; even though I know in my mind that there was nothing else I could have done, my heart aches with guilt. Deserved or undeserved, it doesn't matter. The pain never goes away.

Now, as I look at Ty, my dead partner's son and my own partner, I can't help but fear for him. He came so close to getting shot and killed. From what I saw after the arrest, that bullet that shattered the car window only missed his head by a couple of inches. Two inches lower and I'd be standing right where he is now. Right where I was so many years ago. I've already lost one partner…I don't think I could stand to loose another. Besides, Ty's not just my partner, he's almost like my son. Now I know why they never partner fathers and sons together as cops.

As Ty salutes Craig's widow, I see the tears begin to fall. I should have expected that. He hasn't been to a cop's funeral since his father's. I'm damn certain he hasn't held another person's hand, comforting him as he takes his last breath, his hand covered in a friend's blood. Even I haven't gone through that; Ty's father was killed instantly - never knew what hit him.

That's probably best.

Here one minute, gone the next. No suffering, no last minute regrets. There's something to be said for a quick death.

Ty slowly lowers his arm and moves to stand in line with the other officers present, right in front of me. I want more than anything to be able to erase the last few days, but I can't. The hard thing is, I can't really do anything. He has to face this on his own. And so do I.

Life goes on, but that image of Ty standing before Craig's family will stay forever burned into my mind, right next to the image that remains from all those years ago. I think back, and I know…

That was me.