Title: Reactions
Author: Silhouette
Genre: Humour, YAOI
Ratings: PG-13
Pairings: -NA-
Disclaimer: Slam Dunk does not belong to me though I sure hell won¡¯t mind gift-wrapping Rukawa up and send him to myself.
Synopsis: How do the SD boys react to different subject matter? Read to find out!
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Chapter 8: Fan Fictions
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[Curtains draw open, and Eddie stood before the audience, smiling cheerfully.]
Eddie: Welcome! Welcome! Welcome, to the final show of ¡°Reactions¡±!
[Grand music plays in the background ¡°Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb¡¡±]
Eddie: [Clasps hands together] Ah, as a perfect ending to the show, I have invited ALL of our characters involved here and we shall ¡®chat¡¯ about their opinions on Fanfics. Yes. Fanfics!! Nyahahahahah!!!!!
[*Poof* Green smoke fill the stage and the characters were left coughing and choking...]
Mitsui: Whose sick idea was it to have that smoke? *Cough*
***
Miyagi: There ain¡¯t so many fics about me and Aya-chan. *Sulk*Sulk*
Ayako: *Whack* Baka!
Miyagi: T____T Aya-chan ¡
Mitsui: *Rolls eyes* Hmph! That lovesick muffin-head...
Miyagi: Whom are you calling lovesick? *Swat* Respect your captain!
Mitsui: *Turns to everyone else* did you hear something? No.
Sakuragi: Nyahahhaaha! The Tensai¡¯s fics always get loads of reviews, ne? Nyahahha¡
Eddie: *Vein* Not you! The authors? fics about you!
Sakuragi: No difference, right? Nyahahahhah! Shows how popular the Tensai is!
Rukawa: *Slides across the screen* Do-aho.
Sakuragi: Teme! Kitsune! You sleeping Kitsune! You baka K¡
Eddie: *Plasters masking tape over Sakuragi¡¯s mouth* Sheesh, language, Sakuragi.
Sendoh: But so far I noticed something very strange, there seemed to be quite a number of fics going around with some sister coming over on a plane from USA or some funny country, and they are either so fantastically like their brothers or the exact opposite of them, and they go round making their acquaintances with various boys and they always end up with somebody no matter what, or in most cases, triangles.
Rukawa: Or Quadrangles.
Eddie: ^^;; Really?
Sendoh: Ah, yes, and most of these fics are about Kaede, ne? *Wink*
Rukawa: *Vein* Stop calling me Kaede, you baka.
Sendoh: *Didn¡¯t seem to notice* Oh yes, and despite the many grumbles of the readers, Mary-sues keep popping up all over the place.
Eddie: *Sweating profusely* Are you talking about me? [Looks at various OC fics.] *Sweat* Okay, next time I shall write about you with a girl who is plump and wear specs and have big pimples and eh, body odor.
Sendoh: Ugh! No!
Eddie: See? You cannot stand the concept of that. Well, girls are girls. We can't stand the idea of imperfection.
Various writers: Yes! *Starry eyes* How can we ever bring ourselves to pair you or Kaede or Hisashi or?whoever next) with a girl who is ¡ *Goes into puking fit* ugly?
Eddie: *Shoves the other writers off the stage* Eh, so you see¡
Akagi: ¡mary-sue fics are unforgivably disgusting.
Eddie: *Kicks Akagi off the stage* Well, you are saying that ¡®cos nobody ever wrote a Mary-sue about you.
Akagi fans: Teme!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Throws the said author off the stage ¡®cos she insulted their favorite gorilla*
Stage manager (Kogure): Maa, maa¡^^;; Cool it guys, we can talk this over¡
Mitsui: *Raises hand* I have a question.
Eddie: Shoot.
Mitsui: Why are there so many angst fics going round the place recently?
Eddie: Beats me.
Mitsui: -_____-;; You were supposed to know.
Eddie: How would I know? I¡¯ve never written angst before.
Sendoh: *Glare* Never? You killed both me and Kae¡Rukawa in your ¡°Eternal Love¡±!
Eddie: ^^;; Ehehehe¡that¡that was an accident, you know, I got into this very melancholy mood after a very sad dream and suddenly I realized that was how I could finish off the fic. ^^;; Maybe that explains why there are so many angst fics going round (tries to avoid the subject), you know, economy depression¡
Sendoh: *Glare*Glare*
Eddie: Stop glaring before your eyes fall out.
[Second thought]
Eddie: That was pretty gross, too. Hey dude, don¡¯t let your eyes fall out.
Fujima: I¡¯m not very happy.
Eddie: Well, you weren¡¯t happy that often.
Fujima: Shut up. I demand more OC fics for me. I don¡¯t mind Mary-sue fics. I just want to see more pretty girls.
Eddie: *Waves to Fujima writers* Hoy! Hoy! Someone! Someone write something about Fujima and Anzai-sensei¡¯s wife? Whoohoo¡super extramarital affair between senior basketball coach's wife and a junior basketball coach¡scandalous.
Fujima: T___T No, you can¡¯t be serious.
Eddie: Of course I am serious, what¡¯s wrong with Mrs Anzai anyway, she¡¯s kindly, motherly (I¡¯m not saying that you have some kind of distorted Oedipus¡¯complex) and well, must be real pretty in her younger days.
Fujima: Problem is, she is old enough to be my grandma.
Eddie: Anything wrong with that?
Anzai sensei: Hm?? *Glasses flash threateningly*
Eddie: Aah¡ nothing, yeah, no sirree, nothing at all.
Hanagata: *Grunt* There are so few fics about me and Kenji¡
Eddie: There are a lot! You megane, look for them carefully!
Kogure: Huh? Someone calling me?
Mitsui: No, but Min-kun, have you read those fics written about us?
Kogure: *Clueless* Huh? No.
Mitsui: Ooh, you really missed out a lot! I loved those lemon YAOI fics.
Kogure: What is lemon? What is YAOI?
Eddie: *Face-vault* Eh¡ Min-kun you can¡¯t be /that/ innocent¡
Kogure: *Scratches chin thoughtfully* Not really¡ I know about Slash NC-17 Gang rape multi bondage orgies anal oral¡
-______-;;
Maki: I don¡¯t read a lot of fics about myself. There¡¯s one about my /sister/ though. *Frowns* When did I have a sister? I have four monkey-ish brothers at home, and that was enough.
Jin: *Smiles* That probably explained your affinity to Nobu-kun.
Maki: Me? Affinity with that Nozaru? No way!
Jin: You just called him monkey, so, if you don¡¯t treat him as a brother, what do you treat him as?
Maki: A monkey.
Kiyota: Yeaaaaargh! Sempai! I object!!
Maki: There he goes. He sounded like a monkey, for goodness¡¯ sake.
Kiyota: Kyaaah! Kyaaaah! [Still cackling like a monkey, why isn¡¯t he a real monkey?]
Jin: ^^;;
Sendoh: Speaking of which, we haven¡¯t talked about /your/ fics, Eddie.
Eddie: *Shrinks away* Don¡¯t give me that look, I wrote for the sake of writing¡ (??)
Sendoh: You owed me three lemon fics.
Eddie: No! I¡¯m only 14! Fourteen years old! If I write an NC-17 does it mean that I can¡¯t read my own fics?
Sendoh: But you never even wrote a lime.
Eddie: B..but ¡Close to verge of crying*
Rukawa: Do¡¯aho.
Eddie: Kaede! How could you! You called me Aho! *Burst out into floods of tears* I¡¯m so hurt!
Rukawa: Shut up.
[Eddie shuts up promptly.]
Rukawa: You owe me two, by the way.
^^;;
Fujima: You, you wrote me so green in ¡°Reactions¡±!
Eddie: But you are green anyway¡ I mean, you liked Green anyway, right?
Fujima: Right, but I object to being addressed as a Green-freak Reminds me of ¡ reminds me of¡
Eddie: ¡an overloaded Christmas tree.
Fujima: Exactly!
Eddie: *Looks away whistling nonchalantly*
-_______-;;
Mitsui: I demand more appearances.
Eddie: What do you want? You already have a whole fic to yourself!
Mitsui: With Ayako! *Feels Miyagi¡¯s death glare* See! You¡¯ve gotten me into deep s***!
Eddie: Language, Mitsui!
Mitsui: I don¡¯t care, you just write a f***ing new fic about me with your OC okay? A pretty one, that is, must have good figure and all.
Eddie: Yes, of course, Mitsui dear, and she will have large, pretty eyes¡
Mitsui: Yes!
Eddie: ¡luscious, kissable lips¡
Mitsui: Damn you are right! *Starts drooling*
Eddie: ¡and no brains.
Mitsui: What?!?!?
Sendoh: Once more, I must mention that you are extremely biased in your arrangement of speech especially since you always place my opinions at the very end of the fic. I demand an explanation.
Eddie: *Yawns* I can¡¯t be bothered. *Goes back to reading Petshop of Horrors fics* Goo¡ me wanna sleep.
Hana: Hey, that was my line. (Refer to fic Hi, Megane)
Eddie: I gave you the line, so by rights it¡¯s mine. *Yawns again* I really must sleep.
[Curtains fall. Audience throws in all rubbish in the place.]
[Looney tunes music play¡ that¡¯s all folks!]
Eddie
November 12, 2002
8.31pm