Author's not: I think this will be the last chapter (don't all rush to say
goodbye) I've written 2 endings for this fic. One is majorly angsty with a
carby ending and the other is not-so angsty. Please say which ending you
preferred. And remember R&R!
Whatever he did was mechanic. He didn't function properly, he didn't feel anything, not even pain. He went into the ER, he saw a few patients and then he went home. Or at least he went to the place he called home, he wasn't sure where his real home was anymore. At first people had been worried about him but as time went on they began to accept that he was never going to be like he was before.
Everywhere he went there were memories of her. In the hospital, on the El, Doc Magoos, everywhere. He just wanted to get away from it all, to start a new life, forget her. It made his heart break to think that. Forgetting her, he didn't want to do that, he couldn't. He couldn't move on like everyone was telling him to. He couldn't find someone else. He didn't want anyone else, he wanted her. He was sitting in the lounge, when Susan walked in. She looked at him, concerned and realised that she had to talk to him. She took a deep breath and began to speak, "Carter,"
"Yes Susan."
"Look, I know that this is all hard for you. But Carter you had half a year off and frankly everyone is worried about you. We all miss the old you."
"Look I'm sorry. I didn't want any of this to happen."
"I know, but you need to get on with life."
"I don't think I can."
"You have to try."
"You don't understand, everywhere I go has memories of her. I turn a corner and I see someone, a nurse maybe, who has the same hair, the same build as her and my heart leaps for a second. I convince myself that the past half year has been some sort of a wacky nightmare."
"Carter, you have to find a way to get over her. There is a way you just have to find it. Abby dies and we all lost you." He listened to those words, they reminded him of the harsh words he had said to his mother. The day he had seen Sobricki again and Abby had tried to protect him from seeing him. Every thought her had, everything people said could make him think of her. He had listened to Susan and he knew that he had found a way.
Ending number 1 (the not so angsty if slightly boring one):
He knew what he had to do and the first thing he had to do was talk to Weaver. He must have been very lucky that day because the first person to walk round the corner was indeed Weaver. He walked up to her, "Dr Weaver, I um , need to talk to you."
"I'm listening." She said, stopping what she was doing.
"Well, I need to tell you that. I'm leaving."
"What?"
"I'm leaving. Leaving County, leaving Chicago. Getting away."
"As of when?"
"As of now. My shift's over now. I'm out of here. I resign."
"Carter, look I know you've gone through a very hard time but I don't know if this is going to be the best thing for you."
"I just need to get away."
"Well if you're sure."
"I am."
"i guess this is goodbye."
"I guess it is. There's, um one other thing, could you not tell anyone. I don't want to have to deal with any emotional goodbyes."
"Of course."
He left the hospital to say goodbye to the one person he knew he would miss most. He parked his car and walked to her grave. At first he had had a hard time finding her grave, but after going there almost everyday he knew exactly where it was. He stood, looking at the earth that covered her coffin.
"I'm leaving." he said, talking to open air in front of him.
"Leaving Chicago. It's all because of you, I miss you so much. i don't know where I'm going, all I know that is I'm going away from here. I don't think I can stand this place for a minute longer. You understand, don't you? You know what it's like to feel suffocated. Well that's how I feel, like I can't breathe. I'll die if I stay here. You know that, I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry." He left on the grave a single red rose. And walked away from everything. To start a new life
[15 years later]
Carter sat outside his house, on the porch. Staring at the stars. He was married, he had three wonderful children. He pretended that he was happy, but he wasn't. Sure he loved his children, but every time he saw them he thought, what if they belonged to Abby? Would I love them more? He didn't really love his wife, Meg. About five years after leaving Chicago he met her and she understood his pain. She loved him, he was almost certain of that and he cared for her, he really did. But she would always come second to Abby. Frowning he went inside to tuck his youngest daughter, Allie into bed. She was four and extremely sweet. He tucked her in and she demanded that he tell her a bedtime story. He told her about a beautiful princess, called Abby. One day Abby met a prince called John and they became friends. He had always loved her, but her she was with another man. Well not exactly a man, an ogre. Anyways, eventually she became as in love with him as he was with her. But one day something terrible happened, the princess died and went to live with the angels in heaven. The prince eventually went and married another lady and had wonderful children but his heart was always with the princess.
His daughter was not happy with this ending. "That's not fair. that can't be the ending. The prince can't go and get married to some, slapper,"
"Allie!" he said, annoyed at what his step-son had been teaching her.
"What? That's what Dougie calls nasty women,"
"As I thought,"
"But anyway the prince can't marry.......someone else. They have to have a happy ending."
"Okay, well. One day the princess came back, because she wasn't really dead and promised to be with the prince for ever and ever."
"And they lived happily ever after?"
"In the land of nod. Which is where you should be, it's 9 o'clock!"
"night night daddy." He tucked her in and walked out the door. He saw his eight year old daughter standing in the door frame, hugging her teddy bear,
"I'm sorry you didn't get your princess daddy."
Ending number 2 (very angsty with a carby ending):
He wondered which way would be the best way to do it. He wanted it to be relatively painless, John Carter was no coward, but he didn't want to put himself through any unnecessary pain. Slitting his wrists would be overly painful and messy, hanging himself, well it might take a long time. Taking an overdose would be painless. He had some painkillers for his back in his bag, he could just take too many of them and he'd be gone. Just how many would be too many? The whole pack should do it, he thought to himself, bitterly. He had finished his shift and he grabbed his bag and went to Abby's old apartment. He had been there a few times since her death, mostly when he had wanted to think. Her stuff had been put in boxes but no one had moved the boxes. He went into her bathroom and looked into the mirror that was still hanging on the wall. He stared at his own reflection for a minute, his hair was ruffled and he looked untidy, as though he hadn't seen a comb in days, possibly weeks. He stopped thinking about his dishevelled appearance and reached into his bag for the painkillers.
He took all the pills out of the packet, put them into his mouth and swallowed. With each swallow about half a dozen pills went down his throat. He was sure about it, he had never been so sure about anything in his life. He couldn't live without her, he was sure of it. He swallowed one last time before the effects of the drugs began to kick in. He wondered if people would miss him, he wondered if anyone would be as sad as he had been about Abby's death, he wondered when someone would find him, he wondered if he was weak. He had taken the easy way out. Everybody mourns, but he couldn't deal with the grief and was killing himself. The true meaning of those words sunk in. Killing himself. Although to kill oneself you would have thought that you would need too be alive first. He wasn't alive, he was dead internally. He looked in the mirror again, doubling up with the gut wrenching twist of his stomach.
He could turn back, he could stick his fingers down his throat and regurgitate the pills. He could, but he wouldn't. He was doing this for Abby, as long as he kept telling himself that he would never turn back. The world spun around and faded away as his stomach twisted inside him one more time. John Carter was dead, inside and out.
He felt himself die, he felt the pain and he felt peace. He was standing in the middle of a crowded room and suddenly the crowds parted and he saw her. She was as beautiful as ever and she was alive. She walked towards him and he had to convince himself that she was real, it wasn't just some trick of his mind she was really there. She took his hand and talked to him, smiling.
"You didn't have to do this."
"I can't be without you Abby."
"you could have lived, your time would have come one day in many years and we would be together. This isn't your time John."
"I don't want you in however many years time, I want you now."
"I know the feeling." She smiled at him before leaning in to kiss him. The people in the room cheered, music played, fireworks went off. It was just like in one of those cheesy romance novels. But it wasn't a book, it was happening to them.
Authors note2: Aw, it's the end. I'll miss this fic. It's an angst in the midst of all the fuzz that I write and read.
luv ya guys
Carrie xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Whatever he did was mechanic. He didn't function properly, he didn't feel anything, not even pain. He went into the ER, he saw a few patients and then he went home. Or at least he went to the place he called home, he wasn't sure where his real home was anymore. At first people had been worried about him but as time went on they began to accept that he was never going to be like he was before.
Everywhere he went there were memories of her. In the hospital, on the El, Doc Magoos, everywhere. He just wanted to get away from it all, to start a new life, forget her. It made his heart break to think that. Forgetting her, he didn't want to do that, he couldn't. He couldn't move on like everyone was telling him to. He couldn't find someone else. He didn't want anyone else, he wanted her. He was sitting in the lounge, when Susan walked in. She looked at him, concerned and realised that she had to talk to him. She took a deep breath and began to speak, "Carter,"
"Yes Susan."
"Look, I know that this is all hard for you. But Carter you had half a year off and frankly everyone is worried about you. We all miss the old you."
"Look I'm sorry. I didn't want any of this to happen."
"I know, but you need to get on with life."
"I don't think I can."
"You have to try."
"You don't understand, everywhere I go has memories of her. I turn a corner and I see someone, a nurse maybe, who has the same hair, the same build as her and my heart leaps for a second. I convince myself that the past half year has been some sort of a wacky nightmare."
"Carter, you have to find a way to get over her. There is a way you just have to find it. Abby dies and we all lost you." He listened to those words, they reminded him of the harsh words he had said to his mother. The day he had seen Sobricki again and Abby had tried to protect him from seeing him. Every thought her had, everything people said could make him think of her. He had listened to Susan and he knew that he had found a way.
Ending number 1 (the not so angsty if slightly boring one):
He knew what he had to do and the first thing he had to do was talk to Weaver. He must have been very lucky that day because the first person to walk round the corner was indeed Weaver. He walked up to her, "Dr Weaver, I um , need to talk to you."
"I'm listening." She said, stopping what she was doing.
"Well, I need to tell you that. I'm leaving."
"What?"
"I'm leaving. Leaving County, leaving Chicago. Getting away."
"As of when?"
"As of now. My shift's over now. I'm out of here. I resign."
"Carter, look I know you've gone through a very hard time but I don't know if this is going to be the best thing for you."
"I just need to get away."
"Well if you're sure."
"I am."
"i guess this is goodbye."
"I guess it is. There's, um one other thing, could you not tell anyone. I don't want to have to deal with any emotional goodbyes."
"Of course."
He left the hospital to say goodbye to the one person he knew he would miss most. He parked his car and walked to her grave. At first he had had a hard time finding her grave, but after going there almost everyday he knew exactly where it was. He stood, looking at the earth that covered her coffin.
"I'm leaving." he said, talking to open air in front of him.
"Leaving Chicago. It's all because of you, I miss you so much. i don't know where I'm going, all I know that is I'm going away from here. I don't think I can stand this place for a minute longer. You understand, don't you? You know what it's like to feel suffocated. Well that's how I feel, like I can't breathe. I'll die if I stay here. You know that, I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry." He left on the grave a single red rose. And walked away from everything. To start a new life
[15 years later]
Carter sat outside his house, on the porch. Staring at the stars. He was married, he had three wonderful children. He pretended that he was happy, but he wasn't. Sure he loved his children, but every time he saw them he thought, what if they belonged to Abby? Would I love them more? He didn't really love his wife, Meg. About five years after leaving Chicago he met her and she understood his pain. She loved him, he was almost certain of that and he cared for her, he really did. But she would always come second to Abby. Frowning he went inside to tuck his youngest daughter, Allie into bed. She was four and extremely sweet. He tucked her in and she demanded that he tell her a bedtime story. He told her about a beautiful princess, called Abby. One day Abby met a prince called John and they became friends. He had always loved her, but her she was with another man. Well not exactly a man, an ogre. Anyways, eventually she became as in love with him as he was with her. But one day something terrible happened, the princess died and went to live with the angels in heaven. The prince eventually went and married another lady and had wonderful children but his heart was always with the princess.
His daughter was not happy with this ending. "That's not fair. that can't be the ending. The prince can't go and get married to some, slapper,"
"Allie!" he said, annoyed at what his step-son had been teaching her.
"What? That's what Dougie calls nasty women,"
"As I thought,"
"But anyway the prince can't marry.......someone else. They have to have a happy ending."
"Okay, well. One day the princess came back, because she wasn't really dead and promised to be with the prince for ever and ever."
"And they lived happily ever after?"
"In the land of nod. Which is where you should be, it's 9 o'clock!"
"night night daddy." He tucked her in and walked out the door. He saw his eight year old daughter standing in the door frame, hugging her teddy bear,
"I'm sorry you didn't get your princess daddy."
Ending number 2 (very angsty with a carby ending):
He wondered which way would be the best way to do it. He wanted it to be relatively painless, John Carter was no coward, but he didn't want to put himself through any unnecessary pain. Slitting his wrists would be overly painful and messy, hanging himself, well it might take a long time. Taking an overdose would be painless. He had some painkillers for his back in his bag, he could just take too many of them and he'd be gone. Just how many would be too many? The whole pack should do it, he thought to himself, bitterly. He had finished his shift and he grabbed his bag and went to Abby's old apartment. He had been there a few times since her death, mostly when he had wanted to think. Her stuff had been put in boxes but no one had moved the boxes. He went into her bathroom and looked into the mirror that was still hanging on the wall. He stared at his own reflection for a minute, his hair was ruffled and he looked untidy, as though he hadn't seen a comb in days, possibly weeks. He stopped thinking about his dishevelled appearance and reached into his bag for the painkillers.
He took all the pills out of the packet, put them into his mouth and swallowed. With each swallow about half a dozen pills went down his throat. He was sure about it, he had never been so sure about anything in his life. He couldn't live without her, he was sure of it. He swallowed one last time before the effects of the drugs began to kick in. He wondered if people would miss him, he wondered if anyone would be as sad as he had been about Abby's death, he wondered when someone would find him, he wondered if he was weak. He had taken the easy way out. Everybody mourns, but he couldn't deal with the grief and was killing himself. The true meaning of those words sunk in. Killing himself. Although to kill oneself you would have thought that you would need too be alive first. He wasn't alive, he was dead internally. He looked in the mirror again, doubling up with the gut wrenching twist of his stomach.
He could turn back, he could stick his fingers down his throat and regurgitate the pills. He could, but he wouldn't. He was doing this for Abby, as long as he kept telling himself that he would never turn back. The world spun around and faded away as his stomach twisted inside him one more time. John Carter was dead, inside and out.
He felt himself die, he felt the pain and he felt peace. He was standing in the middle of a crowded room and suddenly the crowds parted and he saw her. She was as beautiful as ever and she was alive. She walked towards him and he had to convince himself that she was real, it wasn't just some trick of his mind she was really there. She took his hand and talked to him, smiling.
"You didn't have to do this."
"I can't be without you Abby."
"you could have lived, your time would have come one day in many years and we would be together. This isn't your time John."
"I don't want you in however many years time, I want you now."
"I know the feeling." She smiled at him before leaning in to kiss him. The people in the room cheered, music played, fireworks went off. It was just like in one of those cheesy romance novels. But it wasn't a book, it was happening to them.
Authors note2: Aw, it's the end. I'll miss this fic. It's an angst in the midst of all the fuzz that I write and read.
luv ya guys
Carrie xxxxxxxxxxxxx