When Aphrodite finally decided it was safe to leave Joxer alone in the House of Love the first thing she did was head straight to her brother's throne room. She hadn't put all the details together yet, but she had a pretty good idea of why Ares had suddenly taken such an interest in Joxer's life. The big question was how far back her brother's feelings for the mortal went, and whether or not Ares was going to tell her himself or make her go wade through the records in the Halls of Time. Of course she could always send Strife to do her research for her, but it would make all their lives easier if Ares just told her the truth. Besides, she had a feeling he'd feel a lot better once he finally said it all out loud.
"Ares," she called into the silence of the Halls of War, probing the emptiness with her consciousness as she searched for her brother's signature. Just as she settled on Ares' presence in his bedroom he shifted, and a dizzying second later he appeared in front of her. She crossed her arms over her chest and stuck out her bottom lip in a pout, doing her best imitation of Ares' formidable glare. "I hate it when you move while I'm trying to find you, it makes my head spin."
"You called me," he reminded her, no quite managing to swallow a sigh as he crossed to his throne and sank heavily onto the stone seat. "What do you want?"
"I want to know how long you're planning to let this go on." She held up a hand when he opened his mouth, effectively silencing Ares in a way few people had ever witnessed. "Don't even try to deny it, I know you too well."
"You don't know what you're talking about."
Aphrodite let out a weary sigh and crossed to Ares' throne, conjuring a white love seat that looked more than a little out of place amid the black and gray decor. She tucked her feet under her legs as she took a seat, leaning on the armrest to gaze up at her brother. "I can see this is going to take awhile. You know I can just go find out the truth in the Halls of Time, so you might as well spill it. I think I've figured out most of it, the only part I haven't worked out is how you hid from me that you were in love. I mean really, bro, you could've come to me for help."
"I don't need any help," he growled, sparing a glance in her direction that he hoped was more menacing than it felt. "There's nothing to tell, 'Dite. Just be grateful I rescued your little mortal before he damaged himself beyond even Asclepius' help."
"You didn't rescue Joxie on my account, and you can just forget about trying to convince me otherwise. But if you won't tell me the truth that's fine. I'll just go ask Joxer some more questions about his little friend Timo and see if we can't get to the bottom of this." She stood up and turned her back to Ares, not even flinching when the statue closest to her exploded into a pile of rubble. "Temper, temper, Arry. Trash your place if you want, but it's not going to make you feel any better and you know it."
Once she'd waved a hand and righted the statue she turned to face him again, hands on her hips. "If you can't talk to me at least go talk to Joxie. You've broken his heart twice now, don't you think that's enough for one lifetime?"
"I didn't break his heart, he broke…" Ares stopped in mid-sentence and snapped his jaw shut, eyes narrowing dangerously. "That was a dirty trick."
"I know, Strife's been hanging around a lot. Must be rubbing off." She grinned unrepentantly and bounced across the room, looping her arm through his and tugging him over to her loveseat. He muttered something under his breath about pushy family members but let her pull him down next to her, his elbows resting on his knees as he buried his head in his hands.
He tensed when Aphrodite reached out and began rubbing soothing circles on his back, but he didn't try to blast her or anything so she took that as a sign that he didn't really mind. "It's too late," he murmured roughly into his hands, his voice muffled as he resolutely refused to look at her.
"It's never too late for true love, I should know." Aphrodite sighed and pulled her hand away from his back to turn toward him, gently tugging on his wrists until he uncovered his face and looked over at her. "It's not too late, bro. You've got a captive audience, he's right there at my place with nothing to do but stare at the walls and think about you. Only he thinks you're dead, and that's not fair to either of you."
"It's the only way." His voice was still rough and she could tell he was trying not to show how miserable he was, but she knew him better than almost anyone and she knew how hard it was for him not to flash into her temple, grab Joxer in his arms, and take him away somewhere where no one would ever be able to hurt either of them again. The love goddess in her cheered at that notion, but the sister felt every ounce of his heartbreak and fear.
"He'll understand, Ar. You just sit him down and you explain to him how it happened. You just start at the beginning and you make him understand. I'll help you."
Ares closed his eyes to shut out the pity that was clear in his sister's expression. He couldn't stand for anyone to look at him that way, and coming from the person he'd always been closest to it was even harder to take. Pity was something no one had ever wasted on War, and there was a good reason for that. He couldn't afford to have people feeling sorry for him, to know his vulnerabilities and use them against him. For most of his existence he hadn't had a vulnerability for anyone to take advantage of, and for the past fifteen years he'd kept his one dark secret carefully guarded from the world. He should have known Aphrodite would guess, he should have taken steps to make sure she didn't link him to Timo in any way.
What could he have done in the end, though, aside from standing by and letting Joxer's father have his son killed? Just the thought of that made his heart clench painfully in his chest, and he found himself breathless and blinking back tears for the first time since he found that note in the woods fifteen years ago. "No," he ground out between clenched teeth, standing up and pulling away from Aphrodite a little more aggressively than he needed to. "It's done. He can't ever know, Dite. He won't understand."
"If there's one thing Joxer is, it's understanding. And talk about forgiving – look at what he puts up with from Xena and that nitwit friend of hers. Not to mention the embarrassment he suffers just because he's not a great fighter like Herc the Jerk. Joxie's a lover, and he's the most understanding guy on that whole miserable planet. So don't blame this on him, because you know I'm not buying it."
He let out a frustrated sigh and turned his back on her, crossing his arms over his chest as he stared at the wall across from him. Smashing the statue hadn't done anything to make him feel better, but even though he knew that part of him felt like destroying everything that had the misfortune to cross his path. He couldn't lash out at the situation, but that didn't stop him from wanting to lash out at everything and everyone that dared to look at him.
The worst part was that he knew she was right. Joxer was the most gentle, understanding person he'd ever met, and he'd known a lot of gods and mortals in the centuries since he'd come into existence. The chances of even Joxer understanding why Ares had lied to him all those years ago, though…the risk was just too great, he'd already lost Joxer once and he wasn't sure he could stand to lose him again. "It's too late," he whispered, more to himself than to his sister. "There have been too many lies."
"Maybe." She shrugged when he turned to glare at her again and closed the distance between them, laying an elegant hand on his strong arm and resting her head on his shoulder. "But maybe it's not. You don't know until you try, bro. And if you don't Joxie's gonna spend the rest of his life miserable, thinking the love of his life is dead."
"The love of his life never even existed." The words sounded bitter, and even Ares was surprised to hear the misery ringing clear in his voice.
"You're real, Ares. So you go by a different name now, what's the big deal?" She grinning hopefully up at him, laughing when he shook his head and tried not to smile back at her. "See, it's not so bad."
As soon as she said it his smile faded, but he pulled away more gently this time, crossing the room to throw himself down on his throne again. "This isn't one of your spells, Dite. You can't just wave your hand and clean up the mess."
"Actually…" She stopped when he narrowed his eyes at her, holding her hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay, no helping. It's not like I can give him a little nudge anyway, he's already so far gone over you that I could work off his energy alone for weeks. I mean he doesn't know it's you, but you know what I mean. I could kind of give him a few hints, though, sort of push him in the right direction. Kind of open him up to the idea that maybe his little friend wasn't exactly what he appeared to be…"
"Dite."
She stopped talking abruptly at the sound of her name, letting out an indignant huff when he shook his head at her. "Fine. Just answer one question for me then."
He rolled his eyes and did his best to look put out, sprawling a little lower in his throne as he waited for her to ask whatever she was going to ask. "What?"
"How'd all this get started? I mean it's not like Joxie's usually your type."
Ares closed his eyes and leaned back against the cool, soothing stone supporting his back, realizing for the first time what mortals must mean when they talked about 'having a headache'. The question was a lot easier to answer than some other questions she could have asked, though, so after a moment he forced his eyes open and looked at her again.
"He was just a child when I first noticed him. He came to my temple, I assume to run away from that miserable excuse for a father of his. My priest laughed at him and tossed him out, of course – who could blame him, really, he was such a tiny little thing. His clothes just hung there on him as though there was nothing to him, he was all skin and bones and crazy angles. A lot like Strife, only without the lunatic edge."
He stopped long enough to grin at the physical similarities between ten-year-old Joxer and his nephew, glancing at Aphrodite long enough to see that she was smiling too before he continued. "Mostly I was just curious what a kid his age would want with a Temple of War, but I figured if I appeared before him as myself I'd just frighten the daylights out of him. So I disguised myself as a child and spoke to him. It was his bravery that struck me first, then his intelligence and later his sheer joy in life despite the miserable conditions he grew up in. I started keeping an eye out for him and whenever he showed up at my temple I'd go visit him. At first I told myself I was just keeping an eye on him, that he needed someone to look after him."
When he paused again his eyes took on a far-off cast, as though he was seeing some memory that was just a little more vivid than the others. "I didn't even know I'd fallen in love with him until he kissed me the first time. It was so clumsy and awkward, but coming from him it was so honest that it took me completely by surprise. He was fourteen. Too young, and I knew I should have walked away then but I couldn't bring myself to abandon him. I'd known him for four years, he'd become my whole reason for being and I never realized it until it was too late. For all he knew I was as young and inexperienced as he was, and I let him believe it. How is he going to forgive that?"
Dite felt his heartbreak from halfway across the room, but she knew it wouldn't do her any good to go to him. There was only one person that could heal the years of blame and torture he'd put himself through, and nothing could make Ares tell Joxer the truth except his own conscience. She could tell Joxer himself but she knew that would just make things worse, and she loved them both too much to give them that kind of pain on top of everything else they'd suffered.
Instead of answering she crossed the room, stopping next to his throne and leaning down to place a gentle kiss on his cheek. She knew he'd feel the healing spell she sent along with the kiss, but with any luck he wouldn't mind so much. It wouldn't take away all his pain; nothing could do that, but it would ease his heartache just a little. At least long enough for her to figure out a way to fix this for both of them, because she was fairly certain now that they weren't going to fix it for themselves.
~
Xena poked idly at the fire, watching smoke rise in lazy wisps without really focusing on her surroundings. She'd barely noticed the last fingers of sunlight sinking below the horizon as she sat and brooded in silence, her head too filled with worries about Joxer to focus on anything around her. Even Gabrielle was unusually quiet; she'd given up wondering aloud where Joxer had gotten to the day before, and now she was taking her lead from Xena's uneasy silence.
It wasn't really fair of her to make her companion so uncomfortable; after all, if Gabrielle's way of dealing with her worry over Joxer was to talk about it then Xena should at least pretend to listen. She couldn't bring herself to start a conversation, though, and when Gabrielle took a seat on the bedroll next to hers she barely glanced up from the fire.
"Do you think he's really in trouble?"
The sound of the voice she'd grown so used to over the past few years sent a wave of guilt through Xena, and she sighed and looked over at her best friend. "I don't know, Gabrielle. I hope not. There's something going on with him, though, I can feel it. First the nightmares, then Cupid and Strife showed up looking for him a few days before he disappeared."
"Cupid and Strife? Why didn't you tell me?"
"You were asleep," Xena answered, wincing at the vaguely accusatory tone in the other woman's voice. "I didn't think anything of it at the time, they said something about Dite. You know how she's always fawning over Joxer, I figured it was just the gods being bored. When they never came back I forgot about it, but now I wonder if they knew something."
"Can't you just ask them? I mean Cupid's your brother, sort of."
Xena smiled at Gabrielle's brief expression of distaste, finally relaxing a little for the first time since Joxer disappeared. "I guess I was hoping we'd have found him by now so I wouldn't have to ask them."
Gabrielle nodded her understanding, and Xena found herself grateful all over again that her friend knew her so well. It was refreshing not to have to explain why she didn't like having to summon any of the immortal members of her family; it was still difficult to accept that she was Ares' daughter and acknowledging her connection to the gods made her uncomfortable.
"So you think Joxer's disappearance has something to do with his nightmares?"
"I'm not sure. But when he woke up that morning he said something to me…something about not wasting opportunities. He said the dream was about someone he hadn't thought of in a long time, then he said I shouldn't pass up my chance at happiness."
"What did he mean by that?"
Xena was grateful for the darkness so Gabrielle wouldn't see her blush as she forced herself to meet the other woman's gaze. She could have told herself she was imagining the barely disguised hope shining in her friend's eyes, but she'd known Gabrielle long enough to know that she wore her emotions on her sleeve. Before she could stop herself and remind herself of all the reasons this was a bad idea she found herself leaning forward, Gabrielle's breath warming her cheek as she inched even closer.
The moment their lips brushed a sigh registered in the darkness; at first Xena thought it came from Gabrielle, but when she felt the tell-tale tension that came along with the presence of one of her family members she let out a growl and pulled away. As soon as she looked up she found herself staring back at Cupid, a mischievous grin lighting up his features.
"You've been spending too much time with Strife," she ground out through clenched teeth.
"I heard that." A second after the voice rang out Strife stepped out of the darkness, grinning maniacally at the couple huddled together in front of the fire. "Ya make it sound like a bad thing, cuz."
She rolled her eyes, ignoring Strife's mock-pout as she turned her attention back to the more sane of the pair. "I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but I'm glad to see you. Do either of you have any idea what happened to Joxer? He was traveling with us and a few days ago he just vanished. We've looked for him everywhere but no one's seen him."
"That's why we're here," Cupid answered. He cast a meaningfully glance at the shell-shocked blonde still sitting next to Xena, for once stunned into speechlessness. "Sorry about the timing. Glad to see you two finally got it together, though. Mom and I were starting to give up hope."
"What was it you were saying about Joxer?" Xena asked, her tone letting him know that her love life was strictly off limits, and if he didn't drop it she was going to do her best to make him regret it.
Cupid chuckled fondly at the almost-threat and let out a dramatic sigh. "Fine, fine, don't want my help. I'm only your brother, not to mention a professional…" He trailed off and glanced over at her, his shoulders slumping when he realized she wasn't going to budge. "Okay, okay. Mom sent me to tell you not to worry about Joxer. He's with her."
When Xena opened her mouth to protest he held up a hand, effectively silencing her with a earnest look that she rarely saw on the god of love. She knew he wasn't as big an airhead as everyone made him out to be, but it was rare to see her brother serious so she knew when to back down and let him have his say.
"He's going through some…stuff. I don't think I should tell you what, it's kinda his place to decide if he wants you to know. But he's okay, Mom just thought he could use a little R&R." At Xena's blank look he rolled his eyes and glanced at Strife, the two gods shaking their heads in unison before they turned back to her.
"Ya know, R&R. Rest, relaxation…geez, cuz, ya work too hard. Bet ya could use a little vacation yerself. Sure ya don't wanna come back with us? Jox could stand the company while we're all workin', and I bet Unc'd be glad ta see ya. Not so sure 'bout her, though." Strife glanced pointedly at Gabrielle, smirking when she snapped out of her shock long enough to glare at him.
"So Joxer's on…vacation. On Olympus."
"Yeah." Cupid shrugged as though that sort of thing happened every day. Olympus did seem like a great place to get away from it all, but Xena was pretty sure they weren't going to start selling vacation packages to the homes of the gods any time soon. "We'll bring him back safe and sound when he's ready."
"I have your word that he's not being harmed?"
A heavy sigh escaped Cupid's throat as he took a few steps closer to the fire. "Come on, Xena, you know you can trust us. Nobody wants to hurt the guy."
Xena nodded, suddenly feeling a little sheepish for accusing her family of having ulterior motives while they were trying to help her friend. "As long as he's there of his own free will."
"Totally his decision. Mom'll bring him back when he's ready." He turned as though he was going to leave, then thought better of it and looked at his sister again. "One more thing. I'm supposed to thank you for looking out for Jox all this time. Mom says you've been a real good friend to him, and since he's one of her special projects she wants you to know she appreciates it."
"He's our friend," Xena said, her forehead furrowed as she wondered why the gods had suddenly taken such an interest in Joxer. She knew even if she asked she wouldn't get a straight answer, though, so she was going to have to be content with the knowledge that Joxer was safe and ask him for details when he got back.
"Yeah, well that doesn't mean as much to some people as you'd think." Cupid smiled grimly, settling back into the arm that Strife slung around his shoulders. "Mom's calling, I better go see what she wants. See ya, sis."
When Cupid and Strife rematerialized in the Halls of Love they found Aphrodite pacing again, one hand pressed against her lips as she muttered to herself. It was such an unusual picture that for a moment they just stood there and watched her pace, but finally she looked up and started when she realized she wasn't alone anymore.
"Geez, Cupe, don't sneak up on a girl like that. I swear Strife's rubbing off on you."
"That's the idea, Aunt 'Dite," Strife said, grinning as Cupid chuckled and wrapped an arm around his waist.
She dismissed the joke with an absent wave of her hand, glancing down the hall in the direction of her guestrooms before she turned back to the two younger gods. "Did you see Xena?"
"Yeah. I feel kinda bad, we showed up right when she was about to plant one on Blondie finally. From the rush I got I could tell it was their first kiss, too."
For a moment Aphrodite's eyes lit up, and Cupid grinned as he watched his mother pick up on the residual energy. "I thought I felt something. Well good for them, it's nice to see things working out for somebody."
"Jox still brooding about his lost love?"
"Ya know, Aunt 'Dite," Strife interjected before his aunt got a chance to answer, "I been thinkin' 'bout that, and I don't think this Timo kid's near as dead as Unc wants us ta believe. I don't think he's near as mortal as Unc wants us ta believe, either."
Cupid frowned at first his cousin, then his mother as her eyes lit up and she swooped down on the dark-haired god. She grabbed Strife, pulling him away from Cupid long enough to plant a resounding kiss on his cheek. "I knew you were smarter than everybody gave you credit for," she said, her hands on Strife's cheeks as she grinned back at him. When she released him again he took an involuntary step backwards, and Cupid had to catch him around the waist to keep him from losing his balance. He made a mental note to find out who'd been calling his lover dumb and make sure they regretted it; he was the son of War, after all, and no matter what his own godhood entailed he wasn't going to let anybody talk about Strife that way.
"Am I missing something?" he asked when he was sure Strife was over the shock of Aphrodite's sudden burst of pride.
"We've all been missing something, Cupe," his mother answered, her eyes still shining as she stole another glance over her shoulder and dropped her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "Now here's what we're going to do to fix it…"