Disclaimer: Hey I don't actually have a disclaimer I am just here to
remind you that I am still annoying.
A/N: Minka has a gun to my head, I'm at her house and it is large and confusing and I don't know they way out. She has kept me here for seven days and nights with only a chicken carcass to feed on. And my water dish is empty.
The Hobbit bridesmaids had lost their way to the wedding.
'Is this all we ever do anymore,' Samwise complained 'Make appearances at weddings.'
He promptly tripped over his dress.
'Well,' said Frodo, reading the map upside down 'It's that way I think?'
'Onwards,' said Pippin and Merry right before they too fell over their dresses.
**********************************
The new Elf in the picture walked up to the castle. He had been called upon to track down the Elf that had been previously, caged, drugged, stroked and romped in the bushes. Walking up he knocked on the drawbridge we proceed to fall almost on top of him. He carefully stepped over the fallen timber and let himself politely into the castle.
'Hello?' he called 'Anybody there?'
No answer. He carefully made his way to the castle and went in search of the throne room as this is where royalty usually hangs out.
He found the throne room and as he entered a scrubbing sound filled his ears. He looked up to see a cage hanging above the middle throne will a dwarf in an apron scrubbing up and down.
'Hello there small and hairy one. Can you tell me how to fin the Queen Minka?'
'Out' he replied.
'Okay then. Do you know where?'
'I said. Out.'
'Kay then', and with that he gave up talking to the dwarf.
He walked up to the thrones and on the middle one lay a piece of parchment that said "Gone huntin'. It's Elf season you know.'
'Hhhmmmm.'
To his pointy ears came a small whimpering sound that seem to come from just behind the thrones.
'Hello there?'
Ceridwyn and Hiyami poked their heads out.
'Are you to okay,' he asked "do you know where Queen Minka is?'
'Out,' said Hiyami.
'Yes, out,' agreed the other.
The Elf sighed. It was going to be one of those days.
'I gathered that much but do you know where?'
'Hunting,' said Hiyami.
'Didn't you read the note?' asked Cerridwyn.
He shook his head.
'Let's try something vague then,' he told them 'Where wouldn't I find Queen Minka?'
'Well you wouldn't find her,' and they list every place that they could think of that Minka wasn't.
'Okay then. I think I can work it out for myself now,' he looked up and waved to Gimli in a cage 'Bye short man.'
'Bye, You?'
'Bye, Secondary Queens,' he gave a little wave.
'Bye, You?'
He rolled his eyes and left to find the Queen Minka.
*********************************
'Hello there, Teague.'
'Hello? Who are you?'
'I'm the personal torturer that Minka ordered.'
'Why would Minka order me a torturer?'
'Because she hates you.'
'Oh,' Teague's shoulders slumped.
'So then. How about we start with the thumb screws, aye?'
****************************************
The wedding was a quick one considering I couldn't be bothered writing about it. Flowers, rice, Hobbit bridesmaids. You know the drill. They skipped off into a Hawaiian sunset only to realize it was painted on to a brick wall. You think these characters would learn. After they placed band aids on the smooshed noses they flittered away onwards toward their honeymoon which was located somewhere else in the forest.
The Hobbit bridesmaids finished off the food that was left and headed over to the next wedding procession.
*******************************
At was at this time that a thought popped into the head of the Care Bear Queen. She stopped fighting with Figwit and left him dazed on the floor. She looked at the Author and Gandalf rolling around trying to kill each other.
'Hey,' she screamed 'Why are we bothering to do this anymore if nobodies looking at us?'
They stopped and looked at her.
'Good point,' agreed Gandalf as he stood up and walked away 'I won anyways.'
'No you didn't,' the author disagreed, getting back into the computer seat 'I did. Thank you. Xena.'
'That's alright,' said Xena and she too walked off.
'Good,' The Care Bear Queen said to herself as she picked p Figwit and slung him over her shoulder. 'Guess it's time to find the others now. Hmm, I wonder where my sister is?' She too walked off.
*****************************************
The new Elf on the block was walking through the forest with the only thing to guide being the useless advice of a couple of stupid secondary queens and a dwarf in a cage. Why he was caring a dwarf in a cage is unknown but I sure if you stick around I will think of a reason later (considering he left the castle alone I'm sure it won't be very good, so don't get your hopes up).
'Cleaning a cage, cleaning a cage,' Gimli sang.
'Shuddup,' the Elf and he rattled the cage.
'Hey, why does Minka want you anyways,' he looked suspiciously through his beard at him 'You aren't trying to steal her from me are you cause back off, she's mine.'
'I've got a job to do is all,' the Elf replied 'Plus I've never seen her anyway.'
'She can only be described as Minka,' Gimli explained.
'Gee, that's helpful,' the Elf said, once again rolling his eyes 'Anyways if you have nothing to say then stay quiet.'
Gimli gave him the finger and the Elf rattled the cage again. They wandered on in silence for another twenty minutes or so, a long twenty minutes because Gimli kept suggesting that they develop a Minka detector out of toothpicks, in silence. Eventually they came to a stop.
'Why did we stop here,' asked Gimli.
'This is the place that Minka is supposed to be,' the Elf explained 'She should be around her somewhere.'
The Elf let Gimli out of the cage so he could help look for the Queen.
'Found her,' cried Gimli.
'No. That's a rock.'
'Oh,' but it looked Minkarish so he wrote Minka on it and pocketed it anyway.
'Found her,' he cried again.
'No, that's a squirrel,' and he watched in dismay as Gimli tied it up, put a nametag that said Minka on it and shoved it in his pocket.
'Dwarfs are weird,' the Elf said.
'I don't speak for my kind,' Gimli replied.
The Elf had had just about enough and an idea came into his head. He picked up a leaf.
'Look dwarves, this leaf is Minka,' he blew away it in the wind.
'Comeback, my Queen,' and he chased it off into the distance and disappeared behind a tree.
The wind was pushed from his lungs as something grabbed him around the middle.
'Elrohir,' a slightly deranged voice called.
He looked down and saw that the person holding his waist looked kind of Minkarish so he thought he might see if this was her.
'Queen Minka?'
'Yes my Elrohir,' she didn't look up.
'Can you let go?'
'No. My last elfy let and I can't find him.'
'Isn't that what I'm here for? You hired me as a tracked, right?'
'No. Just to get you here. Now you mine.'
He looked down at her and with a kick he pushed her away and went flying into a tree. She got up and shook her head now that some sense had been knocked into her. She glared at him and walked straight up to him.
'Don't you push me. I'm a Queen you know.'
'Don't hug me then. I'm a tracker you know. I don't do any extra stuff,' they were both yelling at each other.
'Well then track then.'
'What am I tracking?'
She had to think about his for a moment 'Oh. That's right. Legolas.'
'Legolas?'
'Yes. He has been bad so I need you to find him so I can punish him.'
'Hhhmmmmmmm,' feeling uncomfortable he decided to do this as fast as he could so he could leave.
He walked off and Minka had just turned around to head back to the castle when she walked into a two headed creature.
'What the hell are you?' she cried.
'We,' Mir answered in a dignified manner 'Are the son's the Steward of Gondor.'
'Whatever,' said Minka and pushed them over and walked away.
'Hey,' came a cry from behind 'Don't push Mir.'
'Who the hell are you?' Minka exclaimed.
'I'm Typo Girl.'
"When did the author add all these extra characters on me?'
'Just because you're ignorant don't blame it on the author.'
'This is my story now,' she screamed 'Didn't you read the Author's Note?'
'Well then, if you have the author captive shouldn't you know about the other characters in the story?'
'No. They're not me so they're not important.' Minka was very satisfied with that answer.
'What happened to your little efly then. Wasn't he important to you?'
'Not anymore. I have a new elfy now. It's Elrohir, the cuter of the perfectly identical twins.'
'Has anyone ever even seen a picture of him?'
'What's your point?'
'Jeese,' she shook her head 'What a lunatic.'
'Screw you guys, I'm going home,' and Minka left.
Typo helped up Mir and they began to walk away.
'Come on. We have to find some people for my plan.'
'You have a plan?'
'Quiet you,' and they both walked off into the forest.
*******************************
Since I'm back in control now I must tell you that I was forced to write this by Minka. She had her muses with knives watching my every move so I had to give her Elrohir and Give her more time. I am totally serious. This is not a joke. Other people will have more time next chapter. If you can't tell this is the longest chapter for either Figwit or Aragorn that I have ever written. You have permission to be proud of me. Until next time.
A/N: Minka has a gun to my head, I'm at her house and it is large and confusing and I don't know they way out. She has kept me here for seven days and nights with only a chicken carcass to feed on. And my water dish is empty.
The Hobbit bridesmaids had lost their way to the wedding.
'Is this all we ever do anymore,' Samwise complained 'Make appearances at weddings.'
He promptly tripped over his dress.
'Well,' said Frodo, reading the map upside down 'It's that way I think?'
'Onwards,' said Pippin and Merry right before they too fell over their dresses.
**********************************
The new Elf in the picture walked up to the castle. He had been called upon to track down the Elf that had been previously, caged, drugged, stroked and romped in the bushes. Walking up he knocked on the drawbridge we proceed to fall almost on top of him. He carefully stepped over the fallen timber and let himself politely into the castle.
'Hello?' he called 'Anybody there?'
No answer. He carefully made his way to the castle and went in search of the throne room as this is where royalty usually hangs out.
He found the throne room and as he entered a scrubbing sound filled his ears. He looked up to see a cage hanging above the middle throne will a dwarf in an apron scrubbing up and down.
'Hello there small and hairy one. Can you tell me how to fin the Queen Minka?'
'Out' he replied.
'Okay then. Do you know where?'
'I said. Out.'
'Kay then', and with that he gave up talking to the dwarf.
He walked up to the thrones and on the middle one lay a piece of parchment that said "Gone huntin'. It's Elf season you know.'
'Hhhmmmm.'
To his pointy ears came a small whimpering sound that seem to come from just behind the thrones.
'Hello there?'
Ceridwyn and Hiyami poked their heads out.
'Are you to okay,' he asked "do you know where Queen Minka is?'
'Out,' said Hiyami.
'Yes, out,' agreed the other.
The Elf sighed. It was going to be one of those days.
'I gathered that much but do you know where?'
'Hunting,' said Hiyami.
'Didn't you read the note?' asked Cerridwyn.
He shook his head.
'Let's try something vague then,' he told them 'Where wouldn't I find Queen Minka?'
'Well you wouldn't find her,' and they list every place that they could think of that Minka wasn't.
'Okay then. I think I can work it out for myself now,' he looked up and waved to Gimli in a cage 'Bye short man.'
'Bye, You?'
'Bye, Secondary Queens,' he gave a little wave.
'Bye, You?'
He rolled his eyes and left to find the Queen Minka.
*********************************
'Hello there, Teague.'
'Hello? Who are you?'
'I'm the personal torturer that Minka ordered.'
'Why would Minka order me a torturer?'
'Because she hates you.'
'Oh,' Teague's shoulders slumped.
'So then. How about we start with the thumb screws, aye?'
****************************************
The wedding was a quick one considering I couldn't be bothered writing about it. Flowers, rice, Hobbit bridesmaids. You know the drill. They skipped off into a Hawaiian sunset only to realize it was painted on to a brick wall. You think these characters would learn. After they placed band aids on the smooshed noses they flittered away onwards toward their honeymoon which was located somewhere else in the forest.
The Hobbit bridesmaids finished off the food that was left and headed over to the next wedding procession.
*******************************
At was at this time that a thought popped into the head of the Care Bear Queen. She stopped fighting with Figwit and left him dazed on the floor. She looked at the Author and Gandalf rolling around trying to kill each other.
'Hey,' she screamed 'Why are we bothering to do this anymore if nobodies looking at us?'
They stopped and looked at her.
'Good point,' agreed Gandalf as he stood up and walked away 'I won anyways.'
'No you didn't,' the author disagreed, getting back into the computer seat 'I did. Thank you. Xena.'
'That's alright,' said Xena and she too walked off.
'Good,' The Care Bear Queen said to herself as she picked p Figwit and slung him over her shoulder. 'Guess it's time to find the others now. Hmm, I wonder where my sister is?' She too walked off.
*****************************************
The new Elf on the block was walking through the forest with the only thing to guide being the useless advice of a couple of stupid secondary queens and a dwarf in a cage. Why he was caring a dwarf in a cage is unknown but I sure if you stick around I will think of a reason later (considering he left the castle alone I'm sure it won't be very good, so don't get your hopes up).
'Cleaning a cage, cleaning a cage,' Gimli sang.
'Shuddup,' the Elf and he rattled the cage.
'Hey, why does Minka want you anyways,' he looked suspiciously through his beard at him 'You aren't trying to steal her from me are you cause back off, she's mine.'
'I've got a job to do is all,' the Elf replied 'Plus I've never seen her anyway.'
'She can only be described as Minka,' Gimli explained.
'Gee, that's helpful,' the Elf said, once again rolling his eyes 'Anyways if you have nothing to say then stay quiet.'
Gimli gave him the finger and the Elf rattled the cage again. They wandered on in silence for another twenty minutes or so, a long twenty minutes because Gimli kept suggesting that they develop a Minka detector out of toothpicks, in silence. Eventually they came to a stop.
'Why did we stop here,' asked Gimli.
'This is the place that Minka is supposed to be,' the Elf explained 'She should be around her somewhere.'
The Elf let Gimli out of the cage so he could help look for the Queen.
'Found her,' cried Gimli.
'No. That's a rock.'
'Oh,' but it looked Minkarish so he wrote Minka on it and pocketed it anyway.
'Found her,' he cried again.
'No, that's a squirrel,' and he watched in dismay as Gimli tied it up, put a nametag that said Minka on it and shoved it in his pocket.
'Dwarfs are weird,' the Elf said.
'I don't speak for my kind,' Gimli replied.
The Elf had had just about enough and an idea came into his head. He picked up a leaf.
'Look dwarves, this leaf is Minka,' he blew away it in the wind.
'Comeback, my Queen,' and he chased it off into the distance and disappeared behind a tree.
The wind was pushed from his lungs as something grabbed him around the middle.
'Elrohir,' a slightly deranged voice called.
He looked down and saw that the person holding his waist looked kind of Minkarish so he thought he might see if this was her.
'Queen Minka?'
'Yes my Elrohir,' she didn't look up.
'Can you let go?'
'No. My last elfy let and I can't find him.'
'Isn't that what I'm here for? You hired me as a tracked, right?'
'No. Just to get you here. Now you mine.'
He looked down at her and with a kick he pushed her away and went flying into a tree. She got up and shook her head now that some sense had been knocked into her. She glared at him and walked straight up to him.
'Don't you push me. I'm a Queen you know.'
'Don't hug me then. I'm a tracker you know. I don't do any extra stuff,' they were both yelling at each other.
'Well then track then.'
'What am I tracking?'
She had to think about his for a moment 'Oh. That's right. Legolas.'
'Legolas?'
'Yes. He has been bad so I need you to find him so I can punish him.'
'Hhhmmmmmmm,' feeling uncomfortable he decided to do this as fast as he could so he could leave.
He walked off and Minka had just turned around to head back to the castle when she walked into a two headed creature.
'What the hell are you?' she cried.
'We,' Mir answered in a dignified manner 'Are the son's the Steward of Gondor.'
'Whatever,' said Minka and pushed them over and walked away.
'Hey,' came a cry from behind 'Don't push Mir.'
'Who the hell are you?' Minka exclaimed.
'I'm Typo Girl.'
"When did the author add all these extra characters on me?'
'Just because you're ignorant don't blame it on the author.'
'This is my story now,' she screamed 'Didn't you read the Author's Note?'
'Well then, if you have the author captive shouldn't you know about the other characters in the story?'
'No. They're not me so they're not important.' Minka was very satisfied with that answer.
'What happened to your little efly then. Wasn't he important to you?'
'Not anymore. I have a new elfy now. It's Elrohir, the cuter of the perfectly identical twins.'
'Has anyone ever even seen a picture of him?'
'What's your point?'
'Jeese,' she shook her head 'What a lunatic.'
'Screw you guys, I'm going home,' and Minka left.
Typo helped up Mir and they began to walk away.
'Come on. We have to find some people for my plan.'
'You have a plan?'
'Quiet you,' and they both walked off into the forest.
*******************************
Since I'm back in control now I must tell you that I was forced to write this by Minka. She had her muses with knives watching my every move so I had to give her Elrohir and Give her more time. I am totally serious. This is not a joke. Other people will have more time next chapter. If you can't tell this is the longest chapter for either Figwit or Aragorn that I have ever written. You have permission to be proud of me. Until next time.